Chapter 10: Why Me?!

😌 "CALLING SOMEONE UGLY, won't make make you pretty. CALLING SOMEONE STUPID, won't make you smart. MAKING SOMEONE'S LIFE MISERABLE, won't make yours happy.

SO WHY DO IT?"

-Unknown 😌

⚠️ Warning: Please Proceed With Caution! This chapter will contain, Disturbing Details, Gore/Murder, Disturbing situations, Violence, Quite Possibly Suicidal Thoughts, and alot of Cursing. Please Proceed With Caution!⚠️

🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃

😰" Next Morning "😰

😐" Thursday Morning (I think) "😐

🤷‍♀️" Max's and Scarlet's Dorm "🤷‍♀️

🤔" Max's POV "🤔

I still can't get the horrible sight outta my head. It's feels as if it's drilled into my brain.

The blood. The message. I'm terrified. Not for myself but for everyone who's here. I've been up all night thinking about it, not being able to get the images outta my head. I hate it!

I can't deal with it. I think to myself as I get up outta bed still feeling as if I don't have the mental strength to do anything. I feel worse than I did yesterday.

Why can't I just be normal? Why am I this way? Why me?! I think to myself getting my things together so I can take a shower.

Why did I have to be the one to save the world? Why did I have to be th reincarnation of her? Why did I have to be the hero of a story that I don't even wanna be in? I think to myself as I walk into the bathroom strip my clothes off turn on the shower and then get in.

I take a quick shower in hopes that I won't worry anyone again yet, here I was thinking about the horrible things I've done in my life. The things that I could've prevented from happening, the things that I should've figured out to prevent from happening.

I once again, can't tell if it's just the shower water rolling down my cheeks or if it was my tears mixed with it.

In my life I have been hurt. I have been tortured. I have felt the pain of what it feels like to be alone, to be numb, and yet here I am. Here I'm standing crying. Here I am feeling bad for myself when I know I shouldn't.

Why do people act as if the care about me? How can anyone care about me when I don't even care about myself?!

I wish I could just stop feeling like like this. All I ever feel is pain, empty, alone, worry, fear for others life's, then numbness. What is wrong with me?! Why am I like this?! This isn't normal! I just wanna be normal. Is that too much to ask for?!

☆Obviously.☆ My demon says sarcastically and my angel punches him in the face.

♤Thank you. I'm trying to talk to myself. Please just leave me alone.♤ I say to them knowing I have tears rolling down my face.

I grip my hair and start to pull at it. Why can't these thoughts just go away. I just wanna be able to think normally. Feel happy for once. I mean truly happy.

All my life, all I've ever known is pain, misery, agony, loneliness, worry, and numb. And all I've ever felt towards myself is hate.

And I guess it's true what they say. Old habits die hard. I smile at that thought. Although a wicked smile but still a smile.

I love that saying. Old habits die hard. I'm living the truth of it.

A sob escapes from my mouth. I honestly don't care if anyone hears. I didn't care if someone heard me crying. The pain that I felt was unimaginable.

And the scariest thing about it was that I actually wanted someone to comfort me through my pain. I was scared someone actually would. Just like I'm scared to be happy. I fear that once I'm happy that it'll all be taken away from me. Yet, I I don't wanna be left alone. I don't want people to forget about me. To forget who I am and who I was.

The worse part about my fears is that, I try to be happy yet I'm to scared to be happy. I don't wanna be forgotten yet I keep everyone at an arms length distance. I have a hard time trusting people because my past is filled with broken promises and broken trust.

People o thought I could trust went behind my back stabbed in it and the knife they used went straight through my heart. They did this to me without even giving it a second thought.

I've been torture by the people that I thought loved me, cared about me. Apparently they didn't, they hurt me. They hurt me mentally. They hurt me physically. And now I carry the scars they left on my body. I carry the scars they left on my broken heart. I carry the they left in my head.

⚠️" Dark, Disturbing ( To Some Viewers ), and Slightly Suicidal Thoughts (I'm Not Totally For Sure. ) Ahead! PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION!! "⚠️

I'm not broken though I am pained. I've been through so much hell in my life that I don't even know how I made it this far in life. I should've died years ago. Yet, I was to scared.

I've been close to killing myself multiple times. One time I even tried drowning myself but I backed out as soon as I had felt the need for air.

I wish I wouldn't be so scared and I'd just take that last step to doing so but, I'm to scared to do so. I'm too much of a God damn coward to fucking do so!

⚠️" End Of Trigger Warning! "⚠️

I hear knocking on the door I take a few deep breaths as I stand back up. I turn the shower off grab my towel and dry my hair and body off really quick then wrap the towel around me.

I unlock the door slightly but only enough to where I could see the person's face and they could see mine.

