Chapter 13° " How I feel when..."

Lan was used to having everything she wanted from an early age, being an only child her parents had showered her with love by giving her whatever she wanted. She had always had all the toys she wanted, obviously always the latest fashion ones, with which she soon filled her playroom. She had always done all the activities, the sports that she was going to do at that moment; from classical dance to synchronized swimming through piano lessons.

Her first passion, after that of stuffed animals, was that of classical dance. Initially she was just a game, after all she was five or six, a way to be with her friends. At the dance she enjoyed wearing her pink candy tutu and those funny little shoes; one lesson after another, however, her passion grew, it was no longer a game or a pastime, she discovered that dancing made she dreams ... and becoming an international dance star became in effect her first real DREAM

One evening she saw a report on synchronized swimming on TV, from the day he hung up his shoes and bought a nice swimsuit. She was literally struck by the harmony of the movements, but not only by the complicity of the girls who moved as if they were one body. These marine angels had given her moments of pure magic, unique emotions never experienced and she too would have done the same from that moment, even if finding the beauty and perfection of every single movement would have required hard sacrifices such as training almost every day. more hours a day, even if to achieve absolute harmony it would have meant running out of breath, with legs that can't stand... she would have done everything possible to be one of those angels!

One day her mother had forced her to accompany her to a concert by a famous pianist, whose name she no longer even remembered, and she had fallen in love with her piano. In the evening at dinner, after declaring to her parents that she had found the goal of her life, she had extorted the promise to pay her piano lessons, which she promptly left shortly afterwards to devote herself to yet another passion.

She was also used to "leaving" her boyfriend on duty, not being left, so when Hy told her that they had to take a pause for reflection she was really shocked! How could he leave her like this, for no reason ?! She felt betrayed and deceived by the very one from whom she expected LOVE, PROTECTION and SECURITY. From that moment on, she only experienced feelings of loss, helplessness and loneliness.

It seemed to her that she could do nothing more, that she couldn't face all the tests that life would have submitted to her, alone, without Hy's help, and all this threw her into a deep sadness and despair from which it seemed. impossible to get out. Her resolute and decisive character came to her aid; she couldn't give up, she had to figure out what she was doing wrong, if she ever did something wrong. Was really her fault? After all, she was the most beautiful, the most intelligent in short, the best girl in university, what else could Hy ever want?

She had to clarify this dilemma, and therefore she looked for Hy everywhere, she searched the university from top to bottom, peering into every nook and cranny, but she didn't find him, he seemed to have disappeared into thin air.

She tried in every way to win him back again, one day for example at lunch she saw him sitting down to eat with the swimming team mates, so she ran into the nearest bathroom and brushed her long hair until it sparkled, put on a veil of blush on her rosy cheeks, passed a thread of glossy lips and as she went out she hurried to smooth the folds of her skirt ... NO ... he certainly would not have resisted her charm, because she was definitely the most beautiful of all!

A few minutes later Hy dismissed her saying that he was busy and that he didn't have time to listen to her. This made her very angry, her beautiful face twitched with her anger, she clenched her fists

"Suddenly you don't want me anymore, you don't want to be found, you don't want to talk to me anymore! All right! All is fair in love and war! I, for sure, will not lose this war! I will never give up because I'm a winner not a loser! You will never meet a better person than me because I am the best! Now you will see! You will come crawling back to me! "

"What have you got, my daughter, you seem distraught, what happened to you?"

Worried Lan's mother asked to her, when she came home that same evening. This simple question brought tears to her eyes, she managed to hold them back for a few moments, but then just thinking about what had happened, her tears began to flow copiously down her red cheeks.

"Nothing,... nothing happened"

"But you're crying! Come on tell me! don't worry! "

"It's all Hy's fault" Lan replied impetuously

Her mother urged her, Lan paced restlessly back and forth, remaining silent, then stopped again, was silent for a long time before speaking

"Hy left me... he told me he needs a pause for reflection! A pause for reflection because he no longer knows if he wants me in her future life "

Lan's tears were now like a raging river

" but how is it possible! When did it happen? You were such a beautiful couple, my daughter! ..."

Lan's mother sketched in shock

" I know ... I thought we were the most beautiful couple in university! We are both rich, beautiful, intelligent and super popular, in short, perfect for each other, but apparently only I thought this "

"My daughter, do not get upset, there will certainly be a reason ... "

"And which?!" Lan replied angrily

"I don't know ..."

" I'm the best he can ever have, no one else will ever take my place! I want he come back to me! "

"But my daughter, we can't..."

