3. I changed!

It was time to go home but I felt challenged. Of course I missed my family , my siblings and neighbors and childhood friends as it seemed I had a lot of people as my company but whenever I countered hardship I would cry alone which I was used to. I reached home but this time my accent seemed to have changed but I had to behave myself, due to my speaking and how I was behaving many of my friends seemed to feel far from me because I had come the person who is more reserved than the Bella they knew before who was more cheerful, easy to approach but now more quiet which seemed quiet scary and uncomfortable. This did it only affect my friends but also my family they would constantly ask me who changed me at school but I did say I see no difference . It was there, because I wanted to have those friends I became more like them , I didn't want to feel lonely at school so I started walking like how others walked and dressed like them which became a controversy from what my family believed in and due to that my mother who was always besides us felt it and I started urging with her every little day. I became affected by that because it was one the moments that I started to feel more lonely during my vacations. All my older siblings who were busy with there lives cared less about such matter since they believed mom would understand but that was different . Since she became unhappy with what I wanted or I was happy with what I felt I had nothing to say to her as I started to take my own actions as well as my own decisions which felt more rebellious and now it was a battle endless. Of course I understood them that I had change but I felt I was doing well which was really harmful and from then on whenever I went to school and something happen my mother who was the caring type , very humble, understanding parent that I have ever seen and the kind of parent that I wanted to become for my kids and family , would always now feel insecure. But I also wanted to do well and to how they wanted me to be except that whenever I tried to change I would become even more less than their expectations . I really tried for more than three years but through that I would always meet people of different understandings and I would be their friend and they would become my friends. At school I tried to always make myself busy because I didn't want to think something I encountered or am to encounter only what am doing was all I was really concerned about , therefore I started writing poems which include all my desires, I would write sad, romantic , funny, horror novels whenever I felt lonely and I would always pour tears while writing them. But I never attended competitions because I knew I would not make it because most of all those competitions were all about chances which am really poor at getting and whenever something requires to win randomly I always withdraw because it is hard for me to really think I can make it.