4. Poems

Some of the poems that I would always write whenever I wanted such a thing to happen to me or feel like I really want to pour my sorrow into them. I remember the first poem I wrote was about if I ever had power I would stop my heart from beating by biting it. Because at these time i always felt the urge to do something but i was always afraid, saying what if i loose, wondering how i would handle the fact that i lost. I was always afraid of loosing, some people try and it is really fine to fail when you have tried but i was always afraid to try in case i lost which became i habit that i would always feel my heart beat even if i wanted to stop it by all means even if it meant biting it.

MY HEART

I wish I would stop my heart,

my heart which always beating,

by biting the beating piece.

This was the poem that I remember for long even if time has passed I still feel how I felt during that long ago time because I really longed to stop worrying about something I cant have thus it was difficult and it still it is now . I had crush on someone but I didn't want things to work for us or anything to happen therefore for me to stop such kinds of thoughts I would always stop them by writing things down that is how I did come to settle and end my unrequited feelings.

My First Love.

the first time I saw you , I knew I would fall

I tried to stop looking at you, avoided your gaze

but I would always find myself drawn toward you.

you who was always the shining star in my eyes,

you who shone even during my night sleep,

became so hard to look at you from far.

The first time I approached you was at night,

but it felt like my morning because you shone bright.

I said hello but you replied how are you,

it made me boil inside because you reflected yourself

in my eyes.

With only greetings, I knew I would meet you again,

which came early than I thought

I met you in the library , some how I felt familiar to you,

until I approached to sit near you,

but you already had someone to sit there with you,

when I reached without a single word ,

but only my eyes , I knew I was going to hurt

thus I knew it, I still wanted something to chase me

not until you said 'she is my girlfriend'.

and whenever I failed something or had hardship I would always comfort myself through writings that some of my friends would always approach me to ask for some poems and write for them but with that never did I appear in any competitions even if there was one I really had to sit in the back and watch others do it even if I was urged to do it I never did any because I knew I was not good at competing against others other than making myself happy and forget worries. The piece of writings i wrote helped me feel less worried and felt company. The person who was shy to do what others were doing, who did not know how find her happiness , became happy while writing. Although all my emotions were poured into my writings i remember that i would always cry while writing something because it was always part of me that i was writing , even if i lied about my inspiration, i was always my own inspiration to all poems and stories i wrote back then.