"If he doesn't come back to me I could die! No, it's the love of my life, mom, you have to help me! "

Lan said throwing herself into her mother's arms

"Okay my daughter, let me make a couple of phone calls and I'll fix everything, don't worry!". When he came home that evening Hy was very tired; when he opened the door and saw his mother frowning at him he realized that the worst part of the day was just starting

"Your father wants to talk to you Hy, he waits for you in his study"

"I'm tired, I had a very hard day, we can't talk tomorrow "

" No Hy, you must go immediately, your father was categorical "

Reluctantly Hy walked down the corridor to get to his father's study, knocked on the door and entered. He saw his father sitting at his desk, hands crossed, eyebrows furrowed and lips closed in a hard line

"Did you want to talk to me?"

"Yes, sit down... How's it going with Lan? I haven't seen her for a long time. Are you all right? " he asked looking up at his son for the first time after he had entered

"Why are you asking me these questions... I don't understand"

"A while ago I had an unlikely conversation with Lan's parents. They told me that her daughter is upset and she is crying all the tears she has in her body because you left her ... is that true? "

"Well ... here I ... I took a pause for reflection ... lately I'm a bit stressed ... and also a bit confused"

Hy didn't dare to look up, blushed, hated the simplicity with which his father could still make him feel like a baby. The father continued to stare at him squinting

"Why? Is there any other girl you like? "

"Really..."

"You know it's not okay, right? The crushes don't last long, believe me, let me give you some advice, and above all listen to the advice I give you "

he concluded noting the blush on his son's cheeks

"There is a person, but what I feel isn't a passing crush like you said ... it's more like a desire, it's more like love ... "

"Desire! The love!" the father interrupted him "You are too young to know what love is, let alone desire! Listen I tell you once and for all you have to go back with Lan, and after you graduate you will marry her! A couple, a bond, marriage are only social and economic alliances between two families, they have nothing to do with feelings! "

"You can't ..."

" Yes, I can! You will take my place in the company, so even if this girl is more beautiful, smarter or more virtuous than Lan, I don't care! The alliance with Lan's family is essential for our business, so please resign my son, because whoever she isn't made for you! "

"I have to be able to decide this, dad, not you!" Hy answered dryly, blinking astonished at his own courage

"No! I decide this! You are my son and you will do what I say without opposition you understand me! The speech is closed, go and eat! "

Hy understood that for that evening there was really nothing he could do, understood that he could not help but bow his head, but despite this he blushed with anger, with clenched fists, went to his room without touching food .

"What have you got today? Don't talk, you look dazed as if you have seen a ghost ... "

Hy asked Tip in obvious confusion, the skit that was unfolding in front of his eyes would have been shocking for anyone, so he felt that strange feeling of being inside a movie, a horror movie in fact, in front of him was his best friend with Lan arm in arm who didn't let him go for a moment, as if nothing had happened in the previous days, as if what had happened with Reve they were just hallucinations.

He rubbed his eyes several times because he couldn't really believe what he was seeing ... he no longer saw a strong boy, a strong and determined boy, the usual Hy so to speak, but a doormat, a properly trained dog who did everything MASTER commanded him

"My God what happened to you! Friend, if you want help, knock a beat, give me a sign, but please come back to yourself! "

Tip thought to himself

"Sweetyy, what are we doing tonight after class, do you prefer to go to the cinema or to dinner?"

"You decide ... sweetyy" he said with a sigh

"What do you thingh if I put on that floral dress you like so much?"

"It's indifferent because you are still beautiful whatever dress you wear my love"

Tip looked at Hy more and more perplexed, he just couldn't understand it, but with a faint voice

"Hy Saturday night are you free? We can go to Alen's club for a drink if you like "

" Wait a minute ... love Saturday night, do we have any commitments by chance? Can I go for a drink with Tip right? "

"Honey but you don't remember, my parents invited you to dinner!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot ... Tip I'm sorry I can't come apparently I already had another commitment"

"Who are you!!! Give me back my friend immediately !!! " thought Tip more and more shocked "Okay ... quiet, it will be for next time let me know when you are free" replied annihilated

He had nothing left but to continue eating, but when Lan kissed Hy after having fed him, his stomach closed and his spoon fell from his hand.

Tip was not the only one to see that kiss, not that it had much effect, but a feeling of annoyance made its way into Reve.That little boy had the power to irritate him terribly, without region, and that didn't suit him at all.

