NecroPhiliac (Joke Chapter!)

Pyry's face was the same as usual, ever blank with half-lidded eyes. He ate silently at the dinner table, with John who sat silent as well.

"Pyry, how was your day at school?" John finally broke the silence, unable to handle it. Usually it was Elizabeth who spoke first, then he and her would start talking for hours.

"It was boring. Yours dad?" Pyry asked without looking up from his food. He may find it tiring, but Pyry wasn't against small talk, and he knew John needed it now more than ever.

'The man deserves at least this much.' Pyry thought. John truly was pitiful after all, his real son was dead, and his wife had just died. What was left of his family was him, Pyry. The person who had brought all these disasters on to this poor family.

He really was a parasite, and a good-for-nothing. "It was fine, you know… usual." His dad's voice was mellow as he mumbled those words.

"Hmm." Pyry hummed in response, and the table was engulfed once more in a deafening silence. Neither of the two men said anything further. Dinner soon ended and both went their separate ways, one in the living room watching TV, and the other playing dark souls.

John knew the boy was grieving in his own way… he- he was right? He had to be, his mother just died. Johnathan only then started getting doubts about his son's capability to feel sadness and empathy.

Sneaking up the stairs, John quietly opened Pyry's door that was slightly ajar. When he saw surprised him, Pyry was lying on his bed face up, tears rolling down the side of his face. Seeing that sight made John sigh for even thinking about his son being unfeeling. The kid absolutely loved his mother!

As soon as John got down the stairs, Pyry threw the covers off himself, wiped his fake tears and red eyes, as well as the snot he prepared, and turned on the console. After that, he opened dark souls and resumed playing. His father checking on him was just a small setback for his gaming.

Well, when you've learned practically everything or did everything, there isn't much fun in doing something productive or socializing. After all, he's already been there and done that, so what was the point?

...…

Pyry and Akari were currently in the second grade classroom and were sat next to each other. They were on the carpet and sat in a circle, in the pattern boy, girl, boy. There were twenty-one other kids excluding the two.

"Okay guys, what can you tell me about the internet." Today's topic was about internet safety… simply exquisite. Sighing in pure boredom, Pyry decided to spice things up a bit, so he raised his hand, he was bout' to end this man's whole career.

"Yes Pyry?" The teacher Mr. Phil kindly said, wanting to humor the eight year old.

"It's Pyry(Pie-Ree) by the way. Anyways, I got into this twenty minute long talk with this pedophiliac a little while ago. He sent me around twenty d-pics and asked for my address, you know, the usual stuff. But uh, I was wondering, aren't you that pedophile? I mean, c'mon, using the username Philiac? Fucking cur know your place!" Pyry pointed at Phil and exclaimed all of that in one breath. But he wasn't done yet, as he soon continued.

"It's obvious that you aren't into necrophilia, as that's only for the finest of gentlemen, but the connotation that your name brings is unfit for a disgusting being such as yourself!" Pyry accused.

"N-Necro… that's you?!" Phil exclaimed in surprise, before furrowing his brows. He was about to say something, but Pyry beat him to it.

"I'm a Necrophiliac because all the women I love are dead, and it's the truth! I get sexually aroused by corpses of dead women! But you- Philiac is going too far. Honestly, you should just kill yourself."

Phil looked down at his shoes, depressed. "I-I… yeah man. I was drunk as a skunk and high as a kite when I wrote that, will you ever forgive me of my crimes?" Phil sincerely asked his friend. Seeing that, Pyry reluctantly nodded, he felt he deserved a second chance.

"I will. But your still going to jail though. I am a minor remember?" Pyry told him, patting him on the shoulder to comfort him at the news.

Random bulge "…"

Phil "…"

Pyry "…"

Pyry slowly lifted his hand off of Phil's shoulder. "Yeah, your definitely going to jail."

"I expected as much…" Phil smiled bitterly. "Well, it was good meeting you in person dude."

"It'll certainly be our last as well. How many years you think your gonna get?"

"I don't know. I haven't really done anything… except send you those d-pics, but you won't out me for that will you?"

"Your secret's safe with me my guy." Pyry patted Phil's shoulder to assure him.

Bulge twitches "…"

Bulge darkening "…"

Phil "…"

Pyry "…"

Pyry once again removed his hand from Phil's shoulder.

"Mr. Phil, did you wet your pants!" Akari finally spoke, after not having understood anything going on besides that.

"Haa…" Phil massaged his temples. "Fuck." He cursed.

His life was over.