Chapter39

Pdv Mau

It's been a week since I saw Jozy anymore, why? I'm freaking out. Finally, what is love? What is it? Why does it always come when you least expect? For some, love wants the good of one's neighbor and for others love is proud. It's contradictory but it's precisely in this contradiction that the beauty of the thing lies, I also started thinking about death. People are born, live and die. In theory it's simple, but when it touches someone you really love or yourself, then it becomes complicated. This morning as every morning since I heard the news, I wake up in a bad mood and I am only a shadow of myself. Why does it fall on me? I wash, do the morning rituals and then go to class. Nothing unusual. Nothing. Everything was quiet and I didn't really see my friends since I didn't even take care to go on a break and no one came to bother me. I thank them for giving me this space and tranquility because I really need to think about what to do. But why do I have to think about what to do? It's obvious, just go to the hospital to see the one I love. In adversity and suffering, we must support those we love. No matter what happens, whatever happens, we must be there for those who rely on us and make us a reason to live. This is our role as a "friend".

The bell rings marking the beginning of classes and then the end of classes. I go out immediately, get into my car taking care to greet my friends along the way and then head to the hospital. After a fifteen-minute drive, I finally arrived, I go back to the hospital and then I ask for Jozy's room, which the reception shows me very politely. When I got into the room, there was her mother right next to her, with a very tired air and Jozy sleeping very deeply.

Me: hi mom.

Mom: hi my child. I hope it's okay. I'll tell you, I'll go change at home and rest a little. Good luck, she says before going out. I greatly admire his courage and strength.

I smile politely at her and leave to close the door behind her. I sit next to the bed, I take his hands. I just want to pray there right away but I don't know how to do it. How do you want me to do it if I have ever experienced a situation that has made me surrender to a being who is more powerful than us? When a being has everything, is independent, he is his own god in a certain way, but when life shows him his face and realizes that the situation completely exceeds it then he becomes aware of the presence of a very high who governs the world. His name differs from each religion and in my religion it is God. I will then try to pray.

Me: lord, don't abandon this child. If our prayer is not powerful enough to be answered then please listen to our bruised heart full of pain, sadness and tears. Are you a God who leaves your children in suffering? And you Jozy are only at your head. Please wake up, I'm lost without you. If you wake up I promise never get angry with you again, I say very sadly. So I listen to a laugh, which makes me raise my head.

Paul: what are you doing? Have you just prayed? I never thought it was possible, he said laughing.

Eve: what do you mean? Are you not a believer?

Lyna: Yes, but in seventeen years he has never prayed once.

Jozy: but he prays well, she says, preventing himself from laughing and stands up very slowly.

Me: aren't you unconscious? He says surprised.

Jozy: No, I was sleeping but who told you that I am unconscious? You promised not to get angry anymore if I wake up, she laughs.

Nando: that's what I thought I was listening to too. And he tells you laughing.

Me: how long have you been here?

Lyno: we followed you so we've been there from the beginning. It was Mom Jozy who told us to leave you a little.

We were chatting when H came and jumped directly on his sister-in-law.

H: How are you, my beloved Sister? She says with cute eyes.

Lyna: sorry? She said, squeezing the mine.

H: You're jealous, she says very happy and comes to snuggle up against Lyna.

Me: but what is she doing here?

Jozy: she comes every day after class.

PDv Jozy.

Curiosity leads me to know why he left me alone for a week and now shows up as if nothing had happened. But his prayer for me proves to me that this is not what I thought but why didn't he come? I think. I'm thinking. We laugh a little more and everyone separates except Mau who wanted to spend a little more time with me. He sits without saying anything and just looks at me. I don't know if it's sadness in his eyes or wonder. What makes his eyes like that?

Me: tell me darling, why did you leave me without saying anything and without sending a sign of life? I say, looking him straight in the eye.

Mau: I was afraid, I couldn't accept that you can die from one moment to another. I don't want to think that and I can't imagine my life without you anymore. Do you know how it was before you arrived? He asks by holding me by the hand. It was so bland and I want you to always be told to finish.

Me: you know Maucisse. Everyone was born to die one day, very early, early, late or very late. Anyway, we're all going to go there. When you love such a deep love as ours you must be ready to suffer very atrociously. I want if misfortune happens one day, you find another one that will make you even happier. Promise, I tell me, shedding a few tears.

Mau: I will make this promise when misfortune is right at our doorstep. Today you are here and I want to take the opportunity to see you smile, cry and play the violin. Just that, it makes me happy, he says by kissing me on my forehead.