Crestfallen

AN: This is it. The last chapter. Oh my god. Ha-ha. Well, I want to thank everyone for reading and commenting. I really loved writing this fanfic, and especially, reading the comments. I have always wanted to finish fanfic, and books in general. But since I'll concentrate on an original book after this, (though this fanfic is quite ...original too, just a bit, lol) I want to thank everyone for making this so special for me. I might post a chapter with (hopefully) non-plot stuff happening in the future, but I will not promise a thing. I don't know if I will ever make a continuation. All I know is that it took me more than a year to finish it so the book is probably going to take longer. That being said, I will keep checking the comments and I really want to post a fun chapter here and there when I'll miss it too much. But that might happen in months. Sorry about that. But thank you, Smokers, from the bottom of my heart for reaching the end with me. Which is this:

'I want to go. Fuck, I am wasting time. Why do I even care? Why did she actually help? Why did I let her help?!'

We had to wait for too long. And day four was reaching its end with me patting disinfectant on Roxy's wound.

I fell asleep and when I woke up, it was already morning. I am surprised I didn't have a heart attack when I saw the sun shining.

No matter how much time had passed, no matter how much I paced through the wet streets, this one sentence she said had me stuck inside the fences: "They will probably kill me in your absence."

I wasn't sure if that was only her paranoia speaking or mine. But I did somehow manage to wait for Doctor Steiner to do his thing in the back of the cleaners' van. When I saw her passed out, I thought she had died, but then Doctor Steiner told me he's given her a concerning number of painkillers and that he's also given V a bag of pills she'll have to take later.

It turned out that the wound was not that deep and that as long as it didn't get infected, she was out of any danger. Information that she was yet to learn since the morphine shot he had to use to keep her still to disinfect and stitch up the wound has knocked her out.

A part of me was calmer, although I couldn't pinpoint why. And another part of me was checking the clock every five seconds.

'Do I leave V at my house? Or do I go to Johnny's house first? If he's not there, then I have no other lead anyway.'

I kept envisioning all the possible scenarios, the mistakes that could happen, and the problems that we could encounter. But the one thing that I concluded mattered most was time. Or the lack thereof.

V hid his face under the hood of his jacket and avoided making eye contact with the doctor for some reason. Even when the woman was drugged out of her mind and sleeping in the back seat, and he was on the seat next to me, he refused to uncross his arms.

When we could finally leave, it was the middle of the day and I didn't want to hear what other trauma he's had that made doctors the villains.

"How do we get there?" He asked me.

"I'll drive."

He turned towards me; arms still crossed. A boxy smile emerged coupled with furrowed brows.

"You already got your driving license?"

"No. Did you?"

I asked as I put on the seatbelt, rotated the key, and half-floored the pedal.

"Of course not. But then how are you going to drive?"

"I know how to drive. I just have never bothered to get the test."

"Why not?!"

"You know how expensive it is to own a car? You don't need to drive it at all and you'd still have to pay for it to collect dust."

V extended his left hand in front of me as if that'd barricade me from the wheel that could still move with or without his arm hovering above it.

"It doesn't matter if you get a car or not! You should've gotten the license...hey, stop it. This is not funny! The police will..."

"How will they know? Is it written on my forehead that I don't have a stupid piece of paper?"

"No. But what if they stop us for a routine checkup?"

"They won't if you won't look like I am holding you hostage."

V has been biting his nails as I started driving out of the neighborhood. Although he waved and wished the guy that was in charge of opening and closing the big gate, a good day with way too much enthusiasm, I didn't point it out. Assuming, he probably did that to keep his attention so he wouldn't realize that the person who was driving before isn't the same person who was driving now.

I did roll my eyes at his antics, however.

Half an hour later of him, biting his nails, he started pointing out every single traffic sign and quizzing me about it. Although he didn't know the answers himself and I think all that mattered was how fast I answered or how confident I was. I still humored him because it was keeping my mind busy until he leaned back and uncrossed his arms, saying, strangely enough: "You're not bad."

"Thanks."

"You should've taken that test!" He snapped, leaning closer to my face as if the exaggerated breathing should intimidate me.

"Why would I do that if I don't want to pay for a car?"

"For situations like these!"

"I had a driver for situations like these but she got stabbed. I believe you've already met her."

"She was not your driver." He mumbled, leaning back in his chair, and glancing out the window.

"She was, for a while. By the way, check if she's still breathing."

Three hours later in a traffic jam, I was the one biting my nails. So, I reached into my jeans and pulled out Kah's phone, and threw it in V's lap, saying:

"Here. Be useful."

"A present? But it looks used. When did you steal it?"

"It's the dealer's phone. Check his messages. All of them. Especially from the guy called Miles. Though I doubt he didn't erase them."

"Say the name again."

"Miles."

Two minutes later and V pointed out: "He did not erase them."

I quickly hit the wheel with my forehead and then straightened myself.

"He's the dumbest dealer I've ever met," I whispered to myself.

Couldn't help but think: 'Though if his boss was that fucking guy so I bet he wouldn't be allowed to get anything but pussies. Fred wouldn't let him. Would he?'

The more I thought about it, the lower the sun was setting and the darker I was feeling.

'I wonder what Jungkook is doing now.'

By the time V was narrating the messages or parts of them that he thought would be interesting to me, I'd fallen in the hole in my chest and it was cold and lonely in there, but it was quieter than in my head.

"Want to get some beers... Blah blah. Something about buying a pack or two, though I guess that's code for something." V snapped his fingers at me as if I should translate it, but when I didn't, he went on unbothered, "Meet this friend in this street, he wants to talk to you, blah blah."

"Where? Meet who, where?"

"Flower street. It just says, friend."

'Bud? Nah, that's too much of a stretch.' I thought.

"When was that message sent?"

"Two weeks ago. Why? Do you know the street?"

"No. Keep reading."

"Listen to this: Thank you man for taking care of me. I feel bad for what happened to you, but good guys never win in real life. Wow, he's sucking the dick of this Mitch guy, for sure."

The more familiar the streets were and the closer we drove to Johnny's house, the deeper I was sinking when I thought I couldn't feel any worse. And when the road looked nothing but like a bloody ocean, I told V that I have to park the car soon or we were going to crash.

"You were doing fine until now and it's night and there's literally nobody..."

"Trust me."

"Eh." He shrugged and hopped off, taking the last bite of a sandwich he's bought at the last gas station we had to visit to load up on gas, "It's better this way. He won't know we're coming."

"The dealer from the store has probably already tipped him off." I let him know.

"Then he won't see us coming?"

"Do you have the knife I gave you?"

"Right here."

He pulled out the blade from the hole in his jacket and showed it to me. I took a firm hold of the handle and slid the blade under the sleeve of the black hoodie. I could feel it touching my wrist.

"No gun?" He asked me.

"This will be better."

"How is it better?" He mumbled with disbelief, but then caught the car keys I threw at him. "We're leaving her here?" He pointed at the back of the car and yet, followed me down the street.

"Do you want to carry her to Johnny?"

"No, but… I don't know. I kind of feel sorry for her."

"Don't. She's the reason you're going to die in less than seven hours if we don't play this right."

"Relax. Didn't he tell you that you have twenty-four hours starting from five or six AM?"

"I don't think it matters..."

"It does. I heard that one of Fred's guys killed a dude at the exact minute when his time was out."

"If Michael isn't there...a few hours won't make a difference V."

He threw the plastic wrapper on the ground and yawned. Saying:

"If we get back in time to uni..."

"Did Jungkook and Jimin leave?"

"No... Jungkook doesn't want to cause Jimin won't tell him why because he doesn't know why either. But it doesn't matter. Astrid is not shy about following their every step. But Jimin said he'll make sure to be in public for the whole day tomorrow."

I sighed and shook my head as if that would shake all the worries away.

Trying to concentrate on scanning the windows of every house we were passing by, and yet there was not one curtain moving. Not one dog on the lawn or a sign of people. But then again, this part of town has always been fairly quiet, to begin with, so I tried not to read too much into it.

"What do we do when we get there?" He asked, burying his hands in the pockets of the red and white jacket.

"We'll see if there's anything to be done first."

He nodded slowly. I went on: "Haven't you been friends with Johnny longer than I have?"

"Umm...friends is a big word."

"He hates you?"

"Hate is a strong word."

I smirked at his answers and then the closer we got, the louder the music was.

'Ah, shit.'

The few streets we walked through seemed abandoned, but not Johnny's front lawn. It was like everyone was either in it, behind it, or in a shrub. And whoever was left was most likely inside the tiny greenish house.

"Cover your mug." I told V. "No matter what, stay on my tail."

"Aye, aye, Monster."

"And don't call me that."

"You're the one who said tail." He argued in a whisper.

We passed by a couple that was dry humping on the grass, passed by the smoking teenagers, and passed by the revealing dancing girls by the entrance. And when we got in, it was hard for me to assess who was going to stab me in the back like that guy stabbed Roxy.

