Chapter 200 Drained

I hate it.

I don't want to move.

Even though I started my third life, even though my body is perfectly healthy and strong I don't want to wake up and face another day.

Myriads of memories came flooding me everytime I start to forget about them.

Is someone even capable of remaining sane after all this?

My time with them, my connection with them was mercilessly cut off by that person and now I'm once again starting all over.

The first time was exhilarating, my mind screamed for answers and consequently my body moved to find them. But now...? I lost all the drive despite promising myself to bring that person down.

Ah, I don't want to start another day of lessons and exercises. I already know everything. Is even worth doing this all over again? But if I show them that I already know all these things they'll just intensify everything.

I don't know if I am fortunate or not being born in a prestigious family, not only that but a loving one. There's not a single flaw in this family. My sisters treat me like I'm a treasure and likewise my parents, relatives and even servants, our family rule the world and ,unlike Intris, this world have all means to deal with gates and monsters.

It is maddening. I'm going to burst. I'm going to be insane. There's no motivation, my nemesis is nowhere to be found nor I can see a trace of her.

Ah, I really envy those who can be driven by just revenge but I cannot, after some time it seems that everything is meaningless.

Do I really need to train my abilities? Do I really need to interact with these people? Do I really need to seek revenge for my sister? Am I even able to do that? Won't she be more happy if I try to move on?

This is a curse. I'm going insane. My body, mind and soul are tired. I was originally just a normal person and yet I met such overwhelming person that I cannot even think of beating.

Von Ten is not here. That sliver of sanity that remained thanks to his presence is slowly being chipped away the more I am alone.

I am alone. I do not have no one here I can confide with and if I do so they'll treat me like crazy or if they believe such claims...then they'll just most likely treat me like another person. I don't want that, even though I am a reincarnator and everything about this third life will be useless...I do want to spend a lovely life with these people. Such contradiction.

That kindness is a curse. I cannot help but return such kindness with kindness. I want them to see me like their daughter without disappointing them, that is something I atleast want to accomplish in this third life of mine.

I want to sleep forever, to forever vanish from everything, to throw all memories and regrets to the void and curl in that darkness forever.

This kind of feeling is not unfamiliar to me, I felt these kind of things during my first and second life but in this life these feelings seems to be more intense and harder to overcome.

I cannot even lock myself in my room or have hours to waste to do nothing. My schedule is full but even with that my mind and soul seems to be still affected by the fact that everything I did was useless.

Then isn't it just your mind doing all things? Get a grip in yourself and step forward...that's easy for you! Good for you that you can say that! Why don't we swap? I can live a life full of ignorance and can say ignorant things while you suffer with your own demons!

Ahh,ahhhh!

I'm losing myself. Please someone. Someone, I need someone to put me in my feet and encourage me.

A reason. Yes, I need a reason to even motivate me to take a step forward.

Revenge? That's no good, that will just consume me. We'll deal with that when I meet that person.

Love? I don't have such thing and at the moment I don't plan in finding one or lose myself in lust.

Protecting my family? That's unreasonable, my sisters are even more powerful than I was in my second life and father and mother are literally like the rulers of the world.

Bringing innovation? Here, everything is top notch.

*Bam!*

"Wake up, sleepyhead!"

"Uuu..."

"Everyone is waiting for you and the maids couldn't even wake you up since you refuse to be woken up by someone."

"Secunda...?"

"That's me, little sister. And you promised to wake up alone without the help of the maids but it seems I have to wake you up from now on."

"There's no logic behind that..."

"Why? You don't want me to wake you up? Is that it?"

"N-no, it's just-"

"Anyway, time for breakfast. Let's go. Hehe."

*Bam*

The door softly closed behind the two girls.

No one is able to peek in someone's mind, atleast with normal means.

Terzia's mind was slowly crumbling. The circumstances she was and her morals...it was hard for her to get back in her feet alone. It was like she was slowly sinking in the void.

The girls smiled the moment they were greeted with warm smiles. In such family Terzia felt cozy yet her mind was in turmoil.

Recalling the scary crimson eyes before darkness filled her vision made Terzia lose all her motivation for the day once again. The light behind them was anything but pure and nonetheless they shone with such intensity that Terzia was unable to compare such intensity with anything else.

It was not an intensity towards some lofty goals but just the insatiable desire to fill her own pleasure and enjoyment. It was just a glimpse, a glimpse before perishing but it was enough to understand that her enemy was different compared to anything she encountered in the past.

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