Embarrassed

##Joana##

Keisha gave birth to A beautiful baby girl. I was soo happy for her. Sad for me. I slapped my husband last night. I knew he had personal scars with slaps. I didn't mean too but he wasn't listening. I should of let him take me. He would of definitely get my mind off keisha.

Keisha: What you thinking about chick?

She said sitting up and breast feeding the baby.

Joana: I slapped Derin last night

Keisha: Joana no! You know he seen his mom got slap by his dad when he was a kid. That's like traumatic to him. Plus his haitian that's a big deal in our culture. That's like saying his worth is nothing.

Joana: God I know!

Keisha: Why you slapped him

Joana: He said he wanted his wife.

Keisha: Oh

Jerry came back with food for all.

I didn't want anything big. Just some rice and turkey in sauce.

Jerry: Hey why yall got quiet when I walked in? you guys talking about me?

Keisha: No baby.

Jerry: Here is yours my love.

He said handing her food She kissed him thanks.

Keisha: Hey babe can we go back to condoms, I don't want to get pregnant again so soon?

Jerry: No, I want to enjoy my wife the way God intended.

Keisha: Fine, Can I at least go on birth control.

Jerry: Babe aren't you irregular?

Keisha: Yeah

Jerry: Like you get your cycle this month and skip the next 2 month?

Keisha: I see your point, Can you pull out to minimize the chances

Jerry: Yes

She was more calm now thank God.

Keisha: You should fix it.

Joana: I tried to bring him Breakfasts in his room..

Keisha: Wait his room?

Joana: He looked soo embarrassed Oh my God!

Jerry: What are you guys talking about?

Joana: Should I go to his job and offer to take him to lunch?

Keisha: It's twelve. I would.

Jerry: It's about Derin what else?

He said looking at both of us. I left the hospital and drove to his job. I ask his boss for him he point me to his office. This place did not look organized at all, the workers looked stress. Everyone had their own cubicle, only the heads had their own office.

Joana: Hey babe

I said standing infront of the door. He was typing so fast not looking up at me.

Joana: I wanted to treat you to lunch today?

Derin: I already ate.

Joana: Maybe dinner?

Derin: We will see.

"We will see?" I haven't got that response for a while now. I was in high school and Derin found out I was flirting with some boy in my dance team. He had just taken my virginity We didn't talk for a while so I didn't think we were still together anymore, Rumor got around school. I remember when he ask me "You don't want me anymore? " It broke my heart to think I'll ever answer such a question from the one I love. I responded "You haven't spoken to me soo" He walked away leaving me heartbroken, I wasn't sure if we were still together if I knew... I would of.. never. I had to ask my questions. I tried to find him before class. I ask "can we sit by eachother for lunch?" He replied with so much disinterest "We will see" I looked for him at lunch but no luck. After school I decided to stay for Dance practice though my mind wasn't really on it. I saw him with some cheerleaders. I was furious why would he ask me "If I didn't want him" was it just to remind me we are no longer together? After I give up something I could never reclaim. I decided to walk home, I didn't feel like talking or being bothered. I started tearing up while walking home. How could I be so stupid to think he would be true to only me? It's true before today he only hang out with his homeboys but he wasn't interested in working or talking about it. I could hear foot step behind me. I wasn't sure who it was, I was scared to turn around so stop. I heard his voice behind me so clear "Did you have relations with him like you did me Nana?" I turn to find he was the one walking behind me. "No" I shook my head. "Do you like him?" he ask. Was he seriously trying to work things out now?