Tip saw Reve

"Well today we just needed him... My God, what can I do! He must have seen... Oh my God he's coming right this way... "

Tip thought as he watched Reve advance towards them

"Hy bro, quick, look behind you... Hy behind you!" he wanted to say Tip, but none of these words came out of his lips, no glare had the desired effect.

"Hello bro ..."

Tip finally said trying in some way not to make World War III break out; only at that point Hy turned and saw Reve who was now one step away from him ... his heart stopped ... Reve straddled the bench just right in front of Hy, looked him straight in the eye, smiled

"She's really cute ... I see so that you have finally cleared up your ideas, so now you will finally leave me alone once and for all! " he whispered softly in his ear

He was so close that Hy thought his eyes were smiling, a surreal smile, cold shivering, it was only for a second, but his eyes sparkled, how was it possible that eyes sparkled like that! ...

Hy's heart didn't seem to leave, the blood had frozen in his veins, but it wasn't only he who was speechless, in fact even Lan could not understand why Reve behaved in that way, she didn't heard what Reve had said to Hy, but that look, that smile, that kind of alchemy between the two was very strange, incomprehensible after all they were just friends.

Tip saw his friend wince at each of the words pronounced by Reve's mouth ... but he was now convinced that the scenes he was witnessing were only part of a dream, or rather of a nightmare, and that sooner or later the alarm would sound, that he would get ready and that when he opened the front door there would be Hy ​​waiting for him as usual to go to class together

... Yes it was certainly so ...

...maybe ...

After that unexpected apparition, the time for Hy began to run with an exasperating heaviness. During the day he occupied, or at least tried to, his thoughts with studying or swimming training, but he wasn't always able to concentrate, in some moments he was as detached, alien to the world around him, he seemed to fall into a sort of emotional anesthesia, suddenly he lost interest in what he was doing, it was as if he felt disconnected from himself, or he felt constantly irritable and nervous, which led him to overreact to some nonsense.

If he somehow got along during the day, despite the headache and gastritis, the night was much worse, he couldn't sleep because the thoughts, which he could barely dominate during the day, overwhelmed him like a raging river, as soon as fell asleep had terrible nightmares

.... the night was devastating a real hell on earth!

Hy's poor condition didn't go unnoticed by her mother, who after a few days, seriously worried about her son, knocked on the bedroom door determined to find out the cause of this malaise

"May I come in?" she asked almost timidly standing on the threshold of the door

"Come in ... what do you want?" Hy said absently

"I just wanted to talk a little ... We haven't had a good chat in a long time ..."

"Talk? What should we talk about ..."Hy replied surprised

"It could be just my feeling, but until a few days it seems to me that there is something wrong ... you want to talk about it "

" In fact it's just your feeling ... everything goes well, I'm just very busy..."

"Are you sure? You look very tired ... you don't eat ... you have dark circles ..."

"I told you I'm very busy, I don't have enough time to do everything ... eating is not essential ... sleeping is a useless waste of time ... I will recover later if this makes you feel bad more peaceful"

"My son, I worry about you ... you are exaggerating"

"No mom, that's okay"

"Are you sure ... are you sure there is nothing else? You can tell me, you know, right? "

"There is nothing mum ... there is nothing"

for a moment his eyes stared into space

"Hy ..." his mother whispered putting a hand on his shoulder

... that touch so light seemed to Hy like an invigorating summer breeze, it was like a caress, his heart slowly began to pound, he felt that he needed a lot of courage, more than he had ever had in his entire life, he turned to his mother and looked into her eyes

"Well really ... here I am ... I can't do it anymore ... I don't want to be with Lan, let alone want to marry her because I don't love her ... if I marry her I would be unhappy and I would make her unhappy too ... mom I fell in love with another person, I can't not to think about him, how I feel when I see him ... how I feel when I don't see him ... how I can't be without him! What should I do? What should I do, tell me because I really don't know! "

Between a gasp and the other Hy vented anguish that was devastating his soul.

The mother winced at her son's words, but after a few moments a natural sense of protection took over any other emotion and as if it were the most natural act in the world, she hugged her son

.... For a while, words didn't help ...

"Excuse us, my son! We don't want you to be unhappy for the rest of your life pretending to be what you are not, living someone else's life! I ... we want to see you happy, so if you don't love Lan anymore, that's fine ... leave her and live your love if it makes you happy whoever he is without any hesitation! "

"But dad won't agree ..."

"I'll take care of your father. Don't worry, the most important thing is your happiness" concluded the mother smiling.