Chapter 8

Drake was leaning against the wall opposite my class. Wearing a similar ball cap as Dane, although the stark contrast of his dark blowout cut hair to Dane's blonde ones was unmistakable. Hands shoved deep in the pocket of his jeans and gaze fixated on his shoes, he was completely unaware of his surroundings and our approach.

What are the odds I can slip into the classroom without him noticing? Let's see.

I grasped Cassie's hand and started dragging her with me as I walked as fast as I can to cross the threshold of the class. I released the breath I was holding as I reached the door and my back was facing Drake, relief washing over me. A few more steps and I would have disappeared in the class when Drake's voice made me stop in my track and release Cassie's hand.

No such luck!

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to tuck away the frustration rising inside of me. As I opened my eyes to turn around, I found Cassie's concerned gaze roaming over my face. I gave her an encouraging nod to go ahead and met Drake's blue eyes fixated on me.

He had left his position from the wall and was hesitantly moving towards me. "Hey", he said taking calculated steps.

"Hi", I kept my face and voice blank.

"Look, I was meaning to contact you since Saturday. But then I didn't have your number. I asked around a little too, hoping I will get it from someone. But nada. Can't say I didn't expect it but yeah, what I actually want to say is, I wanted to apologize for the way I left things off----"

"You don't have to", I cut him in between, "I understand."

What I wanted to say and didn't say was, 'Seriously if anyone should apologize, it should be me for refusing like a brat when you really needed some help.' Cause one thing that I have learned up until now and follow religiously is, to keep my responses as much vague as they can be.

"Uh, okay", he faltered for a minute at my curt response. His gaze darting up and down the corridors and then returning to me. "So, I was wondering if you would like to get together today in the evening for some time. For Dom's work, of course." He rushed out the last part.

Damn, I had completely forgotten about it. I don't want to blow up my grades, not like one work was going to make a substantial change, but still, it mattered to me. Though that would mean spending time alone with Drake.

I chewed at my bottom lip weighing my options, a habit whenever I am confused about something, but released it as soon as I notice Drake's gaze drop to my mouth.

Heat rushing to my cheeks I spewed without even thinking it through, "Yeah, sure", and turned away. I tried thinking about my mom and Brent, an approx fifty-year-old man, anything to keep the red blush from spreading on my cheeks. But when his gaze went to my cheeks, I knew my attempts went in vain. That only made me blush harder and I looked down, feeling all too much fascinated by my white sneakers.

Drake cleared his throat and said, "Okay then, I will be outside your dorm at say, five? Sound good?"

"Sounds good", I replied looking at him, only for the sake of not making the situation even weirder than it already was.

He looked at me for a moment longer, his gaze inscrutable roaming over my face. "Alright, see you then", he said and backed out in the hallway taking a few steps backward, and then turned to leave.

I returned to my seat next to Cassie but something was unsettled inside me. I squirmed because that little furling-like vibrating ripples inside my gut were not ceasing and it didn't take me long to figure out that I was attracted to Drake. In a sensual way that was wrong of me. Cause Brian.

But I am a teenage girl with obvious hormones and Drake is charismatic with jaw-dropping looks at first glance, so for me to feel some butterflies from his attention is not exactly off the wall reaction. And my virginity is obviously not helping the situation anyway.

Nevertheless just because I am sexually attracted to someone, doesn't mean I need to act on them. There are a lot of girls out there who have a crush but still don't make a move. And for me, that should not even a problem cause I don't want to act on it.

I took out my phone to inform Brent that I won't be coming today as I had planned. My phone pinged in my hand signaling the arrival of a text. As I unlocked the phone my mom's name flashed with the text, 'Call me when you are free. Nothing serious. Just want to talk. It's been a long time.'

It has been more than a long time. I can't even remember when was the last time I had talked to her. I replied to her with, 'Yeah, sure.', and sent a quick text to Brent.

Seems like this is the only answer I am giving everyone today.

******

Back in the dorm, I busied myself with cleaning the living room, my obsessive-compulsive disorder for cleanliness, and things being in a perfect order upshot, even more as Laura likes to lag in it.

Brave by Sara Bareilles was blared through my stereo, as I cleaned the fridge instead of sitting around and chewing my head out as to how am I going to endure my time with Drake. Where are we going to go? Should I dress up? Should I make a list of small talk in advance? What am I gonna do if there is a lot of awkward silence?

