chapter 33

I sat across from my mother who was currently making a fuss about the specific type of cheese she ordered. We were at some fancy restaurant having a "family outing" as she likes to call it, and I being the graceful human being I am , would rather be in my bed in my dad's oversized tshirt eating chips and binge watching friends for the millionth time. 

"So kids, how was your time when we were away, did you have fun?" My mum asked us with a sickeningly bright smile. Why couldn't she just be one if those dark and humorless people, it would make hating her a whole lot easier. 

"It was fine,we went to a carnival in San Diego," JJ replied and I froze for a minute knowing this was going to turn into an argument. 

"You took him to San Diego without my permission," she whispered, kissing her teeth and sending me an intense glare. 

"Yeah, so?" I replied not wanting to feel with her today, today was a shit day for me.

"So? So Lia, I can't believe how reckless you are. I forbid you from driving that far out of town, you could have gotten your brother hurt." She snarls. 

"Yeah, right let's act like you really care," I scoffed and poked my food. 

"Don't catch an attitude with me Lia, I'll....." 

"Honey relax, we're in public," Finn attempted to calm her down and I rolled my eyes at how egotistical they both are. 

My eyes wandered around the restaurant and that's when I saw them, he was helping her up from her chair and they linked arms when she stood. She smiled at him so lovingly and for the first time I saw his face light up with a certain emotion. Happiness. 

He had never looked at me that way, who am I kidding he has never seen me as anything but the girl that hangs out with his stepbrother. Everything happened in slow motion. The melody of the piano playing in the background seemed to accentuate how beautiful their moment actually was. Everything drifted out of my mind for a moment, just feeling my heart shatter as they walked out of the restaurant. 

I felt tears build up in my eyes then I noticed my mum was still talking. 

"Enough, okay mum, enough, you left JJ when he was 5months old, and over the years, you barely visited or checked on him, for eight years mum, dad and I raised that boy, I raised that boy, and you think you have the right to tell me where I can and cannot take him, you dont get to act like you know what'sgood for him better than I do just becauseyou pushed him, you dont get to waltz in and play mama dearest after walking out on both of us, you don't fucking get to."

"Reduce your tone Lia this is not the place," Finn whispered fake smiling at the audience i had attracted. 

"Reduce my tone, Why?, don't you want the world to know what type of woman your wife is, what type of heartless person leaves a 5 months old baby and an 10 year old with no reason, despite the number of times you cheated on papa he stayed, we stayed but you couldn't do the bare minimum and stay, you are the most shameless, selfish person I've ever met," I yelled at her face and she sent me a hard slap across my face. 

Tears were streaming down my face but I forced a smirk and stared her in the eye. 

"You slap like a bitch mum, but then again, you are one." I shot up  and left the restaurant ignoring all the pitiful stares I was receiving from people. 

I reached the pavement and felt a hole widen in my chest. 

 I pulled my pills from my purse and felt the Adrenaline rush through me when I took a pill. a mixture of rage, pain and a whole bunch of emotions I couldn't quite decipher. I started sobbing, my heart felt constricted, the world felt small, and on top of it all it started raining, hard. What the actual fuck.

My legs picked up their pace and I soon realised I was running, I am not sure where to but i was running as fast as I could. 

At a certain point I gave up and just walked, legs sore, eyes red, hair and clothes drenched. 

So lost in my head, I didn't notice a car pull up next to me and a man stepping out, I only really took notice of him when he was right in front of me. 

"We really gotta stop meeting like this," he said 

"Let's get you out of the cold." He added when I didn't respond, I didn't really have the strength to talk or explain why I was walking in the middle of the street in the middle of a rainstorm. 

We sat quietly in the car with his  heater on full blast, listening to dust in the wind by Kansas and I don't know why but the song had me tearing up all over again. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me and let me cry in his shoulder, I wrapped my arms around him and cried as hard as I could. I cried and hoped that when I stopped crying the pain would stop as well but it never does, it's always the same thing, i cry the aches of my life out and when I stop I feel it all over again, it's a never ending cycle. 

I don't know how long I cried for but I finally stopped, my whole world had an ambience of nothingness, I couldn't even tell how I was feeling. The whole time Trevor stayed quiet, just rocking me, and stocking my hair, I pushed lightly away from him so that I could see his face. 

He could see me, the plain, broken girl I was, he watched me break and he didn't judge me, I didn't know how to react, what to say, or how to feel. 

"Do you feel better now?" His voice sounded gentle, nothing like the cold guy I had met a few days ago. I nodded and he gave me a small smile. 

"Do you have somewhere to sleep tonight?" 

"I could go home but I don't really want to deal with my mother tonight. Could you drop me off at my best friend's place? I have the address," I requested and he nodded. 

The drive was quiet, peaceful even, I stared out the window watching the rain most of the time and sometimes I could feel Trevor's eyes looking over at me to check if I was okay.

He finally pulled up in front of Sierra's beautiful condo that she lived in with her aunt and i smiled as the car came to a stop, 

"Thank you," i said and pulled him into a hug something I really didn't think through by the way he stiffened and just before I completely panicked and pulled away his arms wrapped around my body in a warm embrace and his nose rubbed against my neck lightly but I didn't think much into it. 

I pulled away and made a move to leave but he called my name, 

"Don't bottle it up Lia, talk to someone," he whispered and I nodded, really taking in his words. The truth is I was not okay and it was getting harder to pretend like I was every day. I nodded and walked to Sierra's door.

She opened the door as soon as I knocked, I had called her earlier to ask if I could stay over to which she had accepted when she realised i had been crying.

She hugged me and I waved bye to Trevor before he's truck finally pulled out of her driveway. 

"Aunt Perry, we're here." Sierra said and the nice lady from the boutique walked out from the kitchen smiling at us.

"Oh my God, lia your  clothes are wet dear, why don't the two of you head upstairs, get warm and I'll call you when dinner is ready," she said while giving me a hug. 

"Oh and Lia, it's lovely to see you again." She added as we went upstairs to Sierra's room, and my heart warmed a little. 

"Come on, go take a shower, I'll get you something to wear," she says 

"It better not be pink, Sie." I joked as I entered her bathroom and she laughed.

I got naked and stood under the warm water that washed over me like a serene waterfall in the sunset.

I tried to relax but I couldn't quite stop the tears from flowing down my face, life shouldn't be this hard, I slid down sitting on the cold tub letting the water mute my sobs, 

"Are you okay Lia?" She asked and asif a trigger I cried louder, she leaped into the tub not caring about getting her clothes drenched and held my naked body against hers whispering soothing words in my ears and telling me everything is going to be okay.