Just a bit

AN:This chapter took a long time to write and post, so it's also long as a 'thank you' for waiting. Hope you like it. Edited by jooniekingg.

"Can I hold your hand?"

A quick nod was enough, yet his hand remained flat inside mine.

I made sure we walked through the only park on the way to Fred's house. The sun was burning the top of our heads and the desire to drink something cold had become our top priority the second we saw a small drink stand after walking around aimlessly for a while.

I wasn't sure if he realized I was not trying to get out of the park at all, yet didn't complain. I avoided telling him how I was purposely avoiding all exits.

"An orange juice with lots of ice. What do you want?"

"Lemonade." He whispered from behind me. This time clutching my hand as if the woman serving us was dangerous.

"He'll have lemonade with lots of ice. Thanks." She handed us drinks after a bit and even waved as we were leaving. He walked faster in the opposite direction as if she just swore.

"Jungkook, how about we sit for a bit?"

"No…I…It's too hot."

"That's why we got drinks. Come on, only for a little while."

He shifted his weight from one leg to another whilst chewing the end of the blue straw.

I pulled him towards a green bench under a tree and kept holding onto his hand even when we were both sitting down.

"I don't like it."

"What?"

A tiny ice cube hit the back of my throat painfully.

"The sun."

"Oh," I coughed, "just think of it like taking in vitamin D."

"What the heck?"

"It's the best source for it and you only need to have it for fifteen minutes a day."

"To get a tan?"

I smiled and pulled him closer.

"No. Absorb everything you need from it. It's good for your bones, your immune system, it prevents a lot of diseases," I stated, "and depression." Mumbled while looking in the other direction.

"Hmm…" He loudly finished the rest of his drink and looked for a bin.

"Jungkook?"

"Yeah?"

"What do you plan on doing for exams at the end of the year?"

"Study. What else?"

"I mean, can you study when you're high?"

If he was looking at the sky before, his head now snapped in my direction. I controlled the urge to meet his gaze and pretended to have my attention grabbed by something in the distance.

"Why do you ask?"

"No reason. I was curious."

No other word was spoken.

I squeezed his hand with force.

"Aw, why did you do that?"

"No reason."

I grinned and stole a peck on his cheek.

His hand went towards his face by instinct and his drink fell to the ground.

"We're in public." He whispered as he tried to reach for the drink.

"And?"

"What if someone sees?"

"Let them see."

"We're holding hands too. Don't you think it's…"

"It's what?" After he sat back down and realized my unkind expression, he simply looked down.

"Nothing."

I sighed.

"You can speak your mind you know? I won't bite. Just tell me you don't want to hold my hand." I abandoned the drink by the foot of the bench.

"I don't mind…"

I twisted my neck to check for his expression but nothing on his face betrayed anything. This had me deciding we should walk around holding hands some more.

One thing led to another and we ended up talking about different kinds of flowers after he wanted to jump the small fence to smell one.

"Roses are the best."

"They are so generic though. I think I got sick of them just because they're everywhere." He mumbled.

"Any flower you can eat is good in my book."

The smallest smirk graced his lips.

"That's not something I thought I'd ever heard from you."

"I mean it. The ones in my garden? I make jam with them."

"You're kidding…"

"No. That's the kind of sweets you should be eating. That is h-e-a-l-t-h-y."

He feigned being appalled.

"Milk and cacao? Calcium combined with an antioxi-dat." He argued, "How do you say it? Antioxidant, right? It sounds weird."

"It's correct. You're just not used to saying it, that's all."

"I guess." He threw away our drinks whilst I continued,

"They'd be healthy if they weren't drowned in sugar and processed, mixed with other chemicals to the point that you get almost none of the benefits you'd get from their natural form."

"I don't care, they taste good like that."

I facepalmed.

"You should. Healthy means your mood improves, your body feels better too, and…"

"But chocolate!" He moaned with nostalgia.

We walked at a slow pace as the shadows, the tress made, covered, and uncovered his face.

"I am not saying you shouldn't eat it ever. But daily is…"

"I am not eating it daily!"

"Who do you think you're talking to? I've seen you eat for years."

"Aha!" He pointed his finger at my nose, "Who's lying now? We haven't hung outside the bathroom before we got together. Not even once."

"That doesn't mean I didn't see you eat chocolate during breaks, or buying it at the mart…"

"Stalker." He retracted his hand, looked to the ground once again, but I could've sworn that he looked brighter than before.

