Chapter 5

2015.06.12

We were in the class studying our butts off. My friends were whispering to each other. I wanted to join but I was busy with the math equation. I speed up and finished it. I gave the book to teacher, she was already correcting three other books. I gave my book to a classmate and said "After correcting yours, give mine too. Thanks babe." (I often say I Love You to my teachers and call some of my classmates in adorable names. Not my friends in the circle but others. No definitely not Lily.) She nodded yes. I ran to my friends and asked what the secret was? They were talking about a guy who was almost 3 to 4 years older than us. They have met through the stargram. "He is a nice guy and very kind" Kate started. Amy added that she had been chatting with him. Apparently he had broken up with his girl, the girl had cheated on him. They were adoring him and I too became friends with him after they told me chat too. Well I was naïve. Don't judge. We all make mistakes. I was stupid to chat with boys that I have never met or seen. Nothing happened between us. It was with Kate.

2025.05.14

It was the 4th day after the article release. My brother-in-law called me. "Sis. How are you doing?" "I am not sure what to say in return to this post." "Hyung (In Korean for 'older brother') is worried and rumors are building up." "He is getting hurt. Isn't he?" "Yes, he is pretending so is mom. I have never seen her like this." "Any ideas?" "Stop worrying that you will hurt her. She has gone to the extreme. Why do you even care about her? She absolutely doesn't. Are you not being too nice? Please stop it Anna. Please." "Hmm…. I will hang up." "Okay. Be safe." She is not in a good state. She will lose everything that he has. She hasn't much of anything. I will be responsible for her life again. I don't want to be someone who destroys others' lives. I just don't want to. What should I do? What?

2015.06.14

We are having teachers' in a week. I know it is not the day for it. We are having it in advance. We were planning what to get for Mrs. Beth. We thought of getting a one piece office wear. And we all agreed. I collected the money as I was the class president. I said "I will buy it." Lily kept hissing and chuckling. Fanny said "Let Lily buy." I wasn't convinced but I just nodded. I didn't trust her but I let it be. "Bring a receipt to collect the money." I sat and our English teacher came in. As usual she didn't pay much attention to us. Suddenly Lily started breathing hard. It was as if like she has severe asthma. I could remember one of my cousin brother having asthma on a cold day. The English teacher got terrified. Almost all did expect for me. "Class president bring the first aid." I bought the first aid as my teacher instructed. Well it is useless. There is barely anything related to asthma in the first aid. Lily took the balm and applied to her nose and chest in a thick layer. Great! I have to get a new balm now. I know I am being cold. You know why? Because something was off. Lily's mom came to pick her up.

2015.06.15

We got punished. Because we were shouting than the other classes. What do you expect from a class that has 50 kids? We weren't shouting. We were talking in groups. We were standing in a line in front of the Principal's office. And luckily not for long since there was inter-school competitions, we were excused. Lily was in pain again. They called her mom again and sent her home. My friends started acting weird. They talked in whispers and when I joined they changed the subjects. It was very obvious. So obvious that me and one of my team-mate we stopped talking. It was a bit lonely but instead I got close with other classmates. Masha became friends with the new-come, Sara. It was suspicious. Because she barely talks with anyone. And also a new girl. Just, NOPE!

I came home exhausted. I laid on the bed thinking about my friends. "Anna?" "Yeah…" "What do you think about joining in a group like yours?" Engel asked me a question that I was confused myself. "They will not be like you. It is going to be tough and sometimes heart breaking. But then there is another group in my class that is the example of real team. They never give up on each other. Share secrets even though it might be really ugly. Barely fights and respects each other's differences." "Did something happen?" "Kind of. I am not in the mood to explain. Coz I am confused myself." I kept rewinding if I did any wrong. Did I hurt them? I am gas. I would have hurt them? Nothing pops in my mind. I didn't want to let go of my ego and ask sorry either, I don't know what for I should be sorry?

2015.06.16

Lily is now a hot topic between the teachers. She is sick every day. And the family story that my mom hid, a teacher told us when she was absent. It was said that the sisters have different dads. Her mom had ran away with another man and blah blah… I wasn't listening because I don't want to be in part of this mess. I kept doing my school work. We are still not talking to each other. I didn't know if I was the one to blame? I kept it to myself because my ego wasn't letting me.

At home I asked my mother casually about Lily. My mother made a face and asked me where did I hear it from? I said one of the school teaches told us. She frowned and nodded. "Don't go around and tell this to anyone, you will be in trouble for no reason." "I would not. I don't want to tell her name myself. Why would I?" I don't judge her because of their parents' deeds, but I remembered what she told me that day in the sport meet fight; that kids grow up as their parents. It can't be. I am not like my mom nor my dad. We can grow up as our wish. We can make our choices. Right? I will be though. I want to be a better version of me. Not of my parents.

2025.05.15

With the outbreak of the news. I became more famous. Many people bought my cosmetics and reviewed. And to my surprise they loved them and said that they will be buying more. There was some of my customers saying that people make mistakes and they grow out of it. And I should be given a second chance. And some blamed Lily calling out her as a liar and telling that she is trying to break my fame and popularity, in short she was being jealous. Well that is true! The hate comments were not second to the love comments. I should do something. I build my brand eating glass. I can't let her take it down. Perhaps I was being too nice and playing it safe. You are asking for it Lily. I am sorry for not being goody two-shoes. I printed the stweet she had posted.

