Being selfish

My grandma used to tell me to go for it. Anything I wanted, I should ignore the warning signs and just go for it.

I guess that's what I did when I kissed Jaxon.

I wanted to kiss him, and I did. I ignored the fact that I was mourning over my dead boyfriend or the fact that this might come out as a distraction for the pain, but I didn't care.

Truth is, I've been yearning to kiss him for a while now, and being in this situation just made me go for it.

At first, it came has a shock to him because of the way his body stiffened, but a second later, he relaxed into the kiss.

I don't know when my hands left the hem of his shirt and went to the back of his neck, pulling him closer while his hands went to my waist.

I may have kissed Nathan a lot back we when we were dating even though I don't remember any of it, but this felt like my first real kiss.

I could feel myself shiver from the feel of his lips on mine, his hands on my waist and how good the kiss felt.

I don't know where all the confidence came from, but

I kissed him slowly but roughly, teasing and urging him with my lips until I finally bit his bottom lip and he lets out a small shudder.

I smile to myself knowing fully well I was the dom in this kiss.

It was like I couldn't get enough of him. I could kiss him all day and I wouldn't get tired. But in order for me to live and not die of lack of breath, I slowly pulled away.

I opened my eyes to see Jaxon slowly rest on his chair and sigh in content.

Now I felt shy.

All the confidence I felt during the kiss, had unknowingly slipped away.

Neither of us said anything for a while and I was starting to get anxious.

"No matter how much I pictured this moment in my head, nothing could've prepared me for how good that felt." He said after a moment.

My face suddenly became hot.

"I-i-i-" I try to apologize but he cuts me off.

"I mean," He continues. "I didn't know you were the grabby type." He states. "I I'd admit I was shocked at first. I was. You just grabbed me without warning and kissed and teased and boy." He pauses. "But I loved every part of it."

I clear my throat and he chuckles.

He turns to me. "Is it weird that I want to kiss you again?" He asks and I look away.

I fan my face with my hands as I try to cool myself.

"I think I like that side of you." He states. "The girl who takes the reigns, who puts me on my toes when kissing her." He shifts a little closer to me and whispers. "A girl who makes me putty in her hands with just a kiss. I sure as hell wouldn't mind meeting her again."

I suddenly stand up and take a few steps away from him. "Isn't it hot here?"

"We are outside Hathaway." He gives me a teasing smile.

I clear my throat again and look around.

"I should go." I run down the steps and he shouts behind me.

"I'd be looking forward to your kisses Hathaway!"

Immediately, I rush to the restroom to wet my face.

After five attempts of splashing water on my face, I still felt hot.

"Okay Summer, you kissed Jaxon. It's no big deal." I say to myself. "It's just a kiss."

"Wait! No big deal? I kiss the one guy I like and I'm saying it's no big deal?"

"But it's just a kiss nothing more right? It's not like he asked you to marry him right."

My eyes widen at that.

"But he did say it was more than he expected. So he liked it. I liked it." I stare at myself for a moment to let it finally sink in.

"Ohmygod! I kissed Jaxon!" I shout.

Shit!

I knew I was overreacting, but I kissed Jaxon Prinston.

Oh my god.

I put a hand on my chest and take deep breaths.

"You did good girl. You did good"

The bell rings signalling the end of first period and I take one last deep breath before I walked out.

I was practically skipping in my steps with a big smile on my face as I walked to my locker.

I stopped abruptly and the smile on my face dies when I see Chelsea by my locker.

Reality then sets in.

I walk slowly to my locker and Chelsea gives me a small smile when she sees me.

"Hey." She says.

"Hi."

"I'm sorry about what I said earlier." She begins. "About telling you that Nathan's death wouldn't make a difference." She takes a step forward. "It would've. He was your boyfriend, you had the right to know but I was being selfish."

"Chelsea-"

"When my mom told me you had been in an accident, I lost it." She interrupts me. "I immediately urged her to drive us to the hospital you were at."

"Then the doctor told us you might have amnesia, I thought, would all our years of friendship be forgotten just like that?" The bell rings again for second period.

"I was scared. Then I heard you had forgotten about Nathan, and I was relieved. I was relieved that you had only forgotten him. Your parents approached me and told me to leave it as it was. I too thought it'd be better to forget about him. I mean, not remembering a dead person is better than not remembering a person that's well and alive right?" Her voice breaks a little.

"And besides, you'd known me way longer than Nathan. It wouldn't be fair to remember him and forget me." She sighs. "I thought keeping it from you was the best thing. But looking back now, I should have told you. You deserved to know and I'm sorry."

"Chelsea." I begin. "I love you so fucking much you know that right?" She nods quickly and wipes her eye. "There's no way in hell I'd ever forget you. You're my second half. I literally can't do without you."

She gives a small laugh. "Duh."

I chuckle and walk to her.

"You are stupid for thinking that you know." I give her a hug.

"I'm sorry." She sniffs.

"I know." I sigh. "I am sad over his death trust me, but I don't think I'd be able to get over the guilt that I forgot, but I hope I can."

She pulls away. "Don't worry, I'm here."

"You better be." I warn her and she smiles.

Her smile drops a little. "I always wondered why you didn't want to take a step with Jaxon, now I do."

I look at my hands.

"About that," I begin. "I may or may have not kissed him on the field."

Her eyes widen.

"What?!"