"I can cook something sweet and healthy for you," I concluded.

"You're not that good at cooking." He whispered, but I heard every word.

'You're not the one who should judge me.' I thought.

"Maybe if we do it together then we have a chance at making something tasteful?"

"Isn't that the exit?"

"What? Oh, yeah."

We were actually on our way to Fred when our hands got sweaty and I had to inevitably let go.

I thought he was more than fine with it since there were way more people on the street than there were in the park.

"Hey, open up, it's Namjoon!"

When Mona answered it, I felt a shiver down my spine like acid that fizzled just enough that it made the tips of my toes feel weird.

When we got to the elevator, Jungkook appeared fidgety again.

'Maybe it will make it worse, but I have to warn him.'

"Jungkook, don't be alarmed but Mona, Fred's sister is one of a kind…woman. You should ignore most of what she says. She doesn't mean any harm or…. Actually, let Fred stop her if she exaggerates."

"Exaggerates, with what?"

The doors of the elevator lazily opened and revealed Mona herself dressed in a long dress with a strawberry pattern, holding the door to their apartment wide open.

"What are you guys waiting for? Hurry up."

We jogged inside and while we took our shoes off, Jungkook kept sending me panicked glances.

"And who are you?"

"He's…"

"Jungkook! I am so happy to see you again!" Fred didn't hug him, but got in front of Mona and squeezed his shoulder with a grin full of affection.

"Me too." His voice was ten decibels lower.

Mona watched us with a scowl on her face.

"Sit down now."

We took the seats by the counter and watched the pan smoldering on the stove, he continued unbothered, "Would you guys want anything to drink?"

"No. We're here just for…"

I was sitting at Jungkook's left and I could only see part of his face, but I had a good shot at the wide eyes and straight lines freezing on both Fred's and Mona's faces for a moment when Jungkook didn't continue his sentence.

Fred chuckled. She tied her apron and turned her back to us and her face towards the pan.

"Wine it is then."

That's when Jungkook's leg started bouncing at a fast pace.

"Wine in the middle of the afternoon?!" Mona pointed out accusatorily.

"It's fine. It's fine. White wine goes well with fish. Didn't you say so?"

"Hmph." She swiftly turned around in one motion and continued to do what she was doing.

'Fish? That's fish? It doesn't smell or look like it?'

"So, are you two having a good day?"

"The sun baked us alive."

"That's why you should've offered them some iced water instead." We all heard her say before she opened a window.

Fred ignored her.

"Do you not like white wine, Jungkook?"

"Oh, no, of course, I do." He lied and forced himself to take the smallest sip out of the bitter wine. Ending his farce with a boxy smile.

Fred laughed and got him a glass of juice with ice right beside it. Jungkook didn't say anything, but his leg stopped just for a second when he saw him leaving the glass in front of him.

"What fish is that?" I pointed at the black thing she was peeling off and placing on a plate.

"Fred thought that it needs to be crispy."

"Oh, so you're the one who cooked it?" I tried not to choke on the wine while a clear laugh escaped without my consent.

"Hey, I don't like fish. A steak. That's something I can get behind."

"That and a heart attack." She hit the coal-like fish with the fork and it made a sound that no meat should make. "That's it. I am ordering."

"No. You are not spending more…"

He followed her into her room with a concerned look.

Since we couldn't hear them and they probably couldn't hear us over their own bickering, I grabbed Jungkook's speedy leg with a little bit too much force.

He looked at me with almost fear.

"What's wrong?" I asked calmly.

"I didn't think we're going to stay over for a long time…"

"You don't like Fred?"

"It's not that I don't like him. I am just…"

"Nervous?"

He nodded.

"We will eat and then we'll…"

"But I want sushi!"

"Anything but that! Pizza, burgers, anything with rice and…"

"Scallops, swordfish, and shrimp."

"Why must you always eat the most expensive things?"

"Why must you always be a cheapskate?! You have lots of money!"

"I would have more if you didn't buy yourself a running mill, a new dresser and so many clothes that…"

"Look at these two."

Suddenly, she flowed behind us, checked our arms, and decided to reveal Jungkook's to an annoyed Fred, "He's just flesh and bones. What are you going to serve him? Them? That burnt fish? It's his first time here as well."

He massaged his temples before he handed her the phone.

