CHAPTER 5

I let out a sight, I'm sitting at the bottom of the van, my head leaning against the window and my shoulders down. "Hyung, are you okay?" Jungkook's voice was low,  I stared into his eyes, they were getting softer. I gave him a comforting smile, without showing my teeth, before looking away, but I could see concern in his eyes. 

I don't want to worry him, any of them, because I'm the oldest and they need me, but it's true that sometimes I feel alone, but I have to stay strong for them. 

Lost in my thoughts I didn't realized we were there until Hoseok gave me a little caress on my right arm. I got out of the vehicle, the sudden cold air made me tremble, I was already feeling my cheeks getting rosy red and my nose getting cold. Before we started walking, Taehyung gave me the gloves and the hat and I put them on.

There were lights everywhere, the streets were full of people having a good time, couples walking hand in hand, some with their kids and the old ones sitting on the benches, while staring at children playing around. This place is really beautiful, but there's a lot of cars waiting, their music is ringing in my ears and heavy sharp sounds are making the inside of my ears tremble. I was looking up at the buildings when, suddenly, a cold white small ball landed in my right cheek, I smiled at the feeling.

We were on our way home, I was trying to sleep,  my eyelids were closing every few minutes, but never at all because of Taehyung's annoying noises. I looked at him, his eyes were staring at his phone while his eybrows were frowing more and more and he was exhaling with force. I cursed him because he was not letting me sleep in peace, but at the same time  he was not looking okay.

"Taehyung-shi, what's wrong?" I asked, worried.

"Mhm?" He asked me, never looking away from his phone. I asked him the same question 3 times, but he was never paying attention to me, only giving me those sounds as an answer, he was so focused on his phone. I wonder what's so important, I'll ask him about it tomorrow morning, now it's not a good time, but I'm not tired anyomore, I only want to help Taehyung if I can.

Now we are all eating breakfast in our kitchen, Taehyung seems more mad than yesterday, what's going on? Jimin tried to talk to him while I was lost in my thoughts, but he only got more angry than he already was and left. After that, I decided to go to take out the trash, we have a container at the end of the street, and I wanted some fresh air. Thinking I woudn't find anyone, I left with my pyjamas and my  jacket on. When I got there I saw Y/N, Taehyung's friend and now our neighbour, I decided to be nice and talked to her, but that was before I saw her red and swollen eyes.

"Are you okay?" I asked softly, because I didn't want to bother her.

"Don't start you too, I don't need your help." She said, her eyebrows were frowing and she was pressing her lips together while staring at me. I didn't know what to do, what she's talking about? I looked away for a few seconds, thinking about what could I say, but when I was going to say something I saw her eyes already full of tears and her cheeks had rivers of water.

"Hey I'm-" I was going to apologize, but I don't know why actually, but she left, she run away and she left me there, alone, with all those questions. "What's wrong with everybody today?" My eyes opened and my mouth went from being closed to open, that's when I realized  that the anger of Taehyung and the tears of Y/N where connected somehow. What could had happened? 

Y/N

Yesterday night I was talking with Taehyung, he told me he was going home after their meeting with some important people, I never understood all these things about music industry and I'm not doing it now either, that's why Taehyung never lose his time explaining me these things. He told me something about Ashley coming at their home to talk to him because she was worried about me, but I already told her I was fine, but I'm not, and she knows me more than anyone else, so she already knows I was lying. I just want to talk with Dylan as soon as possible, I want him to tell me what's wrong with him these days, maybe he has problems at home or he's just stressed because of the exams we had. Taehyung told me that at first he was okay thinking that I was okay, but then he changed his mind because he realized that I was not as happy as I used to be. I told him everything, always, since we were kids, but not today, I don't want to worry him with my love life problems, he already has enough of it with his work and his personal life and more these days, he was not doing okay.

 We start faighting because he was pressuring me to tell him that, but I already told him I wouldn't do it because I don't want to,  but he got mad at me and I start crying, not because we were fighting, because he was doing something that he knows I don't like very well, he knows that if someone talk to me like that I get scared and nervous, almost like panic attaks.

This morning I met Jin on the street, we were both taking out the trash and he decided to talk to me, I was having a bad morning because Taehyung was not understading me and he was not respecting my decision and I started yelling at my neighbour, I was mad and broken, I just wanted to be on my bed all day, doing nothing, but I didn't want to yell at him, I'll apologize when I see him again.

That's what I'm doing right now, I spend all day like this, my parents and my sister left this morning but I stayed because I need some time to think. I didn't eat anything and I didn't go to my classes, but I told Ashley that I was at home, I don't want to worry her more than she already was. 

I was going to the bathroom when my phone start ringing, I looked at the screen and I saw Dylan calling me, I answered but I didn't know what to say, I waited for him to speak first. He said he was wating for me at the park, he need to tell me something important.

I'm not even dressed and I'm already feeling nauseos.