Luckily, we weren't the only two dudes with hoodies over our faces.

But that wasn't a good thing either.

The music was deafening, the laughter and the sound of people gulping down alcohol were making me sick to my stomach.

'This will make me waste time.' I thought, frowning.

After walking on three people banging in the garage, girls snorting in the bathroom, and the fattest guy throwing up in the kitchen, I couldn't find Michael or Johnny. But I could spot a few people who have bought stuff from me more than once.

"Let's check his room," I told V who was standing right next to me.

But when the door to his bedroom was not locked, I felt like I was the one who was going to throw up next.

What I found inside, however, was a giant dog that I remembered seeing before, sleeping by the window, under the desk at the far right. And before me, only five to seven steps from the door, on a bed was a blond little boy playing a video game with his head resting against the wall.

I stepped in and V followed.

"Well, this was a dead end," V complained.

"Shut the door," I demanded.

The little blond boy didn't bother to pay us any attention even when I sat behind him.

And to my surprise, the dog didn't open his eyes when my blade made it under the little boy's neck.

He took his little hands off the keyboard and I watched as the screen turned red, and big black letters popped up in the middle: YOU'VE DIED. TRY AGAIN?

"Namjoon, what the fuck? He's a child." V scolded me.

"Your brother. What's his name?" I asked the kid.

And he answered immediately: "Michael."

V's and my eyes locked for a moment, before he squatted down against the door and covered his face. Not wanting to see what he was seeing.

I went on: "And where is he now?"

"He didn't want to tell me."

"Why not?"

"He told me it's better if I don't know."

"Do you have a phone?"

"...yes..."

"Do you have his number?"

V continued to let me know how he was feeling from the door: "Namjoon, this is fucked."

"I memorized it."

"Of course you did. You're a smart boy, aren't you?"

I felt him nodding against the blade, but the hands stayed still.

"Can you call him for me?"

Another nod.

"Where's your phone?"

"In my backpack."

"V, get his backpack."

There was no movement on his part. But before I could shout, certain that I'll get muffled by the loud music that made my feet pulsate on the floor, he got up after he slapped the door once.

And walked towards the backpack that was right next to the dog.

He didn't react to V but the dog was sprung awake when the door to the bedroom opened and revealed Johnny and a short-skirted girl holding hands, both staring straight at me.

V froze.

"Sweety, you go back. I have something to talk to an old friend." Johnny told the girl, turning her around at the same time.

"What is that guy doing?" She asked, squinting her eyes at me. Twisting her neck to get a better look through the darkroom.

"Take Sosho with you and tell everyone I'm out for today, ok?"

He's petted the dog that came to him wagging his tail and that he pretty much pushed out of the room.

He squatted by the bed, looking up not at the child, but straight at me with a sad smile.

V still stood before the bed, backpack hanging from the left hand.

"What are ya doing Namjoon? Been a while."

"Where's Michael?"

The smile was no longer a smile. But a sad scowl.

"I don't know man."

I pushed the blade deeper into the boy's neck.

"V, what the fuck are you doing?!" I screamed but V didn't move.

"V's your guy, now? Wouldn't have guessed in a million years."

"If you aren't going to help us, then go back to your party."

"I wish I could, but I've promised Michael I'll make sure his baby bro stays alive."

"Well, you're about to fail if you don't step back."

The black guy lifted his hands. Stood up and stepped until his back hit the door.

I glared at V and he took that as an indication that he had to move. He clumsily started searching through the bag for the phone.

"You'd really stoop so low? I mean, I know you're Fred's Monster, but still...that's just a child, man."

"Do you know how many people had to die and will continue to die because of Michael? I don't give a fuck."

"Still, how will you be able to sleep at night after..."

I cut a bit of the white skin under the kid's neck. It was just a scratch meant to let blood out, but it was enough to shut Johnny right up.

"V!"

"Found it."

He hurried over and showed it to me.

"Give it to the kid, you moron."

"Right. Here you go."

He was smiling at the kid and went as far as to tell him: "Don't worry, if you call him, then nothing's going to happen. Just call your brother, ok?"

Before I got to say a word, Johnny was behind V with a blade against the back of his neck.

"If you don't let go of the kid Namjoon, I'll have to hurt him."

"Really?" I asked, with amusement, and felt the kid start to cry quietly under my chin. Probably scared more so of what had Johnny said and not realizing that the knife was the problem and not his words.

"Really." He admitted.

It was V's turn to put his hands up.

"Go ahead. He's dead meat in a few hours anyway. Now, kid. CALL YOUR FUCKING BROTHER!"

We were all standing still while the kid fumbled with the phone and showed me without wanting to, Michael's number. The moment he pressed call, Johnny kicked V aside, stepped closer to the bed, and when the tip of the knife was millimeters away from my eyes, Johnny stopped moving.

I grinned, showing my teeth.

"Do it."

I told him, while the phone kept ringing.

"What are you waiting for?!" I yelled.

He was looking straight into my eyes and all I could see was someone who has never killed more than a fly. I recognized those eyes. He could already feel the regret he'll have to feel for the rest of his life before the blade even made contact with my skin.

He put all of his money on the fact that I will move the blade away from the kid's neck, but when I didn't.

He lost.

V kicked him in the side of his stomach and watched him go on his knees before he took the knife with no resistance on Johnny's part.

And pointed it behind his head as if he had the guts to do anything more.

"Hello?" The voice that came from the phone asked.

And we all swiftly turned our attention to the phone that was in front of the kid.

"Michael..." The boy cried out, and that's when I covered his mouth with the fingers I had wrapped his arm this whole time.

"Why are you crying? Has Johnny left you alone for too long again? I told him that..."

"Hi, Michael." I spoke.

He went quiet while the boy's tears were making my fingers wet.

"Who are you?" His tone completely changed.

"You don't remember me? I'm hurt."

"...are you...."

"That wasn't the question I wanted to ask you. In fact, the one that I meant to ask is: Did you have something to do with the hole in Fred's sister?"

"..."

"Cause if you don't answer in about five seconds, your brother will have to join the rest of your family."

"I don't believe you."

I chuckled and let go of the boy's mouth so he could cry loudly for a whole minute before muffling his cries again.

I internally thanked Johnny for saying that he'll hurt V since the kid didn't seem to realize what knives could do or that he was bleeding a bit.

"I don't have to take his life, Michael, because I can take an arm or a leg and this little boy will hate you for the rest of his life. Now, I think it's time you COME AND PAY FOR YOUR SHIT!"

"Why are you doing this?"

"That's not the right answer, Michael."

I made another small cut against the boy's neck to which he started screaming since he could feel the pressure this time. Which got Johnny to do exactly what I wanted: "He'll do it! He's nuts! Michael, he'll kill...":

"V."

That was all I got to say for an exhausted V to kick Johnny straight in the face. He didn't seem pleased about what he's done, but he did lock eyes with me as if to make sure that's what I wanted.

Michael groaned.

And I held my breath.

Thinking: 'Don't make me do this. I don't want to do this...don't make me...'

"You know I was trying to keep Fred away from my brother, don't you? This had nothing to do with you, Monster!"

And the whole world stopped as Johnny started hyperventilating on the floor and the sounds of the party got so loud, I completely blocked them out.

'These people are here because no one would be stupid enough to kill a child with so many witnesses. Is that it, Johnny?'

"But you're also trying to save someone else, aren't you?"

V was looking at me. I could feel it, but I couldn't bear to look at him now.

I looked down at my hands instead and all I could see was black static. And with the most strained, tiniest voice, I asked him:

"What did you do?"

"Let's see, I didn't tell him when Mole started doing shady stuff with the Cockroach, so he's threatened to kill my brother if I didn't go spy on some guys he wanted to do business with. So, I ran away when I saw that their job was to abuse children. And by the way, I got back on his good side after I gave you and your lover some pills I didn't even know the name of! But you don't care, do you?"

I shut my eyes since it hurt, something was hurting and I couldn't pinpoint what.

He went on: "After I'd failed to get some money to be able to move from this cursed country, he somehow knew the exact place and time so he called the police on me! And when I thought jail will be the end for me, he bailed me out so I'd owe him for life. Isn't he a darling?!"

"I don't believe you..." I said under my breath.

"A, and Mona? Well...that wasn't me. But I did tell him where she lives, but he's already dead so won't you be a human and let my brother go Namjoon? He didn't do anything wrong. Just like you didn't."

"I am not going to let him go." I heard myself saying.

"Namjoon..." V said my name softly, knife pointing at the ground.

'I can't breathe.'

"Why? Can't you see?! Everyone you'll ever meet will be used against you! Haven't you figured it out that even if wants you to be the exception, he uses the same tricks to make you his ..."

I took a long breath in and then breathed out the words:

"COME HERE NOW! CAUSE IF YOU DON'T, HE'S DEAD! YOU HEAR ME! WHY IS HE PAYING FOR YOUR SHIT! HUH?! YOU COWARD!"