So engrossing myself in something that gives me a sense of control seemed a better idea than losing my sanity by possible what-ifs, I have no control over.

After I had everything at pinpoint and shining, I took a shower and indulged in a staring match with my open closet. After approximately five minutes of staring in my partly flamboyant and partly bland open closet, I huffed out a breath and scowled at myself.

Why the hell am I thinking it through this much? Just put on a damn dress and be done with it.

Smacking myself on the back of my head I picked out my slate gray bateau neck T-shirt and black fitted jeans. The T-shirt fell to just below my butt covering it, as I always prefer. I gathered my thick mop of golden hair in a messy but elegant bun at the top of my head and applied a thin line of black eyeliner that brings out my gray eyes.

Five minutes later I was ready from top to bottom, with thirty minutes to spare. I used that time to write a note for Laura stating I was going out and might come home late, so I won't be cooking dinner. I tucked it with a glass tumbler on the kitchen counter and then picked up my phone to call my mom.

After three rings her breathy voice with a tinge of honey came through the speakers, "Hi honey."

Jane coroners could have been a popular singer, if only she had focused on herself instead of leaving everything for my dad. I love my dad, but there are some skeletons in his closet that I know about and my mom doesn't. And I plan to keep it like that, as long as he keeps his end of the deal, cause it will do nothing more than brutally hurt her. But the knowledge has made me a little resentful for him over the years.

"Hi mom", I said cheerfully. My mood lightening from her voice, as it always does.

"I've been worried for you, sweetie. You don't call these days", she complained in the way moms do, with a little hint of sternness.

"I stay busy mom."

"Yeah, you're always busy but that doesn't mean you can't take five minutes in a week to call your mommy", she said and I instantly felt guilty.

"I'm sorry mommy", I apologized knowing she was right, "I'll make sure not to do it again."

"I'll like that", she said and then paused. I can almost hear her nibbling at her bottom lip, a habit I have inherited from her when something was on my mind. Come to think of it, I have inherited everything from her including her voice and ability to sing. But unlike her, I don't love singing.

"What is it?", I asked knowing she wanted to say something but was contemplating it hard.

She huffed out a breath, "Promise me you won't get upset."

"That depends on what you're going to say", I picked my coffee mug and took it to the brewer. It was late but I don't mind any time a little caffeine in my system. Especially if I have to endure one-on-one time with Drake and apparently my mom too.

"Okay", she released a breath again that worried me a little, "Travis came by yesterday."

I froze. My hold on the mug loosened and it slipped, I scrambled to catch it but failed and dropped the phone in the process. My lungs closed and air left me in a rush, a hot burn started at my windpipe moving through my throat as black dots started appearing in my vision. Oh god. I hunched down gripping the counter with both of my hands, my nails biting in the black tiles.

I can hear my mom shouting from the phone, "Grace, breathe honey!", but her voice was distant. Still, I focused on her words and released my hands, felling to the ground on my knees, and started counting to ten while I took deep breaths.

After what felt like years, teakwood doors beneath the kitchen counter became clear in front of my eyes and I can see my phone lying just a few inches away from me. My mom's hysteric voice ringing from it. I grasped it in my hand and turned to lean against the counter.

"Yeah, mom. I'm.....I'm fine", I said still panting a little and my breathing ragged.

"Oh, god", my mom's pained voice filled with relief came from the other side, "I'm sorry, Grace. It's my fault, I shouldn't have told you anything."

"Mom, stop beating yourself. It's fine. I'm fine." I rubbed at the sudden tightness in my chest.

"I'm sorry, Gracie. He just came after all these years and he was asking about you so I thought I should tell you, cause you know---"

"He was asking about me?!", I crossed her in between, "Mom tell me you didn't tell him anything." Fear like a freight train made the ache in my chest even worse, making me grip the soft cotton there in a vise fist.

"No! God, no. I wouldn't do that to you. You know that", she paused for a little and then said, "Actually, I wanted to ask you what should I tell him. He said he is around for a while. But it's totally your choice honey."

"Nothing, mom. He made his decision years ago and now I've made mine. There is nothing anybody can do about it now. Listen, I'll call you later this week. Okay? Bye, love you."

"Love you too, honey." I hung up just as the first tear rolled down my cheeks, then another, and then another until I was full out sobbing. My wails coming from the deep-rooted pain in my gut. And I cried. For him leaving when he did. I cried for still loving him. I cried for hating myself for still loving him. I cried until there was nothing left in me.