Chapter 10

I couldn't sleep after Leah and I talked yesterday so now I'm going to stay up late. I went to my bathroom and then I just took a bath and did my skincare routine. Then, I just put some concealer under my eyes so that my eye bags won't be too obvious.

When I was about to go down to eat breakfast, I felt like I suddenly lost my appetite, maybe I'll just eat at school so that I'll have someone. I also think about what Leah said yesterday, isn't she right? Urgh, I don't know maybe I'll just study so I don't have to think about this anymore.

When I arrived at my room, I immediately went to Leah's side and asked her a lot of things. Later on, she came up with a bright idea and that is to let me know that we will go to the bar later whether I like it or not. Today is Friday so it's not a problem if we will have a hangover later.

I just agreed with Leah to go to the bar. At least somehow my thoughts will be reduced because for how many hours now, I keep on thinking what Leah said and that is me being in love with Bryce. I am annoyed with that because I know that that's not right and it's just so wrong. Wrong in a way that I fell in love with a broken person.

But anyway, we just went to the nearest bar. Luckily, Brianna’s family own this bar so we had a VIP suite. It’s a good thing because we are all not allowed to be wasted, that’s the limitation that our parents gave us.

Yes, we are all living under the same roof with our parents, we don’t have our own condo units that’s why they can still monitor what we are doing. The only difference with me is that I’m not living with my parents almost all the time. They’re always busy so basically, it’s just me and our maids. Well, I think living in my house has an advantage, let’s say it’s not that expensive compared to living a luxurious life in a condominium.

Although my parents can provide for my needs, I still want to save money because first of all, I'm not really a fan of convincing my parents to give me money. For me, if I want something, I should work hard for that. Well, I think the only exemption is my clothes allowance, it’s not actually my idea and they are just persistent to give me that.

Anyway time passed by and we finished 4 subjects already. I kind of dizzy so I decided not to attend my remaining 2 classes. I just told Leah to jot down notes for me. A good thing, Leah agreed but it has a condition and that is to treat her, well it’s just okay for me.

I just waited for Leah at the bench because the remaining 2 subjects consume only 2 hours so it’s not a big deal if I’ll just wait here. After 2 hours, my friends came. Vince came first so as expected he would tease me again. I’m not in the mood but I guess I’ll just let him. When he noticed that I’m in a bad mood, he quickly stopped teasing me.

“Hey, are you okay? Why are you quiet? Is everything okay? Come on tell me, we haven’t talked for a long time so I don’t know what’s going on with you, tell me, I’ll listen” he said

I actually don’t know what will I say but I just looked at him to smile and after that, I still answered.

"I'm just tired, you don't need to worry," I said and then smiled again

I’m tired of a lot of things, I’m tired of getting hurt because of Bryce. That’s what’s supposed to be my answer but I get shy easily. I’m shy because what if he won’t understand my feelings, what if he invalidates them. I’m just scared of what would he think towards me.

My friends don’t know my feelings towards Bryce, they just know that I’m helping Bryce to forget and move on but they didn’t know that I fell in love with that stupid guy. I don’t know, maybe, it’s better that way.

Vince stopped talking when Audrey and Brianna came. Just like Vince, they also noticed that there’s something wrong with me. Well, it’s really obvious because my eye bags are so big and I look so pale. I really don’t know what’s going on with me, I feel so unmotivated.

We just went to the bar and since Brianna’s our friend, she told the manager to bring lots of drinks to our table for free. This bar is kind of a luxurious one so the drinks are kinda expensive. This is also one of the best bars in the city. A lot of people are coming here to get drunk, they didn’t care about the price though.

"Hey, guys what do you want?" Brianna asked, referring to some snacks and add on drinks

"Cuervo or Jager Bri, I think that’s yummy and pork stew for snacks,” I told her.

When I looked at my friends, they’re kinda shocked at what I said. Maybe because they knew that I’m not really a party person and it’s unusual for me to ask for a drink that is high on alcohol’s percentage. Anyway, after I said what I want, they followed me and some of them also ordered Cuervo, see I think that’s yummy.

"Really Kaye? What the fuck is wrong with you? You usually order a cocktail, what the fuck is happening to you" Vince asked

“Vince’s right Kaye, what’s wrong, if you have problems, we’re here for you baby,” Aaliyah said and I just smiled at them. Good thing, Brianna saved me because she came to our table carrying our snacks. Along with her is a waiter carrying the add on drinks.

I first get the Cuervo and drink it, as expected, I didn’t like the taste of it but I tried my best to act normal. I just grab some lemon so that the taste of the Cuervo would fade away. I took more shots before grabbing Leah’s arm to bring her to the dance floor.