"I just wanted to be free of Fred, Namjoon...I didn't want anything else. And he's always held my brother over my head. Always! Like he does with everyone else!"

'I know. But it's not possible to get away.' I heard myself thinking and when the phone turned red, the room did too.

All I could do was scream until tears were coming out.

"YOU HAVE FIVE HOURS! IF YOU'RE NOT HERE IN FIVE HOURS...!"

The muffled cries of the kid AND the scattered breathing of Johnny were letting me know I was still in the same room.

I used the thumbs of the child to end the call instinctively as I let one tear fall on top of his blond head.

As a million thoughts that I couldn't hear the contents of buzzed in my ears, like tv static.

V stepped up to the bed, squatted down, hugged his knees, and said:

"Namjoon. Let's stop..."

"And do what? Die instead of them?"

"Maybe Fred doesn't know that's what Michael wanted. Maybe he thought he was some kind of threat..."

"He knew." Johnny told V from the floor with disgust. "Michael told him he wanted out multiple times, but it didn't matter. Remember the guy I told you about...the one who died from an overdose? That was..."

"Shut up!" V pointed the knife at him.

As the tears kept falling over the child's head as he trembled in my arms and I trembled along with him.

When Johnny didn't retaliate, V retook his position and his soft tone, saying:

"Let's involve the police. Maybe...they'll be able to do something. I know I made you promise I won't have to see my dad again but...I really don't mind if..."

"They'll let him go, V. Trust me...someone will release him."

I kept crying without producing tears or sounds.

And when the song of V's phone filled the little silence of the room, I wanted to pray that Michael will make it. That he won't let his brother die.

My mind went quiet and then, it dawned on me as if I had been washed with frozen water from top to bottom.

'Ah, I think my brain was protecting me until now. Why did I think Astrid had to be the one to do it? How stupid was I?'

"Hello?"

V eye's widened and his lips parted as he swallowed dryly.

He didn't see the child anymore. It seemed as if he was looking right through him before he looked up at me, saying: "Fred wants to speak with you."

'Fred will make me kill V.'

I smiled and used the bloodstained hand to wipe my nonexistent tears away, which made my eyes sting. And as I increased the pressure I had against the kid's mouth, I breathed in and out. Collecting myself, retreating into the black hole of my chest where I kept crying.

But on the outside, I took the phone from V's hand and calmly said: "Hi, Fred."

"Hi, kid. How's it going?"

"Everything's fine. But I will need to use those six hours in the morning. You know, since that'd make it exactly five days."

"That means you've found out who it is?"

"Yes. It's Michael."

"A... what a fool I was. I have brought this onto myself, haven't I?" He chuckled without no real humor in it.

I didn't dare answer.

"I knew I could count on you for this little favor."

"You're welcome."

"So, do you have him?"

"Not yet. But I will in a few hours."

"That's a shame. I'd come over and help you, but I am sure you'll get that testimony out of him and a trophy for me."

"What do you want? Head? Legs? Heart?"

"Head. I want to make him watch something. Oh, and bring his brother too. After you're done, of course. I want to help him. After all, he'll be all alone in the world."

"..."

"Oh, and Namjoon?"

"Yeah?"

"You know you got less than eight hours with the time extension until Jungkook will have to call and say bye-bye, don't you?"

"You said Taehyung..."

"But you already know who it is and trapping the mouse has always been a specialty of yours."

"..."

"Hope I see you soon. Take care, kid."

"You... too."

And he hung up.

All I was able to do was keep perfectly still.

"What did he say?" V hesitantly inquired.

Johnny audibly smirked on the floor before the bed, still holding onto his stomach.

"Guess the whole golden child thing was a sham to make people stay away from you and nothing else, wasn't it?"

After the last word came out of his mouth, I threw the phone right by his face. He was surprised for a moment but then relaxed, sliding to the floor and choosing to stare at the ceiling instead of us.

"What now?" V asked with desperation.

"Tie Johnny up with the tape that's in my right pocket. And lock the door."

"The door's already locked." Johnny let me know with an indifferent tone.

"And then we'll wait for Michael to show up."

"And if he doesn't?"

Johnny turned to see me say:

"I'll cut parts out of the kid with him on the phone until he does."

V let his butt hit the floor and I could feel him staring at me. But I refused to meet his eyes.

For the next hours, I soothed the child by moving back and forth with him as he cried, stopped, and then started crying again.

Told both V and Johnny to shut up every single time they struck up a conversation.

I was humming a song that I couldn't remember the lyrics to in order to stay awake.

The music from the outside died after three hours and by the time it was something AM, the kid was asleep in my arms and I was hitting the wall with the back of my head lightly but rhythmically

"How much time does he have left?" Johnny asked V for the millionth time.

He checked his phone and answered: "Forty-five minutes."

"This is the worst." Johnny let us know and then kept going when we didn't say a word, "It's all because of that guy. Like why is he like that? I don't understand how someone can be this fucked and have so many people working under him."

Silence.

He went on:" Like what's his problem? Why won't he let people be?"

"Michael helped someone kill his sister," V told him.

"Who cares about his fucking sister?! It's not Michaels's fault. It's his! He makes enemies and then he's surprised when they want to hurt him back. After he slaughters the people closest to them when they don't listen?! What did he expect?!"

"Shut up."

"Why? You of all people know him better than we do! Tell me why the fuck are you helping him?! Why are you his Monster? What the hell is your relationship if..."

"Shut up... You'll wake up the kid."

Even my voice sounded tired.

Thirty minutes later, the sole existing sound was coming from the kid as he was breathing in and out.

And when V let us know how much time was left without being asked, I shut my eyes.

'If I cut his leg though, Fred won't be able to use him. I guess...I'd be fucking him up for life, but I'd really be doing him a favor.'

I looked down at the extended tiny little legs and shut my eyes again.

'Shit.'

"Five more minutes."

'Fuck me.'

"Two more minutes."

"Namjoon, you're not going to do it, are you?" Jonny asked and I simply moved one eye in his direction and then continued staring at the child.

"One." V counted.

"You can't mean that. I mean, you're the one who's picked how much time Michael has, right? So technically, you can just wait a little bit more. After all, he loves his brother more than himself. He'll show up. I assure you..."

"Zero."

And there was nothing but silence.

I sighed.

V got up, stepped one step towards the bed, and then retracted the step that got him back to the door.

I sighed again.

Slowly took the blond head off my chest and laid it down on the mattress.

'He looks so cute when he's asleep.' I thought as I looked at him up and down.

'If I take only one arm, he'll still be able to hold a gun in the other. I am sorry, little boy, but I'm saving you a world of pain by taking this leg....'

"Namjoon don't!" V screamed.

"Let's just wait it out. I don't care if I'll die. It's fine. I'd rather die than you do...that."

"He's threatening you with V's life? That's a fucking joke, isn't it?" Johnny said mostly to himself.

"Please. We still have, like what ...three or four hours left? He told us you had five days at like 5 or 6 AM right? Let me call Jimin again and.."

I lifted the kid's leg, wondering what would be the least painful way to do it. And as I was looking at the knife, V screamed an ear piercing:

"NO!" He kneeled by the bed, hands in a prayer position, rubbing against each other, "Please wait. You might be able to live with yourself after that, but I won't, Namjoon." He started crying as his words came out shaky, "I won't be able to sleep for the rest of my life...please...let's wait a bit longer. Alright? Please."

He reached out towards my arm as I stared at the peaceful face of the child while with a deadpan voice, I told him:

"You're safe. He'll kill Jungkook instead."

But V didn't look relieved at all. Instead, he swallowed the saliva and tears that collected in his throat as his eyes lost their light.

The puffy cheeks and the round eyes. The messy blond hair and the slim neck. The cut under his chin and the dried blood from his neck.

'Trust me. He'll wish he was dead when Fred will be done with him. Actually...I am doing him a favor.' I told him inside my head. Trying to convince him and myself.

I had the tip of the knife on the upper part of his right thigh, but I just couldn't press down.

"Johnny said Michael will come for sure. Didn't you say so?"

"Yeah. He's definitely coming!"

I kept telling myself that it was for his own good. I knew that to be true with every fiber of my being but my hand wouldn't move.

'Fuck. I can't save a child. How the hell am I going to save Jungkook?'

And that's when someone knocked on the door desperately.

V ran at it and moved the key slightly and the door just flew open, and a heavy-breathing Michael collapsed on the ground, sweating and puffing.

Relief washed over me as I smiled.

But then I looked at the child, caressed his face, thinking: 'I hope you know, little guy. You were born in the wrong place at the wrong time. And that's all you ever did wrong.'

"Let...Ryan..." He kept coughing on the floor as I kept staring at the child's face.

'He looks a bit like Jungkook when he was little. His cheeks, at least.' I thought.

"V. Hit him over the head," I quickly demanded.

"What?!" Michael asked, bewildered at what I had just said.

"V!" I repeated, louder.

The lanky guy used the fact that he was standing right next to Michael, who was face down on the ground, and kicked him in the head and back with the only thing that was closest to him: a chair.

