Placating

The campus seemed haunted at night. The store looked abandoned. The cafe was shrouded in darkness. And I was passing all of this by with my heart wanting to beat out of my chest. Wishing I could run back to where I came from.

Through the spindly trees. After streets and more streets. The dead vegetation mixed in with the crude green leaves was finally surrounding this one flickering streetlamp and the black terrain from under it.

By the time I was under the sole source of light, the guy who was concealed by the darkness five steps ago emerged and he was all smiles, exposing all of his five teeth. Back prompted against an old, thick tree and hands buried in the black leather jacket.

I walked up to him and enunciated the words: "Sunny D."

He began walking at once. Leading me towards the rest with two short, crooked legs.

"Did Jay arrive yet?" I asked him. Aka the guy who always refused to ever talk to me, specifically.

It wasn't long until the trees of the forest started to thin out into a clearing that was embraced by many other trees from both sides, hovering over us like dark spirits.

And the sounds of our feet stepping on the earth or leaves were replaced with the sound of a screaming woman.

'Please don't be someone I know. Please don't be someone I know. Please don't….' This is what I repeated in my head until I heard Jay announcing:

"Look who's finally bothered to show up."

I pulled the corners of my lips up in response.

He reached out and grabbed me by the collar when I was close enough. Only to make me kneel in front of the King himself who was currently sitting on, probably, the only camping chair this forest had.

A Cheshire grin was illuminated by the two gas lamps from each side of the improvised throne.

"Got lost again?" He asked through a total of eight teeth.

"Sorry."

And that was the sole correct answer.

"Help me! Please! Hel…."

But one of the five guys covered her face with his boot and then smiled down at me. I smiled back.

Thinking: 'Thank God I'm not a woman.'

Because the only woman that was present, looking like she was around her 30thies, was tied up from the neck down with grey, shiny scotch tape. Butt naked, on the forest soil, with ripped hair and a bloody face.

'I shouldn't have looked. Now I won't be able to forget...'

"Did you bring the stuff?"

"Yes!" I made the grave mistake of reaching to unzip the jacket myself which earned me a gun pointed at the head from the tallest member.

My hands went up at once.

"Cousin." That was all that the King had to utter to get Jay to get the jacket off me and pat me down to make sure I didn't have any weapons or wires.

He threw the bag full of Oxy at the King's feet. Then pointed his chin at the skinniest man I'd ever seen in my life. No hair, no teeth, just bones.

The freak wobbled up to me and dropped another bag. Bigger and entirely see-through.

'Coke? Perhaps.'

"Keep this one for me too."

"It'd be my pleasure." I lied.

'As if the police would think any student would own this much of this shit for personal reasons.' I argued in the safety of my mind, filled with bitterness.

But alas, kept my mouth shut, hands up, and head low.

The King got bored looking at me so he turned to Jay. His face softening up at the sight of him, requesting to know:

"How's he treating you cousin?"

"Jungkook's been good, but there's always room for improvement," Jay's compliment irked me as always.

He picked up the bag from the floor and tried to shove it into the pocket, without caring if some of it was sticking out. He threw the jacket at my head. I let it slide down and fall before me. Not having the guys to put my arms down while the gun was still up and charged.

The woman kept wallowing under the guy's boot.

And my bandaged forearm was showing perfectly now that the sleeve slid down.

The King seemed to have noticed it too, leaning in as if he wished he could see through it, saying:

"Didn't think you had it in you."

I knew better than to say: "I aim to please." But I said it nonetheless. Mostly because I was high and terrified when a knife made it out of King's pocket.

He showed it to me judy to throw it at my feet.

I could only stare at it as chills took over from the scalp to the ends of the toes.

I froze.

'No…Not again…'

"This time, it's not you champ."

He leaned back, grinned, and pointed at the woman by tilting his head.

'No. Please, God. Take me now.' I thought quietly, with a brand new humility.

"You can't kill her yet since we didn't get to…ahem…have some fun with her." He let me know.

Pursed my lips and picked up the knife while they laughed even though that was not a joke.

'If any God is listening... if you'll strike them or erase me from their minds, I'll go home, hide in my bed, and never get out. Never. I swear. You believe me, don't you? Ah, what's the point? If he didn't listen until now then...'

"But a bit of blood on the hips gets the best ones going! Ain't that right fellas?"

This time they laughed like animals and grinned like demons. Watching ahead without blinking, blanketed by the night.

