Chapter 9

"Well you and them must because every time I sneak out you're all just so comfortable and happy with yourselves! If you really missed her as much as I do then you wouldn't even be able to breathe comfortably! Do you even understand how long it's been since I've had human blood because she didn't believe in that? I've fought every instinct in my body and soul because she meant more to me then you can ever think and you think you can just snap at me like that?! I don't fucking think so!" He slowly started to raise his fist. Before I could even react I lifted my fist and punched him as hard as I could and watched his body shatter the wall behind him and fly into the forest. I chased after his flailing body and stopped as soon as he landed against an oak tree.

"I do fucking think so! We've all been helping you so much since this whole thing has started and all you've done is disrespect all of us because your so fucking full of yourself! You didn't even offer Jarrod condolences even though he lost his daughter!" I yelled but his foot met my stomach making me fly back till I landed on a rock.

---Narrators POV---

"He has more children that have been helping him get past it! He got past it pretty quickly too if you ask me!" Adam screamed as he ran towards Eros embedded into the cliff side.

"She was his favorite! They had the closest bond and yet you still care not! Why can't you just open your eyes and see how selfish you've been!" Eros screamed back as he jumped throwing his hands at Adams neck.

"I'VE BEEN NOTHING CLOSE TO SELFISH!" Adam screamed grabbing Eros hands and throwing him into the air atop the cliff.

"LIAR!" Eros jumped off the cliff landing directly onto Adam. Eros grabbed his hands pinning him down and holding him down as tightly as he could.

"How am I a liar?! I've been taking care of my children doing the best I could! I've sacrificed all I could to take care of them and make sure they still had me!" Adam screamed trying to break free unsuccessfully.

"And they haven't seen their father since their mother left!" Eros screamed making Adam stop struggling. "They haven't had they're father because they've had an empty shell of a Father. You can't even look at Owen. When was the last time you actually played with them? When was the last time you spent time with them and gave your whole heart to them? Eve is attached to you but at the same time she's scared of you because when she cries you don't comfort her. I understand you're trying." Eros finally let go of him and sat next to him on the ground. "But you're not trying as much as you can. You're scared if you do then you'll be able to live without her and you're scared of that more then anything." Eros dropped his head between his knees panting.

"I-I.. I just can't.." Adam slowly sat up and his tear-less face stung as he felt his emotions explode.

"I know.. I can't either.." Eros sighed. "I'm sorry brother.." He lifted his head to meet Adams broken gaze. As their eyes met the tearlessness disappeared. They both began crying as the silence screamed in their ears.

"I can't just keep losing her.. I've lost her twice now and even if I have a chance to get her back I'm scared it won't be real." Adam sobbed into his hands feeling all his brokenness flutter back to the surface.

"I know.. I've lost her three times you know.." Eros wiped the tears from his face.

"What do you mean?" Adam picked up his head looking at Eros.

"Back when I was still human.. on Hawaii when we learned who she was or rather when I came to the realization of that.. and when we just lost her again. This is my third time losing her.." Eros voice cracking as his chest began to shatter. He had no idea Renae was listening and she could feel all the emotions they were both feeling.

"I'm sorry.. I didn't realize.." Adam whispered leaning against a tree.

"Why would you? You were suffering.. I'm just asking you to try and see everyone else is too. We all miss her. If we can get her back then we will but you need to trust us. You can't just put your walls back up and expect everything to be alright in the end. Its hard enough to fight the gods, don't make us fight them without you." Eros leaned against the tree next to Adam.

"I didn't mean to leave you guys by yourself.. I just couldn't.. I'm sorry."

"I'm not really the one you should apologize too. Your kids need it more then anyone, and they need you." Eros stood up and extended his hand offering to help his friend.

"I understand." Adam grabbed Eros hand and stood up dusting off the wood and dirt. "Lets go."

---

"Eros, can you help Rosia with Eve? I need to run back to my office just for a few minutes." Jarrod called from the nursery as Adam sat in the rocking chair with Owen.

"Yeah!" Eros called as he finished his drink and placed the cup in the sink before running to the nursery.

"I'll be back in a few." Jarrod said lightly as he handed the bottle to Eros and walked out quickly.

Jarrod walked out the front door feeling the weight was a bit heavier. He walked straight not realizing where he was even going until he ran into Mr Drabe.

"Sorry Jarrod. I didn't realize you came out here." Drabe dusted himself off and looked to Jarrod.

"No I'm sorry. I didn't realize where I was going. I didn't even see you." Jarrod nervously chuckled while scratching his arm.

"Are you okay Riley?"

"Huh? Oh yeah I'm fine. I don't have the time not to be so don't worry about it." Jarrod turned around quickly and tried to walk away before Drabe grabbed his arm.