All we could hear as she disappeared into her room again was, "Hello, yes, I would like to order…"

"I hope you guys are hungry because you're about to eat your weight in seafood."

He poured himself a glass of wine with a sour look.

I jokingly said, "We appreciate that you're treating us."

"Of course, you do." He muttered under his breath.

Jungkook tried to unglue my hand off his leg and when my hand didn't move at all, he clearly uttered, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?"

"Go to your left and then make a right. It's the first door you see."

"Thanks."

My hand was now touching the warm seat.

"How's business going?" I felt the need to ask.

"Everything is fine." He deadpanned and yet downed the whole glass of wine like it was nothing. "But it doesn't matter, she would spend everything in less than a month if she could."

I probably looked concerned since he quickly added, "Don't worry. I can pay everyone their share. That's a different account and deal altogether."

"Oh, I wasn't thinking about myself. I am actually worried about you."

"How come?" His eyebrow arched before his eyes switched their focus from me to the locked door of her bedroom.

"You don't look…good."

"She's been going through something…but she doesn't want to talk about it. She thinks spending money will make her happy. I don't think it does but what else can I do?" He whispered and we suddenly meet each other's eyes by mistake which had me confessing,

"I get it. I truly do. I understand what you're going through and I feel for you…"

"Why? What does Jungkook think will…Ahh…. I know."

He smiled a sad smile and poured himself another drink.

"What else can I do?" I repeated his excuse and looked towards the empty hallway.

"If all goes to hell, can you be my brother?" He joked.

"You know that I will be missing a boyfriend, right?"

"Brothers is as far as our relationship will ever go, kid." We both tried a cheeky smirk before Mona came out of the bedroom spinning in her long flowy dress, handing the phone back to her brother.

"They'll be here in ten minutes. You're going to love it. They've got your favorites and it's all fresh."

"I'm sure I will." He answered with kindness and I could see that the small smile that unconsciously formed as she watched her throw the burnt fish off the plate with a single flower on it, was genuine.

'She does look happier.' I bitterly thought.

"Where's Jungkook?" She casually asked.

"In the bathroom. I better check…"

"No. I will go." Fred suddenly offered before I ever got the chance to leave my seat.

Full minutes passed before they returned. When I asked him about it quietly, he simply shrugged his shoulders.

"Jungkook, I don't think we've introduced ourselves properly. I am Mona." She reached her hand and he hesitantly shook it.

"Nice to meet you."

"Are you doing the same job as Namjoon here?"

"Mona, he's not…"

"Then how did you guys meet?" She cut him off.

"You're being rude." Fred bit back with clean plates in his hands.

"Isn't it a normal question? Why is it rude?"

"They're classmates." He told her.

"We're together," I told her.

"Together as in…together?"

"Yes." I hugged Jungkook from the side and kissed his forehead.

Her eyes lit up before she clapped with excitement.

Fred however was trying to find cutlery in a full drawer right behind her when I said this. Now, he was looking at us from his bowed position with both shock and frustration all over his face.

"That's great. For how long?"

"Why did you tell her, she won't stop asking ques…" He protested with cutlery against his forehead.

"How long have you known each other? Who confessed first and…"

Jungkook seemed to be moving towards the edge of his seat as she came closer and he straight up used my arms around his shoulders as a chair when her hands touched both his cheeks, holding his head still as she concluded,

"You have an angel-like face? He's like a mountain. So, why?"

"Mona!"

"A few months. Since we were little and he did." Jungkook spoke so fast that I thought she didn't understand a word, but to my surprise, she did.

"Oh, that's adorable. He hunted you down, didn't he?"

"Kind of…" I laughed since I immediately realized he would tell her anything just to get her to stop touching him.

"Mona…" Fred dragged her by the colorful apron before the intercom started ringing.

"The food is here!"

Fred was left with the apron hanging from his hands while she ran to unlock the doors.

"Forgive her. She's had a really bad childhood and…"

"Not a problem." Jungkook quickly spurted when Fred grabbed his hands in a pray-like position.

"Please don't hesitate to come over. I will make sure she's out shopping."

"It's fine, really." He tried to reassure him awkwardly.

"She's really nice when we're outside. How about we get them to the restaurant we always go to?" He looked at me for confirmation.

"Of course," I said with a grin still plastered on my face.