The woman was transported before me like one would a rolled-up carpet.

She looked up from the hairs that were stuck on her face because of the sweat and tears.

And begged with her eyes.

I begged that they'll let me leave until they started mangling her. Or raping her.

'Or both.'

"What are you waiting for?!" Jay's voice echoed.

And the guy who's kicked her all the way here, kicked her one more time to make her lay flat on her belly.

I knew that Jay's words meant I had to move or else it'll be bad.

"No, please…don't hurt me! PLEASE!"

"KEEP YOUR TRAP SHUT!" One of them screamed and it echoed all around us.

It made me tremble. It also made her try again: "I'LL DO ANYTHING! PLEASE! I HAVE A CHILD!"

A hit in the head, two, three and she was silent.

But not for long.

I pulled on the tape that was hugging the fat of her thighs and lowered it. Glancing up at the bored King who rested his head in a fist.

'Just kill me. Fucking…kill…me…'

"AHHHHHH!" She loudly screeched when I made the first cut.

And I was thankful for that because that meant I didn't have to…

"Deeper." He ordered.

'Deeper.' I repeated to myself. As every hair of my body was standing up. Every beat of my heart was hurting. Every weed molecule from my bloodstream was enhancing the color of the blood. Prolonging her screams, their cold stares, and the time it took to cut. The clumsiness of my movements didn't seem to matter.

'I'm sorry.'

I dared look up only once and their eyes had a light in them. Every single one. Like animals in the dark. Waiting for the opportunity to strike.

But when not only the back of her thighs but her calves all had deep bleeding wounds on them, I earned an unenthusiastic clap from the King. And the wailing woman got dragged away by her hair deeper into the forest.

The bloody knife was still in my hand. Awkwardly. Like I was about to cut something to eat. The other hand was up as well. To make sure everyone knew that despite having a knife, I was no threat.

"You're boring." He let me know. "I've never seen someone cut someone else in such a boring way. I think dissecting my first frog was better than that."

I started shaking, unsure of what consequences his comment entailed. Wide-eyed and feeling like my heart was about to burst at the feet of the King when the earsplitting desperate cry of that woman started filling the silence although it sounded like he's dragged her pretty far.

The square-jawed King eyed his cousin. The King was a forty or fifty-year-old man with a thin beard and thin black eyes. Forever wearing a padded black jacket that was clearly too big for him and too many rings. He mumbled:

"Make sure there's no funny business."

Jay nodded. And the King handed his cousin a small zip-lock bag, and Jay handed the King money. While I got pulled up by the collar. And got my jacket slammed into my chest this time. I caught it with my bloody hand.

"Drop the knife punk."

And I let it fall. Fingerprints and all. And then Jay swooshed me around with force and pushed me to walk in the opposite direction that all the guys were heading.

'They're going to kill that woman too…aren't they?' That was the question my subconscious formed but it would be stupid of me to ask.

"Move!"

Jay handed me the zip lock bag before we walked out of the forest. Out into the streets. Past the closed cafe, the empty store, and the sleeping vines of the university entrance.

He started whistling at some point and then complained: "Because I have to babysit you faggot who can't get it up to a woman, I'm missing all the fun."

'Who in their right mind would get it up in that situation regardless of gender?' That is what I wanted to ask.

"Sorry." That is what I whispered.

"And you should find another hiding place. In case someone saw it and didn't take it last time."

"I will."

"I'm going to bed. But I'll sniff you tomorrow."

"See you."

Watched him walk away. Looked around me. The silence of the campus, of the dorms, let me know that not one soul cared or knew that a woman was suffering not far away from here. Where grades didn't mean a thing in front of a gun. And that sooner or later, I might mess up.

And after I'll mess up, there'll probably hang me by a tree and rape me as they did to the last teenager while I'll be struggling to breathe.

When I got to the mat, the key to the dorm room wasn't there. And to my surprise, the door was unlocked.

A wide-awake V was watching One Punch Man for the tenth time on his laptop. But not only did he turn but also paused it when he heard me. Letting the dry cereal back in the box by opening his fist above it.

"Hey." That was all I said before opening the closet and throwing my jacket in it. As if my life didn't depend on it.

"Hey? That's all you got to say?"

"Yeah."

I shut the closet and walked away from it so as to not arise any suspicion toward it. Plummeted on the bed and took in the white ceiling.

