Drown in thoughts

When you are lost you don't pay attention around you, you are just lost, lost in your world of pain and dilemmas.

"Look at it differently. Every relationship has its difference. Don't compare it to ours."

Shilpa's words were swirling in Hridhaan's head. Since he had talked that day to his mother, he was in a dilemma. Her words were stuck in his brain.

Hridhaan couldn't concentrate on his work, he wanted to be alone so he left today early from work. He wanted to be clear about his decision but it was proving to be very difficult for him. He had come to his favorite place where he was at peace. He leaned with his butt against the hood of the car. In his hand, he had the small red velvet box. And he looked at it with so much nervousness. He looked away from the box and stared at the sky. The sky was beginning to get dark when the sun began to set behind the horizon and a dark orange hue scattered among the clouds. It was a mesmerizing view for Hridhaan. He just felt so relaxed while watching it. For a moment every dilemma and thoughts were forgotten only calmness existed there.

He was drowned in his calmness for a long time. When he came out from It, the reality dawned back on him. The sun was no more visible, the stars and the moon were now visible. Hridhaan eyes landed back on his hand in which he held that box and he sighed.

____

Nisha was standing on the balcony and gazing outside, her thoughts on this week that has passed. Everything just changed so suddenly, she couldn't feel that warmth that she felt often, it was just a blanket that was cold with nothing but sorrow only.

Her talks with Hridhaan had become less, she just wanted space. She wanted to grab herself back and bring herself back on track. She was just lost. Many things had happened in this past week and she still was coming to terms with all of it, but it was hard.

She had just lost herself completely, she wanted to get herself back, but it was not easy. Hridhaan rejecting her was the first blow where she lost herself and there happened some more things in this week where she completely lost it. All those things that have happened in this past week were the cause of problems and there just felt no way out of it. It just felt like drowning in a sea with sharks.

She wished that those things had not happened, she wished Hridhaan had accepted her proposal and maybe things would have been different than they are now. She just wished...

She just couldn't bring herself to have a proper conversation on the phone with Hridhaan. Because she knew if she would hear his voice, a dam would break and things would not end well. She just wanted to collect herself back and understand the new situations and after that, she would make the decisions. Right now was not the time. It was better that they conversed through text messages, it was easier for now.

Nisha had tightened her grip on the railing and took a deep breath everything had taken a toll on her now. She took again a deep breath and calmed the storm that was right now brewing inside of her.

She slowly loosened her grip on the railing and took a step back, turned around, and sauntered into her room. Her phoned dinged indicating the arrival of a message, she went to the nightstand on which the phone was put, to see who it is. She took the phone and looked who had messaged her. She replied and started to go through her phone on random apps. She went to files, clicked on images and so many came on display, but what had caught her attention were the pictures of her and Hridhaan.

She opened one of them looked at it lovingly. And remember the time again when it was taken. They were so happy, but now everything was so dull. It was too painful for her to look at it. She closed it, put her phone back on the nightstand, and lied down on the bed. She just stared in space, thinking about those beautiful days with Hridhaan.

-----

Hridhaan hadn't left from there yet. He was still there thinking but he couldn't conclude. He just looked at the box in his hand and thought about that day in the restaurant.

Hridhaan was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't acknowledge a man on a cycle calling to him, asking him if wants tea.

Hridhaan snapped out from his thoughts and saw the vendor. The vendor asked him again politely, "do you want tea?"

Hridhaan nodded, tea would help him calm down the storm that had started to brew again inside him. The vendor poured hot tea from his stainless steel kettle in a foam cup and handed it to Hridhaan.

Hridhaan took it and muttered a thank you. He put the cup on the hood and took out his wallet from his pocket to pay the vendor.

Hridhaan didn't have any change, he had only notes of 100. He took it from his wallet and handed him the note, saying, "I don't have any change you can keep the change for yourself." He said friendly to him with a genuine smile on his face.

The man took it saying a thank you and left from there.

Hridhaan took his cup of tea and started to sip from it. He thought once again about everything. And his mother's words were like directing him to make a choice. But did he wanted that decision, that his heart was pointing at?

He took sips from his tea and thought about the choice his heart had made and the choice his mind had made. Both his heart and mind had made their decisions but they were not in sync. And this had put him back to square one with nothing but dilemma only.