The food was nothing short of delicious and probably one of the most expensive meals we've ever had. Besides the good quality, there was the amount and Mona forcing all of us to eat continuously while lively narrating embarrassing stories about Fred when he was a child after she had too much wine. I don't know when, but Jungkook was honestly laughing beside me.

We left. No. We escaped with full bellies and with a clear message; "We don't want the leftovers, in fact, we don't want to see seafood for at least two months, but we are very grateful for having it today."

Fred understood. Mona didn't. Hence the rushed goodbyes and him holding her back while she drunklike threatened to throw the bags and all we had to do was catch.

We went to my house in a good mood and halfway, without even realizing it, it dawned on me.

"Wait, Jungkook. Your weed!"

"I got it." He pointed to his back pocket calmly.

"When?"

"He gave it to me when I was in the bathroom."

I stopped dead in my tracks and watched him walk several steps ahead with a foreign feeling in my throat.

One hour later, the same feeling settled and transformed from a baby poisonous snake to a winged monster scratching my insides with indifference.

'Who are you?' That is what I wanted to ask.

"Do you feel better?" That is what I actually asked.

Red eyes looked at me without being able to focus on my face.

"Much better," Jungkook answered happily.

"I am glad I could help."

I poured myself a glass of water from the kitchen.

"Hey, Namjoon?"

I turned around and saw him grinning from ear to ear at the wall.

"What?" I grinned back without meaning to.

"Do you have any sweets?"

"Oh, I don't think I do…"

I remembered the sweets I got from Fred's sister immediately, which is why I opened the fridge, hid the bag inside a pot, and covered it with a lid.

"I'm craving strawberry chocolate."

"I will go buy some then."

"Can I watch Tv in your room?"

"You know you don't even have to ask."

He slid the backdoor shut and got up slowly. So slowly that I got near him in case he fell over.

'He looks too high for once. I guess it's because of his tolerance ...'

"What?" He asked, all shyness gone.

"Anything else?"

"Else? What?"

I imitated him when he started chuckling again, but I wasn't feeling happy in the least. My hands were tingling and my head felt full without me thinking at all.

"I am going to the store. Do you want anything else?"

"Oh, that. No."

I watched him pass me by while holding onto the wall, and then I unconsciously followed him inside the bedroom. He pretty much threw himself on the futon and then looked around for the remote without sitting up.

"Where is…" I handed him the remote and a glass of water. "Thanks."

"I will be right back."

He tilted his head and turned on the tv. When I got out of the room, I saw him smile at a detergent commercial and then my eyes noticed his exposed stomach. I swallowed and walked away.

"Namjoon!"

"Yeah?!"

I didn't want to go back since I felt my whole body burning with some kind of anticipation I knew shouldn't exist.

"Ice cream!"

"Which kind?!"

"Chocolate!"

I was tying my shoes when my hand trembled.

"Obviously…"

"What?!"

"Nothing!"

I locked the door behind me, though unsure if I was just trying to contain Jungkook in one place or protect him from the outside world. Knowing full well that he could unlock the backdoor without a key.

I didn't rush towards the store though I was mildly worried. In fact, walking so slow, I started wondering if it was going to get darker before I get back.

'Am I mad at him? Should I be? Or at his anxiety? He's just self-medicating after all. Ah, why am I horny as well?!'

Puzzled was a misunderstanding. The memory of him sober was still fresh in my mind and the discrepancy was so big between the Jungkook that I saw just a few hours ago and the one that pretty much ordered me to buy stuff, with no self-awareness of how he looked or care that he just plopped in my bed while being completely smashed.

'I left the equivalent of a drunk girl in my bed without taking advantage of her. You taught me well, grandma.'

The images popped up like someone was taking pictures in my mind's eye. Not considering doing anything about it since I wanted to still have a relationship with him after he wakes up tomorrow.

'But if he, in that state, came on to me then…'

I shook my head in front of the store's door like a crazy person.

'Is it really consent if he's just horny from being high? Though I know the real him wouldn't even come near his own bed if I was in it…'

Lurking around the alcohol section without knowing when I got there and why was I walking back and forth like it was some kind of imaginary trap, had been set at both ends of it. Keeping me stuck in a beer and vodka-tainted limbo.

'Strawberry chocolate and chocolate ice cream.' Like a mantra, this thought was what I tried to repeat to myself with my own free will, but left the isle only after pacing around for at least two more minutes.