"You never talk to me, Its like you are ashamed of me or something, You don't come to my shows, What am I surpose to think. After the time we shared I thought..." I paused not wanting to admit my expectations

"You what?" He replied eagered to hear my answer. He almost sound cruel "I thought we could at least hang out in public where am displayed as your girlfriend" I cried as tears rolled down my eyes

"You wanted space. You could of come to me any time." he shouted "It takes someone else to notice me for you to want me?" He walked closer to me looking at me seriously. "I don't like to share Nana if you believe he will be better than Go" He said. " It's soo easy for you to say, You didn't give up your virginity" I said running home... I cried soo much that day. How could he be soo unsensitive. The next day at breakfast, I sat with Keisha and our friends. I felt a person behind me, All the girls was blushing who could it be? The girl on my left scoot over leaving space in between. I was so shocked to see it was him. He wasn't smilling or anything He just sat and ate in silence. I was so thankful he heard me. I shouldn't have flirted with the guy. We never specified if we had broken up. Day by day he would joined me for breakfast and lunch. We continued like this for an month

Until Keisha said " Why I don't ever see yall kiss, Are yall even together? Sorry girl, But am definitely available if your single Looking around I could see many girls blushing with him here, Did all of them feel this way? I was curious to see how he would respond? I needed to know are we still in a relationship? "Am in a relationship keisha" he respond calmly while drinking his milk. We haven't done anything, Not even kissed. He got up throwing away his tray. I scowl Keisha for making him leave Yet happy to know where his mind was at. Later on he ask if I wanted to hang out after school. I was over the moon, We made love in the back of his dad blue pick up truck, we talked about our future together. What I wanted my boyfriend to be like. But now He got his wall up again; it's going to take time to bring it back down. My husband is mostly a man of action not so much words. He won't elaborate how his feeling.

Derin: Alright team meeting room!

He shouted. Without excusing himself from our conversation. I went back home to get dinner started.

##Derin##

I got off work I was starving. I skip lunch I didn't feel hungry. I pass by this restaurant, I ate to my hearts content, paid and head to the hospital. Jerry was holding the baby, Keisha looking at me with apologetic eyes. I bet Joana told her. It wasn't enough to disgrace me now Keisha knows?

Derin: I did the work for you yesterday. Boss was furious by the way.

I said smilling at my boy. As he cradle the baby

Jerry: Good looking out.

Keisha: Derin?

Ugh why was she talking to me?

Keisha: Ti gason (Little boy)

Derin: What Keisha?

Keisha: Am sorry that I offended your little girlfriend.

I turned around to look at her, Looking at me with a bold gaze

Derin: I don't have a girlfriend I have a wife.

Keisha: Thats not what I saw that day

Jerry: Babe what did you see?

Keisha: She feeling Derin I mean she really like you.

Derin: Because someone finds me attractive that's a problem? Am a very attracted dude one and two.

I said showing her two fingers.

Derin: All these years you had a crush on me did I initiate anything?

Keisha: No, but the way you stand up for her..

Derin: Keisha when all them boys was talking behind your back who stood up for you, Even fought a couple of my good friends too for you.

Keisha: Yeah

Derin: Do you think I did those things because I was dating your best friend?

Keisha: Of course. We all ride

Derin: No! It's because am not going to sit back and watch someone get bullied infront of me.

Jerry: Babe you owe that

woman a apology

Derin: Shoot am fine. You know am fine.

I said brushing my brush cut wave with my hands Checking my reflection in her window. Once satisfied I smiled and I left. Jerry was smilling, Keisha was smilling too but she was trying to hide it. On my way home I received a phone call.

Cecilia: Hey stranger

Derin: Hey

Cecilia: You ignoring me?

Derin: Of course not, Why would I ignore you?

Cecilia: My husband wants to go play golf. I thought with you there it wouldn't be so bad.

I could hear her blushing through the phone. I mean we didn't sleep together but I definitely cared for her.

Derin: Am not sure if Joana is still up

Cecilia: She said she was down. for me to call you. Are you guys okay? I hope I didn't do..

Derin: Stop it. Couples fight that's

what makes us stronger.

I said with a smirk. She giggled. She didn't hung up and I didn't mind. It was peaceful just knowing she was on the other line. When I parked my car in my drive way. I said

Derin: Send me the address. We will meet you there?

Cecilia: Okay..

She said hanging up the phone. I got inside brought the newly bought clothes to the guess room, I saw Joana sitting on the bed.

Joana: 9 o'clock? Where were you?

I didn't want to talk. She knows am grown. I know where home is

Joana: Derin!