"No! Not with..." but before I got to finish, V has already hit Michael with it. "...that."

I facepalmed for a moment and through the open fingers, I saw the kid's eyes incrementally opening because of the loud sound.

"Shit! I'm sorry." V kept repeating that to a moaning Michael as I covered the kid's mouth. His eyes widened and looked up at me with nothing but fear in them.

'He's going to remember me for the rest of his life, won't he? I'll appear in his every nightmare and no matter what he does...this memory will never truly be gone.'

I covered his eyes instead of his mouth and that was a mistake.

"Michael?! Michael!"

He cried out.

"...here..." The man whispered, reaching out towards the bed.

I looked to the right, at the hand that was reaching out on the sheets and I stabbed the middle of that hand.

The cry of pain that made Michael scream out had the little guy thrashing, crying, and trying to tear my hand away from the upper half of his face that was holding him down.

V locked the door and then kept his head turned towards the wooden board. As if he didn't want to see anything anymore.

"V." I called out. "V!" I tried again.

"If you hurt my brother...I'll…AHHH!" I twisted the knife in the wound I'd made.

"V. I'll take them to the other room. Call red back and tell him Michale's here. I will lock you up in here with the kid. You don't have to do anything else. Alright? Just keep the kid safe and no matter what, don't let him come out."

V turned and nodded.

I smiled at him. Saying: "Thanks, friend."

The kid was trying to escape V's arms as I dragged Michael out by the hair. It took a while to tape him to a kitchen chair.

The place was trashed from the party, but it was empty.

I pulled Johnny out as well only so he wouldn't start implanting ideas into V's head.

He was caressing the sobbing boy as I was closing the door on their faces.

'I probably look like a monster to him. A real one.'

I sighed at the shut door, turned the key, and dragged Johnny by the leg.

"What are you going to do with me, Monster? Huh? Get rid of me too? Am I on Fred's list now because I pointed a knife at his kid? Is that it?!"

I dragged him into his bathroom, taped over V's amateur work, then taped his mouth shut and his eyes before I dumped his body into the bathtub. Turned off the lights and locked the bathroom as well.

I had two keys, not enough black tape, a phone, and a knife in the pockets of my black hoodie as I dragged my feet toward a concussed Michael.

Poured a glass of water from the tiny sink, and drank it.

Poured another glass and threw it in my face.

Poured a third one and threw it on Michael's face.

He was fighting to keep his eyes open thanks to V.

I wondered if the only reason why he didn't pass out was because of his love for his little brother.

'Not that it matters in the end.' I heard the thought coming from somewhere and I could only sigh at it.

I snapped my fingers in his face and as I was pulling out the phone when the guy's eyes were fixating on me, although he was a bit out of it, both his hands reached forwards as if I didn't tie him up.

To my surprise. I stepped back and fell on my ass as half of Michael's body fell on top of me and the chair toppled over.

The knife he's probably used to free himself was now by the left side of my head.

I smiled.

"Let me leave motherfucker." He told me as his hand trembled on the faded tiles.

He was trying to shake the dizziness away as he reached towards his head with the other hand.

"You know I can't do that."

"Why are you listening to him? Why are you so Stupid?!"

"You've only freed your hands, but didn't get to do your legs?"

"He's just a little boy, Namjoon..." He said, trapping my neck between his fingers without squeezing.

"I know."

I reached out and caressed his head as he started crying on top of me.

"He's all I got left."

"I know."

"If you know, then why won't you help me?!"

"I will."

He blinked with confusion and leaned forwards, even more, asking, like a deranged person: "you're letting us go?"

"If I do that, a few people will die, I included, and then you'll just get caught again anyways. Face it, Michael, there's no way he'll let you live now."

"I don't care what happens to me! I just want...."

He was sobbing until he heard me say:

"Your brother. I'll take care of him."

"How the fuck will you!"

He yelled, hitting the ground with the knife by my head as he sobbed louder and louder.

I kept staring right into his wet eyes as I caressed his head as I did to his brother.

"Why are you on his side? Why don't you see that he's pure, disgusting evil..."

"Michael?" I spoke his name softly as I slid my hand from his head to his neck, and said: "Why did you think I ever had a choice?"

I grinned as I squeezed and pushed him back at the same time. He dropped the knife, probably because he gave up. Probably because he knew I couldn't kill him right away or probably because I was squeezing too hard.

'I need the confession first...I need the confession...'

This thought kept repeating as his face was turning blue.

'It's all your fault, Michael. If you gave the boy to someone else, he'd be free, not like you or I. If you would've never met Fred then he'd probably be happy. Even without a mother and father...ah...I need to let go.' I thought to myself when his hands fell limp by his body.

'LET GO!'

And I did.

To his surprise and mine.

I was still staring at the clenched hand as if it was foreign while he coughed until his face was redder, rather than blue.

"Why didn't you kill me?" He asked, rubbing his neck. Eyeing the knife behind me.

"I need to record you confessing."

"Are you deaf? The guy who killed her wasn't me and he's already dead!"

"Didn't you tell the guy where to find her?"

"Yeah...I had to because I needed the money, but then he died and...."

"Then you might've as well done it."

"But..."

"Just confess Michael and I promise that I will make sure your brother stayS alive."

He looked at the knife, and then at my face a couple of times before he asked:

"Do you promise on your terrible soul?"

"Yes."

"You'll keep my brother away from that spawn of the devil?"

And smiling as widely as I could, I happily said: "I promise."

He smiled too.

"Then start recording tall guy."

It wasn't anything emotional. It was clear cut and almost ridiculous as he pretended that I'd been torturing him to say it through his neck and head were still hurting and the hand was still bleeding. I assumed that helped him channel the pain into the words: "I DID IT! IT WAS ME! AND HE DESERVED IT! HE MADE ME KILL MY LOVER! FUCK HIM AND HIS SISTER! I WOULD'VE KILLED HIM TOO IF I COULD! SO WHAT?! WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?! I KILLED MONA. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? YOU SON OF A BITCH? YOU FAILED! YOU CAN'T BRING HER BACK! HE'LL DIE ALONE AND MISERABLE AS HE DESERVES NOW!"

I ended the recording, sent it to Fred, and then helped the guy back in his seat.

"What will you do to me?" He quietly asked as he watched me pick up the knife he's dropped.

"Now I have to detach your head from the rest of your body." I honestly replied as I assessed if the blade was sharp enough to do that.

When he started laughing as if I had just made a joke, I looked at him with confusion. And when he saw that, he started shaking. Bloody hand still around his throat.

"Why?"

"That's the only way he'll believe I've killed you."

"Can you..."

He glanced at the locked bedroom and then back at me as he shut his eyes.

"Can I what?"

"Make it painless?"

"No. But I can make it quick."

He nodded and after he watched me sharpen a kitchen knife, I closed the distance between us. Michael's swollen eyes were filling up with tears as he was talking: "Tell my brother I love him, tall guy. Tell him that it's not his fault. Tell him to stay away from that fucker. And take care of him, alright? Pl.....eas...e?"

The word got choked out as I stabbed the knife in and then had a bit of trouble getting it to the other side, but Michael's eyes were already in the back of his head before I even got to detach part of the head off.

I wanted to cry.

But I didn't feel like I deserved to.

I sharpened two more different knives, had two beers, and by the time the head hit the kitchen floor, I was exhausted physically, mentally, and emotionally.

I was so detached from reality when I made a call to the cleaners that it might as well have never happened.

I've made the tightest knot on the black trash bag that had Michael's head in it and as I was approaching the bedroom to fetch the kid and V, the walls seemed to be closing in.

The kid didn't see his brother's corpse since I had V cover his eyes the entire way out, but V saw it and tried his best not to vomit inside the house.

As we were stepping on the trash that the party people left behind, the sun was peeking from the horizon.

While V vomited in a bush.

I held the kid's hand with one hand and the trash bag with the other.

He looked upset but didn't try to escape once.

Roxy was the most surprised when a kid joined her in the backseat.

"This is Michael's brother, isn't he?" She asked us.

But neither I nor V responded.

I started the car and on the way to my place, I saw a white van heading the way that we have just come from.

"Was it Michael? Where is he?" She asked.

And I almost wanted to lift the trash bag from between my feet and show it to her so she'll stop making me think about what I'd done.

When I finally parked in front of my house, I turned to V and said: "Everyone's going to live."

He didn't seem happy about it. He didn't even stop looking out the window.

I went on: "Take Roxy and rest for a while. The keys to my place are in my backpack. And take your stuff from the trunk if want to. I'll be back."

V got out without saying a word and opened the door that was right next to Roxy who did, however, talk.

"What about the kid?"

"The kid comes with me."

"Why?" She asked as V was standing still, unblinking, like a ghost.

"I SAID THAT THE KID STAYS! NOW GET OUT!"

Her lips formed a firm line as she stared at me with anger, but she didn't have the strength to do anything but clutch the bag of pills at her chest as V helped her out of the car.