Got more than he asked for and then headed towards the cash register as if I was being chased by someone.

When I was finally back on the street with the wind hitting my face, I felt like I was still running though it was probably a normal pace.

'I can't go back. Not yet… He needs to sober up and I need to calm down. I need to promise myself that I won't do anything no matter what he says.'

After circling the store a few times and then walking as slow as a constipated turtle, I found myself in front of my house and I told myself,

'He's not even himself. I am more sure of that right now than I ever was that if the shy, real him was here… he wouldn't even go near my bed unless I forced him to sleep on it. He's worth waiting for so...He probably fell asleep by now anyways.'

Hesitantly, my feet led me inside, but before I could open my mouth to let him know I arrived, I was greeted by a body lying face-first on the floor. The bags hit the floor and the legs now carried me straight to the shut-eyed, heavily breathing boy in the middle of the hallway.

"What happened? Are you sick? Did you fall? Jungkook?!"

No answer. His breathing was fast and irregular, with beads of sweat gathered on his forehead and refusing to roll down.

"I shouldn't have left. Shit… Jungkook!"

I picked him up and carried him back to the futon. Splashed his face with cold water and tried to talk to him some more. He wasn't responding, so I did the only thing I could do since the hospital was out of the question.

"Hi, Fred? It's me, Namjoon."

"Hi, this is Jungkook's phone number, right?"

"Right… you know today we met, and you gave him some… sweets with real green wasabi in them?"

'Best code for weed Namjoon. You're a fucking genius!'

The urgency in my voice had him lower his tone while I was unnecessarily loud and straight out terrified.

"What about it?"

"He got sick. I don't know why, but I found him on the floor and he's not responding to me and…"

"Namjoon, calm down. Nothing bad can happen to him just from…sweets. It's just, he hasn't had sugar for a while so now he's…going to feel bad for a bit, but it will pass. Trust me."

"I know, but what do I do? I mean…he's not even opening his eyes. His breathing is so…"

"Namjoon, listen to me. He'll sleep it off. Just stay by his side, leave some water close to him in case he wakes up before you."

"That's all? That's…"

"Yes, that is all you can do. And try not to freak out…"

"He fell! He probably fainted!"

"Namjoon, I didn't give him enough… sweets to cause him diabetes... and even that is not humanly possible. He just… had too much for his sugar… tolerance right now."

"…" I turned off the tv and went to the kitchen to pour some water in the biggest bottle I could find.

"Namjoon?"

"Yeah…"

"Do you want me to come over?"

I saw him panting with his eyes closed from the kitchen sink. He was clearly not having a good time. He was not asleep, but he was not dead either. Half his stomach still showed and his legs seemed to have landed in an uncomfortable position, but he was, for all I knew, just having some kind of overdose that only weed smokers could have. And him waking up with his new dealer by his side would not help the introverted person I now remembered, he was buried deep down.

"No… I will call you in case something happens. But he might be able to just sleep it off. Right?"

"I assure you. But call me."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks."

"No problem, kiddo. Take care."

"You too…"

I made sure the water bottle was by his feet and then tried to straighten said legs when I heard him moaning incoherent words.

"Hmph…M…"

"Jungkook? Are you alright?"

He did something I wished he didn't. He took off his shirt.

'What the actual fuck?'

"Ca…n't brea…the...." The words were, quick, but made all the sense I needed before I opened the window and then pretty much used a notebook to fan him and wipe off the sweat with my own shirt.

He twisted and turned with a pained expression on his face.

'What if it got his lungs? No. Think! Think logically. If that was the case, wouldn't he be coughing right now?'

He touched the hand I was using to pat his face dry and then I saw his eyes were half-opened.

"Jungkook! Do you feel…"

He was struggling to get up, so I helped him, yet the sound of his breathing was deeper and faster though he managed to get one word out, "Bath…"

Seconds later, I almost laid him down in the bathtub when he reached out his hand towards the toilet.

"Oh, you want to…"

He didn't stand up, he didn't sit on the toilet like I thought he would while I was still stuck in limbo. Unsure of what to do, or of what I could do.

I watched his hands grab on the sides of the toilet and the most expensive vomit of his life proceeded to come out.

'Shit…' I rubbed his back and kept whispering 'let it all out' and 'it's okay' over and over to him. But also, to myself.

I washed his face again when he was with laying flat on the bathroom floor.

