Chapter 12

I was shocked... yes, but when I pulled myself together and got back into my senses, I can feel the tears running in my face. When I looked at Leah I can see that she was surprised too. I felt like she also didn't know how to react that's why she just let Bryce leave without looking at him.

To be honest, up until now, it's still not sinking in. Bryce likes me too? Since when?. I am also confused about what he said a while ago. He said I healed him. Is that even possible? things are complicated now. Is it possible for a person to like someone even if he/she is in the process of healing? I know, during these times, I know I need to use my brain. I need to let myself think and don't get carried away by what Bryce said.

After realizing that I am still hiding here, I finally decided to go out. I can't read Leah's facial reaction. It's kinda blank but I feel like she has something to say. I just let her think and be quiet because I felt like she needs it but after a few minutes, she talked.

"Kaye, I just want to tell you that, you're smart and I know that you know what should you do. Just remember that I'm always here for you. I hope that... that you won't be carried away by what Bryce said. I believe in you, Kaye" she said. I just let it be. I didn't answer back because it's difficult. I don't even have a proper plan yet so for me, I think it's better to just shut up.

We just went to the cafeteria and acted as nothing happened. When we arrived, it's a good thing that Bryce is not at our table. Yes, he's the only one missing because his friends are all here. That's actually in favor of me because I know that I should keep my distance from Bryce. It's not like I'm saying that we can't be together or something but all I think about is actually for my own sake. It's not wrong to choose myself this time. I just really need to think and that's what matters to me right now.

Time passed by and finally, this is the time to go home. I didn't waste any time and I immediately went to the mall to release some stress. This is my way of releasing my stress, through shopping, salon, spa, and other fun things to do. My stress is now reaching its limit since my professor told us that next week is our final exam. For sure, I'll burn my brows by studying next week so I need to calm and relax my self this week.

As much as possible, I avoided thinking about everything that's going on with me. I just focused on relaxing because that's my intention in the first place. I went to my favorite Japanese restaurant to eat. I ordered my favorite salmon sashimi, japchae, and of course, the California maki. After I ate, I went to one of the famous stores here in the mall and I just bought some clothes because they caught my attention.

When I felt satisfied with what I did for the whole day, I finally decided to go home but instead of taking a rest through sleeping, I decided to go swimming. I wore my two-piece criss-cross bikini. I am here at the pool alone because I want to feel really comfortable and relaxed. I didn't bother to call my friends because I know that they also have lots of things to do.

I stayed at the pool for how many hours. When I got tired of doing different swimming styles, I finally decided to go to the bathroom to take a bath. I wore my cute silky pajamas because I felt like I can study more if I'm comfortable with what I'm wearing. I tried my best to read all my notes and luckily, I did it. I studied and I learned something. When I felt sleepy, I just fixed my things and then sleep.

The next day, I woke up early and I studied. This is my ritual every time there's a final examination. I tend to study all the time. Sometimes, I also forget to eat but a good thing is that I have friends that would remind me to eat. I also want my self to be stress-free two days before our examination so I'm pressuring myself to study before that 2-day thing that I declared for my self.

When I arrived at the school, I went straight to our classroom because I tried to avoid talking to people so that I can focus more. I was in the middle of studying when Leah came. According to her, she will start studying tomorrow because she wanted to just chill today. I can sense that she wanted to talk to me but she's trying her best not to because she knew what will I say so she just shut up. We both have a rule when studying and that is to not disturb each other because we're both grade conscious.

Of course, being grade conscious has positive and negative effects but I always make sure that there is no room for negative effects here.

After how many minutes, our professor came. He's a terror one so we really need to pay attention to what he's going to say. We all got surprised when he announced that we have a graded recitation. A good thing, the topic he chose was the one I'm reading earlier. I'm kind of nervous because, for him, the scores are either 0 or 100. When I looked at Leah, I saw her nervous face so I was alarmed about what should I do. It's not good if I'll get nervous too.

After how many students, our professor finally called Leah and he asked a short question so probably, the answer is short also. When I felt like she doesn't know the answer, I whispered something to her--which is the answer.

We always help each other not because we're friends. We help each other because we wanted to survive this course together. After how many students, I finally get called and as usual, I answered.

Time passed by and our teachers said that they won't be teaching today because they want us to focus more on reviewing for the finals so I just took that opportunity to read all my notes.

Today is Friday so this is actually the last day of my studying time. I am so proud of myself because I did remove Bryce from my mind that's why I learned a lot from what I'm reading. Tomorrow is Saturday and I just planned on laying down all day.

The next day, when it was already late 10 o'clock in the evening, I had some change of plans. I felt like my mind needs to study more so I planned on studying tomorrow up all night and I'll just sleep at the school early in the morning.

It was 6 pm when I started studying. I prepared my coffee in a double-walled glass because that's what makes me awake... coffee. I considered it as my weapon every time I know that I have something to accomplish and luckily, it's all working.