It took a while for V to get the stuff he needed, but as soon as they made two steps in the direction of my house, I drove off toward Fred.

The kid didn't say a word.

He simply stared at his lap with dried blood on his neck.

And I tried not to look at him, but it was hard not to.

Thankfully, we made it in front of Fred's place fast and without anyone stopping us.

I opened the car's door and extended my arm to Rayan. He took it.

I wondered why he was being so obedient but didn't ask.

'He must've given up on trying to control anything at this point.'

I hoped he couldn't smell the stench that was coming off of Michael's rotting head.

By the time I called Fred on the intercom, I could barely see a thing.

We got inside the building, and up the elevator.

When the doors opened, Fred was already by the door with both his arms open, staring straight at the child.

"Come! Come here, little kid. I've made some hot cocoa."

Rayan looked up at me with two big eyes and then back at Fred.

He didn't let go of my hand, even though I thought it was clear that I was not the good guy by any stretch of his imagination.

When we both made it to the door, holding hands. Fred pretty much tore his tiny hand away from mine and picked him up.

Ordering me to: "Lock the door."

I left the head on the ground, turned, and locked the door that I still despised.

"I see everything went well."

"Yeah."

"I can't believe I was as stupid as to bail him out."

"You couldn't have known this would happen, Fred. Don't beat yourself up."

He nodded, but as soon as his puffy red eyes landed on the trash bag, he turned around and place the boy on the couch, handing him a hot chocolate from the low table, and with a smile and a fake, joyous voice, he told me: "Leave it in Mona's bedroom."

I picked up the trash bag and looked around at the unchanged place. I almost doubted if he's been living here at all or just dropped by to receive the boy.

'Better not to bring up Mona. To keep him calm...' I thought to myself as I opened the door to her room and resisted the urge to shout when I came face to face with a mutilated body of a man dressed in black.

Threw Michael's head on the bed and walked out.

And walked in on a scene.

"Are you hungry?"

"Is my brother here?" The kid asked.

"No. He's...gone. Puff."

The image of Fred sitting on his knees before a child, smiling, wiping the blood off him, and explaining how his brother is dead made the wall behind him turn red.

"Where did he go?"

"A place far away."

"Can I go there too?"

"No, you, silly boy. Not yet. But one day..."

But this child is younger than I was, and he didn't have to see his brother die like I've seen my parents dying. And that is why it couldn't be the same.

'No. I made sure he didn't see him die on purpose.'

Fred stood up after ruffling his hair.

"Namjoon, are you hungry?"

"I could eat."

"Do you like soup Rayan?"

The child didn't answer, but most likely nodded.

'Warm liquids to make one feel safer. Isn't it?' I thought.

Fred walked over to his kitchen and hung on the open door of the fridge as I approached him slowly.

"Where did you leave the two witnesses you've been carrying around for no reason at all?" He asked, a voice completely different than the one he was using on the child.

"My place."

"Why didn't you bring them here?"

"V had to sleep and Roxy's injured."

"I heard. But you know you'll have to kill her too, don't you?"

He asked this as he poured the packaged soup into a pan and turned the heat of the stove on.

"I know."

"Rayan, do you want toast or normal bread?!" He lightly shouted at the kid with a smile in his voice. It was so happy that it made the soup look red. Though I was certain it wasn't red before.

"Toast!" The kid yelled from the couch.

"He's in really good shape," Fred observed.

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell him?"

"I thought it'd be better if you did."

"Why is that?"

He was stirring the soup as I walked behind him.

"Hmm... because you're better at it than me."

"I don't think anyone is good at something like that."

'What do you mean? You've convinced me it all turned out in my favor that day, even after I saw it with my own eyes. And thought that nothing good could happen after that. Guess I was right...'

"Did you call off Astrid?" I asked, trying to sound casual.

"He was kind of disappointed, but I've already told him not to get his hopes up, after all, I've sent my best man."

He praised me as he pulled out three bowls.

"Where did you find that thing?" I whined.

"That thing?" He turned to look at me with a raised eyebrow.

"He can't be human. His eyes are like portals to a lifeless dimension."

"He's not normal. That's right. But I doubt he's supernatural."

"Do you like him?"

"That's an odd question. Especially coming from you.."

He turned his back on me and tried to pick up the pot and started swearing under his breath after the handle proved to be too hot.

"That's a quick stove." I joked.

"It's my fault. I should've lowered the temperature."

"You didn't answer my question." I reminded him as he childishly sucked on his finger.

"I don't particularly enjoy talking to him outside of work, no. And besides, all he cares about is getting paid. I think he'd shot me if someone offered a better price."

"Do you like him more than me?"

He nearly laughed but resisted it. Automatically covering the place where he got shot as if it could still open up.

"You know I couldn't possibly like him more."

"What about Rayan?"

"I don't even know the brat yet." He argued, emphasizing the ridiculousness with his tone.

"Do you think you'll like him more than me in the future?"

"Quite insecure today, aren't we?"

I shrugged.

He sighed.

"We've been talking for more than five minutes and he didn't leave that couch. I think you were more fun as a child just because of that fact alone."

'Or unpredictable.' I thought.

"He's quite disciplined." I let him know.

"I know that the way I acted might make you feel like you are not important to me Namjoon, but you are. After all, I would've killed everyone you'd ever come into contact with before I would've killed you."

'Aren't I lucky?' I ironically asked in my head but didn't say it.

He seemed to be searching for a rag, but I found it first so I poured the soup myself.

"Rayan, come to the counter and have some soup!"

The child didn't move.

"He's either disciplined or he might have some hearing problems," Fred whispered to me and then went to fetch him.

I kept pouring the red blood into the white deep bowls.

And then placed every single one on the open counter and sat down on a chair before the two of them sat down as well.

"You might not like broccoli soup yet, but with a bit of sour cream, it's magical!" Fred tried to sell the soup to the child while I picked up the spoon, filled it to the brim, and then dropped the liquid back into it.

I watched Fred pick up the kid and carefully drop him on the chair. Watched him add sour cream to his soup and blow on it before handing him a spoon.

He smiled at him with what one would confuse with warmth.

But I knew better than that.

"The day you saved me," I started. And it was brief but his eyes widened for a second as the smile faded. So fast that if I would've blinked, I would've missed it. "Do you remember what you said about my mom?"

"Not really...no..."

He straightened himself on the chair but kept looking at the child who was eating slowly.

"That she practically did it with her own hands. Well, not in those words, but that was the meaning of..."

The table was red now too.

"Is it better with sour cream?" He asked the boy and he just nodded. Fred smiled and then looked at me saying: "It's not good when it's cold Namjoon. There's no use in digging up the dead. Don't you remember me saying that to you as well?"

I shook my head.

"Have some soup." He told me.

He took a spoon himself and took a sip that seemed to have been horrible since he was frowning or maybe it was because I continued:

"I've never asked, but do you know if my dad had a friend? Like a real close one?"

"No. I didn't talk about such things with your father. Namjoon, why are you suddenly..."

Elbows on the bloody table, I hid my smile between four dirty fingers.

"Really? Cause I remember you telling me that you always liked talking with dad. Maybe I made that memory up."

"I understand that you're upset. And you have every right to be. But I had no choice...even now...all I keep thinking about is how I could've saved Mona. How I could've been better...how..."

He covered his eyes as he seemed to resist the urge to cry.

I got up. Walked over to the sink, poured a glass of water, and brought it to him.

"Thank you, kid." He told me with a trembling lip and a sad smile as he patted my hand that was by the glass.

Unable to see my other hand that was holding the knife right behind his neck.

"You know. I've always wondered why you came to visit out of nowhere. Mom most certainly didn't call you when she was stacked on drugs and dad, well, I was with him all day and he didn't call you."

"Namjoon. I told you. It was a miracle. A wonderful coincidence that has allowed me to save you."

"Of course. Just like I've saved him."

I pointed my chin at the kid that had long stopped eating and was now only staring at me with big blue eyes.

"No. It's not like that." He punched the table with two fists, "How could you say that?! What would I gain by making your mom do what she did? Now think about it."

"If she knew you were coming to punish her, wasn't she just making sure we'd all go easier?"

"But your parents didn't work for me Namjoon and your mom didn't owe me a cent at the time! Now, where did you hear all this nonsense? Tell me and I will make sure they'll tell you the truth."

"No. I'll do it."

That was all I said before I slid the knife to the front of his neck.

Fred just smiled. Appearing amused to no end.

"Namjoon. Stop it. You're scaring the child."

And indeed, the boy finally moved without being told to. Thankfully, he only hid behind the couch and didn't go into Mona's room.

"Tell me."

"I've already told you everything."

"How could you threaten me?" I asked, tilting my head.

"You no longer owed me anything." He explained calmly and looked away. "I had to scare you into doing it. I wasn't planning to..."

"Bullshit. You just told me a few minutes ago that you would've killed everyone!"

