Chapter 14

2016.08.21

I was wrong. I am alone. There are a 50 students in the class including me. And still feel empty. I feel alone. I feel out casted. I laugh and play with them but the happiness is not lasting like I had with my ex-team. I remember the trip we had together in February. Our destination was approximately 8 kilometers. I am the DJ for our field trip. Our class had a bus for ourselves. Other four classes have to share two buses. I always made sure of getting hyped up songs, the trendy ones and the songs that means to us a lot.

We came to school at about 4.30 in the morning. We have to get on the bus by 5.00 in the morning. But you know the school is never punctual so is some of the kids. Our team always aims for the back seat so we all can sit close together. To get the back seat, we make a master plan. I am the class president so I stand in front with a classmate who is not fierce. Behind me another two girls from our team stands. After about five rows another two girls from the team stands. And that the right middle another two and at the last the rest stands. This is how we conquer our back seat and we always accomplish it.

We stand in the bus the whole time dancing to the rhythm and the words of the song. We went to watch under sea findings, evolution of boats and ship in an ocean museum. Afterwards we had lunch on a beach but we were forbade to bath in it. They took us to another beach to have fun. Our math sir said that we will be visiting another one so do not waste your time much here and get dry and on to the bus. We were trilled and got onto the bus. We were waiting for past 10 minutes. The other classes had extreme fun in the beach so did some of our class girls. He lied the math sir, Mr. Amsterdam. He do have a face like a hamster. We were mad at him for the lies he told us. We had snacks, drinks, played games, made jokes, sand made up songs. One of the classmate changed the song by putting her pen drive in. And the songs were boring. We kept changing for a while and there was a good song. I kept insisting to put my pen drive but the classmate was telling that my songs are bit old and was trendy and all of us have heard the songs. We have to play songs that are trendy and songs that all are familiar, so we can vibe towards it. I gave up. The next song changed it was boring but some dancing to it. I had bought my mp3 along with me. I plugged in the earphones and listened to it. Suddenly everyone sang weird songs. I removed the earphones and asked what the issue was? Amy told me "The song that is playing is 18+ and it is completely rubbish" I went towards the front of the bus and changed the pen drive to mine and played the songs I had downloaded by myself. I gave the pen drive to the classmate and asked "Did you not check it before you bought it?" She replied "I do not know. My cousin brother downloaded and gave them to me for the trip." "He is not a good cousin." I said in sarcastic tone. She was not offended, she laughed it off. I could not remember anything further than these memories. My body had fun that day. It was pure joy and filthy at the same time. My team is not that great when it comes to cleanliness. I always start nagging them to clean the place and also to eat properly without feeding the floor and the desks. There was one time when Kate ate noodles disgustingly that I hated eating noodles for 3 years. And whenever I saw noodles I literally threw up.

They were pretending to have fun. And I knew because I have been with them for a while to distinguish what is genuine and what is not. Amy is mainly in the mode of wanting someone to feel jealous that they are having fun and to tease others (She is the captain). But eventually she gets off from the allegations towards her. I did not see this side of her until 2021 February.

2016.08.22

We were preparing so hard for the final national exam. We started having extra after school classes for English Literature. We had to cover a lot and had to finish the novel before the exams. Mrs. Marinna is the best literature I have ever met. I went tuition classes for Literature but within a month I quit because Mrs. Marinna madam was enough for me. I loved and admired how she taught us.

We had a class after noon. I was the subject leader for English literature and Geography. Mrs. Beth assigned only one person per subject but with time Mrs. Marinna was mad with the assigned subject leader because they did not do the work up to date and always slacked at the job. S she eventually appointed me as the subject leader. I collected letters from everyone where the parent has allowed their child to stay after school for the English Literature extra classes to finish the syllabus. Some of them had no letters and I asked if they had really told their parents, some had not. They had forgotten. I asked Mrs. Beth to make calls for their parents and grant permission for the extra class. She agreed and led her phone for us. We called and got permission to stay after school. I went to Mrs. Marinna to tell her that some had forgotten about the class and I made calls or their parents and they said okay. She was pleased that I came up with a solution before meeting her. "What about the letters for the other kids?" She asked me. "I will make sure that they bring it tomorrow madam." I said with responsibility. She said okay and I let the girls know that they can stay for the after school class.

We refreshed and bought lunch from the canteen. Some had bought extra food for the afternoon. We had lunch and it was nice. It is nice when the school is quite and it becomes nostalgic. I saw a little girl, I think she was in grade three or five. She was picking up flowers and placing them on the ground in the shape of a girl. It was overwhelming. She smiled happily and placed the pink flowers under the tree, humming to herself. The little girl left because her vehicle had come to pick her up. She had missed two flowers. I picked two more flowers and placed in the spots that she had missed. Mrs. Marinna saw from the window the flower girl on the floor. She called out my name and told me to come up. I ran upstairs "Yes, madam?" "Can you photograph the girl made out of flowers?" and she gave me her phone. I nodded and took the phone and photographed it. We all were talking about the creativity that the little girl possessed.

