Allies are always handsome

Once upon a time, there were a few abandoned hooligans. They were called hooligans because they held the guns against their superiors. In other words, they pissed off those in power. And obviously insignificant ants with no power, wealth nor influence, what the hell did they think, challenging and provoking the highest among the highest.

These people were naturally called stupid with no common sense at all and after they were determined as a threat to society who revered the laws established by the authorities, they were thrown out.

Although society wasn't so easily shattered by a few, once doubts were seeded, the façade of what was once known would slowly crumble until nothing but ash and chaos, seas of flames hailed upon those who built an empire, a utopia solely for themselves.

So, to even eliminate the 0,01 % chance of it happening, these individuals were banished to the dry planet, left to die.

The dry planet, a planet void of anything but barren land with scorching heat merciless burning someone, was hell upon the universe, and no one weak would be able to survive. However, the people who started the revolution were once the brightest and most capable ones of the new earth.

Yes, these people, thrown out by new earth, were once again desired by new earth to aid them in the war, but luckily, instead of new earth finding them, it was a trio of outcasts who should be corpses but instead happily and healthy dared to walk around.

Yes, this was the so-called absurdity, might and law of the plot. The MC needed trusted allies especially after he was fucked over so badly by the ones he should be able to trust.

So, it came down to this showdown, in the middle of this goddamn empty abandoned place.

"Who are you?"

"Who I am? I am but thee, thee known as thy, thy known as-"

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

What is this shit?

"Then who are we?"

"You are but none, none but all, all but-"

Fuck off! Eric bit on his dragon claws. His entire body shook with rage, he was so livid to the point, he wanted this planet to form a black hole and swallow all of these wannabe theoretical, deep universal questioning pieces of shit.

Why was Eric so triggered and could only be calmed down by Lav catching this burning dragon and giving him belly rubs? Because the fucking ruler thought he was some sort of prophet spitting whatever fucking deep shit, trying to give you an existential crisis!

Just because we fucking named you the ruler, doesn't fucking mean you got the green light to go and become the self-proclaimed holy ruler of this universe teaching every one of your bs wannabe ancient shit like you're trying to spit bars in modern days! Even those 14 years old on the clout are more talented than you!

And they're already as untalented as a brick of bar! Not that there's any roasting session going on. Anyways, Eric hated to see this theatre in front of him! The ruler started a lesson to the two new earthers outcasts that were about to become their allies but now hung onto every word of the ruler!

Damn Lav, do something! You're the MC and should enchant them with your holy protagonist aura and not let a side character like the ruler steal your light!

Of course, because of their bond, Lav felt the intense anger this little dragon body stomached and was perplexed. Although it was inconvenient and weird for these three allies to fool around, Lav didn't understand why Eric was so angry. Did his teacher always secretly burn full of rage while he pretended nothing went on and always had a smile on his lips?

Lav had no idea and could only quickly step between this lesson that threatened to have the universe question itself.

"Then what is the meaning of life?" one of the two very handsome new allies said. Yes, for fucks sake, everyone was handsome here! Handsome no.1 was the muscular type of handsome with an Ak-48 gun as his biceps, yes this made sense, red short hair and a sharp gaze, his excellent body was wrapped in a tight shirt and pants.

Handsome no.2 on the other hand had long blonde hair tied in a ponytail and a scholar look, although he wore casual clothes, it was obvious how perfect he fitted in a white research or doctor's attire. Sadly, no matter how handsome they were, Eric wasn't attracted to them. Why? Well because they weren't demons, Eric only got it up for handsome demons, and humans, doesn't matter if they were fictional or not, could never rival the otherworldly charm demons had.

It was embedded in their souls, their existence, their entire beings...

"Lav, let them introduce themselves," Eric, who still received belly rubs, said. After they told these two allies of their goals and their enemies, the two allies shunned and thrown away by new earth had no intentions to go back to new earth, even if they wanted them back. They once abandoned them, now they pretended to be so benevolent to get them back? My ass!

So, handsome no.1 called J, said, "I was once a commander. Y'know, commander of an entire fleet. Well, their loss. All I can say, after I found out how broken and rigged the system is, going back is a no go. So, I'll help you get rid of this hell bringing greedy asses!"

J flashed a handsome smile and Eric was thankful he was such a big shot and thankful J didn't elaborate on his obviously tragic backstory.

There was definitely a catalyst, probably involving death and as much as Eric wanted the characters to be fleshed out, for the love of his beloved sanity, Eric didn't want to listen to it. Why?

Because he might get too attached and become a sentimental amoeba. Hey, what about his scum character setting? FLUSH- There it fell down the toilet, along the pipes and landed on the trash planet. Either way, Lav could always write the backstories later on.

Handsome no.2, called Zay, said, "Back on new earth, I was just a humble researcher. I've no intention to go back to them, so I'll lend you my aid as much as I'm capable of."

At this J raised his eyebrow and laughed, "Guys, don't be fooled by him! Who humble? He was the lead researcher! All new and existing weapons were created by him. The weapon-grade system? Also created by him, as new earth is all corrupt and vile, Zay never got the acknowledgement for his work."

Ah, of course, because all geniuses were handsome and young. Only in stories, hahaha... but Eric was deeply impressed. With allies of this calibre, what should they fear? Ah, yes, the triple S weapons, you, Zay, fucking created! And the whole army of new earth as well as magic! No, calm Eric, don't think about it.

"It seems you are all gifted," the ruler spoke up after he felt, he a mere side character, was gradually pushed to the side and forgotten.

"Not so much as the ruler," Zay gently smiled and the ruler satisfyingly nodded.

What a narcissist, he insisted on these two new allies to call him ruler as well. Eric rolled his eyes but Lav addressed the important points, "Where are the others that have been outcasted? And Zay, what do you need to create weapons?"

Of course, in order to fight in this unfair and unbalanced war, they needed to arm themselves.

"The others," J said with much regret, "you can see that this damn planet has nothing but us and a bunch of skeletons."

Nothing else needed to be said.

"My condolences," Lav bowed.

"It's fine," J shrugged. What use were these few meaningless words?

"Building weapons isn't easy but simple ones should be fairly easy to make and get the materials," Zay contemplated, "Of course, here on this planet, nothing of resource can be used."

"You see," J butted in again, "Zay's the type that can make you a super weapon with just a shirt."

Yeah, I doubt that, but Eric figured Zay was an ultra genius and this obviously needed to be pointed out to the readers.

Anyways, they talked for a while longer, mainly discussing their new plans until BOOM-

The next obstacle came back, tenaciously biting down on their ass. How did the saying go-

Old enemies will drink with you. Ah no, this wasn't it. But well...