"You know its okay not to be okay right?"

"What? That doesn't even make any sense.."

"Jarrod. I've known you for a few years now.. You're always putting a smile on your face pretending everything is fine, when was the last time you didn't have to pretend?" He let go of Jarrods arm and crossed his own.

"Well.." He thought for a moment or two but his mind refused to collect any memories. "I'm not sure." He took a breath and sat on the ground.

"What are you feeling?" Drabe sat next to him and placed his arms on his knees.

"I'm not sure.. I don't really think I feel anything right now. I mean, I'm upset yes but I have my grand kids with me.. I have my son and my oldest daughter. I don't have much to complain about.." He spoke quietly as the winds engulfed the two and wrapped a warm presence around them.

"You say that like you feel like you're not allowed to be sad or angry over losing your daughter."

"What are you a therapist?" Jarrod laughed trying to change the subject.

"You know I work part time as the school counselor. Don't change the subject. Do you feel like you're not allowed to feel sad or angry? Or even hurt?"

"I don't know what to tell you. I just have to put on a brave face. I'm responsible for hundreds almost a thousand different kids including my own. Some of these kids I see as my own. I've learned that if something bad happens, there's not a whole lot I can do. I'm not supposed to put my personal feelings into anything so I don't."

"You know that's not true right?"

"What's not?"

"That you're not supposed to put your personal feelings into anything. She meant more to you then anything. Why is it so easy for you to just let her go?"

"..because I wasn't there for her.." Jarrod spoke staring at the ground feeling every emotion he held with Renae resurface. All the anger he went through while in jail every happy moment he had created with her and how much she made him love life flashed in his heart making him overwhelmed with emotions but mostly anger.

"What do you mean you weren't there for her?"

"BECAUSE I WASN'T THERE FOR HER! She was raped while I was taking care of a thousand different kids and she was abused while I was trying to figure out my own life! I wasn't there for her when she needed me and because of me she felt the most pain anyone could go through!" Jarrod yelled still staring at the ground as a single tear fought to escape his grasp.

"You couldn't have known-"

"I MADE A PROMISE TO COME BACK FOR HER AND I DIDN'T!" Jarrod interrupted finally lifting his gaze and losing his grasp on his tear. "I BROKE MY PROMISE AND SHE SUFFERED BECAUSE OF IT!" He took a deep breath. "How am I allowed to feel anything when I made her suffer so much?! Why am I allowed to stay here when I should be in hell for what I did to her?!" Jarrod took a stance but each fight to get higher just made him want to crumble. As he fought the weakness in his knees his body shook making the earth feel like it was shattering.

"Jarrod.. you didn't do that to her.. she never blamed you for that-"

"Yes she did. When she first got here she screamed at me for leaving her, leaving her and Kelly. I didn't know how much she actually suffered through until later but the more I learned the more I hated myself for it. If I had just kept my fucking promise.. maybe she'd have been happier.." Jarrod grabbed onto a tree trying to catch himself from falling onto his knees as Drabe sat perfectly still on the grass.

"She was happy Jarrod." Drabe seemed amused as he smirked at the ground. "I remember her smile on her wedding day. If that wasn't happiness then I don't know what was.. and she may not have gotten to have much time with her children but she loved them more then anything in this world and you know the happiness parenthood can bring."

"I also know the pain she's going through right now because she can't be with them." Jarrod kept fighting the weakness in his knees, the weakness begging to meet the ground and shake together.

"She's probably happy to be doing something for the people she loves. I'd do the same thing if I were her." Drabe said hesitantly.

"But she's still suffering.." Jarrod picked his head up in confusion.

"Jarrod.. if you were given the option to save everyone you love at your own sacrifice.. would you do it?" Drabe looked up at the sky watching the blue change to an orange and purple color and the wind pushing the clouds.

"Without a doubt." The weakness in his knees started to slow down as his chest began to grow heavy with his mind.

"Then don't take that away from her. She may be struggling but this was her choice. Imagine, moving to a new place, needing to be guarded and sheltered then finally having a chance to play the hero. She finally got to protect the ones who were always so quick to protect her that she cherishes so much. If we sit here blaming ourselves and wishing we could do anything and everything about that day.. then we're taking away her chance to be who she wanted to be. She wanted to be like you."

"Li-like me..?" Jarrods fight with the shaking was finally lost as he dropped to the base of the tree and fell still. His mind once spinning and heavy was now shocked into stillness. He sat there motionless feeling his pain rise in his chest.

"She wanted to be the best person or vampire wolf..witch thing she can be. She wanted to have a large heart just like her father and when she finally got that chance she took it."