Losing someone

You probably know as I have the same problem as every young person but I'm not that old. And in this difficult time I am losing my grandmother. It's difficult, but the worst is how my mother is copping. When someone you love is losing a parent and they have regret, the worst feeling is not being able to do more.

You do your maximum but you always feel it's not enough, you hate yourself, you hate the World and anyone. You have to pass through 5 steps in order to continue your life, but the first one is already so difficult, I don't want to go through the others.

That's why I don't think about me, I focusing on the other, helping them, supporting them, it's the only way I found to continue forward, I don't think it's the best way but it's a way I think.

Have you ever wondered what happen if you never, until the last breath you don't live for yourself but for helping other? Is it strength or weakness? You're strong enough to support multiple people but weak as possible because you can't deal with any of your problem.

I want to leave everything, but unfortunately it means leaving everyone behind and this I cannot.