07: Lover's Quarrel

07 • Lover's Quarrel

Sunny came downstairs, dressed in grey sweat pants and a purple Camp Jupiter hoodie, her hair tied up, phone in hand.

"Mom called, she needs me to help her with something real quick. I'll be back in about two hours. Please don't fuck on the furniture" she leaned down to kiss my cheek and then left.

I stood up, my cup in hand and shivered when the cool air hit my bare legs. No, nothing happened. Spencer slept in the spare room and Sunny and I cuddled up on my bed. But I often wore Spencer's t shirts with no pants to bed and since I'd just woken up, I hadn't put any pants on.

"Babe, do you want tea?" I called from the kitchen "yeah Hun" he yelled back. I brewed two cups of Jasmine tea, carrying it carefully to the kitchen.

Spencer wasn't in the living room so I assumed he was upstairs. I sat down and continued reading my book.

I heard Spencer's heavy footsteps descend the stairs "baby, who's are these?" I looked up from my book, squinting at the white t shirt and leather jacket he held in his hands.

"It's Jayce's" I shrugged, going back to my book "Jayce?" He inquired. "Mhmm. He's new. He moved here like, four months ago. He's at Ravenswood College. I met him at the café" I answered, sipping my tea.

"So.. why is it here?" I still didn't take my eyes off my book "he's a friend, Spence" I answered.

"That's not what I asked" he replied. I sighed "the t shirt is here because he stayed here two weeks ago, that day it stormed. His clothes were wet, I threw 'em in the wash and he forgot to take it home.

The jacket is because it was cold at the fair" I replied. It was quiet after that. Minutes later I felt the couch dip.

"He... Slept here? Two weeks ago? Zayleigh... Your Mom wasn't here the night it stormed" he said "Mmmm. She was out for work" I nodded, not really paying attention to the conversation.

"So he stayed here with you, alone?" He stood up. I finally looked up from my book "Spencer, I told you, he is my friend" I said.

"You've been friends with Sean for nine years and he's never slept here, much less alone" I sighed "what does that have to do with anything?" I asked.

"Am I not allowed to have guy friends?" I crossed my arms, annoyance rising. "Don't. Don't pull that card on me" he said "well what else do you want me to say? You're being irrational right now" I answered calmly.

"I'm being irrational? You let a boy you barely know stay at your house, alone" he glared "that is not what this is about and you know it" I replied.

"It's not?" I didn't like his tone "no, Spencer, it's not" he sighed "then do tell me, Zayleigh, what is this about?" I took a deep breath before picking my book and cup up, standing to leave.

"I am not going to speak to you when you're like this, you're being unreasonable. Let me know when you've calmed down and then we can talk" I turned away from him, walking to the stairs.

"So now you're just going to leave?" I kept walking "yes. That's exactly what I'm going to do."

"Fine. I hope you had fun with Jayce" I snapped "don't you fucking dare" my tone was low "that is not what it was and you know it" I didn't turn "do I?"

"For fucks sake, Spencer" I put the cup down "stop it" I said, turning around "stop what?" I rubbed my face.

"Is there anyone else you let spend the night?"

"Stop."

"Stop what? Am I hitting a nerve? Too close to the truth?"

"You're spiralling right now. Stop before you regret it."

"I'm not spiralling, I'm asking you a question."

And then I lost my cool "enough, Spencer!" I yelled "you and I both know that this isn't about Jayce spending the night! Do you know how much it fucking hurts that you keep doing this?" He took a step back even though I hadn't moved forward.

"You need to stop fucking comparing me to all of your ex's. Just fucking stop!" I shouted "you know dam well that nothing happened with Jayce and I!" He was silent.

I sighed "I'm going upstairs" I grabbed my book and cup and left.

--

An hour had gone by. I couldn't read. I couldn't concentrate. The house was pin drop quiet. I couldn't stop thinking about how I had lied to him.

About how I lie to him everyday. I didn't sleep with Jayce. Nothing happened. But how do I justify the fact that the man downstairs is hopelessly in love with me, and as much as I love him, I'm also hopelessly in love with my best friend.

I sighed. Might as well get it over with. I stood at the bottom of the stairs. Spencer sat on the couch, his head in his hands.

His shoulders shook and the sound of him crying was the only thing I could hear. I think my heart broke. I walked to the couch.

I took his hands and lifted them, sitting on his lap. His arms wrapped around my waist. I put my forehead on his, holding his face in my hands.

"I'm sorry, Zay. I'm so sorry. I was being an asshole. I know that nothing happened between you and that guy. I do trust you. And there's no excuse for the things I said. God, I'm so sorry" I could feel my eyes well up.

"God, baby please don't cry" I said even as I felt my own tears fall "I'm sorry. Please. Please don't leave me, Zay. Please" I remembered what happened with Vivienne and the guilt punched me in the gut.

The tears fell faster "never, Spence. Never" I replied. His arms tightened around me. I wiped his tears away with my thumbs and he did the same.

I'm sorry, Spencer, I'm so sorry. I love you, I promise I do. But I love her too. And Vivienne, God, I know it was wrong. Why can't I stop? Why can't I stop hurting you.

I ran my hands through his hair. His amber eyes were watery. Fuck, I didn't deserve him.

I knew he deserved so much better. I kissed him. And God did the world melt away. There was just him and me and this kiss. I knew he deserved better, but I wanted so badly to be what he deserved.

My hands twisted in his hair when his tongue invaded my mouth. Kissing Spencer wasn't like kissing Vivienne. Kissing Vivienne was lust. It was rough, teeth clashing, tongues twisting.

Kissing Spencer was beautiful. It was love. It was this warmth blossoming in my chest. My hands shook and my knees gave out. Kissing Spencer was soft and God, I couldn't get enough of it.

His hands slid up my thighs, I pressed closer to him. He pulled back "no, Zay" he said. I whined "I am not going to fuck you in your Mom's house. It's disrespectful" he shook his head.

"Okay" I whispered. "I love you, Zay" he said, softly, gently, as if the world would snatch the words away.

"I love you too, Spence" and even though I didn't deserve him, I did love him.

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