I see Scarlet and she smiles at me. A sad, sympathetic smile for which I didn't like at all so I rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine.", I tell her before she asks the same question that everyone continuously asks.

"Okay, I just wanted to make sure. I heard you crying in there I figure I'd see what's wrong.", she says raising her hands up in surrender. I shake my head and apologize.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be so mean. I'm just.... tired of hearing people continuously ask me that question. It's very annoying. I'm fine though, thanks for looking out for me.", I say to her and she smiles a happy smile.

"It's fine and you're welcome.", she says and walks away then plops down on her bed.

I close and lock the door back. I walk over to the bathroom counter and start to put my clothes on.

After I'm done putting clothes on which consisted of, a black worn out looking hoodie, and a pair black skinny jeans that looked faded and worn out too. I look at myself in the mirror and see that my eyes are red and puffy. Under my eyes was dark circles that were slightly bagged down. You could tell I didn't get much sleep. In fact, you could tell that I haven't gotten much sleep for the past few days, one of the many things that I hate about insomnia.

I shake my head, pulling myself outta my thoughts then lazily brush my teeth.

After I brush my teeth it feels like my hair is still dripping wet so I grab the towel and dry my hair once again. I unlock the door and open so I can walk outta the bathroom. Scarlet was sitting on her bed as I walked out.

She had a bunch of close together. Like literally, she had about 6 or 7 outfits spread out across her bed.

"Pick an outfit.", she demands and I give her a confused look.

"Why?", I ask as plop down face first on my bed and she sighs.

"So I can throw them away.", she says sarcastically and I smile looking at her.

"Well, are you sure you wanna throw them away? I mean we can play dress up and do a make over! OMG! WE CAN INVITE TYLER AND DRESS HIM UP AS A PRINCESS AND GIVE HIM A MAKE OVER! CAN?! CAN WE PLEASE?!", I squeal in fake excitement which causes her to laugh.

"I was planning letting you borrow one of my outfits.", she says and I laugh at her.

"Yeah right! You're funny!", I exclaim looking at her and seeing she had a serious expression on her face.

"Oh. You were being dead serious.", I say looking at the outfits and seeing shorts, t-shirts, and skirts.

"I can't wear any of those.", I tell her looking at her like she's crazy.

"Why?", she asks and I stand up motioning towards myself.

"Have seen what I look like?! I'd probably be to pale to any of those!", I exclaim and she rolls her eyes.

"How about this, you choose whether you wanna wear shorts or a skirt and I'll let you choose what ever long sleeve you want from my clothes?", she asks and I sigh.

"Do I have a choice?", I ask and she shakes her head.

"Nope.", she says popping the 'p'

"Well, then why did you even ask?", I ask her and she shrugs.

"I don't know.", she says and I sigh.

I choose a black pair of skinny jean looking shorts and then Scarlet plus out all her long sleeves. She even pulled out a few hoodies. I chose a black hoodie and walked to the bathroom and changed.

As I finish changing I look down at my legs. The shorts down to slightly below my mud thigh. I can see a few slightly noticeable scars which hopefully nobody will notice. Besides, I don't think that you'd be able to see them unless you know you are paying close enough attention.

I still would've preferred my clothes. Although me and Scarlet are almost the same size, me being a size smaller than her, the shorts seemed to be skin tight. Thank God the hoodie went below my butt cause I don't want anyone staring at me.

I walk outta the bathroom and once Scarlet saw me she looked shocked which caused me to feel a bit awkward and I shifted from one foot to the other.

"I should've just stuck with clothes, am I right? I probably look ugly!", I exclaim turning back around fixing to go back into the bathroom but Scarlet stops me.

"No wait!", she says and I turn around looking at her.

"You actually look really good.", she says and I gasp (dramatically)

"Are you saying I didn't look good in my clothes?!", I exclaim putting my hand over my heart. I could feel fake tears fill my eyes. I guess she couldn't tell I was acting.

"No! I mean. No, you looked good in your clothes too but.... I...-", I cut her off laughing.

"Damn! Am I really that good of an actor?!", I ask laughing which she pouts then huffs to.

"You're mean!", she exclaims and I smile.

"No I'm not! I'm as nice as a chihuahua!", I exclaim and she laughs.

"Did you seriously compare yourself to an ankle bitter?", she asks and I shrug.

"What? I thought it was a pretty good comparison!", I exclaim earning a laugh.

"I need to start getting ready.", she says and I nod. She walks to the bathroom with a set of clothes in her hands.

I sit on my bed trying to remember when was the last time I truly laughed like that.

Was that what it felt like to be.... happy? Jesus. I haven't truly been happy in so long that I can't even remember what it feels like. I think to myself then get up grabbing my hairbrush then start brushing my hair.