She said getting off the bed. She looked disoriented. I wonder was she crying? I hate seing her cry. It does something to me.

Joana: Thats what we do now?

Derin: Can you get ready. You told this girl we would accompany her to this golf thing.

Joana: You can't sleep here.

I stop to look at her carefully hoping she would elaborate

Joana: The kids will see you. We need to sleep in our room

Derin: Sigh Joana please

Joana: What happend to Nana or babe?

Derin: Is it a crime to respect your mother, She named you!

All our screaming woke up Joane.

Joane: What's going on?

Derin: Uhhh

Joana: Dady got new clothes

Derin: We Was excited because I look so handsome in it.

Joane: You guys are weird; can you keep it down please some of us are trying to sleep.

I couldn't help but laughed as Joane walked away. She made it seems like she was soo busy. Maria came out leading Joane back to bed.

Joana: So

Derin: Yeah I'll be right in.

##Joana##

Why was he still hanging up his clothes in the closet? Did he not hear me? He followed me to the room. He went and took a shower. I decided to joined him. As I walked in his eyes was giving straight warning shots. I ignore them and went in the bathroom

I got undress and joined him for a bath.

Joana: Can I scrub your back?

Derin: No need

Joana: Do you want to scrub mine?

He took a long pause as if I was bothering him.

Derin: I should probably go..

What was that? sigh "Think joana you know him. Oh I know" I leaned in and kiss him wrapping my arms around his neck. I wanted to show him I still want him, am not sure what he was feeling but I know this should fix it. I figured when he was nice and hard we could have a quickie before going on this disastrous date. He didn't wrap his hands around my waist like he usually do. That just makes me kiss him harder. I grab his hands and put it on my booty cause I know he would like that. I could hear a voice in a distance.

Derin: Joana, Joana!

As I listen it became clearer.

Derin: We should get ready

He rinse himself and head out. He was still soft? I stayed in the bathroom a little while to gather my decipointment. I didn't want to show it, By the time I got dress, he was waiting for me in the car. When I got in the car he programed the GPS and we left. This golf course looks pretty big, Cecilia met us outside to show us where her and her husband was. This man was wearing short sleeve green shirt with long khaki pants. Derin was so far away. He just smiled and kept it formal.

Roberto: I was starting to think you wasn't going to show up

Derin: Ha naw I got caught up in the shower

Roberto: Haha I know that feeling, having 7 wives they all like something different

While her husband was bragging about his other wives, Cecilia didn't look bothered today. Maybe she was over it; Good for her.

Roberto: Care to do a little wager Derin?

Derin: Haha says the loosing man?

Roberto: Money perhaps?

Derin: Money makes enemies. What's the one thing you swore you would never do?

Roberto: In what aspect? I swore I would never go to the Feds

Joana: Since it's a couple date.

Cecilia: Sexually babe

Roberto: Babe?

Everyone looked surprise at his response. It was common for couples to call each other that. Roberto had the biggest smile as he grab his lovely wife closer to him kissing her passionately

##Derin##

I like the outfit. Royal blue one shoulders jumpsuit. It had a sliver line in the front. Showing off Cecilia sexy curves. I am starting to think she likes more heels than flats. Roberto was taking advantage of her calmness, haha but I mean if your married why not enjoy it.

Joana: Partner?

Sigh joana just give me time please. The more your trying to figure it out the more wrong you are, you push me away.

Derin: Okay.

Cecilia: Lets start!

I was trying not to look at Cecilia but she kept coming around me. Smilling like she do when I say something stupid. She smelled soo good tonight, What was that?

Joana: Yall could go first

Roberto: Wait what's the wager

Cecilia: He don't eat

Roberto: We betting that?

Derin: I have no problem with that. I ensure my woman satisfaction

Roberto looked at joana who was blushing, What he thought I was lying?

Cecilia: What have you never done Derin

I felt like there was another meaning behind that question but I won't answer that.

Joana: Anal

Derin: Wait

Roberto: Bro... It drives them crazy

Derin: Thats a exit bro

Joana blushing soo hard. We had that conversation once in high school, I told her where I stand with that. Now she smilling like a kid in a candy store. Did she want to?