"Do you know what time is it?"

"No, but I have a feeling you'll tell me."

"Where were you?!"

I shut my eyes at the raised volume. Wishing that'd make me deaf.

"Out."

"No. I can't do this anymore. Jungkook. Look at me."

And I did. I faced him, face on the pillow, while he was climbing into my bed, and even after he placed one hand on each side of my head and sat down on my thighs. I kept staring at him, not wanting to believe that I have to deal with him too.

"Tell me the truth."

"Out," I repeated.

"Where?"

"Am I not allowed to take a walk now?" I said jokingly. Downplaying it.

"Where?"

"Around Tae. Do you want me to tell you when I go to the bathroom too?"

"WHERE?!"

"You'll wake up the…"

And he slapped me.

I gradually turned my head to confirm that it was indeed Tae who had just slapped me.

"The fucking truth. Now that Namjoon's gone, I can't tell him. You said that's why so you can tell me so now. You can cause his phone's dead. You said so yourself."

"I have nothing to tell you."

"Where were you?!" He leaned in.

"Out!" I screamed in his face, hoping that'd make him get off me.

"Finding dead rabbits and rubbing them all over your shirt?!"

I looked down at the bloody stains I'd left when I wiped my hands on them without thinking and then up at an angry Taehyung.

"Did you cut yourself again?"

"No?"

"Did you cut someone else?"

"No." The word was so faint that I was happy when he kept the questions going.

"Did someone else…"

"V. Get off me." I deadpanned.

Another slap. This time, on the other cheek.

I froze with half my face on the blanket for a moment before snapping at him.

"What the fuck! What gives you the right to slap me? Do I owe you anything? Get off!"

But when I tried to get up, he pinned my hands down like Namjoon used to do and something inside me broke.

I thrashed and kicked but to no avail.

"Tell me the truth already! No more evading, no more sneaking around and lying!"

When I was too tired to move, I barked back:

"Why?! What's it to you! Why do you care?!"

"If I would've walked in with a bloody shirt, would you ignore it?!"

"Yes!"

"Oh, you're full of dog shit, Jungkook." He was spitting the words with disgust.

"So what?! Just get off me!"

"Not until you tell me where did you go in the middle of the night only to return with blood on your clothes!"

"Or what? What are you going to do? Ha?" When that didn't get any reaction, I hit where I knew it'd stung: "Going to call your daddy? The man that solves all your problems baby, but who can't solve his son's sinful behavior? Ha?!"

That had half his eyelids go halfway down and remained like that while he stared with no light reflecting off them. So, I kept going:

"Go ahead. Call him. Man wouldn't I like the police to lock me up right now! You'd be doing me a favor!"

"Why? What did you do?!"

"I didn't do shit! They…" I bit the inside of my lips and internally cursed at speaking before thinking.

"They?"

"Please. Get off me." I felt tears coming up and I couldn't even cover my face.

"Who are they? Who?! Where are you meeting them?"

"Forget it...just forget it..."

I shook my head on the flat surface slowly.

"Is it your drug dealer? Did you lie to us? Speak!"

"Please …Tae…let go…"

And I started crying. Feeling nothing but dread and fear. Fear that after having said the word 'they' now meant that I had pretty much-divulged everything to Taehyung. And that will cause us both to get murdered.

"Does Namjoon know?"

"No." I cried out.

"Do any of the guys know?"

"Why? You want to slap them into telling you what you want to know too?"

"And you claim that you're not smart." He joked.

"This is beyond you, Tae. This is beyond …Namjoon. So, please, if you really care about me even a little bit…"

Tears keep falling but I still received a slap across the face. But this one was sloppier, weaker. I didn't bother to bring my head back to the center afterward.

I just stood there, facing the wall with the hair plastered to my tears.

'Just like that lady…' I heard the thought and wished I didn't.

Tae grabbed me by the chin to make me look at him.

And then he moved my head with the palm of his right hand to the other side again.

It wasn't rough. Nor angry.

It was something that he kept doing until the tears ceased to fall and all willpower left me.

"Are you having fun?"

That is what I inquired while eyeing the finished joint by the cereal.

He grabbed my chin and straightened my face once more but instead of slapping, he leaned down and kissed me.

I couldn't help but widen my eyes until they hurt.

Feeling as if I had been slapped without being slapped.

'No.'

And I was struggling in thick molasses. Sinking somewhere in the depths of my mind.