"Do you feel better?"

He nodded once, and then his crimson eyes met mine.

"Sorry…" was not what I wanted to hear.

"Don't. It's fine. Just tell me what to do."

Minutes passed before his breathing wasn't as loud and he whispered, "Water."

I ran to get it and it was only then when I noticed the lips that used to be plump, looked so dry, that it replaced the relief I previously felt with newfound concern.

Less than 10 milliliters passed through his lips before he pushed against the bottle. I kept holding it against his lips, confused how he could stop after just a few drops.

He rolled on the floor and it took me a bit to realize that it was probably because the tiles were cold.

Checking for a fever next had me realizing that he was colder than I was.

The drops of vomit on his neck had me asking, "Do you want to take a shower? With cold water?"

Eyes looked conflicted before another short nod occurred. When I caught myself staring at his half-naked body and it almost had me laughing hysterically.

"We keep giving baths to each other lately. This should be our new thing."

He smiled, but it was small and it rapidly disappeared into a thin line.

While the shower sprayed around, I turned around to look at the still body of my boyfriend.

Kneeling by his legs and pulling his pants and boxers down in one go, with no other intent but to get him washed, had me biting my tongue since he didn't even open his eyes at the sudden tug.

Alas, I wasn't sure if he was still awake.

"Jungkook?"

I carried him to the bath and sat him down as gently as I could. The water hit his skin sparingly. I paid attention to his face more than to his body. He held onto my arm for dear life, which had me thinking that he wasn't capable of keeping himself up.

"Is it too cold? Too hot?"

Puzzled if he nodded or his head just fell onto the tube's edge against his will.

The naked body was way colder than my own. So, I turned off the water and was about to pick him up, when he stopped my other arm from reaching under him.

"Yes?"

My unblinking eyes were searching for any clarifying expression, but the strained smile left me at a loss for words.

The cracked, covered in red spider webs iris that I almost didn't want to look at distracted me for a moment before his mouth seemed to open and close with no words coming out.

"You don't want to go to bed? Warm water? Are you thirsty? What…"

He kissed me. Not a full kiss. More of a peck, which was so surprising that I stopped breathing.

I was paralyzed. While he clumsily hung onto my neck like a child. I picked up the trembling body in a daze.

'Snap out of it!'

"You're cold now? Aren't you?" I felt the nod against my neck so I covered him under many blankets as fast as I could.

I hugged his naked self and waited until sleep embraced him. It was fast. Or maybe it wasn't, and I just laid there with my eyes wide open for far too long.

Soon, I was out of the house without making as much as a sound. I buried my head in my hands in a squat in the middle of the dark-swallowed night.

I wanted to cry, but no tears came out.

The pain was circulating through my bloodstream from the top of my head to my toes.

Compared to him, my breath stopped and started when my lungs couldn't take it anymore.

'What is this feeling?'

Unable to tell, I straightened myself up and slapped myself on the cheek.

'Nothing bad happened. Nothing bad…he just felt sick…he just…'

The feeling of dry lips touching mine while he was lying there, naked and cold, kept reappearing in my mind's eye like a song that was meant to be more like a virus, rather than a creative outburst.

I turned around and saw myself in the same window I saw myself covered in blood that night.

The same window I used to spy on my mother at night.

It was like I had her back in her room, helpless and unable to speak.

Except for this time, I hoped this one wouldn't die.

'Fuck.'

The reflection no longer looked menacing.

It was just a scared child after all.

A child that could not go back into the house, hence, he just stood on the stairs watching the sun come up with no hope left in his eyes.

'He's not her. He's not her. He's not. He's not!'

I tried to convince myself all night, but I couldn't believe what I was saying, since I had just experienced the opposite.

Then his phone started ringing.

'It must be his brother…'

I muted the call, at the same time my thoughts went full Metallica concert.

'Do I wake him up? Is he even able to talk? Maybe his brother got home again and didn't find him… Should I just tell him that Jungkook's asleep? Is it alright if he's at my house at all? But we said that my house is under renovations, so if he knows we're not there…then where do I tell him we are? Another friend? Why is he calling anyway?' I checked.

'Seven AM, he's waking him up for school? Do I just tell him he's sick? That's the truth. No…he might want to come over. What do I do? Should I wake Jungkook up? What do I do? What am I supposed to do?! Someone tell me what the fuck am I supposed to do now!'

