Chapter Five: Somebody Lena Knew

I like you. Those three words. And when Gabe says them to me they sound like they've come from his heart. They sound pure and sweet and when he told me that he looked relieved like an anchor was finally let go, left to float down to the bottom of the ocean.

"I like you." Gabe tells me. It's not what I was expecting when he asked if he could come over after soccer practice to tell me something. I was expecting a lecture or a confrontation. For sure he wanted to tell me something that I did wrong. But those three words came out instead, like word vomit. His heart spoke actual words to his brain and then they came off the tip of his tongue.

"What?" I question taking a few steps back in surprise, "oh you mean like friends right?" I assume brushing him off.

I know what he means but I panic. Is this my heart rejecting these words? This is the only time my heart has ever spoken to me and it's telling me to ignore him. At least now I know my heart is cruel. Maybe my three words that need to come out are cruel too.

"...more than friends."

"Oh," I would like to say those three words back but I can't. Maybe I don't even know what 'like' is supposed to mean after all. If I did I probably would say them back, right?

All of a sudden I see Alexa dart up from behind a bush and start running in the opposite direction. I run forward after her before Gabe grabs me, "where are you going? Weren't we talking?"

"I have to catch up to Alexa." I just know I have to. Maybe I'm just using her for my own selfish reason to escape or maybe there is something actually wrong with her, regardless I have a gut feeling that I have to follow her.

"She'll come back later right? Doesn't she always cook dinner?"

"Yeah but-"

"Are you running away on purpose?"

"Wh- no, no absolutely not it's just that-" I glance down at Alexa's backpack and I see Jessie hiding behind the bush as well.

He sighs once he realizes that I acknowledged him patting off his pants.

"Why were you two hiding in the bush?"

"We weren't hiding," Jessie starts to explain. He's always been a horrible liar. "We were just-"

I don't even bother to let him finish, "Jessie, the truth please?"

"We didn't want to ruin this love confession or whatever this was," Jessie shrugs defensively.

"You were eavesdropping?" Gabe interrogates.

"No. We just happened to be walking back here the same time you two showed up."

That's the truth.

"Why didn't you just leave? Why did you have to listen in?"

Jessie picks up Alexa's backpack, "We didn't want to be too obvious and ruin the moment."

"And running off like that is better?" Gabe questions.

"Is she okay?" I ask concerned.

Jessie is very careful choosing his next words and he sways his body back awkwardly, "I don't know," he shrugs.

The truth. It may just be half the truth, but he's not lying.

"You don't know?" Gabe quizzes.

"Jessie," I try, "just tell me what's wrong with Alexa."

Jessie shrugs, "she probably left something at school." Lie. Before I can call him on it he's already running in the direction Alexa sprinted off in. "I'll go after her," he yells out.

"That's so odd," I turn to Gabe, "do you think she's mad at me?"

"I'm sure she's not."

"But what if she is? It's her first day of highschool and I didn't even do anything special to congratulate her. I should've gotten up early and made breakfast. Maybe I can make it up by cooking dinner toni- wait I can't cook. Oh no Alexa and I hardly fight like this. Maybe we'll order take out tonight." Gabe places a comforting hand on my shoulder soothing my ramble. I only jump in surprise taking a few steps back once I realize that Gabe told me he liked me only a few moments ago.

"Is something wrong?"

"No I uh," I begin, "I'm going to go look for Alexa."

"I'll come with you," Gabe offers.

"It's okay," I begin to walk backwards in the opposite direction, "just um, I-I'll talk to you tomorrow okay?"

"We'll talk," Gabe yells out. I'm assuming he's talking about resuming the previous interrupted conversation.

"No," I blurt too suddenly, "I mean. I'll just...see you tomorrow." I start to dart in Alexa's direction

I run hard and fast until I am sure I am out of Gabe's site. I stop for a brief moment to think about the situation.

Once again I am indebted to Alexa for getting me out of sticky situations. This is probably the exact reason why she's mad at me.

I begin to walk in the direction of the school despite the sharp cramp I had at the side of my stomach threatening to slice my stomach open. I decide I deserve this pain for two reasons.

How can I not like Gabe back?

I've known Gabe forever. I love Gabe but just not in the way he wants me to. I want to try but I didn't even open my mouth enough to say I like you.

My little sister hates me.

It's been just Alexa and I for a really long time now and ever since our parents left she's always taken care of me. Doing all the cooking and the cleaning. She even wakes me up every morning. I do and contribute absolutely nothing to my sister. And even though she says she doesn't mind, I'm the older one. I should look out for her every once and a while. However, every time I think about doing something special for her I brush the idea off.

This time is different. Once I find her at the highschool then I'll tell her I'll change. I'll learn how to cook, I'll clean up more, I'll wake up on time for school by myself.

Not too much time passes before I approach the front of the school. It feels a little chilling to be at school at this hour but I push myself to walk through the gate building up my courage after seeing several students walking around and entering their cars heading home from after school activities.

I swing the front door open surprised that it's not locked yet. I walk through the halls curious to where Alexa could be assuming that Jessie was actually telling the truth about Alexa forgetting something.

I decide to walk to the class I had first period today, Ms. White. Alexa is always helping her out before and after class so at this point it seems like my only option.

There seems to be somebody crouching down listening through her cracked classroom door.

"Hey what are you-" I don't have the chance to finish my question before this somebody starts sprinting down the hall. "Where are you going?" I call out after them. Everyone seems to like running from me today. It makes me feel mad. No that's not what I'm feeling. I'm feeling a push. A push that's telling me I need to go that way.

"Oh it's just you Lena," Ms. White sighs disappointed, "Did you see anyone else around here?"

"I," I begin peering into the classroom. A tall man is pacing worriedly inside there in a concerning manner. I look at the man and then back down at Ms. White who is wearing the same worried expression on her face. It's dark in the classroom and I can't see the man's face just a timid shadow of a puppet. "I don't know." I tell her concluding this is some weird teacher affair. Usually this would be something that blows my mind and peeks my immediate interest but that boy who just ran from me right now is someone I feel like I have to chase immediately.

"I'm sorry to bother you," I apologize, beginning to chase in the direction the boy went.

All of a sudden I feel a yank pulling me down so I am pressed up against a boy's chest. It's strong and sturdy but also very soft. He smells good, like shampoo. Way better than I thought a boy would smell. His heartbeat is steady while mine is racing.

Those three words, whatever they are, I feel them more than ever being pulled up against him.