chapter 5

Chapter 5

Hagrid and his friend said their goodbyes, he was holding his pink umbrella. "ready gobshite?" said Hagrid looking at harry. "for what?" he replied. "you'll see." Said Hagrid actually smiling. Harry was very confused as he watched Hagrid tap different bricks with his umbrella. Harry jumped back in shock as the wall seemed to come to life, an archway, big enough for even Hagrid to walk through appeared where there was once a solid wall. Hagrid grabbed harry by the arm and shoved him through the arch. Harry stood agog, he was suddenly in a bustling high street. Shops of every description, hundreds of witches, and wizards, even some creatures harry didn't know.

"welcome, to diagon alley ya little prick." Said Hagrid enjoying the wonderment on Harry's face.

Harry walked up the street with Hagrid explaining what all the different shops sell. Harry didn't have enough eyes to take everything in. "and here we are snot drop." Said Hagrid focusing Harry's attention on a huge white marble building. "Gringotts bank." Said Hagrid. "why are we at a bank?" asked harry. "you really are thicker than Cathy crack's anal prolapse. Did you think I was gonna pay for all the shit you gotta get? Fucking spastic." Harry did feel a bit stupid. "you got some gold left to you after your mum and dad bit the dust." Said an irritated Hagrid. They walked into the bank together. "what.." "goblins" said Hagrid pre-empting Harry's question. "horrible evil little cunts only think about money. Now you keep your fucking trap shut tighter than a canary's cunt. I'll do the talking." Said Hagrid as they walked up to the counter. Harry couldn't help but let his eyes wander. Along one wall was all the counters, a goblin at each one. The side wall was taken up by rows and rows of different style tables. People were strapped to these, naked and gagged. The first row was people getting whipped across the arse cheeks. In the second row the tables were slightly angled so the feet were lower than the head. A goblin stood at the foot of each table firing metal balls with a catapult straight at the strapped down persons genitals, they high fived each other after particularly good shots. The third and final row had tables that wear raised in the middle, people were strapped face down, arses in the air. Beside each fire was a little fire pit. It wasn't long before harry saw what these were for, he watched a goblin lift a long metal rod from the fire, the end glowed white hot. The goblin walked to the end of the table, raised the rod and after a little aiming, thrust the white-hot rod straight up the poor man's arsehole. Even with the gag harry could hear him scream. The goblin was laughing and looking at his watch, seemingly timing how long he left it in there. Harry couldn't take his eyes away as the goblin placed a plastic shield in from of him, reached round and yanked the rod as hard as he could. The man's innards were attached to the steel, he had been disembowelled via the arsehole, an almighty splash of blood and guts hit the goblins shield as he laughed behind it. Harry jumped as Hagrid spoke. "always pay your debts to a goblin harry."

Finally they were called to a counter, harry tied to listen but Hagrid and the goblin were whispering really quietly.

"follow me." Announced the goblin suddenly. It never took his eyes off harry as it walked round the counter. Harry and Hagrid followed the goblin down the long marble hallway. Passing witches begging for a loan. As they joined the queue to the vaults harry watched as a very pretty witch at the loan counter was pleading with the goblin. "please. I'll do anything." She cried, tears streaking her face. "very well." Said the goblin rising from his desk. He walked round to the woman. "anything?" said the goblin pawing at her breasts with his long bony fingers. The woman, still crying, nodded slowly. A wicked smile spread across the across the goblins face as he climbed onto the desk. He stood in front of the poor woman, drooling, he lowered his trousers. Harry was shocked to see goblin cock. It was long and almost curly, very swarthy like the skin of a toad. Small spines protruded from the sides. The goblin reached out, placed his hands on the side of the woman's head and began to draw her forward. The poor woman looked positively repulsed. "come on fuck face." Said Hagrid pulling him forward. Harry tore his eyes away as the woman started gagging.

Harry and Hagrid followed the goblin through a massive set of oak doors, once through, the contrast to the great hall was startling. Rough stone walls adorned with flaming torches, a security goblin was sat in the corner reading 'dirty goblin housewives'. Harry stood and waited as a little driverless cartwheeled into view and stopped in front of them. "in." barked the goblin. Harry watched as Hagrid struggled to fit in the tiny cart and started giggling. "think it's fucking funny do ya, fucking have that you little cock womble." Said Hagrid as he leant over and flicked harry right on the helmet. Harry doubled over and fell to his knees. "not fucking laughing now are ya? Cunt." Said Hagrid and he picked harry up by the head and dropped him in the cart in front of him. The goblin climbed into the back and shouted "forward." The cart lurched forward and began picking up speed quickly, harry could barely keep his eyes open as the air rushed into them. Harry heard groaning behind him, then all of a sudden, SPLAT. Hagrid had thrown up all over harry. He was covered in rancid, foul smelling vomit, gallons of it. It was running down his back and into the crack of his arse. "sorry about that." Said Hagrid wiping his mouth. "don't like these fucking carts." He mumbled. Finally the cart stopped outside a huge gold coloured door. "potter" announced the goblin. harry and Hagrid clambered out of the cart, Hagrid pulled out his pink umbrella and pointed it at harry. "don't move shitlips." He growled. Harry shut his eyes and waited nervously, all of a sudden he felt a warmth come over him, he opened his eyes and saw all the vomit rising off him and vanishing. Apart from the load in his pants which was now firmly wedged between his bum cheeks. "thanks" said harry relieved that he no reeked of giant puke.

