Chapter 4

-I am lying on the wet ground and I screamed out loud, my hands angrily pulling out the grass that had blossomed.

• Why, oh mom, are you leaving so soon, why do you leave me alone when you knew how evil the world is ..- I continued like this for a few minutes with those "dogs" of mine.

From the great pain I had, my eyes darkened, I started digging the ground with my nails and the deeper I went the more and black I looked.

I wanted to have my mother by my side, I wanted her to caress her hair while I heard her sweet voice say her;

• You have your mother here with you for everything.

Why has God denied me her presence in my life?

Didn't I also have the right to be a happy child like my peers?

I got up so slowly, kissed the cold marble, wiped the tears from my eyes and headed for the bus station.

On the way I met a neighbor who was once a close friend of my mother.

• Clara heart you are, how much have you changed, you have weakened your heart a lot ..- and he continued indefinitely with various questions.

I lied to her about everything, I told her that we are very happy with our new way of life, and that I had been on my mother's grave, in fact she too was different from the mud I had in my clothes.

She hugged me tightly and advised me to be careful of everything.

Ah, if she had known how exhausted my body was, how empty I felt, walking slowly with a soul full of worries.

I got on the bus and went home, even though it wasn't for me, it was spiritual and psychological torture.

It was about 9 when I arrived at the door, and when I rang the bell, the shaking of my body immediately resumed.

• Where were you until this late hour? Or now that your father is gone, have you let go of the reins? ..- Mrs. Tefta turned to me nervously.

• I ... I ... I wasn't staying with my mother ...- I stammered with my head down.

• That's why you've become so muddy, you pollute the house too, but there's nothing you'll clean up ..- she continued.

I stopped talking, went to my room, took my pajamas out of the closet and went into the shower.

My body had become like ice, so much so that I couldn't feel the hot water seeping from head to toe.

What would I already do with my life, how would I spend my days there?

How was I going to deal with Andy again?

These were the only unanswered questions I asked myself.

I got dressed, combed my hair and went out, I didn't want to be in the living room with them, so I immediately lay down on the bed to sleep.

Every day I woke up early in the morning, even when we didn't have school, I was used to this routine of village life.

That morning I wanted to stay a little longer, I felt very exhausted, my eyes were swollen and I had 1 terrible headache, but I couldn't have 1 mountain of work to do.

I got up, cleaned myself, and went to the kitchen to make breakfast, but Mrs. Tefta had everything ready.

Everyone was sitting there, there was also another boy, probably her friend.

I greeted you and sat down, Andy's eyes immediately disgusted me.

Ms. Tefta started asking different things from her son friend.

He was called Klando, he was 2 years older than Andy and came from 1 village.

I heard him answer but I didn't dare raise my head and look at him, he seemed like a sober and experienced guy, just like me.

We finished eating and I, as usual, got up to clean, while the others went out on the balcony, after yesterday with a storm today the sun was shining.

Persecuted in those thoughts of mine, I hear a voice;

• Give me 1 glass of water please ..

At first I was scared, I remembered it was Andy.

• Definitely ..- I told him and filled him with water.

• You should be Klara or not ..- and while she drank the water she looked at me softly.

• I ...- As soon as I got to talk Andy comes and takes him out.

• See you again Klara, happy to meet you, goodbye ..

I already waved goodbye to him and when the two left Andy turned to me and winked at me.

Great God, when would I ever find peace?

-But often my mother's will came to mind, her last words before she died;

• Don't forget Klara, kindness to come back 1 day, hope ..

And as soon as I got some courage again, I continued with the idea that maybe one day my lips would smile, just like before.

I finished work and went to the salon, Ms. Tefta was embroidering something, while Alba had gone out with her friends.

As soon as I have the TV remote in my hand, to watch any channel, she turns to me;

• Dear Clara, I want to talk something together before I tell your father ..- I immediately thought she would help me, but my arms broke when she continued ..

• You're a nice girl, I got married at your age, like we could find a nice guy to have a happy life with.

At the moment I didn't want to believe her words, it seemed very absurd that she wanted to kick me out of the house like that.

• I..a..a am still small, I want to continue school ..- I replied, and my eyes were about to burst into tears.

• Think with your heart, it is for the good of all.

I couldn't take it anymore, I was too tense, the time had come for me to claim my right, I got up and looking him straight in the eye I turned to you;

• I am not a hindrance in your life, I have even become a servant in my house. What more do you want from me? Or so you want to cover up your son's mistakes, condemning me ?! she came out hoarse, immediately approached me and with a very high tone she said to me;

• How dare you blame my son, cheeky ..- suddenly I felt a hard slap in the face.

Yes yes, he shot me, now physical violence has also entered my body.

• Get out and don't look at his face ..- and he opened the door and let me out.

• Get out and don't look at his face ..- and he opened the door and let me out.

I was now 1 orphan in every sense of the word, I was stuck between four streets, I had no door to knock and ask for help, my father's whole family was out of state, while my mother was the only child, and she was parents had died before I was born.

Some small coins were in my jacket pocket, I went to a phone booth and called my dad.

As soon as he opened it and said hello, I answered you directly;

• Dad please go back, I can't take it anymore ..- and I started to tell him everything that had happened, and if he hadn't come I would have put an end to him, hell more precisely.

He started crying just like a baby, he apologized to me for the irresponsibility he had shown and promised me that he would come back as soon as possible and we would find the lost harmony.

I felt a little liberated, at least my father trusted me, I had his support.

• Go home now, and he lets me do it ..- he said ending the conversation.

Along the way I felt more powerful, 1 ray of light was trying to break that infinite darkness in me.

I stopped for a while in the library, I loved books, every time I read I immersed myself in his world.

Looking at the shelves, my gaze caught a black book, with the title "orphan" in yellow letters.

I was very curious, I immediately sat down on 1 chair and started leafing through it, since it started with pain, I found myself inside his words.

It was 8 pm when one of the workers came and touched my shoulder;

• I'm sorry to interrupt it, but we have to close it.

I liked that book so much that I didn't realize how quickly time had passed.

• Please can I take it tonight, without worrying that I will return it to you again tomorrow after school ..- and she, as expected, accepted a little.

I ran home, couldn't wait to continue reading the rest.

But as soon as I opened the door everyone was waiting for me ..

• Come here, come ..- Andy said and came and grabbed me by the hair, dragging me.

He began to utter slanderous words, as they kicked me, Alba and Mrs. Tefta kept looking and saying;

• You complained to your father, you damned orphan.

I didn't cry, until a moment I no longer felt the pain, I didn't even hear their words, I only saw the blood flowing from my nose but no one was interested anymore.

He also got tired, kicked me one last time in the abdomen and called me a "slut", he spat in my face and went into the kitchen with his sister and his mother.

My body was numb, my muscles were paralyzed ...

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