Dark (6)/Chest: Limbo

Suddenly, I'm at this state again. A state I don't exactly know how to describe or to tell the reasons why I'm here again.

Denial, fear, confusions, frustrations, pain...

It seems like happiness and joy has been pushed into a corner once again. They are being bullied again, more, more, more, more of infliction to a mind complicated to understand. Dragging both emotions into the brink of despair, entrapping it into a cage that is hanging and ready to fall.

How many times have I gotten here?

How many times did I climb and crawled out from it?

How many more times should this cycle repeat?

Life. Love. Career. Wishes and hopes. Beliefs, principles, intentions.

To end a body, to free the spirit within, to stop the breathing... What then would happen next?

Contentment, satisfaction, nirvana, emptiness...

What is this state of being? I'm being sucked in again like imagining being pulled in by a black hole no one knows what's inside. Or maybe as most believed, that it is just nothingness.

I'm here again.

I lost the excitement, the passion, that burning feeling inside to go on, to move forward, to do what I have always done just to put a smile in my face, or let me put into something visible what is exploding in my mind, to be who I want to be and be where I want to be, though, I'm just sitting or lying at one spot, not moving.

This state, I have been, this state, I am in, this state, I might be in again.

There's no one to explain, no one to simplify, no one to make it just disappear, no one to eradicate it on my system.

Once again, or, multiple times more would I have to get myself again, like a zombie crawling out of its grave or a vampire roaming around and cursed to walk the Earth forever.

Are there more to say?

Are there more to do?

Are there...

©️ 06.12.2019