He received a text.

'Happy what? It's a holiday, so no school? He's coming to get his clothes tomorrow for his vacation with his girlfriend? Thank god and his holy insanity!'

All the pressure popped like a balloon. I slid to the floor and fell asleep on the kitchen titles from sheer mental and physical exhaustion, holding onto his phone and staring at his back through the open bedroom door.

I dreamt of Jungkook vomiting in my dreams for the next hours. Until the sound of the shower running woke me up.

I got up without giving it much thought and walked into the bathroom still half asleep.

The second I got in, Jungkook ceased all movement and glanced at me in surprise. He covered his lower body with his hands and I just stood there trying to tell if his eyes were red or not.

Then the realization that he was standing on his own two feet, with no help from the wall or myself was enough for me to confidently close the door and go towards the empty bed and sleep for three more hours.

"Hey…Hey…It's already noon…Namjoon."

I pulled on the hand that was lightly touching my shoulder until his face was centimeters away from mine.

"I got breakfast." He had to mention he could do that since his eyes were clearly telling me what I needed to know.

"Really? After almost dying a few hours ago, you still got high?" I didn't even try to mask the judgment from my tone.

"I wasn't dying... I smoked too much when my tolerance was down, so…"

"So you adjusted the dose and now you're all fine and dandy?"

"Pretty…much…Almost…" He looked away in embarrassment whilst trying to get his hand free. I simply held it tighter.

"You scared the shit out of me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…I just couldn't…"

"Walk, talk, or breathe."

"It wasn't great for me either. You know?"

"Why did you smoke so much if you knew?"

"I didn't realize it. I got high while smoking and by the time I stopped…"

"You got blazed, no, you were on fire."

"I said I'm sorry…" I used the other hand to rub my forehead.

"Just try to not do it again, if you can..."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are, but…"

'How am I supposed to forget?'

"I will make it up to you…"

My eyes snapped open even though they were blocked by my own hand.

'You don't have to. You got sick against your will. It was not your fault.' That was what my mind answered.

"How?" was what my shameless self said.

"How? Well…I don't know…"

He wasn't exactly as shy as sober him was, but he wasn't exactly courageously offering sexual favors either.

He kept trying to take back his hand while looking down.

I got closer to him instead.

'You smell like weed.' My mind.

"Touch me." My mouth.

He had the guts to look into my eyes, but he had the cheeks of a shy guy I saw days ago. Considering the fact that he had never done that without me having to grab his hands and put it in my member or straight up shove it in his mouth, I now remembered why.

Since what followed was very close to his actual self.

'Are you sure you're high?'

His hand slowly touched my shoulder and when he got closer, he suddenly asked,

"Don't you want to eat first?"

"Later." I quickly dismissed it and let him kiss me on the cheek and then go lower to my neck.

To my surprise, he started using his tongue after a bit and I enjoyed it. Even though he was the one doing it, he seemed to be more affected than I was.

His breathing was shallow and loud in my ears.

I wasn't sure if I was getting amused or annoyed when his hand stopped on my thigh and froze there.

"Jungkook?"

He stopped kissing my neck and pulled himself back to look at me without saying a word. Eyes still unfocused and wide open.

"I don't want you to make it up to me for getting… sick. Or whatever that… was."

He looked genuinely surprised.

'How highly do you think of me?!'

"But… if you want to help me or want me to…help you. Then all you have to do is say it."

As if I just straight up slapped him. He remained immobile and wide-eyed.

Seconds upon seconds passed and the wet spot on my neck dried up. But he still didn't say a word.

"Let's eat then." I made sure not to sound disappointed and almost got up when I noticed he was hanging onto my clothes.

"I…want to…"

I sat back down and watched him struggle to say the rest.

'So damn… cute.'

Was the thought I had before I kissed his still dry lips. His tongue responded to my tongue as it knew best and my hands slid under his shirt to play with his nipples right before I whispered in his ear,

"Let's go on a date."

"What?" I twisted one nipple hard and smiled when his face couldn't decide between looking like he was in pain or confused.

"We never go out. Unless it's for school or grocery shopping."

"Yeah, that's why we should."

"Must we do it today?"

"Clean air will do you good. Or do you still feel sick?"

"No, I am good. I swear."

"Great."

"Where are we going?"

'As far away from your weed stash as possible.' I thought.

"You pick," I said smiling.