-- .

I did it. I just started the fire on the bridge between me and him. He closes the door behind him and I'm outside, alone, on the cold cement floor, shivering slightly from the cold rain and from being removed from the warmth of his hands. I stare blankly and my palms once more, picturing his hands clasping mine.

That memory wouldn't mean much to him anymore because I just blew his trust for my mistakes. I swallow down the words that taste bitter on my tongue, it doesn't taste like something you would like to remember.

Tears were welling up in my eyes but this isn't the time to cry. I have work to do and that can't wait. I scooped up my bag, still trying to hold my eyes in before they weep. Upon entering, I immediately laid eyes on Nathan whom didn't look too pleased but still stared at me, drooping his head back into the revision books.

"Did you enjoy your lunch?" Amari also did not bother to look up in my direction. She's more flustered than ever but I don't think it's still on DCs and ACs anymore. I tried to close my eyes as tight as possible, hoping none of what has happened throughout the day has gone bad and it was only my imagination.

All I saw was the same bookshelves placed far back in the library with light shining through the window. White tables and wooden chairs arranged in sets of four throughout the room with several other school mates scattered. Amari and Nathan, their noses buried in their books while only Catherine stares at me, knowing something has gone amiss.

"Thanks, Amari, I liked it." I tried giving a warm smile to her but regardless, she still wasn't looking. At least I tried, slumping my school bag next to my sister in failure. Nathan looks at me briefly then looks back at his book. I tensed, straightening my posture in the process. Everything is getting worse and I'm not the only one sensing this.

Catherine slides me a small piece of paper and quickly hands me a pencil. The note reads: What happened, I know it's something between you three. I scribble on the other side of the note, replying: I agree but I might have to stay back, I buy back dinner.

She glances up from the note after reading, giving me the only comforting response so far from today; good luck with handling them.

The school bell rang shortly after and we packed our work once more and headed for class. Amari and Nathan headed out first, barely giving me enough time to catch up with them. We shove our way through the growing crowd of morning school students, running and screaming through the hallways and spiralling down the stairs. The afternoon school students weren't as energetic, slowly passing through, trying to avoid the rampaging stampede.

Cassandra passed by us, greeting us by screaming our names, barely coherent but still a sweet gesture. Amari shouted back, happy to comply, Nathan smiled widely and I followed. I pray he's feeling better now.

We get to our classroom, dump our bags next to the table on the floor. Amari runs out of the class right after, catching up with her 'besties', leaving me and Nathan the only other two students in the class. We don't sit next to each other, however, he glances at me in the distance but his presence felt more distant.

With no one else present I rose with a shaky body, wobbling out of my chair, grabbing hold of myself from the table, looking through the fastest possible route to his table. I'm halfway through, stumbling and hitting some of the tables causing a racket in the back. Nathan turned around quickly, bemusement in his eyes. He turns his plastic chair to face me, our eyes locked again when,

"Yo, Nathan! What's up?" a slightly larger student, drenched head to toe from the rain, holding a basketball in one hand and his backpack in the other. The classmate that sits next to Nathan, captain of the basketball team: Ryn.

"Hey Ryn! You're soaked! You better change, Cap!" Nathan shouts back from across the class, showing a toothy grin to Ryn and me feeling awkward standing in the middle of their conversation, freezing myself, hoping they wouldn't see me. Soon after, I hear a response outside the classroom, presumably from him. Still frozen, I stare out towards the door, thinking if this was even a good time to talk to him now.

"Caleb, what are you looking at?" I jolt at the question, turning back to him.

"N-no, nothing, sorry, it's just that I want to apologise," he lifts an eyebrow, crossing his arms.

"About ea-earlier, cause, well, you looked flustered with me when-when we, you know, uhm, when we held hands. I'm not saying it's bad, but it-it's just, wait, are you ok with it?"

Nathan still looked confused with me and I'm not doing a good job pointing out the situation. I inhaled, gathering as much strength as I could to say the next words.

"Holding my hand, yo-you were holding my hand," this time his face was flushed, his mouth was agape. Now, both his hands were hiding behind his neck. His eyes darted away from me, biting his lip. His legs were shifting weight.

"You don't have to answer if you're not comfortable, all I just wanted to do was apologise for making you feel bad about earlier and this morning," I felt a wall building between us, nothing is being reciprocated and I get it, he's not ready and pushing him about my question isn't putting him at ease. At least I said my part.

"I don't expect an answer, I'll go back now," his eyes widened, my words stunned him. As I was moving back, he shot out from his chair and grabbed me by the arm. The sensation of his warm fingers tugged me. I felt his pulse through my skin, loud but slow.

"Stop, just stop running away, Caleb,"

"What are you talking about?"

"Am I just a friend to you?"