Tiredness

I found that when you know you want to kill yourself you are much more tired, you spend more time sleeping, crying, thinking of all the thing you will miss. But then again I see no escape so I'm telling myself :"why am I torturing myself?".

I know when I'm gonna die, nothing can surprise me anymore, so I began to accept, I began to feel free, finally. It's funny to think that the only I found to be free is by killing myself.

The way I found to feel free is by not freeing myself from my suicidal thought.

As I said in the title, I don't know what I am doing, I write anything that go through my mind without caring about the sense.

And my mind is more and more tired, so my thought are more and more strange and slow.

But as a tired mind I have strange ideas passing through my head, like maybe I should try daring things, after all I won't have the possibility to test them later, I don't really care about the consequences, I won't be there to take the blame.

I understand more or less why they say "never attack a person who has nothing to lose" because when you decide to leave every single thing behind even your life, you really don't care about strangers. Until recently I conccured with this sentence because it made sense, but now, I concur because I live it, I feel what the author meant by that.