Just Another High School Story!

Did he love her? If he did, was his love shallow, like teenagers' love stories usually don't make it past the third phase, would they end up like all the high school romances she'd read about? Like Madame De Stael said, Leah reiterated in her mind, "Love is the emblem of eternity; it confounds all notion of time; effaces all memory of a beginning, all fear of an end." Madame De Stael. Was it like that for Leah too, did she not understand when she'd fallen for him, because in that moment, the love she felt for him, seemed too much for her heart to handle. But seeing, as she was doing so well, holding it all in, she must've been doing this for a while. So, she smiled to herself, deep in thought and mused, "So I fell in love with the prince, after all!" She thought this because Leah had always been a little doubtful of ending happy ones, particularly, they held no appeal for her, because she didn't believe the princess would end up with the prince so easily, and the happily ever after included a lot of years, that meant that there was no happy ever after not interrupted by sadness or fights, it was impossible to be in perfect harmony with another human all your life. But she wanted to test the waters-- that was an understatement, she wanted to stir up the ocean, she wanted to fall in love with Ethan, and prove herself wrong, never had she been more inclined to prove herself wrong, despite all these years of solving for x, she finally wanted to solve for someone, and she wanted to be the solution of the equation.

Leah broke out of her reverie when the nurse stormed into the room, opening the door a little too loudly, Leah thought, but she immediately refocused her attention to the orator, who was kind enough to talk to her, "After I lost my mom," Lucas continued, "I strayed far away from who I was, I didn't recognise myself anymore, I wasn't just doing drugs, I was doing all sorts of wrong things, I had no motivations to be better, what, with my mother gone, I didn't need to be a good person, what good would it do anyway? I was trying to end my life as you can infer from my tone, I thought, subconsciously, that if I just died, everything will be alright, but I later realised that I had a responsibility, to be the son, my mom wanted me to be, no she raised me to be.

One day, after I had been drinking, I was walking, ridiculously shaky, I looked like I was about to fall but I was dragging myself through hell anyway... when suddenly, I saw a girl being chased by some people, I wasn't sure what was happening, just that the girl needed help, I don't know what made me want to help her, but that changed my life, the girl had stolen some food from a shop, and was running from the shopkeeper, and a couple of people who were there when she'd stolen. They caught her and looked like they were about to hit her, I stood in between them, the girl seemed fifteen, she looked starved and the food that she'd taken seemed moulded, I was incredulous, here, I was thinking my life was miserable, but look at the girl, I'd had enough money to buy alcohol to drown in my worries, but she didn't have enough money for even basic food, I diffused the situation but the shopkeepers were aggressive, eventually, we got into a fight, and were stopped by the police that God knows who called but I'm thankful, because I was detained with the girl, as we were both minors, they locked us in a cell, and after understanding the situation let us out in the morning. That night, the girl talked to me, she explained how she lived with her mother, she said that after her father died, her mother hadn't eaten anything in weeks, she just laid lifelessly on the bed, and all she wanted was a couple bites for her mom, clearly she hadn't eaten anything either but she could care less about herself, when I asked her why she was overlooking herself, and pondered what kind of a mother would leave a daughter to fend for herself, she answered that whenever she was sick, her mother had looked after her, and the whole family, this was the same mother that sacrificed food on her plate to fill their tummies, how could she let her starve, though she understood the situation, and knew her mom ought to be more responsible, she couldn't help pitying her mother and had resolved that she'd win bread for them, her mother had cried nonstop for days and nights, she'd then understood that her mother truly loved her father, she wanted to love someone as much, she wanted to be better for them, she wanted to help others the way her mother helped them, without any greed or expectations of a return. She respected her mother deeply and knew the kind of a person she was, anyone could stray from their original path, but that doesn't mean you can't return to it, after all, every wanderer ends up on the steps of his home, and when unsure whether to ascend or just stray farther, the one that loves you, gives you a push in the right direction, and that is towards your home. That said, she started crying and then admitted that she was really scared, she'd lose her mother too, and then she'd be all alone in the world. She hadn't the time to wash up because why bother decorating yourself when you can't even help the one you love. When I heard her speak, my heart melted and I wanted to cry but I just bit my lip, in that moment, I'd fallen in love with the fifteen year old in front of me, she wasn't just eloquent... she was honest and someone I needed, someone I could be there for too, and not just take from, someone I could be there for too, and not just take from, someone I could be a better person for. Someone I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. My newborn love for her changed me but I knew that the way I was, at that time, drunk all the time with no money to support myself, I couldn't ruin her life too, so I decided to discipline myself, the alcohol had gotten to me in a way that nothing else ever did, except for her maybe, I wasn't just intoxicated, I was addicted and I would go crazy at the smell of alcohol. Sometimes, my temper would flare up and I'd burst into flames, and other times, I became emotional... too emotional, I was unstable and I wanted to become patient for her, become a man that she could call her own, with pride, so I enlisted for the marines shortly after, and I told her to be in touch with me, while I was away, I sent her money and she didn't ever use it, when I asked her on the phone, she said she did, but of course, she was just like me, strong headed, she wanted to become a successful person, she said that I set a good example for her, that she wanted to become better for me. When she said those words, my heart flipped around nervously, after I went home, maybe a year and a half later, on vacation, she was waiting at the airport for me, and without saying anything, I just grabbed her and kissed her like there was no one watching, she didn't shy away either, she'd won a scholarship for her tuitions and would be off to college soon. I wondered whether it bothered her, the fact that I wasn't good at studying, but she told me that I only needed enough knowledge to read her eyes, she'd always be wholly content with that. And so she went to college and became a doctor, a surgeon to be precise, she was earning money steadily and rising in position, I couldn't be happier for her, but one day after training I called her, it was 12:00 midnight, she wasn't picking up, the sky was shining, laced with fading stars but there was something malicious about the darkness, I felt it devour me, as if I'd lost her, my knees gave way, and I collapsed and I rushed to get an emergency leave. I'd planned to propose to her this time when I went back, had I lost my chance? A million things ran through my head but my heart was quite calm, a scary type of calm, as if getting ready to process something terrible, I wanted to believe that everything was alright but I couldn't, all I could think about was her, and how she was. When I landed I rushed to her house, she was always the one to come pick me up, but her phone was still off. When I entered her house, it was all empty, with no trace of existence-- it was as if no one ever lived there-- I left to look for her mother, maybe she could point me towards her but where was she? She'd never leave without telling me. I was going insane, so many questions coursing through my veins, my blood burned, and then I finally came upon it. An article about a young girl who that killed herself, she'd attempted suicide, it was just lying there, on the floor, as if signalling to the one who'd read it that it held bad news, for me, the news wasn't just devastating, it was soul-crushing...", here, the soldier and Leah were both in tears, one as he recalled his devastating past, and the other as she imagined this to be her future; Ethan had heard the story before, but he was in tears too, so silently, he took a seat beside Leah and grabbed her hand, weaving his fingers through hers, clutching her tight, Leah did the same and laid her head on his shoulder, she wanted to stop living the way she was, the only thing she thought about was her crumbling life, and how she was pathetic, couldn't she change her life, change things so that she wouldn't think about death, cultivate the life that she'd love. After all, we humans are blessed with baffling and brilliant brains, we can analyse for a reason, not just to despair but to root out the cause of that despair.

It wasn't the story that moved Leah, she had no right to judge the girl or say anything, though Lucas was talking in past tense, the way his body tightened and tensed, the veins in his forehead popped when he talked about this girl, Leah realised how much pain she could cause someone by killing herself, she'd be freeing herself or that was her aim, but tying someone else down for the rest of their lives, that wasn't fair to anyone.