The class was going well. Just after fifteen minutes had passed. We got to into a fight with Mrs. Marinna. Not like a fight but like a disagreement. I do not remember what the reason for the foundation of the fight was. I sat there watching Sandra and others giving out lectures to teacher. They might tell that they were right. But I think it was a bit over the line. "Madam, you should have done it like this. You should have told us before hand or you should have cancelled the class before the school was over." And the girls took in turn to say 'you should have'. Madam was fired up and more than that she was hurt. She said to Sandra "Your sister would have never talked to me like that. You are one rude kid. And do not think that you know all. All of you do not think that you know better. I am trying really hard to complete the syllabus and make you pass the national exam and this is how you treat me? My mother is in the dead bed. She is fighting cancer so did my dad and I left her at home all alone to come just teach you all. My mother would ask me to help but I would refuse because I had to find notes to teach you." She was angry and at the same time she was controlling her tears. I was sitting there still. I was the subject leader I should have done something. Spoke out at least but I sat there without saying anything besides for 'sorry madam'. "Call your parents and tell them to come and pick you up right this instant." Mrs. Marinna picked her phone and started to dial the numbers she knew and gave her phone. We all said in a chorus "Sorry madam. Extremely sorry can we have the class." All she said was "No. Call your parents right now and go home now." I felt bad and I was mad at my classmates for being such big headed. They had always been like that and many admired them only. I picked he phone up and called my mother. She said she will come and pick me up. "Is that all? All have called your parents right? I am not responsible from now on." And she left. I was stunned. I felt bad. She left so quickly because she was hurt. Her mother had cancer. This was the first time I had ever heard about her family. She was crying. But no tears showed up. She was crying I knew. She could not hold it up and did not want to break apart in front of us either. She did not want to feel weak in front of her students specially after being treated poorly. I packed my bags and left the school with heavy heart.

2016.08.23

Mrs. Beth came in furious and she was hurt too by what had happened yesterday. I watched her unleash her inner thoughts at all of us. After she had given us a huge warning to behave, she left. Sandra's team and the other girls started saying that "How are we supposed to know if her mother had cancer or not? This is unfair. She should have let us know beforehand about the class isn't it?" They were not in the position to excuse themselves. In simple terms they were rude yesterday. As soon as Mrs. Beth left the class, I followed madam and excused her to talk with her. "Madam? Do you have a moment?" "Yes, Anna." She moved to a side and kept room for others to pass by. "Madam about yesterday." One of my classmate joined me. I looked at her and looked back at madam. I continued "Is there something we could do? I feel bad and it was very wrong what we had said yesterday. I was the subject leader and never stood up for her." "Yes, madam what happened was unforgivable. Is there anything we could do?" my classmate joined in the conversation. "I know you want to make it right. But it far away from that now. What is done is done. Mrs. Marinna was really hurt. She cried when she told me. I was shocked to hear what you all have done. But she said something that you both and Kate did not say anything and you three were shocked and said sorry even before them." Relief rushed through me. My classmate grinned slightly. "Is there still nothing we can do?" Mrs. Beth shook her head and said "Let it be. Be careful next time when you are saying something. Mrs. Marinna is a wonderful person she will not take revenge on neither of you all." and she left. My classmate hugged me with relief. It was good that I kept quiet and never said anything. "At least we are out of the naughty list of Mrs. Marinna and Mrs. Beth." My classmate commented. "I know right. When you think you know everything this is what happens." I replied with a devastation. She added "Is there still nothing we can do?" "How about we go and ask how she is and an apology? Something is better than nothing." A girl passed between us. I continued "The scholars are still saying that they are innocent and did not know about Mrs. Marinna's mother's condition." "They said in a more demanding voice and whenever Sandra scolds someone it hurts like shit and you remember it for like forever." We could both relate to that. It hurts a lot like a lot. You remember it crystal clear for at least 2 weeks. It is hard to forget her tone of voice.

We both went right away to meet Mrs. Marinna. She is in her assigned class. She was not teaching. She was talking with the class president about the record book. We peeped our head and took courage and said 'Excuse me madam' together. She saw us and frowned. But then stood up from the chair and came towards us. We stood out of her classroom. "Why, what is it?" she said in a hurried and mad voice. "We are really sorry madam what we said yesterday. We should have not talked in such a way. We do know we cannot undo what is done but really want to say that we regret it our whole life." My classmate continued "Yes, madam. Can you forgive us?" She smiled and patted our shoulders. "I am not mad at you both. I know that you did not say anything. You both did not hurt me." I almost teared up, it was sad to see her this way. She was in deed hurt to the core. And that scholars are still debating if they are right or wrong. They can ask me million and billion times I would tell they are wrong. My classmate cried. The tears fell non-stop. I held her hand and Mrs. Marinna rubbed her back. "Girl, I should be the one crying." "Sorry madam, cannot help it. It is coming out non-stop." She mumbled out. "I will take her madam. And madam we are sorry and love you a lot." And we left. Mrs. Marinna went back in to the class and talked. Her class knew what had happened yesterday. The classmate who cried, her sister is in Mrs. Marinna's class (her class teacher).

It was the literature time. Mrs. Marinna came in and sat. We greeted and she did not reply back. My classmates should have said sorry in the early morning or now but they kept quiet. "I do not care if you pass your exams or not. I will do the classes as my wish. There will be no more extra after school classes. I will go in my speed and will not care if you had written it or not." And she opened her book and read out the topic of the poem that we are doing. We all said sorry and she did not buy it. She continued to read out the notes and did not stop to ask our opinions on the poems as before. It was as if she was talking to the wall. As soon as the bell rang at the end of the period she closed the book and said "I will not forget what you all did. Except for Anna, Kate and Zara." and she left. She usually stays till the other teacher comes in for the next subject but now she did not. The scholars said that she is being unfair and questioned us why we were excused from this. What do they expect? I am happy that I did not join their group nor did I sculpture to be like them. I would have been a chaos.