After I prepared my coffee, I went straight to my room. I was actually torn between going to the library or going into my room but my instinct said that I should go to my room. I studied until 2 AM. I set up my alarm to make sure that I'll be up by 4 AM.

After 2 hours, I finally woke up. It took me how many minutes before I finished getting ready. I arrived at school at 5. When I arrived, I went straight to my seat to sleep. I already texted Leah so she knows what to do with me,

I woke up when I felt like someone's shaking me. I was pretty sure that it was Leah so I didn't get mad. She wakes me up 10 minutes before the time which is good. When I opened my eyes, I saw lots of people. My classmates already arrived but I didn't have any idea about that. Maybe I slept too hard. I just prepared everything that I'll need for today's exam.

When our professor came, he gave us our answer sheets and questionnaires. The test is not that difficult so I answered it a little bit fast. This is a half-day exam, there's no break because that's the policy of this school. When Leah and I finished the exam, we both went to the benches to wait for our other friends. They didn't take so long so we just went to a Korean restaurant to eat and after that, we all went home.

Another day passed by and all we did was to take a half-day exam. I also studied very well. Right now I'm currently taking my exam for my last subject. When I felt confident with my answers, I took all the courage to pass my paper. When my gaze turned to Leah, she's not yet finished so I just left her and let her take her time.

I went to my favorite place here in the school, which is the rooftop. This is my happy place because I can feel the fresh air here. Well, I think it's not a literal happy place but I can say that this is my stress-free place.

I went here to release some stress because I have nowhere else to go since me and my friends are not going to meet today. We all have a deal that we wouldn't hang out today because they have individual errands. It's also okay for me because I need to rest.

When I got there, I felt the coldness of the air and was surprised to see someone. He was sitting on a bench there and seemingly thinking deeply. If I'm not mistaken, he is Bryce. He looks so lost. I didn't let myself stare at him for a long time so I immediately turn away but I was surprised when he suddenly spoke.

"Don't worry, you can stay, I'll leave after a few minutes" he said

I didn't answer. I just sat down at the bench near him. I went here to at least grasp some fresh air to release my stress but what just happened. Urgh, I hate this. I don't want to see him but look at where we both are now.

"I know that you just finished your exams and I just want to tell you that I am so proud of you. I know that you'll ace everything even if the results aren't' here yet. I know you did well" He said smiling at me. I just smiled back at him and let him talk.

"This is not the perfect time for you to hear this because I know you wanted to release your stress that's why you came here but I just really want you to know what's my side. When Leah and I are arguing, I know that you were there. I know that you're just hiding from me because I can feel your presence. I know it's kinda weird but every time I know that you're around, I always have that weird feeling" he said. I scuffed because I didn't know what to say. What the fuck how did he knew about that. Well, Kaye, come on he's Bryce. I think he has his own ways.

"I know that what I'm going to sa now is hard to believe because you'll think like I'm definitely a mess. Because of course considering the situation a month or two ago, who would believe me, right?" He continues. I just avoided his gaze and kept quiet, waiting for what he's going to say next.

"I also know that you're suffering because after the night you confessed to me, I didn't bother to look at you or even approach you. First of all, Kaye, 'm sorry for doing that to you. I'm sorry Kaye, I'm really sorry, I'm sorry if I have to do that." He said almost whispering

I know that anytime now, he'll going to cry so I grabbed his hands and hold them tight. I just wanted to make him feel that I'm still here for him no matter what.

"I'm sorry, Kaye. It's not really my intention to hurt you. It's not my intention to make you feel devastated. I just really need to do that to confirm my feelings. I tested myself if I can do it even if you're not beside me and I think yes, it worked." he said. I can see some tears in his eyes but he's trying his best not to show it in front of me. When he noticed that I knew that anytime he'll breakdown, he avoided my gaze.

"I know that maybe it's difficult for you people to trust me but no joke, I'm really okay, Kaye. I'm genuinely okay. I'm happy because someone saved me and if it wasn't for her, I'm pretty sure that I'm drowned with my own feelings now. But thankfully she was there. You were there" He said and gave me a smile. I remained quiet because I felt like he has still something to say.

"I know what you think, Kaye. I know that you'll feel like you're a rebound because of what I'm doing but let me clear things out with you, Kaye. You will never ever be my rebound. I saw your efforts when I'm still in the process of healing and I'm very thankful for that. I'm very thankful because you saved me. But, I'm sorry Kaye because I will not take this chance to pursue you" He told me which made me confused. I mean, what is he talking about.

"Kaye I know, I still don't deserve your love, I know that this is still not the right time to push our feelings for each other and I understand that. I don't want you to suffer just because I'm not yet perfectly healed. I love you so much, but I think they're right. We're still not at the right time to pursue what we really feel for each other" he said, crying now. I felt a little pain in my chest because I think like he just gave up his feelings for me but the pain went away after hearing what he said just now.

"Don't worry Kaye.. don't worry because I'll do everything to be deserving of your love" he said and then walked away.

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