"But not you! Never you." He reassured me with such warmth on his face and words and as he reached out to caress me, I let go of the knife I would've sworn that I heard it hit the floor right before I grabbed a hold of his neck and squeezed.

His face was red now too.

"My...k..ilmm...id..kid...Nam..." He kept tapping my arm.

And without knowing why, when a deformed face emerged from within the red, I let go.

He was coughing the words out, looking at me with bewilderment.

"What....hah...what...did that liar tell you? Huh?! What did they make you believe?!"

"Michael wanted to be free. And you wouldn't let him." I mumbled.

He punched the table once as he held onto his throat with the other arm. And shook his head.

"Namjoon…Namjoon...do you think I would've gone through so much trouble to make that insipid blond work for me? Why would he be so important?!"

"He was your inside man in places that others believed were out of your reach!"

"SO WHAT?! YOU THINK HE'S THE ONLY ONE?"

"I don't ...know..."

"Then let me tell you! He was not! That french whore lied to you and you believed him!"

"I don't care about that!"

The anger on his face turned to sadness instantly as he reached and cupped my face from both sides. Asking, crestfallen:

"Then why would you attack me, Namjoon?"

When I didn't answer, he said the first thing that came to both our minds, "Do you think I made your mother kill your father? Is that it?"

I lightly nodded.

And he laughed in my face.

"There was no need for me to do that, kid. That woman was already insane. I didn't need to do a thing. I did expect her to do something sooner or later, which is why I did visit without being invited many times. But you probably do not remember this since you were locked inside the bathroom most of the time."

I swallowed dryly and shut my eyes.

He went on: "You can hate me if that's what you desire. But your mom did it all on her own, kid. And as you know, I wouldn't pass up on torturing just to get a child. Not then, when I was still young and full of hatred for my own family. You were the first one I've taken under my wing Namjoon because you hated her as much as I hated my dad. And this child here," He pointed at the couch and then brought his hand back on my face, "I'll pass him along. Don't worry, you're the first and the last. You're my kid, Namjoon. And you know that Don't you?"

I could feel the tears coming, but I didn't want to let them fall.

"Open your eyes Namjoon. And look at me. You know that your mom was not sane, don't you? And you know, at that time, I was only involved with drugs. I didn't need any children. Look at ME!"

I did, but all I was seeing was red and white teeth suspended in the air as my supply of air got cut off as Fred started choking me.

"Never doubt me ever again. I will not allow it."

I slowly slid to the ground, on my knees before him as his hands kept squeezing my throat.

'Ah, this is just like that time. Isn't it? This day is bringing back too many memories.' I heard this thought from somewhere far away.

„Never believe anyone else but me! Never care about anyone else but me! I AM YOUR PARENT! I AM THE ONLY ONE YOU SHOULD TRUST! I'VE ALWAYS KEPT YOU SAFE! JUST YOU! I TAUGHT YOU EVERYTHING AND THAT'S HOW YOU REPAY ME?!"

The air was wearing thin and the bright red turned into a dark crimson the longer his hands were around my neck.

'But by the same logic, if mom was insane enough to strangle her own child. Then you are also insane Fred. And I wasn't able to do a thing back then, but now...'

I reached out under the floating teeth and started squeezing as well.

It took a bit, but Fred slowly let go of my neck as he tried to claw my hand away from his.

"Wa...d.oing?"

I added another hand to the one that was already around his neck.

He let himself fall off the chair, but I followed him down.

"Na...."

That was all he managed to get out as I kept squeezing, harder and harder. Feeling the tears running down my cheeks, but remaining unable to see where they were landing.

His hands stopped trying to tear my hands away and reached out towards my face, trying to push my face away instead.

I couldn't see anything but mom's face as I told Fred:

"Tell dad I said hi."

When the hand caressed my cheek and then stopped touching anything, I kept squeezing.

As I started sobbing louder and louder, I kept squeezing.

When I was certain that Fred was dead, I kept squeezing.

And through it all, the red started to clear from my vision like melting snow and Fred's weirdly colored face emerged before me.

I took my hands off his neck when that happened as if it was burning.

"Fred?"

I couldn't feel his heart beating.

I couldn't tell how long I'd been squeezing or crying.

All I knew was that I couldn't stop.

But it must've been a long time since the child made it up to us and although his eyes were also red, he went as far as to touch my back.

"Was the mister so bad that you had to put him to sleep?" He innocently asked.

"Yes." I breathed out after I'd wiped some of the tears.

"Why are you crying? Did your brother also leave?"

Turning to look at his naive face and with the same hands, I strangled Fred, I caressed his face.

"He was all I had for a long time. And now...I am not sure if I have anything left."

"He'll come back. Brothers always do..."

I smiled despite the tears that kept falling.

"Listen to me."

I pulled the kid away from Fred. Swiftly turning him in the opposite direction so he couldn't see him anymore.

"You're free now. You don't owe anyone anything. And you must believe me, your brother is gone and he's not coming back."

"Why not?"

"He wants to but he can't."

He nodded, looking sad.

I hugged him.

"Whatever you do, stay away from dealers. Do you hear me? That's...who took your brother away."

"Dealers?"

"Yeah. Never talk to them. Never take anything besides food and water. You hear me?"

"...why?"

"It will make you cry and it will take everyone away from you."

He nodded and hugged me back.

"Don't worry, ok? I know this lady. She is truly nice and she will take care of you from now on."

"A lady?"

"Yeah. Her name is Roxy. She's...well...she's unemployed now, but she'll figure things out."

"What is unemployed?"

I opened my eyes and I could still see Fred's lifeless eyes looking up at the ceiling and the tears that had fallen off from the corners of his eyes.

Told the kid to go sit on the couch and watch Tv for a bit. He obliged immediately. I was relieved that I didn't even have to yell.

I called Arthur who's given me his phone number after cleaning up my personal killing spree just to make sure that if I'd lied, he'd still get paid. But he clearly did not expect me to call him crying and hiccupping.

"Hello?"

"It's me."

"Clearly."

"Fred...I…Come clean up Fred."

There was silence. A long silence. Before the man asked:

"What did you do?"

"I had to do it...you ...you have to get rid of it."

No response.

"I'll hurt you before I end up in jail." I threatened.

Another long pause.

"I'll do it, but you know what this means, don't you?"

"...no?"

"You have to take his place."

A smile broke on my face before I leaned forwards and laughed from the bottom of my heart. Tears kept falling as I kept wheezing and laughing at the same time.

"Monster...you must. So many people depended on..."

I got on my knees, and as I spoke, all hiccups and sobs stopped: "You will not tell a soul that I did it. Do you hear me? Not your children, not your mother, or the hooker you buy for one night. I will be gone before you and whoever you bring to help you, arrive. And if anyone ever finds out, I will come to find you first and I will make you and everyone you know wish they were never born!"

"But you don't understand! Do you know how many have tried to end that man?! DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'VE DONE?!"

"I DON'T CARE! BUT DO YOU KNOW WHO IS EASIER TO END THAN HIM? YOU!"

A prolonged exhale filled the silence and with a calm tone, he told me:

"Monster. I will not speak of this to anyone. You have my word. No one will ever know. That is not the problem. I will never speak a bad word about you until the day I die, but...he...do you know that there are hundreds of people who depend on the words of that man? That you've just taken bread from children's mouths and..."

"You mean that I freed them? And you?"

There was a brief pause and with a changed voice, he confessed: "I miss my sister every day."

"Then please...please...help me."

"I never said I wouldn't. After all, what you did is...who you've become is just like they feared, but I would've never imagined you wouldn't wish to take his place. Why....did you do it if it wasn't for that?"

I looked ahead sadly and I could see Fred's corpse way too clearly as I said this: "It had to end."

"But I thought...you were the only one who wasn't tied to him in any way. Everyone said so! You were his Monster! His! You were..."

"Arthur, let me leave this place, knowing that I will never have to speak of it again...Please..."

".... consider it done, Monster."

"Thank you."

I hung up. Got up. And slowly but surely walked up to Fred and did exactly what I did as a child when I couldn't believe that my mom was truly dead. I lightly kicked the side of his leg, squatted down, and tapped on his stomach once.

And then I heard Fred saying in the back of my head: 'Never leave unless you are one hundred percent certain.'

That is why I reached over to the knife he's dropped and stabbed him straight in the chest.

I checked his pulse, listened to his heart again, and when I still couldn't believe it, I stabbed him in the head.

There was no reaction whatsoever.

"You're really dead, huh..." I told him and myself.

"It's weird, but, I think Arthur's right. I don't know what I've done, but it's too late to take it back, isn't it?... I am yet to miss you, but as soon as I walk out the door, it will probably hit me like it did when I started missing dad. But you were there to hug me and tell me everything will turn out right. You were there..."

My eyes started welling up again so I looked away.

"I can't shake the thought that you had something to do with it. And after so many people told me about all the ways you've made them end up alone...just like me. Just like you ended up alone... I couldn't stop thinking that you'd kill me. Funny, I wished you would've killed me instead of threatening to kill Jungkook, V, or Jimin. I ..."

