Chapter 13

2016.08.10

We, the whole class got to collaborate in a project from another nation country. Our class was divided into 3 groups. It was not random. We sat in the class in 3 columns and it was divided accordingly. I was grouped with my team and some other classmates where 4 of them were my old school friends. We transferred to this current school together. I could have stayed with them but in the previous school we were just classmates, my old gang could not make it. They did not pass the entrance exam. I kind of grateful that I was not in the same school as them. I do not know why but it is a gut feeling. It got no reasons.

Mrs. Marinna was the in-charge teacher for our class. The other two groups had the top graders in the team, they are pretty good in these sort of projects. I asked Sandra for ideas and help and also asked how they are doing. We were asked to pin photographs on a cloth as the representative teacher will be coming to our school from abroad of that school to visit us. And making in cloth will be easy for her to take it with her folded in the suitcase. We all started our work together. But they finished two days before us. I was the leader for ours. Our topic was our city we live in. We live in the central province and our city is the scared heart of the country. It is because during the invasion of our country, it was hard to conquer due to the natural landscape the city possessed. The city was guarded by a circle of mountains and most mountains were covered by fog and mist. I chose a maroon colored cloth and a team member bought it. Two other team mates bought glue, gold glitter. And some others gave money for the printouts.

2016.08.12

I went to the city and took some photographs and others were led by my cousin Rio. I arranged them in MS word and formatted to PDF file and took print outs. I bought them to school and gave my team members to cut them out for me. Even some of the members bought print outs on their own and they were pretty good too. I did not bring the cloth with me to paste them up. I told them that I will do it at home. And asked some others to write the place names. They did the job and I took the rest home. I am a perfectionist. I like doing things alone most of the time. Even when we get school projects I tend to do everything on my own and just add my members' names. Or I give all the notes and photos that should be included and only they have to do is just copy. I was most of the time self-centered. No one bothered much at the time because they did not want to spend extra time on these projects and they scored full marks or above average. These days we had mock exam. Because the final national exam I near and we had to prepare for it. I had to study as well as complete the project. I studied till night 10 p.m. and did the banner till 3 in the morning. It was a lot tiring and I still wanted to do it on my own because I do not want to mess it up.

2016.08.13

I took the cloth and not the photos with me. I asked my members to help me out with the border of the cloth. They could only complete up to a 1/4th, because we had barely time to even eat. I bought it back home. And I had to finish the banner within two days. The other two teams had finished their banners and submitted them to madam. To be honest I was not satisfied with their banners. Something was missing in them or perhaps the color combination was out. I did not comment on the off things but congratulated for finishing it quickly. The representative teacher from the foreign school is expected to come in two days and I have not finished. I panicked a bit.

I rushed home to complete the banner. I had to study too. I asked my mother for help. Disclaimer! My mother is fantastic when it comes to ideas and doing creative works. I love the way she come up with solutions and solve the problems extraordinarily. My mother told me to remove the border first. She helped me arrange the photos and the names of the places. I had missed some names of the places. Still something was not right. It looked unorganized. "Mom what about a border for all the photos? A red one; to cut out from the maroon cloth and emphasize the photos better?" She nodded. I searched for some red A4 boards and pasted them on it and carefully cut them out with a half inch width. It looked better and I now had to shop for the A4 boards. I asked mom for money and went to a near stationary shop with Engel to get them. There was about 70 photos and 5 post cards (a member bought them because she was unable to get printouts and they looked very good). I was only able to do 30 photos because I wanted to study and if I do not do well on the exams I am going to receive a lecture on it. And I definitely did not want to take part in it.

2016.08.14

I gave my members to paste them on the A4 sheets and all of it should have a half inch border. Everyone took and only my friend did not take any. She said she cannot do now. She did not even give money for the print outs nor for the A4 sheets I had just bought yesterday. I had no strength to fight now. All I wanted to do was to get this done. After we had finished our paper we excused our teachers and started cutting the photos. Only some of the teachers allowed us. They somehow finished and even some stayed for a half hour after school to just cut them out for me.