Joana: Cecilia are you down?

Cecilia: Ensuring me satisfaction... definitely

She thinks she soo funny using my line to let me know she was talking to me. But I doubt I'll get in that. Cecilia trust me. You should stick with what you know.

Joana: Let's go!

The game was going great, half way in the game we was tie, Roberto talking smack like he was going to win tsk, tsk, tsk.

Derin: Moisturize your lips first haha no one liked chappy lips

Roberto: It's best to use lube. You don't seem too big but nevertheless.

Joana: Oh his...

Derin: Joana!

Joana: Hahaha okay..

Cecilia was grabing another golf stick, Classic blame the equipment for her horrible playing.

Derin: It's not the equipment sweetie

She laughed soo hard. Tears was coming out her eyes.

Roberto: She so beautiful. So sexy! Don't you think?

Derin: Haha She is your wife it makes sense for you to be infatuated with her.

Roberto: Haha it makes sense. Am gonna fuck her soo good tonight. Am in town for one night. I missed her soo much.

Joana and her kept smilling hoping to benefit from our lost. I was starting to think they playing bad on purpose.

Derin: Last hole!!!

Roberto: Dam it!!!

Joana looked decipointed but she handshake Cecilia. Why did she look decipointed? Did she want to? If she does, as her husband I'll do it but only if she wants too. I should ask when this blows over. We drove home in silent. We walked in together. We change into our pajamas she slept in the back of me I slept in the front. We didn't say anything to eachother. The stupid memories won't leave my mind. It kept replaying. Did I scare her? I just wanted to please her, After the slap it's going to take some time before I put myself out there again.

Joana: Babe

Derin: Yeah

Joana: Am sorry

Derin: You good

##Joana##

Sigh will he ever forgive me. I am so stupid. His my husband, The Bible explain my body isn't mine anymore Once am married. The date wasn't bad. Derin seem to smile with Roberto. Cecilia was busy changing golf sticks hahah She was low key funny. Since Keisha had a C-section am going to be over her house alot. I might need to sleep over some nights I should mention it. He was sadly sleeping I close my mind hoping to sleep away the hurt.

##Derin##

Derin: Thats what we going with?

At the job and my subordinates are giving me a headache, a simple kitten commercial pitch we can't do? Why was we paying them for?

Boss: Derin you've been here for the past two month. I don't think they are going to come up with any new idea.

He said walking to the meeting room Interrupting my train of thoughts.

Jerry: Give us an week Boss we will work on it.

Derin: Sigh just go.

I said sounding defeated.

It was the end of the day. I've been keeping myself busy. Me and joana weren't talking. A "am sorry" Is surpose to make me forget how she slapped me like I was a stranger to her, Like her body didn't know me? I've enjoyed her more than I could count in one life time. How can she act like Am this weird guy in a dark alley trying to force myself on her? She defended herself against me? Like I would ever hurt her! Now everytine I look at her I felt like am going to think it's romantic yet she's going to feel like am borderline raping her. It's true I miss us having sex but I don't want to ask her. When she ask it didn't seem genuine, She asked with so much guilt. It wasn't sexy to me. Sigh This is soo stupid. I grab my stuff heading out. I had a miss call and a messages from Joana saying "she is going to be over at keisha tonight. If I don't see her at the house." I didn't replied there was no point. It'll come up as read anyways. When I got home she was there packing. I walked in our bedroom

Derin: Hey

Joana: Hi

That's been our conversation lately. I decided to take a shower to go jogging. I was soo horny anything I do would help.

Joana: I'll be gone for a few days, Do you want to before?

I got out the bathroom, went to the closet to pick out my jogging clothes.

Derin: Oh, How long?

Joana: I have to clean her wound for her not to get infected, if I know Keisha she scared to do it. I hope it's not getting affected. So about three days.

Derin: Okay.

She walked infront of me holding my back.

Joana: Do you want to before I go?

Looking in her eyes all I see it's that night. How she didn't want me to touch her.

Derin: Um no am fine.