Chapter 7

This can not be happening.

This. Can. Not. Be. Happening.

How could this happen?

How did this happen?

Am I still dreaming?

How many times have I asked these questions?

I don’t know anymore.

“She seems to be in a state of confusion.” The doctor’s voice tells me that I’ve been thinking for too long. “Tell me, do you know where you are? Who you are?”

The questions send me into another frenzy of panic.

Should I say my name- No.

No, I shouldn’t. That is a terrible idea- dream or not.

“I… don’t know where I am.” I finally answer. “Am I in my room…?”

“You are. Can you tell me your name?”

I heave a heavy breath, I feel like bile might rise, but I say it either way. “Rosanna. Rosanna Carmilla Garnet.”

The doctor starts to write something on a clipboard, and I take that time to calm down.

With a hand to my forehead, I try to recall what happened last night.

Think Lillian. Think very hard.

Cyrus took me home, and then I took a bath. Father sent me a letter and a bouquet. Callisto came to visit me, told me of his engagement. I went to bed and went to sleep-

No, wait, I didn’t go to sleep immediately.

Yes, I started to cough. I couldn’t stop. It was like the air all around was suffocating me- as though there was water everywhere, and I was drowning.

There’s a rope in my room that connects directly to a bell in Andrew’s room, and it’s right next to my bed.

I reached for it, grabbed it, but stumbled over my bed.

I hit the ground-... and I don’t remember anything beyond that.

My head is pounding the more I try to remember… I think I saw a figure in my room… but that must have been Andrew.

How did I end up like this?

How did I end up here? In a foreign body?

More importantly, how do I return?

“Lady Rosanna, do yo-”

“I need a paper and a pen.” I cut off the doctor. “Can anyone bring me a paper and a pen? A-and a lettering kit.”

“M-my Lady, this is not the time to-”

“I need a pen, paper, and lettering kit. Now!”

Goodness that sounded so forceful of me... Of Rosanna?

Goddess, my head...

Still, it works to get the maids scrambling for what I asked for. I don’t have the mental capabilities to answer the doctor’s questions.

So with my request, I have the time to think more clearly.

“My Lady, please, I need you to cooperate for the sake of understanding your conditions more clearly.”

I look to the Doctor. My expression must seem fierce; I can see him flinch.

I can’t be like this. Throbbing headache or not, I have to be calmer than this.

Lillian, when you’re calm, the people around you will follow.

You agitate your mind, then you agitate your whole body. Your heartbeat will get too erratic, your blood pressure will rise too high, and then you’ll be down on the ground.

Calm down… Breathe…

If you want to live another year- another day; Breathe.

… Just like that.

“... I’m sorry, Doctor. I’m rather upset, confused, and I can’t think very straight.” I start after swallowing. “I don’t remember very much… In fact, it’s safer to say that I don’t remember anything from recent events. I have a headache and it simply won’t go away. So, you see, I’m trying to figure things out just as much as you are. Please give me your understanding.”

The people around us look at me as if I’m a foreign organism.

They almost couldn’t seem to believe their eyes or what they hear.

I suppose it is shocking to hear that someone has amnesia. I would also be very shock-

“Goodness, I’ve never heard Milady sound so… polite.”

Hm?

She’s a girl with light brown hair, I recognize her as the one who keeled over before.

“Shh! Milady, we ask for your forgivness.” This one is the one who ran off to tell everyone of how I’ve awakened. “She’s very new here, she doesn’t mean to speak what’s on her mind.” A maid with short wavy dark blue hair apologizes next to the maid who just spoke.

She’s calm, and I can’t help but notice that she apologized for the way the other maid spoke, but not for being rude.

Are all of Rosanna’s maids like this?

What is the head of personnel doing?

“... She’s excused,” I say. “Could you get me a new pitcher of water?”

“Very well.” The previous rude maid says.

Again, the way she spoke is rude. “... You sound as if you’re doing something bothersome. I only need a Yes or No for an answer. One more rudeness, and I won’t be lenient.” I firmly say.

If they aren’t capable of speaking correctly in the presence of the person they serve, in my own body or not, I won’t tolerate it.

It’s only been an hour, possibly two, since I woke up. I already miss the maids who serve me.

“Now, you’re quiet?” I tilt my head to the rude maid.

“... My apologies, Milady." That's better.

I turn to the doctor with a smile. “Any more questions, doctor? You’ve gotten awfully quiet.”

Oh dear, he’s gotten stark white.

~

I heave a soft sigh as I sit with a cup of tea. It’s far late into the afternoon- hours since I’ve asked a knight to deliver my letter.

I asked for it to be sent to the head of the palace staff. I addressed the letter to Andrew, not ‘Lillian’.

I know my staff, I know that should I send a letter to myself using the seal of the Garnet house, then it would be ripped right in front of the messenger.

Hearing a knock from the door, I stand. “Come in.”

Inside comes the blue-haired maid from before (apparently Rosanna’s personal maid), and next to her is the knight I sent.