I caught my lip between my teeth to keep it steady.

"I really loved you. Even though I always doubted you didn't have anything to do with it and I was always waiting for my turn because I saw you buttering up your people and then killing them the minute they made some mistake. Sometimes it wasn't even a big mistake. I don't even know why I killed you cause for the longest time I made peace with you killing me... but then I fell in love and this kid, I didn't want him to end up like me. You probably would've sold him into some sort of slavery, but...he'd be just as bitter and fucked up as me in the end. And I really don't understand why you kept doing what your dad did when you hated him so much...Even after you've killed him...I really could never understand you, Fred...And I tried so hard to understand you."

I put my hand against the bleeding chest and like I truly was a child, I almost wanted to cover the wounds. To make the blood stop. But as I covered my forehead and let the tears flow, I smiled at how stupid that urge is.

"I don't know if you've ever loved me, or if it was all a lie. But that doesn't change how I feel because I hate you so much for freeing me from my mom, for freeing dad from her cause, after all, we were all miserable. But I still...I don't know. I hated that you existed when I was little. Every time you would show up, mom would be almost happy to see you. Happier than she ever was to see me or dad. I was jealous of you and then...when I had you all to myself....and you took such good care of me, I thought it was the other dealers. That those were the bad guys even though they kept telling me all these horrible stories about you, calling you the devil. And I thought they were all insane! Or that you truly made them believe you were like that. Just like I've made them believe I was a Monster so they'd fear me, so I'd stay alive... Did we do the same thing? Hm? Are we the same?"

My hand slipped off his chest as the blood kept dripping off it after I brought it close to my face.

"I guess I'll never know the truth. Guess the truth doesn't mean anything anyway. It doesn't change the fact that you needed to stop and I needed to stop. All those people need to do something else if they can...they need to stop...and..." I started chuckling while staring at my bloody hands. "Everything would usually start going red too, the walls and the floor. That always happens when I get too stressed or angry. But now, nothing. Isn't it odd? I can see you and everything else. But I wish I didn't...I wish I couldn't see a thing..."

I tried to control my crying as I reached down and kissed his right cheek at first and then the left one.

"Thank you for taking care of me. Thank you for helping me. Thank you for destroying me. I really ..really hated and loved you so much. You don't even know, Fred. You were the best and worst dad one can have." I started chuckling as I said that while my tears were falling into his open eyes.

I forced them to shut and then kissed his eyelids.

"I hope you get to start over again. I hope you get born into a normal family and live a normal life. Have five kids like you've always wanted. And I hope they're all going to be a pain in your butt."

I started sobbing harder as I tried to tear myself away from him.

"I am sorry I wasn't the son you always wanted me to be. I just couldn't do it anymore and you'd never let me go and... I am sorry. I hope you know that. I hope..."

I whispered as I looked down. Shut my eyes and walked away.

I turned off the Tv and when I extended a hand towards him, for some reason, he ran up to me and took it.

Unlocked the door, shut it after us, waited for the elevator, and as the doors were closing in, I saw the closed door to Fred's apartment and the hole in my chest felt like it was breaking into pieces. Tearing and twisting. Burning and flooding.

All because of this one thought:

'I'll never see him waiting by the door for me.'

I wanted to collapse on the floor of the elevator. I wanted to lay there and never get up, but because of the small, warm hand that was still in mine, I reminded myself that no one should catch us. That it'll all be for nothing if my bloodstained self would be seen by someone living in this building next to a child.

So, I walked out of it and kept walking. And as if I was divinely protected, no one was in the hallway. No one was outside the building. No one was on the streets.

No one looking out the windows.

We made it to the car where I changed clothes and wiped all the blood that I could before I drove back to my place without anyone stopping us.

No one cared that I'd killed the man who loved me more than my mother.

Although... I almost wanted someone to notice and punish me.

The air smelled different. The trees looked more real, and as I was opening the fence to my parent's house for Rayan, I almost didn't recognize the front door.

I knocked on it.

And not one minute later, V opened it. Looking like he hasn't slept at all.

He looked at me with two wide eyes and then down at the kid.

And I could easily read the meaning behind his expression: 'You didn't kill the child?'

"Introduce him to Roxy again. It's her child now." That was all I said before I passed them by, opened the door to the bathroom, went in, locked it, and collapsed on the floor.

I slept in the same spot my mom used to let me sleep for the next fourteen hours.

They probably tried to wake me up, but I didn't hear a thing.

Though I would feel better after a good sleep, I was gravely mistaken.

I walked up to the sink as soon as I opened my eyes. Washed my face, but my reflection wasn't there anymore.

I was nothing but a black hole, from head to toe now.

When I walked out, V had his head against the wall by the corner and was looking into space. Roxy and Rayan were both watching Tv, backs against the sliding door, laughing at something. Or pretending to.

Roxy continued to make observations about the show, but V followed me when he realized I wasn't going to sit next to them.

I opened the closet and started pulling clothes out.

"What happened?"

V asked, with concern in his voice right after he shut the door to the bedroom.

"I need to vacate this house. I don't have the money to pay for it anymore."

"What are you talking about?"

"Didn't you hear me? I have to pack everything in the car and bring it to uni. I have no money and Fred isn't going to help me pay for it. Sorry, I know I've told you that can move in with me after uni, but we're going to find another place."

"But why? Did you make a deal with him? And why would he give the kid to Roxy? Wasn't he going to mutilate him or something?"

"Sell him, actually. Roxy was going to die by my hands though." I casually informed him as I kept throwing clothes to the floor.

And then I picked up something unfamiliar.

"This is Jungkook's. I think..."

He took a hold of my wrist.

"Stop screwing around Namjoon. Tell me what the fuck is going to happen to us."

"Nothing! I told you. You're all free."

"How? How did you convince him? Are you going to sell for him again? In exchange..."

I interrupted him because I couldn't bear the look in his eyes and I wanted to leave as soon as possible.

"I killed him. Ok?"

Instead of letting go of my wrist, he squeezed harder.

"You did what?"

"Killed him."

I looked at him and he looked at me for a whole minute. No words. No expressions. No breathing on his part.

"Are you sure he's...dead?"

"Yeah. I stabbed him in the head and he didn't even flinch."

"Why...why did you kill him?"

"It's complicated. Now, will you make yourself useful and help me pack?"

But he was out of the room before I got to finish, yelling:

"He killed Fred!"

"Who did?" Roxy asked.

"Namjoon!"

"Why?"

"I don't know!"

"How did he do it? Does anyone know...what will we do now? WHAT...WHAT WAS HE THINKING?!"

I sighed and continued to pack.

I agreed to let them know everything as long as they helped me.

I didn't know how the kid was raised, but seeing him fold clothes as if it was fun made me feel uncomfortable.

"So, we can just go back and live normally?"

"If Astrid is not secretly in love with him, sure," I told V.

"And you are sure there are no repercussions?" Roxy asked for the tenth time.

"You got a child to raise as punishment."

"Oh, he eats nothing compared to my mom. It will be nothing on my pay...wait, I don't have a paycheck anymore."

I threw a pair of jeans on her shocked face and yelled: "Get a normal job! Tell your mom you can't take care of her anymore since you're a parent yourself now. Be a bartender or something...and I mean...just a bartender. A normal bartender!"

"She'll never believe me...he's whiter than rice, but I guess I'll say I adopted?" She concluded. "But no repercussions, really?"

"Arthur said he won't tell a soul that I've done it. And he probably won't because if I can kill Fred, I can absolutely kill him."

"Goes without saying." She mumbled.

"And no one saw you two?" V asked, yet again.

"Not to my knowledge."

"Wow, Monster!" V exclaimed, clapping.

"Don't call me that anymore. And now I mean it."

"Wow, Namjoon!" He tried again.

"That's better."

He went on: "I can't believe you pulled it off, I mean...I thought you were too much of a knucklehead to actually ..."

I threw a jacket straight at his open mouth.

"Go put everything from the bookcase from the hallway in a box or something."

"There's a bookcase?" He asked Roxy.

She shrugged.

Packing didn't take as long as I thought it would. Leaving the house didn't feel worse than leaving Fred in a pool of his own blood.

By the time we were near uni, I was numb.

I was so numb that when Jimin hugged me, I didn't reciprocate it or feel it.

When Jungkook started asking about Astrid and about where I went, I didn't bother to make up a lie.

I patted his head and went to bed without saying a word.

And I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and hyperventilating. When I couldn't catch my breath and burst into tears, Jimin woke up and tried to help me calm down by making me down water, trying to teach me a breathing technique he's learned when weed made him lose it. But when I started softly screaming through tears, he asked: "What do you need?"

And all that came through my mind was all I had left: "Jungkook.".

He told me he'll call him, but I shook my head and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

"Jungkook." I replied.

The hole was swallowing all of me.

It felt like I was dying with every step. Dragged my feet to V's and Jungkook's building. When I knocked on the door, there was no surprise that V was the one who was awake.

