Chapter 16: All the way

As we go on living we tend to face certain realizations. That some comes in the right time. While others comes to late. In which there's this one point in your life were you tend to neglect all the facts presented to you. Because you are blinded by a perception you thought what's right. Which what happened to me. I overthink to much instead of taking a chance. I always think that what comes next would be a tradgedy. Even though we can't really predict it. I know I can never foresee what comes after the choices I make. Yet I make this assumption that nothing would work out. That everything would just go back to the same things they were. That's why I fail to act. Because I choose to stay silent. To stay neutral and quiet. When my parents were fighting I should've been the voice and reason to stop me. Cause of my own cowardice so many good moments have passed that I could've not happened if I just choose to act. Certain events or maybe people is what leads us to realizations. In my case it was this. That one talk with John as I get discharged in the hospital.

"What was that for?" I said as I sat on the floor after John punched me.

"That's for being an idiot"

"What do you mean?"

"You really don't see it don't you. All this time after all those moments with her. I don't know if you really have amnesia or your just faking it but can you give me a reason why I should not beat you up right now"

"What is this all about?"

"You and I both know the reason. Quit acting stupid. It's about Ana obviously"

"Huh? What about her?"

"You're really clueless aren't you. Isn't it obvious. She loves you. But what are you doing to her. You're hurting her constantly. But here she is. Coming back here again and again visiting you. She maybe forgetful. But why give her the same pain again and again. The pain that I know you feel and as well as me."

"What do you mean?"

"The pain of not being remembered. Yeah maybe after some she recognizes me. But that doesn't mean that I don't have to convince her that I'm his childhood friend and I've grown up. Don't you see none of us have it easy. But still we endure for Ana. because we all want her to be happy. That's why her parents let her go with me. Because all this time even Ana constantly forgets you. She has been looking for you"

"Why?"

"Because she loves you. Everyday she asks and wishes to meet the person who wrote all of those poems for her. That's why her parents let her. Then we meet you again. Which made her happy every time she is with you. Yet your too dumbfounded to even realize that"

"I can't follow"

"You see after they went abroad to see some doctors. Her parents said that almost everyday Ana beats herself up because of his disorder. But everyday she becomes fine after reading your poem. All those seven years you gave Ana strength but we were just there to support her physically. But mentally it was all you. I don't know what she feels about your poems. All I know is it what encourages her for all of those years"

"But how is that possible?"

"I don't know either but it sad for to say this. But Ana loves you. And I don't know what's your reason for doing this to her. For hurting her. Everyday she smiles as she visits you thinking you'll remember her. But here you are amnesia or not. Why should you give her the pain of not being remember? What right do you have for you to do that?"

"What have I done?"

After everything John said all I was able to do was sob on the floor and beat myself up for being an idiot. I was to blinded by my overthinking that I never saw things clearly. I always looked down without seeing what's in front of me. Which was all this time her.

"I'm sorry I don't know what to do now?"

" If you are really sorry. Then don't apologize to me. Apologize to her."

After that meeting with John. Everything becomes clear. But there's one thing that I'm not sure of. Am I too late now? After getting discharge I texted Ana wanting for us to meet. I called her several times but her phone cannot be reach. I went to the institute she's been staying in but she's not there also. John also told me he doesn't have a clue where she is. Because her phone is off he can't locate her destination. As I search for her. So many thoughts are rushing to my mind. So many ideas and what ifs about what might happen. Again my negativity is swallowing me. I'm running desperately calling out her name. Not minding all the people that I've bumped into. Because the only thing I'm concerned about now is being able to see her. To be able to chase and find her. I was exhausted from running around looking her.

Little did I know my feet had lead me to this particular place. A special place where all of this started. That same bridge near my high school. I stared off over distance. Thinking where could she be right now. Thinking of how much I've hurt her from doing all of those things to her. On how much effort she exerted to care for me even if she doesn't fully remember me. What have I done. I was on the verge of crying until I was pulled out from the darkness of the thoughts. All of a sudden all I felt was a tackle. The next thing I know I was on the ground. Because someone tackled me.

"Hey you!! I don't know what's up but don't think of jumping live"

When I came to I saw her. Then I didn't think of anything else

"Found you"

Then I just kissed her. After that she just went on and slapped me.

"Hey what's the big idea. We-we-we just meet do how dare you kissed me"

Then I laughed and hug her tight

"Now your hugging me. Just because your sad that doesn't mean you can get away with this I can still sue you for sexual harassment"

"Hahaha sorry about that. Here let me help you up. By the way the name is Joseph"

"Well your weird but the name is Ana"

"Nice to meet you again and again Ana"

"Huh? Your weird"

"Maybe I am but it's the way things are"

After that we walked together. Which is weird enough because for her I was just a weirdo who kissed and hugged her. I walked her home. And the next morning we meet again but this time she remembers me.

"About yesterday I'm sorry" I said to her.

"Well don't worry I don't remember it quite well so it's fine so what's this about"

"I just wanted to say to things"

"What are those?"

"First of all sorry for pretending to have an amnesia and for hurting you again and again for the past few week"

"It's fine what you did was wrong but I'm glad you don't have amnesia because it's hard to forget the ones who are important to you. But what's the other thing your going to say"

"I love you"

Then she blushed and become all jumpy and nervous

"Huh? Wha-what do you mean"

"It's simple since the day we meet I cared for you. For the seven years we have been apart I've missed you a lot. And for all those times I always have wanted to say to you this. I love you Ana"

"Are you insane? Maybe you really gain brain damage?"

"What makes you say that?"

"How can you love a girl who forgets you everyday?"

"I don't know"

"Exactly"

"But I just do. Even if she forgets me I will continue to love her then remind her that she loves me too."

"What do you mean by all of that?"

"That from now on. Everyday. Every moment. I will remind you. That you may forget me or us. But I would never do that. Because I love you. And I'll do what ever it takes to everyday convince you that you love me too"

"And you think that would work"

"Honestly I don't have a clue. But who does really. Who knows what can happen next. All I know right now is I've miss so many chances that I had. But this chance is something that I want to take. That's why know this. That I Joseph loves you and am willing to redo our first meeting again and again for you"

"I don't know what to say"

"Just say what you feel"

"Then I guess it's a pleasure to meet you again"

"Yup a pleasure indeed"

After that we just talked a lot basically we had fun and finally I did what I always wanted to do I choose to be happy.

You

Roses are red violets are blue

Without you

All I'll feel is blue

For me there's nothing else better to do

Except stare at you

That's why as time flew

Can we always start a new

A begining of a new page with me and you

Fighting against everything

Never yielding

No matter what is coming

We just go on pushing

Through every adversity

We go through every possibility

Even with negativity

There lives possibility

That's why roses are red violets are blue

Come with me and we shall continue

A story that always ends with a new

And know this every time I love you

This was only one the few poems I've written happily. Maybe the first one that is corny. I made her read this and that was the first time she also said she loves me after everything that has happened. I don't know what fate will bring. Nor what lies ahead on our path the only thing I know is from here on forward. I'll only choose one thing. That is happiness all the way.