The goblin walked to the door and drew his finger across the door and it slowly melted away before their eyes, revealing huge mounds of gold. Harry stood and stared, gold as far as the eye could see. "you lucky fucking cunt." Said an amazed Hagrid. "what, do you mean?" asked a bewildered harry. "this, you dumb cunt. Is yours." Said Hagrid still slightly shocked. "but how?" "from your parents when they kicked the bucket." Hagrid replied pocketing a few coins for himself. "call it compensation for babysitting your sorry arse." He said when harry saw him do it. He couldn't really say no, Hagrid had brought him here after all. Hagrid handed harry a small bag. "ere, put some in this, you're gonna need quite a bit for the whole fucking year. It's magic, holds more than it looks." Said Hagrid at the bemused look on Harry's face. Harry started excitedly grabbing handfuls of coins and shoving them into the bag.

Newly laden with harry and Hagrid headed for the door. They climbed back into the cart and zoomed off down the track. Hagrid managing to throw up over the side this time.

Standing in the bright sunshine outside the bank harry saw the witch from the loan desk puking up thick lime green slime. "goblin spunk." Said Hagrid when he saw harry staring. "where are we going first Hagrid?" asked harry, eager to start shopping. "we? You're on your own fuck face. I'm going to the fucking pub." "oh, ok" said harry a little sad. "you've got your list and a fuck tonne of money, go and have some fun wankstain. I'll see you outside the wand shop in 2 hours. Ok fuck knuckle?" "sure." Said harry cheering up. For the first time in his life, harry had the freedom and the money to do what he wanted. He decided to get the school shopping out of the way as fast as possible. First he went to the bookshop, he showed the assistant his list and he came back with a stack of thick, heavy books. He placed them in Harry's magic bag, "that'll be.. wait a minute, are you harry potter?" he asked when he caught sight of his scar. "erm, yes. Yes I am." Said harry nervously. "really? Wow. Can I have a picture with you?" said the shopkeeper excitedly. "I guess." Said harry not really knowing what to say. "fantastic. Hold on a second." Said the keeper dashing behind the counter and returning holding a camera. He waved his wand and the camera began to float in front of them. He grabbed harry and pulled him close, one arm around his shoulders and his other hand cupping Harry's cock. Harry was not expecting that but before he could say anything the camera flashed and floated to the counter. "thank you so much, can't wait to show it to my waifu." He said as he let go of harry. Harry paid for his books and left. He was a little nervous now, 'what if every shop was like that?' he thought to himself. He didn't have to worry about being recognised in the apothecary. The manager was too busy shouting "who the fuck thinks it's normal to take a huge fucking shit in the beetle eye bucket?" harry watched as he rounded on a group of sniggering boys. "it was you, wasn't it?" screamed the manager. "what if it was?" said the largest boy defiantly. With that, the manager grabbed him by the neck and forced him face first into the steaming pile of shit. "eat it you little cunt." Hissed the manager and he scooped up a handful of shit and forced it into the boy's mouth, smearing his hand in his eyes. The other boys were trying to pull him off their friend. But he was a man possessed, screaming "EAT IT." Over and over as kept smearing the shit on the boy's face. "fifth time this week someone shit in one of the buckets." Sighed the young girl behind the counter that got harry his basic Hogwarts potion making kit. "why though?" asked a bewildered harry as he watched the continuing melee. "it's his own fault really." She said nodding at the manager who was now maniacal. "he got caught in bed with somebody he shouldn't have been with." "who?" asked harry. "one of the boys dads." She said as the boys finally overpowered the manager and started kicking the living piss out of him. The shit covered boy was stamping on his face so hard his skull literally split in two. Blood and brain was seeping over the floor.

Harry seized his opportunity and quickly left as what seemed like wizard police turned up. As he walked through the door he turned just in time to see one of them slip in the blood and land face first in the hole that used to be the managers face.

Harry was walking down the high street trying to take in all the sights and sounds. He saw a crowd of people and decided to see what was happening. He stumbled across a strange sight. It was a busker. If you came across a busker on a regular London street, they might be wowing the crowds with magic tricks. But here, the busker was doing normal, completely mundane things that people do, as harry got to the front he saw that the man was putting together flatpack furniture by hand. The crowd applauded as he pulled the drawer he had just completed in and out. Harry couldn't believe it. People were actually cheering and giving the man money for putting a chest of drawers together. As harry started to walk away he heard a high shrill voice shouting. "ARTHUR. DON'T YOU DARE GIVE THAT MAN MONEY. COME AWAY. NOW." Harry didn't see who was shouting or who was being shouted at. He made his way back through the crowd towards madam malkins robe shop.

Inside was quite gloomy apart from the back of the shop which was brightly lit and the wall was covered in mirrors. There was a squat looking witch pinning bits of fabric to a boy on a podium. Harry walked the length of the shop and up to the witch. "excuse me." Said harry quietly. "hello dear, can I help you?" she replied. "no you fucking can't. you're serving me." Said the boy on the podium. He turned to look at harry. He was quite a tall boy around the same age as him. He had very pale skin and bright blonde hair, almost white. He had a very pointy nose and his eyes were really close together. He had a mean look of superiority about him. "it's fine dear. I have to go to the back to get stuff for you anyway dear. Hogwarts dear?" the witch asked harry. "yes." "very good, back in two shakes dears." And with that witch waddled off to the back. "and you are?" said the pale boy. "harry potter" said harry not liking this boy very much. "no fucking way. I'm Draco, Draco Malfoy." He said holding his hand out. Harry didn't take it. "here you go dear, I'll meet you by the till in a mo." The witch handed harry a large bundle of robes which he put into his magic bag. "see you at school then Potter." Said Draco turning back to the mirror.

Harry left the shop thinking 'what a prick'. He saw the massive frame of Hagrid in the distance. Not wanting to be late in meeting him, harry ran the length of the street the catch up with him. He caught up with Hagrid as he reached Ollivanders wand shop.