But he stepped aside as soon as he saw my tears and left the room when I went straight to Jungkook's bed.

I climbed on top of him and touched our foreheads as the tears kept wetting his sleeping face.

Wasn't certain if it was that or my crying that woke him up right before I connected our lips.

He tried pushing me away for a bit, but then ended up staring at me confused as I continued crying and kissing him.

When I couldn't breathe anymore, I took the blanket off and hugged him. And started planting kisses on the side of his face.

With his mouth no longer occupied, he immediately asked: "Namjoon, what's wrong?"

I forced the loose t-shirt he was wearing off his body.

"Namjoon, stop...I'm not ....Ouf."

I turned him on his belly and kept his head on the pillow as I pulled down his pants.

"Namjoon, why are you crying?! Namjoon! Don't..."

I pulled my pants down slightly and entered him without missing a beat.

He moaned mostly out of pain, and when I didn't move an inch and just stood inside him. Chest on his naked back, crying on his head, he tried again: "Namjoon. please...tell me what's wrong...let me help..."

"Do you want to help me?" I asked between sobs and smelled the top of his head like one would that of a newborn baby.

"Yes. Taehyung told me you saved everyone from dying. He won't tell me why or how, but..."

"That idiot." I cursed against the now-wet nape of his neck.

"Namjoon, please ...pull it out, and let's talk. What do you say?"

I did, but only so I could turn him around, grab his hands and place them around my neck:

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking both scared and puzzled.

I couldn't get the words out through the sobs so all I managed to do was try to use his hands to strangle myself.

"No. Stop it. What the fuck did you two do? Namjoon...Let go!"

"Kill me, Jungkook." I pleaded.

He shut his eyes.

"I'll consider it if you tell me what the heck did you do!"

"I killed him..."

His eyes snapped open, but there was no judgment within them.

"Who? Who did you kill?"

"I killed Fred." I cried out.

His mouth hung open for a minute and then he just simply asked, innocently as a child: "But why?"

"Mona was murdered and he didn't know who and then he threatened to kill you, Jimin, and fucking V if I didn't find the fucker in five days!"

"And you've found out who did it?"

"Yeah," I admitted without an ounce of pride and tried to make him strangle me again.

"Namjoon, talk to me. Don't...stop it, please." He was saying it nicely at first, but then he shouted when I wouldn't stop: "I am not going to kill you!"

"But you should...you should..."

"Why?! Who was it?"

"Michael..."

"Michael." He repeated, trying to place the name and when he remembered, his eyes widened and then relaxed.

"I had to threaten that I will kill his brother, he's only...well, I don't know how old he is, probably six, seven, eight. I don't fucking know!"

"And did you kill his brother?"

"No, because he showed up in time! I was so glad when he showed up..."

I confessed to him and myself, letting go of his hands to embrace him tightly. He also wrapped his arms around me which I took as a sign of pity.

"What happened after that?"

"I had to bring his head to Fred after he confessed, but I had to promise that I will take care of his brother to get him to confess. And of course, I lied to him because I thought, there's no way I could do anything but bring the child to Fred if he wanted him."

"For what?"

"I don't fucking know. Slavery, prostitution, dealership, organs..."

He embraced me tighter and nuzzled his face in the crook of my neck.

"That's why you killed him? For that child?" He whispered.

"I don't know. I think it was that and ...I think mom or dad might've done something bad and maybe mom knew Fred was going to come and torture us to death and that's why she strangled dad. I think that's also why she tried to kill me; you know? Or maybe that's what she told her to do in exchange for heroin? I don't know what happened because he just wouldn't tell me the truth! He kept repeating the same story for years! But how else would he show up exactly when she was strangling me? How the fuck does someone manage that perfect timing? Tell me!"

When he didn't answer, I raised my head and looked down at him. Tears kept gathering on his cheeks, but I couldn't read him for once.

I kept going: "He saved me Jungkook. She was insane...well, she was the same as you. But worse than you...She...she hated being alive and my father and I were always tiptoeing around her...the smallest thing used to set her off and....why are you looking at me like that?"

"Your mom killed your father?"

"Yeah. Didn't I tell you?" I squinted my eyes, a bit surprised.

He shook his head.

"Well, now you know."

"And when you say that Fred saved you, what...does that mean?"

"He killed mom before she killed me." I explained with a matter-of-fact tone.

"Namjoon...tell me that you're joking."

"No! I've killed him Jungkook...And... he...ah...Michael said he only wanted to be free of him! And that's why he robbed someplace and ran away! He's been working for him all along and no one's told me! The pills and all, it was all Fred, unless he was lying but...So many people told me, throughout my entire life that they've lost everyone because Fred or his people killed them when they screwed with him. But I was his kid! And I never knew what that meant, and he told me...right...right before I killed him..."

"Namjoon, take a deep breath..."

"I've made so many mistakes when I was young, but he didn't kill me and I thought that must've meant something. But he told me that he would've killed everyone I ever came into contact with, regardless if I loved them or not until he killed me. And that's what it meant to be his kid!"

"Namjoon...that's...I'm so sorry."

"That's why you have to kill me Jungkook."

I concluded as I leaned down and connected our lips only to raise my head back up to see one tear sliding down his right eye and lips trembling.

"No." He whispered.

"Yes! Just put me out of my misery. I don't want something bad to ever happen to you and as long as I am beside you, something will go wrong."

"Namjoon, I can't do that. I don't want to do that."

He kept shaking his head as I took his hands in mine once again.

"I've already called Arthur. In case I die, you'll have to call him and he'll make sure you don't get accused of a thing."

"Namjoon, please...stop talking like that."

I kissed his knuckles one by one, whispering: "My dad loved my mother more than he loved himself. More than he loved anything and anyone and that's how much I love you. And that's why he died with a smile on his face. Please... Jungkook, let me die with a smile on my face too."

"I can't..." He whispered through a constricted throat.

"Why? Didn't you hate me a couple of days ago?"

"I did, but then you were gone and I started missing you and..."

"Don't lie to me."

"I'm not..."

"I am a murderer Jungkook. A rapist. An enabler. A manipulator. A really, really...bad human being. I don't deserve to live. So, please... Kill me."

I touched our foreheads and kept his hands in mine as more tears wanted to get out.

"But you didn't want to be. You...did what you could do. And now you're free. Didn't you say we should start over? And if we don't make the same mistakes again, then we can live like normal people and be as good as we can...and..."

"I don't deserve that, Jungkook." I squeezed the words out as my tears kept wetting his face.

"Maybe for others, you don't. But for me..."

"I don't have anything left, Jungkook. I no longer have a home to return to. I have no family, no dad...no Fred...nothing. You...I don't even have you."

"You do."

I smiled so widely that it hurt.

"Don't lie to me just because you're scared of killing me."

"I'm not. „

"Jungkook..."

"Namjoon...I..."

When I opened my eyes, he started crying harder as he tried to free his hands from my hold.

I let them go. But all he did was hold the sides of my face like Fred did before he choked me.

Shut my eyes, waiting for the pain to start, but when I felt something soft against my lips, I pulled back as if he had burned me. And looked down at him with reproach, asking: "What are you doing?"

"I think I'm in love with you..."

I grinned at first and then straight up laughed. Only to beg him: "Don't do this to me, Jungkook. Please. I will not resist you at all. I will not change my mind. I will die and I will thank you from the other side. I swear."

"Namjoon. I am telling you that I love you."

"Bullshit..." I breathed against his lips right before he closed the distance between them again.

Pushed him away and watched him look at me with wet eyes as I was massaging my temples.

"Stop lying! Just drop it. It won't make me change my mind. Just tell me if you want to do it in another way. You can drown me, shoot me, anything you want..."

"Namjoon, I'm not lying! There's no other way to explain the fact that after everything that's happened, after all, that I know about you and everything you've just told me, I still want to be next to you. I still want the best for you and if that's not love, then what is it?"

I shook my head.

"Do you have any other explanation?" He asked, reaching out to me.

"Yes. You're insane."

"Namjoon, please."

"No. No, Namjoon, anything. Just fucking kill me!"

"But I don't want you to die." He took his hands back and hugged himself, sobbing harder.

"Why are you the one crying now?" I snapped, realizing that I got so angry that I wasn't crying anymore.

" I don't want you to die." He repeated innocently.

"This will pass Jungkook. I will be gone and you'll be free to use whatever drug..."

"I don't want to use it if you're gone. I... I've actually started to enjoy playing games and... eating a lot of soft jellies. Lots and lots...of jellies. I think I have a new problem."

I wanted to facepalm myself until I leaned down in both arms and saw them, pitch black.

"Jungkook. You know you will get bored of games too, and you'll just go back to..."

"I won't. If you'll be there to stop me. I won't."

"Jungkook. Please, for the love of God..."

"If you die, I'll kill myself too. If you don't die, I'll live too."

I blinked multiple times as he grinned widely.

"You suck." I told him.

"I love you." He told me.