Trying to breathe. Trying to stay sane. Trying to push him off but only managing to squeeze more tears out.

"Tae…" I breathed out through his long tongue and tried to face away but his hand wouldn't allow me.

Scratched his back when he started rubbing himself on me.

"Mhmp…"

I couldn't close my eyes, or relax. But I was so tense that my body was not working as I wanted it to. It was too stiff. Too weak. Muscles protested the more I struggled.

The more I fought the more helpless I felt since he seemed unbothered by my strength.

And after he rubbed the entirety of his front onto mine. And kissed me until he ran out of breath. He put some distance between our lips and met my scared eyes with sadness.

"You don't want me, do you?"

"…"

"Why him?" He whispered.

"…why…who?" I asked, confused as hell.

'He knows? Did Jay brag about it or...? How…when…'

"Namjoon. Do you kick and push him away too?"

"I…sometimes?" I asked in a high-pitched tone, elongating the word since I was seriously thinking about it.

"You still like him, don't you?"

"Tae." I shut my eyes, not being able to bear seeing that downcast face.

"But you don't like me?"

"I…don't know."

"You don't know if you like him or me?"

"I want to be friends with you." My voice trembled.

"Of course. All the guys I ever want friendzone me. And when I do what I want, they take that friendship with them when they leave too." He smirked to himself but it was almost like a shadow that I didn't notice before, and now, it was so obvious.

"Please. Don't do this." I was hearing Namjoon's voice talking in the back of my mind, telling me how he's stopped Taehyung from raping someone at the club months and months ago.

"Do what?" He smiled a small smile, caressing my hair and keeping his voice barely above a whisper, "Force myself on you? I won't, Jungkook. I won't. Since I've lost a friend before and I don't want to lose you too."

"I don't want to lose you either."

My voice cracked. He hugged me and I simply let him.

Afraid to move a single muscle when his breath hit my neck while he talked.

"But be honest with me for once. If Namjoon would've kissed you instead of me, then you would've let him. Wouldn't you?"

"Right now? Honestly? I think even if the most beautiful human alive would've kissed me, I would still try to push that person away."

"Why?"

"…"

"You don't have to tell me the details. Only…the jest of it. Please?"

His head lowered and rested on my chest and I found myself running my fingers through his hair, speaking as vaguely as I could to keep both of us safe but also hopefully feel a bit lighter.

"I've risked my ass. And I got burned. So, don't do what I've done."

"What exactly did you do?"

"I took a risk and then…" I sighed, and continued with a cracking voice, "I couldn't take it back."

He planted a small peck on my lips and kept them above mine as he spoke, barely above a whisper:

"There must be a way to take it back."

"There isn't."

"You're right. If you're alone against an army then you don't stand a chance. But if you're not alone and with a bit of luck..."

"…I don't think…" Tears slipped out so I hid them behind a trembling hand but they got shoved aside by V's head when he moved up to plant brief kisses on my lips again. It was done so innocently that I didn't bother mentioning it "…I don't know if I deserve to live, Tae. I think it's better for everyone if I would just…"

He didn't want to hear it so he slipped his tongue through my open mouth shily and I let him.

I kissed him back, trying to feel some pleasure through the agony.

The hand I kept on the back of his head didn't mean anything. The hand that held me by the lower back wasn't meant to go anywhere.

It wasn't romantic. It was just the only way he could think of to soothe me.

Like one child kissing another child to stop them from crying when all else failed.

And after our tongues lazily slithered around each other, I could barely see him through tear-filled eyes. But I could still feel him planting kisses on my lips every other second. Holding me tight. And caressing my hair.

"It's weird but I really like kissing you."

I smiled at his confession.

He went on: "I wouldn't mind if we'd kiss sometimes. For no reason…"

"Stop it." I softly slapped his hand away from my cheek.

"I mean it. It feels…really good."

Our eyes met and I swallowed dryly.

He leaned in again and touched our lips, and then sucked on the lower one just lightly. Followed by slipping his tongue in slowly, and for once in months, I felt something in my lower regions. But I wished he didn't feel it.

He circled my tongue and then caught its root and sucked from there upwards.

And then again and again.

He sucked my tongue while I felt myself growing under him.

I wondered how did he know that I liked when Namjoon did that.

And that thought woke me up to reality as if everything so far has been a weird dream.

"Tae…stop…we can't…"

He kissed lightly. Like Namjoon did when he was crying.