I patiently wait for them to speak, raising an eyebrow when they don’t.

It seems they got the message, and the young knight speaks up, shoulders stiff and chest puffed too strong.

“T-They have denied the letter, Milady!” he says too loudly.

He’s obviously too nervous, and I counter that with calmness. “Denied how?”

“They ripped it up without even checking for who it was for…” He says. “Milady!” he adds loudly as if he just remembered.

I do hope his muscles are at least proof of how he must be a capable swordsman.

Heaving a deep sigh, I take a seat.

Well, now, I didn’t expect that.

Something terrible must have happened to ‘me’ if they’ve gotten so… unreasonable in their actions.

What do I do? What should I do?

Turning to the two of them, I stand up. “Please ready a coach. I would like to head out.”

~

I cover my face with both of my hands. The swaying of the coach making me want to vomit after the disaster that I had to face.

I’m on my way back to the Garnet fief… it’s safe to say that I was denied access to the palace grounds of the Opal Palace.

Why was I denied access?

Well, of course, it was because I am Rosanna Carmilla Garnet.

I understand that everyone knows Rosanna hates me.

I know full well that everyone knows that Rosanna despises me.

But what on earth could have happened to have the palace guards point their weapon at the young lady of the Garnet Duchy?!

What are they even thinking?!

Are they thinking at all?!

[“Back away before we use brute force to remove you!”] they said with their hands revealing the blade of their swords!

I never knew how much of a brute they could be!

They were always so kind! I never even knew their faces could get so fierce!

And Andrews… I couldn’t even get them to ask for the head butler to come out to talk with.

What a terrible, terrible mess!

I feel like I could cry! I can even feel the tears trying to spill out from my eyes…

Really, Just what am I supposed to do now?

“Welcome back, Milady.” the maid from before greets me once I’m off the carriage. “How was-”

“Leave me be.” I tell her as I quickly make my way into the house.

I pace around the halls a little, turning left and right- I’m pretty sure I’m lost, but luckily it just looks as if I’m restless. The saving grace is that the door to Rosanna’s room is easy to recognize. A rose symbol has been carved into the door.

Thank the Goddess.

Quickly entering it, I close the door behind me, and I lean against it.

What is happening?

Dear Goddess, what on earth is happening?

How could this be happening?!

I clutch onto the curls of Rosanna’s head- my head, I suppose I should say.

No, Lillian, calm down. You have to calm down.

Goddess, I’m so tired…

…

Hm?

Tired?

Am I tired?

Surely I must be! Waking up and getting frustrated by the maids, waiting anxiously for a reply to the letter I sent, then getting ready and heading out to the Palace, getting threatened by the palace guards, lastly I paced around the manor lost with quick steps.

I should be tired. That would do me in.

My heart is beating terribly fast, it’s chaotically erratic, but I don’t feel faint?

How could this-… Ah!

“I’m not Lillian… I’m Rosanna.” I speak to myself.

With my own words, I realize what this means.

I’m not Lillian, and I’m not in my sickly body. This is Rosanna’s, as far I know, she’s not sickly.

Rosanna won’t get sick very easily. She won’t get tired too easily.

My eyes dart around the room, blood pumping through me with something more than just fear or anxiety.

I spot my bed- I go for it with a run.

“Woooh!” I shout with too much joy as I jump onto the covers- twisting as I do so my back hits the soft mattress.

My heart beats quickly, exalted- excited!

I’ve never done that before. I couldn’t- one jump like that, and I’d be coughing up a storm.

But I’m not coughing. No, my heart is just excited, euphoric.

“I’m not sickly… I’m not frail!” I cheer and hug the pillow.

I can jump! I can run!

Is this really reality? Am I not dreaming?

Sitting up, I pinch my cheeks.

“Ow!” I cry out, my cheeks now stinging. “I’m not dreaming!” I cheer and fall back onto the mattress.

Just what sort of miracle is this?!

In my state of happiness, I nearly miss the muffled sound coming closer and closer.

They’re voices, and I quickly sit up on the bed again- my hair now a mess, as is my dress.

“-Leave us alone. I need to have a word with her.” I can somehow make out one of their voices once they’re close enough to the door.

I recognize that voice.

The moment I’m no longer on the bed, the door opens, and I see someone I never thought I would be more relieved to see.

He closes the door, and his purple eyes are beautiful even when they’ve gotten narrowed.

“What on earth were you thinking?” he sounds livid, but I can’t stop my smile. “Do I disgust you so much that you would rather die? Do you even know how worried you’ve made everyone?”

His words don’t register in my mind. I’m too happy.

“Why on earth are you even smiling right now, Lady Rosanna-”

“I’m not Rosanna.”

“... What?” His eyebrows furrow.

“I’m not Rosanna!” I tell him with all too much glee.

“What do you mean?”

“Cal,” I call out to him and tuck my hair behind my ear. “I’m Lillian.”

“... I don’t believe you.”

Of course not.