This is what I liked about bars and kinds of stuff, you can do whatever you want, you're free. And most importantly I can discover lots of things about myself. Imagine I didn’t know that Leah and I are both good dancers but the greatest among of all us, of course, Audrey, she’s the best.

While I was on the dance floor, lots of men are coming on my way but I just ignored them, I’m not in the mood to flirt. Another thing, I came here to forget my pain, and flirting with someone is not the solution.

I just kept on dancing, when the alcohol somehow kicked in, I found myself flirting with a guy but my attention span is short so I stopped flirting with them and I went back to the dance floor. When the bar is getting wilder and wilder, I went to look at my friends but I see none. Maybe they are all enjoying this night. I didn’t care about where I am going now, all I know is that I should keep finding my friends.

When I got tired of finding them, I just went back to our table. My walk is not that stable so I didn’t know how on earth did I get back to our table without collapsing. When I felt like no one is there, I immediately burst out crying. This is what I hate by me being drunk, I get too emotional. When I remembered my feelings towards Bryce, I cried more, I guess this is my way of releasing my pain.

I stopped crying when I felt like I can’t breathe anymore. I just roam my eyes around. When my gaze turned to my right side, I saw a couple making out, and then when I switch my gaze to the left side, there’s also a couple making out. I don’t know how would I digest what I saw. Although it’s normal to see pieces of stuff like that in public, I just don’t get why it’s okay for them to do that when everyone is looking. For me, kinds of stuff like that should be only done in public, between me and my partner’s eyes only.

Anyway, I just kept on drinking, I’m not bothered about the taste anymore, well, it now tastes like normal, it tastes wonderful. I was enjoying my drink when someone blocked my view. I got annoyed a bit but when my gaze turned to that person’s face, I saw the familiar posture. I saw his brown eyes. I saw his beautiful wavy hair. Wait, he has someone in common. Oh my gosh, he’s like Bryce. Is this person his reincarnation? Great!

I got shocked when he came to me and wiped the tears on my face. I don’t even know what I’m doing now. I also don’t know that I’m crying. Fuck alcohol it made me so dizzy, I’m not in my normal self anymore. After he wiped my tears, I cried again, I don’t know now.

"Shh, stop crying Zee,” Someone said

“Zee, I think you need to call this a night now. Come on you drink too much alcohol, it’s not good for you” he said while getting the shot glass in my hand. I am naughty so I teased him. I drink the remaining alcohol in the shot glass. I don’t even know why he doesn’t want me to drink and he even called me Zee. He’s not even Bryce! He has no right to call me that.

When I looked at him, he really looks alike Bryce. I think he is the one in front of me. Okay, a bright idea came into my mind. It’s time to flirt! Before I start what I am planning, I made 3 shots first. After that shot, I immediately talked to him

“Yhou kjnow whyt? I tghink I lkike ah preson, bhut hge lkikes sonemone elde” I said and then laughed

(“You know what? I think I like a person but he likes someone else”)

“And twen hou kniw, HAHA I’m helpungg hin move on becuase the prson he likes doessnt like him aww. And twen I saq them, they guhhed each other, it awtxh so much, he’s just usongh me to be okay and I am so stupid to let him iae me. I like him so much” I said, crying now

(“And then you know, HAHA I’m helping hin move on because the person he likes doesn’t like him aww. And then I saw them, they hugged each other, it hurts so much, he’s just using me to be okay and I am so stupid to let him use me. I like him so much”)

I just continued to talk. A good thing, he just let me rant so I don’t care now. To be honest I don’t know who is this person now but if this is Bryce, I don’t care also, this pain in my chest is just too much to the point that I lost my care anymore and I hate it, I hate how love can drive me crazy.

“Bout yoiu knoiuw whast, I don’t know if he’s a kind of robuot because he dohesn’t nvbotice what I’m fevbeling towbards hivm. Also, I cahn’t even reuad him. I knvbow that he has a clue about my feelbings towbards him but I feel like he’s invalhidating it. I don’t know why I agrvbeed to help him. I don’t know why I agrbeed to be used by him. It’s just hurt so fuvbcking much” I cried even more.

(“But you know what, I don’t know if he’s a kind of robot because he doesn’t notice what I’m feeling towards him. Also, I can’t even read him. I know that he has a clue about my feelings towards him but I feel like he’s invalidating it. I don’t know why I agreed to help him. I don’t know why I agreed to be used by him. It’s just hurt so fucking much”)

I am sure that I’m not in my normal self anymore so I just let it be, for sure tomorrow when I’ll realize what I did, I will just be shy but nevertheless, I don’t even know who this guy is so I don’t care. After everything I said, I came up with a bright idea again and that is

“Okay fine I think I should confess now like what my best friend told me, okay I will shout now omg I'm in love!!!

“I’m in love with you Bryce Atticus Roque” I yelled and then passed out.

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