From the edge of my lips to my ear, he kept planting kisses before softly claiming: "Don't worry. I don't want anything in return. Just let me…make you feel better, Jungkook."

"…no…"

I cried out in a whisper, feeling dizzy when he acknowledged my hard-on with the palm of his hand.

Tears were escaping once more and all words got blocked by a constricted throat. One that he kissed on the way down while he exposed my erection to the cold air.

"Tae…I've never…"

'He never…'

His tongue licked the tip and then sucked it in, all in one go.

It was so warm. And so wet. I couldn't think straight.

"You've never what?" His breath, hot against the skin, made it twitch. He pumped it a bit with his fingers, waiting for a response but when nothing but low whimpers came out of me, he went back to sucking it again. This time, without stopping. Letting me bucker up my hips to put more of my cock into his mouth.

And I cried without making much sound. Because I couldn't stop.

It felt so good and so bad at the same time that I thought my chest was going to shatter.

When the tongue circled my head, I felt feverish and lightheaded.

And then he went up and down. Engulfing it only to end up at the cockhead to move the tongue's tip up and down against the small hole.

My fingers wrapped in his hair, the shameful moans were hitting the walls and then they came back at me. I didn't know when the tears that had left a wet patch on the collar of the bloody top stopped falling. I couldn't think of anything, nor did I want to.

"Mh…I…"

That's all I was able to say when I ejaculated down his throat while I was still buried fully in his mouth. It's been so long since I last orgasmed, that I was balancing on the crown of my head when my pelvis went up toward him. I could feel the back of his throat and then the sound of him swallowing. And my moan, my…. ecstasy-filled, shameful, girly, breathy, guilt-ridden long, uncontrolled moan.

One more tired thrust and my ass cheeks were caught by his hands before they reached the mattress.

He held them there while licking the drops of cum that made it down my throbbing cock. It kept twitching against his tongue.

The orgasm left me breathless.

And when I thought it was over, he started sucking on one of the balls.

And kept sucking until I felt myself getting hard again. Teasing the penis hole with his tongue. Taehyung jerked the rest with his hand carefully. Then he traveled lower and lower until his tongue reached my asshole.

But as soon as his tongue grazed it, I tried to scoot up.

And away.

The one hand that was still on my ass cheek kept me by the waist and pulled me back with gentleness.

"Don't worry. I'll just make you cum again. Nothing more."

I nodded through teary eyes and looked down at the top of his head while he was licking my ass without shame.

'It's so different from…Namjoon…why is it so…'

He kept jerking me off and licking my asshole for so long that I almost wanted to grab his hair and abuse his mouth. But to my surprise, it was my asshole that started twitching and not my cock.

"Mmm." I was exhaling more than I was inhaling. It was heaven with a side of guilt as the thought that told me I should stop him started getting louder and louder. But the desire to cum was too strong and my body felt too heated up.

I was ashamed when all I could think of was how I wanted to get his tongue inside me. How I wanted to get anything inside me.

But I didn't say anything, instead, when I felt one thin finger go in slowly, my lips quivered in a silent moan.

'Ahh...yeah there.' I thought.

He didn't go deep, nor did he add another. He searched for my prostate and hit it continuously as soon as he found it. And then licked my cock from the shaft to the tip. And faster than anything he did until now, he sucked me off while hitting that sweet spot dead on with his finger.

I was floating.

It felt so good that I wanted to cry some more but I was too busy moaning nothing but intelligible sounds until I felt full and yet empty. Pushing onto his finger, trying to get it to get deeper and the warmth of his mouth was keeping my mind entirely blank.

I was going in and out his finger while his mouth was going down on my cock until I buried my fingers in his hair to keep his head still as I ejaculated down his throat again.

I heard him gulp the cum down before pulling the finger out and licking the tip clean.

When his face was above mine, planting a kiss on my lips. I almost couldn't believe what had just happened could be real.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

He asked that as if it has indeed been a dream but I couldn't find the words to explain it.

"You've liked it?"

I lightly nodded and he just smiled, whispering: "I'm happy then." Before pulling up my pants and doing the same with the blankets. Resting his head on my chest.

And as if nothing's happened, he fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

I was stuck staring at the ceiling, my heart beating fast and my genitals tingling.

Trying to wrap my head around what the hell did he just do to me.

Also: 'Why do I feel like I've just cheated on Namjoon?'