Past

Everyone has a good or a terrible past and I have both. Its kind of confusing, isn't it? Something happens in your life that changes the course of your life. But for me, god planned everything different. I can't take decision on my own and I don't want to take opinions from elders. Well, I don't know why I feel that way. It happens about 6 years from now. I wanted to make a wise decision that could help in future, yes, it was on me to accept the proposal. The proposal was to leave the current school and go to a high class school to learn. I only saw advantage and accepted the proposal. That's where my good luck said bye to me and I welcomed my bad luck without knowing it was actually a bad luck. After joining the high school, I felt like its worth leaving that school. I was happy but thats where my life changed its course. I didn't have many friends there. But when I came first in entire class I was praised by teachers and students. Some students became my friends, eventually. But at that time I admired a girl in my previous school because of her efforts, numbers in exams and generous attitude. I remembered her for the first time in my new school. My friends from my previous school, messaged me one day, they told me to meet them in a restaurant. I was happy to meet my BFF. I rushed towards that restaurant and entered in. It was the reunion day, after 2 years. I was changed a bit. And I saw them, unexpectedly, the girl I admired the most was there with her boyfriend. Of course it didn't bother me. I met like my old self. It was the last get-together. Everyone's parents were going out of the country. I really cried that day. I was happy for them but I cried and cried and cried more. Why I was crying? Because they were leaving or because she had a boyfriend? My emotions were mixing. Even, now I have the phone numbers of my friends and try to write them a message but I can't. My hands, the started to tremble, every single time. Its been 4 since then. Last week, I was slying on the bed reading manga. Suddenly, somebody called me. I received the phone and asked who is on the other side. And literally, I can't tell you in words, I was fucked up when listened to her voice. She was her. I can't believe, even now. She said " Its been 6 years since we met. I am in your country, lets call everyone for a get-together." Fuck man, my heart was racing faster. I called everyone but only two were in my country. We met yesterday. I was the last person to reach there, though. We had fun. The two friends left, early. I was with the person I admired for a long time was now more beautiful than before but I realized it wasn't love it was just an admiration. I was walking beside her. She said "I know you were in relationship with that girl who just died months ago. I know you are suffering. I want to comfort you."

As she said my admiration for her hit the rock bottom. Yeah, I was suffering but the feelings for that girl was different. I was actually in love with her, I would have died in her place. But the feeling for the beside was just the admiration. They say admiration turns into love. The fuck is with that? Admiration is different from love. People get confused. I didn't say anything and went to my home. I wasn't thinking and left her alone. I was worried when I woke up the next day so I messaged her but I was blocked. Not only she blocked me, my every previous friend had blocked me. I laughed out loudly. I didn't cry because my tears were already finished. The life will teach lessons in many ways, you just have to look after your life. And in the end I was the only one who was happy 🙂