I took the photos home and started pasting till evening 5.30 p.m. and studied till midnight.

2016.08.15

It was 4.00 in the morning. I stayed all night and finished the banner. I slept for two hours before I went to school. My mom ironed my clothes and my shoes because I had stayed up all night.

I bought the banner to school and showed my members and others in the class. They all loved and my members were proud of it. Except for one. The friend who did not take part in the work. I did not include her name in the banner. She exploded and Kat kept telling me that we are friends and just include her. I said "No. She did not contribute to any of the work and we are a team and that means all should take part in. I know she is my friend but she is wrong here. (I turned towards her and told) I asked you multiple times did not I? You had money to buy from canteen and eat with Amy. Sorry Amy. But you did not have money for the damn cloth." She kept complaining and I did not respond.

Later Kate and my friend went to Mrs. Marinna to complain about the situation and that I am being unfair and rude. Mrs. Marinna sent a junior to my class to pick me up with the banner. My friend and Kate were smirking with the over joy of me getting blamed.

I was little nervous and also excited to show my work to her. I kind of cursed my friend while I was walking down the stairs to Mrs. Marinna. She was furious and mad. Her face is scary when she is mad. This mad me even more nervous. I do not know what they had told Mrs. Marinna. "Why have not you added (my friend's) name?" She was in deed mad at me. "Because she did not do any work as a team and you told us not to add names if they have not done their work." I replied in a more confident and non-apologetic tone. "Show me the banner" she kind of snapped at me. Her expression changed. I knew I did a great job with the banner. She looked at the banner for a while. I could tell she was happy with it. Now was my chance to really tell what happened. "Madam?" "Hmm?" Her eyes was still focused on the banner and then she looked at me. "To be honest, she is my friend. I would have added but I felt guilty because others bought the cloth, some bought me post cards because she was unable to get printouts, others gave me money and told me take print outs. I personally went to the lake to get photos and even during exam time we asked permission to cut the photos. I stayed up all night even though it was exam time to just finish this give you. I asked multiple times for her to help us and even asked for money but she was not bothered. That is why did not add her name. She was not in the team." Mrs. Marinna understood what I really meant. "It is beautiful, well done. Can you call (my friend's name) downstairs for me." "Sure madam." She accepted my explanation and did not tell me to include her name. Which means I am excused and there was no problem in my leadership in this project.

"Hey! Marinna madam is calling you to come meet her. She is in the staff room." I said in a more happy tone. Her face changed from being overjoyed to a confused look. She was expecting for me to come in a rather sad face. She went down. After around ten minutes she came back with a sad face and turned mad when she saw me. She came to Masha, Kate and Amy and complained and most likely she cursed at me too. It was her fault not to be part of the team in the first place. Madam had assigned her to one of the other two groups. Mrs. Marinna was not happy with their banner so she had made them do it again.

2016.08.16

My friend was in the other group cutting photos and doing the banner. She was being active in the group now. Masha and Kate started to complain and making up excuses and accusing me of being wrong. "You should have just put her name. She is our friend." Kate started it. "Then may I replace your name with hers?" I was annoyed. Masha cut in "Is friendship not your first priority?" "So you are telling me that I am wrong? Why do not you ask her why did she not take part in as team? She was just lazing around. I have to look at the other members. They worked their shit off. You all are being absurd." "Stop talking to her. She will not listen" another friend of mine cut in. "Yes, I would not because it is wrong." I sat down facing my back towards them.

They did not talk to me the whole day. Except for Amy and some others. But they were ignoring me. I was not bothered as before because I ultimately got used to being ignored. I no longer knew what I was doing in a circle of friends who never cared about me but talked about friendship in group projects. I was fed up with the reasons they come up with. And sometimes they never explain why they are treating me as a leverage. I am getting tired of the shit. I often forget that I am not alone. I am surrounded by my classmates.