Broken!

##Joana##

I was glad to get off work am soo tired. It was the weekend tomorow I plan on doing nothing but sleep.

Keisha was picking me up from the dinner she better not be late.

I walked outside its getting chilly

Keisha: Girl in winter tell them to let you get off early is too cold for this.

Joana: Oh Shut up. You know you not doing anything.

Keisha: Now I am..

Joana: Yeah yeah your new relation

I said rolling my eyes

Keisha: You hating cause ain't nobody dipping in your sauce.

Joana: I don't know, his white, does he even dip good?

Keisha: He been watching alot of black porn don't ask why. But he got some move.

Joana: Hahaha you so silly. How long now 3 months?

Keisha: Yup. I could see the ocean looking in his eyes. Ouh girl I bet our kids gone be soo pretty.

Joana: Good for you.

Keisha: You talk to Derin? You know his girl did em dirty right?

Joana: No, Karma is No one to play with, his stupid ass.

Keisha: Stop it cause you know you dying for that boy. When you heard him having sex with that girl your heart broke.

Joana: Am good and no I don't feel sorry for him. I don't even have his number

Keisha: Your Dad do!

Joana: Keisha! Leave it alone okay.

Keisha: Get your ass out my car

She said pulling up to my apartment hahah

Joana: Gladly that Lil ah car

Keisha: Big things coming soon sis

Joana: Not from that white boy. Haha

Keisha: He ain't that small though. His like a solid 8. What size is Derin?

Joana: I don't know

Keisha: Fucking lies.

I laugh while getting inside my apartment. Everyone was still sleep I quietly close the door and went to bed.

The next morning I heard panick in the house.

Joslyn: Get up!

Joana: Whats going on?

Joslyn: Momy stop breathing Daddy bought her over to the hospital.

Joana: What and your waking me up now?

I went to the bathroom to freshen up, Change from my night gown and called Keisha to bring me to the hospital. She agreed. She picked me up in her little Toyota. I was beyond grateful to her. I opt out and ran inside. I ask for her room giving her name they direct me to it. When I got there she was sitting on the bed with my dad eating pudding.

Joana: Momy! Please dont scared me like that

mom: Right because this was on purpose.

I hate it when she get sarcastic like that. She was wearing a green hospital gown. In a very cold room.

Joana: What did the doctor say Dad?

Dad: They found something in her and it's moving on its own. They think they might of find what have been bothering her lately.

Joana: Oh. Doesn't that mean surgery?

Dad: Yeah. You filled the insurance for her right?

Joana: Yeah she should be covered.

Dad: She got visited by three doctors already it must be a good insurance.

Joana: Am happy to hear that.

We waited as they take her to do different tests. Some Doctors came and explain she definitely will need surgery. We slept at the hospital of course. Sunday come around It was around 2 when her pastor came to visit her. My mother was an woman of faith she believe the earth don't move unless God agrees. I knew God exist. They did a full church. I was so shocked the hospital allowed it. But I guess it is her religion. We prayed and sing. Her pastor felt the holly spirit. He was inspired to tell me "to forgive, There Is some prayer I will need to do And God won't receive it unless I forgive those who trespass against me. God don't forgive people who don't forgive others who did them wrong."

I nodded but please I don't hold no grudge on anyone. They left really late. Her surgery was scheduled for tomorrow morning. We all sat around and Jokes. I think she was scared she barely say anything watching us laughing and carrying on. My Dad drove home he didn't want to leave my sister in the house by herself.. I called off work. The principal understood. She's Dosing off I couldn't sleep, call it worrying or panicking I don't know. I was walking back and forth having a conversation with myself.

"Shes going to be okay!" then I respond "She might not be okay Dying is part of everyone journey"

I was so mad at this very cold voice. "Please God make her be okay" I beged "You should forgive, God don't ask for much all his asking of you is to forgive" Why was I saying that to myself? "Stop Joana your going to drive yourself insane" I grab one of my mom warm blanket. Sat on a chair. A few minutes later The doctor came.

Doctor: We are ready for your mom now.

Joana: What time is it?

Doctor: 8 am

Joana: Where are you going to cut into?

Doctor: Her brain.

Joana: Wait what?

Doctor: Yes I explain it to your father. Their is this liquid inside of your brain, That helps your brain do various things. That's the liquid the bug is feeding off.

Joana: I see. It's pretty important for that bug to get out huh?

Doctor: Yes

Joana: How long is the surgery?

Doctor: 4 hours.

Joana: Okay. Momy I love you.

She was already on some medication that cause her to be sleepy.

Dad: Dam they take your mom already?

Joana: Yes, just now

Dad: Alright.

Joana: 4 hours they say

Dad: Alright.

No one had anything you say. My sister didn't go to school today I understand, I wouldn't be able to concentrate either. We looked at eachother but No one says a thing. Our heart was racing. We was scared and relieved they finally find the problem.

Dad: It's 6 hours now what's going on?

Joana: I know, all we can do is wait.