2015.07.20

We drifted apart. We were no longer friends anymore. I only talked if I had to collect any books or money if the teacher had asked me to. But sometimes I tell one of my classmates to ask for it. Lily was being even sicker and now nobody bothers not even the teachers, they just sigh. They are not being rude. You know why? Because she was just acting to grab attention and be pitied. To my surprise even my English teacher keeps ignoring. And my literature teacher asked "Aren't you going too far?" She really indeed was. And she mad even made the class angrier on the Teachers' Day. She had selected an office wear that is worn by older women. One word to describe it; SHIT! I went with my gut feeling and became the savior of the day. I bought a waffle toaster. It was pretty huge. You can make pancakes in that too. The classmates were a bit relieved when they saw it. Lily was proud of her choice. Yep, just like her. We gifted the dress and the toaster and Mrs. Beth was embarrassed because she got the most expensive gifts out of all the teachers, more like she was uncomfortable. We were proud and at the same time we felt bad.

The school was over a bit late and made sure all the windows are closed, completed the record book and checked for the litter. They had left a small bag of litter. I collected it to take it home. I didn't want Mrs. Beth to be mad in the morning and ruin her all day. I closed the door behind me and went down the stairs. To my surprise I saw Lily. She goes early to home. She doesn't stay in late. I paused and watched her. She pulled out a beautiful office dress from her bag and handed it to a teacher in the staff room. I couldn't see who it was. After she left. I went to the staff room to see f Mrs. Beth was there. "Is Mrs. Beth here?" "She left already" the sports teacher answered me. The dress was in her hands. I already knew Mrs. Beth left. I wanted to know who she gave to. I understood that she was trying to win the favor of this teacher. And to be honest, she won. The sports teacher ignored me for a while and because of my literature teacher she treated me as all students. But something was definitely eating the sports teacher.

My dad was at home when I came. That is odd. He barely comes from work. Like he is always working and never at home. He was sad. His face gone pale? He is brown how can it be pale? You get the picture right? He was out of energy? It was like someone had pulled his soul out. He sat on the couch watching the television with no interest and I could tell that he wasn't even concentrating on the show. He was lost in his thoughts.

2015.07.21

I went to join a social club. And I Samuel's mother. She was very funny and lovely with everyone. We signed our names as members because the seniors are appointed as president, secretary, et cetera. I am not still talking with any of my team mates. I was a bit lonely when my other friend said that "I think Kate will be jealous if I am friends with you and not with her." It was as if I was the bait. There is no 'IF', I was the bait I got to know in 2016 October. It hurt. Hurt very much. I want to have a friend too. Don't I deserve?

Dad is at home again. He has not gone to work. Something was wrong. Seriously wrong. "Engel can you come in for a moment?" I called Engel to the garden, so that my parents would not hear us. "Yeah, a sec." "Why what is it Anna?" "Do you know why dad has been all day at home? Did something happen?" "It seems like dad has quit the job." "Quit?! But why? He was fine for all these 40 years. (My dad had been working in this place since 18 years old. The shop belonged to his cousin and he worked there as the manager. He went to China and other countries to import and the business was really great). "This is bizarre!" I exclaimed.

I logged in to stargram. Can you remember the guy that I was introduced to by my friends, on 2015.06.12? He stopped texting. He started to ignore my texts. He stopped checking my stories. He stopped calling sis. That was odd. He normally puts a message almost daily. It just stopped suddenly. It might have been them. They must have told that I don't talk to them. I texted Amy to bring tomorrow the geography homework. She replied "Okay dear." Amy and I are not angry. She is innocent. (No she isn't, she is a liar. No one will say that she has another side. I have seen it 6 times in my life. She has that seducing power in her words and actions that will convince you. I fell for it every time but not the last time. That is when I stopped texting.) I thought to ask Amy what was going on with Kate, Masha and the rest. And what was Sara's deal? It seems harmless, but something is not right.

2015.09.27

Days passed with a flash. We have not talked. Amy kept convincing that she knew nothing. And they don't tell her. I have seen her many times with them in serious conversations. I just thought that she is keeping her promise. (I was wrong back then. It is just that she didn't value me as much as I valued her. I was a fol. I broke my own heart.) I knew she was in a tight position and couldn't choose any sides. I guessed right that it has to do something with boys. And when I asked Amy, she denied hardly. It made so obvious. I waited till it explodes. I watched them and the year ended. Lily hasn't got over to avenge herself and restore her ego back. But once in a while she acts friendly. And in return I act cold, because I know when people pretend and lie. My gut keeps saying don't trust them. I was keeping my eyes close shut thinking about the incidents and replaying them again. I had forgot some of them. I was trying to make sense and was trying to find an answer. One of classmates sprinkled water on my face after washing her hands. I opened my eyes, I became furious. My anger topped. "Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? I was having a nap. Are that dumb?" I told in a frustrated tone. There is something about me. I never swear. I keep it simple. I would call you a dog or a monkey or a donkey behind your back. Sometimes pig too. Nothing more because I never knew swear words. I was naïve, I guess? My classmate was in shock and regretted all the water drops that fell on my face. I was not sorry that day but I am today. I shouldn't have slashed out like that. But she did annoy me though.