🤨" 15 Minutes Later "🤨

Scarlet and I are walking to the cafeteria. I've had the urge to turn around and run back to our dorm so I could change back into my clothes multiple times cause people just love to stare and I guess you could say... I think it's called catcalling or something along those lines.

As I reach for the cafeteria door to open it it smacks me right in the face. Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark once again. I think to myself as I feel the liquid feeling of blood starting to roll down trying to escape my nose but I look up towards the ceiling and slightly pinch the bridge of my nose.

"Ow.", I say simply as I stay sitting on the ground where landed at.

"Oh shit! Are you okay?!", Scarlet says frantically while another person starts laughing.

"I'm fine Scarlet. I've had worse I can handle a little pain from some stupid ass person who apparently was raised with no fucking manners!", I exclaim loudly to make sure the person hears what I said and then the laughing stops.

After a few minutes of silence, I tilt my head back down and look straight ahead to see some jock looking dude.

"Jeez, it's always the jocks or the ones that look like a jock.", I say rolling my eyes Scarlet hands me a paper towel which, God only knows where she got it from.

"Here.", she says handing me the clean paper towel and I hold it up to my nose.

"Thanks.", I say to her standing back up feeling slightly dizzy after standing up but only for a few moments.

"Ya know, you could apologize instead of just standing there like you're a bump on a log!", I exclaim slightly pushing him outta the way to get into the cafeteria.

Once me and Scarlet get in there and sit down at our table we start to chat. The first thing that comes up is about my clothes.

"Aren't those Scarlet's clothes?", Haylee asked as Tyler looked up curious as if he didn't notice.

"Yes, they are!", Scarlet exclaims before I get the chance to even speak.

"You poor child. Did she torture you before you finally chose one?", she asks shivering at her thoughts.

"If you mean like her talking your ear off and persuading you into doing so, which by the way was kinda a torture for me, than yes.", I tell her and Scarlet huffs.

"I wanted her to look good for picture day.", she says and I glare at her and then think about it.

"I thought that picture day is next week.", I say to them and they start to giggle and chuckle quietly.

"That was last week they told us that it was gonna be next week and this week is next week.", Tyler says and I sigh and face palm myself.

"God, I need to start remembering what going on and when.", I say as I take a small bite of my food even though I'm not hungry and I'm feeling worse than yesterday.

Today I need to pretend I'm perfectly fine. I think to myself as I force myself to eat.

After a few minutes a feel a presence behind me.

"Ya know, you don't just have to stand there you can sit down.", I say to the person turning around to see who it was.

I see that it's the person who slammed the door in my face.

"Um....", he says and I roll my eyes.

"Just sit down. I'm sorry that I was a total bitch to you, do you forgive me?", I ask him and he looked shocked for a few moments and then nodded and took a seat next to me.

"I'm sorry I was being a tota-", he says before I cut him off.

"Already forgotten about. I'm not really a person who holds grudges unless it's needed.", I tell him and he smiles.

"Thanks.", he says and I nod giving him a small smile.

The bell rings and I'm the first one to be up and outta the cafeteria. I'm happy I have music today for first period. Can't wait!

🎶" At Music Class "🎶

Remember how I said I couldn't wait? Well, now I wish I could take that back. We have to be partnered up and do some kinda music project, which FYI I'm not very good at singing or making songs but, I still love music.

I got partnered up with this girl who's extremely talkative.

"What do you-", the girl is cut off by the announcement speakers as someone speaks through them.

"Hello, this is the Head-mistress. I need every student and teacher to come to the auditorium for an announcement please. Thank you.", the announcement speakers turns off and the teacher looks at us.

"Alright students, come up front and stand in a single file line please. We'll be going to the auditorium.", the teacher says a bit of confusion in her voice.

"What do you think the Head-mistress needs to announce?", the girl that sat next to me asked and I shrug.

"I don't know.", I say to her even though I already quite possibly know the reason why.

Why is my whole life filled with drama?! I think to myself as the whole class starts walking to the auditorium.

💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

Quick A/N:

Greetings earthlings! I have a message for you all.

So, I'd like to say that these past few chapters have been kinda emotional to me😅. As embarrassing as it sounds (At least to me) I've actually cried quite a few times throughout the past few chapters. I've quite literally poured my heart out and my feelings and how feel quite often in this book.

While most people would recommend me see a therapist or something like that I'd prefer not too. With me living in a house that has 6 members in the family, I'd feel like I'm being greedy if I brought up how I feel. That plus I'd feel like I'm burdening people by speaking about it and telling them how I feel.

I always put on the 'I'm fine' mask and quite often I feel like a complete bitch for doing so but, I prefer to be here for others rather than burden them with my feelings.

And now, I feel like a complete complaining whiney blank for ranting about all of that. So I'm gonna go and start working on the next chapter.

Thank you all for reading! Stay safe! I love y'all very much💞💋! Bye!!!