My sister was siting on a chair crying. I couldn't tell her to stop, Am not going to cry; I will not buy black clothes today. At last the doctor rolled her in. She looked comfortably sleeping.

Dad: It was 8 hours!

Doctor: Yes well we thought it was 1 bug but it seems like they multiply really quickly. We took out 4 bugs successfully but

Joana: But what?

Doctor: Unfortunately The surgery was too much for her.

Dad: What does that mean!

Joslyn: SHE IS DEAD! WHAT DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND? ALL THESE PRAYERS MEANS NOTHING. IT SOLVES NOTHING!

My dad fall back to his chair in disbelief. His eyes widened in sorrow. Shedding tears for his only love. I looked over at her I seen her fingers moving. I looked at the doctor.

Doctor: Patients normally brain dead do movements from time to time.

He was still standing there in his white coat apologizing to my dad and my sister. This wasn't what I had in mind at all.

Doctor: Am sorry for.

Joana: Uh uh. I won't accept that, I can't accept that. Dad where are the keys?

Dad: Where are you going?

Joana: Keys please?

He tossed it to me. I walked out heading to my car. I started to talk to myself again "Forgiveness right? okay, I'll forgive; you fix whatever this is. I don't have any black clothes sorry I don't buy those. I have No one am burying soon." I said believing every word. I rode to Derin house. I knock on the door hoping he was home.

##Derin##

Who could it be?

I walk to the door with a baseball bat in my hands. I don't want No one to think am a sucka. I open the door to see it was Joana

Derin: Oh hey come in

Joana: I'm ready to make peace

Derin: We were at war?

She didn't laugh she looked serious.

Derin: Okay

Joana: I forgive you

Was she just going to say that and walk away? absolutely not

Derin: For what Joana?

Joana: For cheating on me.

Derin: You never let me explain

Joana: Okay explain

She said walking to my fridge grabing a small ice cream and a spoon. I did a little shopping when she was here so she could have some stuff to eat. She sat on the counter.

Derin: That night I was washing up for you cause remember that morning you said you were in the mood?

Joana: Uh huh

She said taking a scoop from her ice cream.

Derin: She Came in the locker room where I was bathing. Joana you gotta believe me.

Joana: How did you end up sleeping with her to give her a child?

Derin: So I told her "no she should leave" Backing up I slipped. She took it to her advantage she was already naked. She jumped on me.

She stop eating the ice cream, looked upset then she calmed down resumed eating her ice cream

Derin: Her riding was so bad. I um took over from there.

Joana: Right, okay your forgiving.

Derin: I made one mistake Joana.

She stop again. Putting her ice cream down.

Joana: Talè (Wait) one mistake?

Derin: Yes! you act like you was such a Saint.

She hope off the table she got in my face.

Joana: You made a promise to me! When you took my virginity, Do you remember?

Derin: What?

Knowing dam right I remembered.

Joana: Gade'm(look at me) lie to these chicken heads don't lie to me.

She said holding my jaw facing her

Derin: I promise you, That you wasn't my first but you'll be my last.

Joana: Out of all the lies you spread. I Prayed that wasn't one of them. I believe it soo much.

She was saying it with soo much anger that it reflects in her tears.

Joana: You pitch me these perfect words. I didn't care if you never made it to millionaire I just wanted to be enough for you. I made sure you never crave for me. I kept your part highly satisfied so I thought.

There she goes pointing at my chest again.

Derin: I meant those word!

She sucked her teeth.

Derin: We might of not work out you had no right to take my best friend from me.

We were now screaming at each other

Joana: You don't lie to your best friend. You don't break their heart and pretend your still a good guy.

Derin: We were always good friends Joana

Joana: It broke me to pieces to see you. How can I just forget our history. I trusted you with everything. You could of told me to jump off a cliff, I would with no hesitation. You don't know the power you had over me. You betray us like we meant nothing. I wanted to have your kids. I would of been a good wife to you. There is nothing you ask I wouldn't do. Love is worst than death.

Derin: Please don't say that.

Joana: Dont cry, you wanted to talk.

Derin: Am sorry

I reached out for her she backed up.

Joana: You know what I thought?

Derin: What?

I said trying to hold back my tears.

Joana: The fact that you told me you liked my body soo much I used to think God had you in mind when he was creating me.

Derin: Nana

Joana: Ha stupid right? You living in the house we dreamed off together. Making someone feel good with what you promised was mine. You are the cruelest man I've ever met. Having me stay here and hearing the only man I've ever love giving his love to someone other than me.

She was closing her eyes. I felt that was the baggage she was holding for a long time.

Derin: You've never given your love to anyone?

Joana: Non(no). I decided to follow apostle Paul. I got burn once am not going through that again.

Derin: I see.

Joana: Am I forgiving?

Derin: Am just asking for my friend back.

I walked towards her. I wanted to bring her to my bedroom so bad. She still cried for me. Right when I was going to kiss her.

Amber: Baby am sorry.

You gotta be kidding me. She turn around. She quickly grab her keys.

Joanna: Let me guess white bunny?

She said smilling closing the door behind her. Why was amber here? Why now? I should of locked the door!