Ch 24 "I am not jealous , I am angry!"

I put my head on his shoulder...sobbing....I let it out....I let everything from inside me out , I felt calm and relieved once I did that it's like my inner self was begging me to check on her but I never listened...or should I say ignored , yeah I ignored myself a lot , when I was suffering , telling myself I am selfish and everyone suffer like me or even more...but I forgot the point that everyone differs from type to type and I had reached my max!

"Shhh it's okay , it's fine Lorraine" Ashton rubbed his hand on my shoulder

"I can't take my breath...it burns from inside , am I dramatic?" I said my voice was shuttering

He stared into my eyes deeply without speaking....then he put his hand on my cheek giving me a warm smile then he spoke with a deep...husky tone

"you are not...you are not dramatic , you better stop saying useless shit...you don't have to tell me what is the matter if you don't want to...but I am here if you want to tell me anything"

How lucky to have a friend like you Ash , powerful but soft

"You are trustworthy...but if I told you will understand from my point of view?" He smiled and nodded

"How about..try?"

I took a deep breath and sighed "My step-mother...got pregnant.."

He paused for a second giving me a weird reaction , I chuckled inside me since I know that he doesn't know what he should reply which I found it funny so I gave him the suitable reply

"It's a good thing to have a sibling since I won't be alone at least..."

"oh good to hear...but-"

"I am crying because....my dad...he started to ignore me...pushing me away...we normally don't talk that much but....I felt so bad SO bad being ignored from him , in the end he is still my dad...my only family I got"

"You feel jealous" He spoke calmly with a smile , I turned my gaze to him frowning my eyes

"From Sandra?" I chuckled "no...I feel angry..."

"why?"

"I lost a lot of opportunities on achieving my goals , listening to my dad...not dating or do what girls on my age normally do , telling me that he is working and doing this for us , but I realized all this for him...and her , and I realized that lately when he introduced me to her , a completely different person in front of her , and it seemed like he was forced to be with me , it's like he was doing this because he feels pity that I lost my mother in a young age"

he paused for a second....but then he hugged me again...

"Throw all this a side....you now have the chance for a new start and different style , crying and running won't do anything for you at the moment you are just wasting time"

"....you think so?"

"Yeah...and something else with or without your dad you can still breath so? you said he was forced to stay with you maybe feeling guilty that you are alone without a mother , now you are at an age to be responsible for yourself....life is short"

"Right...indeed short...."

Indeed short , and tricky....if you closed on yourself you will die missing a lot if you opened so wide it will get wild and toxic , so we should spend our life and accept the good and bad times , I missed a lot...a lot

"Hmmm....I think I got too emotional...it's my period time tho!" we started laugh so loud breaking this blue weather

"Good thing you know how to change topics" He said

"Ah it became a habit , anyways I should thank you for listening to my shit"

"It's nothing...but you can thank me in another way" He said with a poker smile , I got back a little

"What?"

"this book you were reading , I wanna read it with you!"

"Ashton...Let me finish it first then I will give it to you last time you were hyper active I couldn't concentrate"

"It's final! and I promise I won't annoy you this time!" He smiled

"Ahhhhh.....agree!

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