Going Back To Hell

Marcus

"Where's Juliet?" I asked, jogging up to the car, "We've got to go. I finished boarding up the last room." Liam and Louis were in the front seats. Cindy was in the back, waiting for us.

Louis's head came out the window, "She's been sitting in our dressing room for an hour. I was just there… nothing I do gets her attention… I was hoping you could give it a try… You guys have the connection at the compound... Going back and everything that happened." I tapped the windowsill, taking in his words. "Oh, and Marcus, now would be a good time."

I frowned, walking up the stairs into the house. What did he mean? 'Now would be a good time.' When I saw her, the picture she painted touched me. Juliet wasn't happy at all. I stood there for a long time, staring at her. Shoulders slumped. An empty suitcase and a cat playing with the tiedown strings. She didn't even know I was there or heard when I called her name.

I was going to have to do something…

***

Juliet

The day we were packing for our trip to America, I didn't speak to anyone. Not that I was in a tiff about going back… I was just that nervous. No matter what Louis tried to do, he couldn't make me relax. My parents had been quiet for those few days. I felt guilty; my mother would have no freedom. She enjoyed it so much when we first got off the compound. How my father's behavior instantly changed. He could let go from protecting us twenty-four-seven. I had begged them to stay—they wouldn't even argue with me; my father patted my shoulder and told me how proud he was of me.

Sitting and staring at my suitcase was an excuse. I missed Caleb. I was going to miss my cat. There was no point in packing? What did you take to the place where there was nothing but making food, sitting around, being pregnant, or abused. My plain black veil lay over the daybed, staring back at me. I wouldn't be stupid again and take makeup or even one book. It would be taken away when my suitcase was searched at the gates. My stomach was in knots; a wave of nausea was building up. It was my own fault. From all of my choices, I wished I could be pregnant again. The thought made me even more depressed… All the options of how I could get out of going back were going through my mind. My life had become one of those. Where peace and security were exchanged for fear and dread. Children and being able to bear them was your only bargaining tool.

Someone touched my shoulders and squeezed them. I would've known who it was if I was paying attention. Two strong hands lifted me by my armpits and put me down. Marcus slowly turned me around to look at him. I couldn't. He took my hand and led me towards the door, closing it so we were the only two in the room. What was he doing? Marcus left me standing there. He turned to pick up the veil behind him. He came towards me, lifted it into the air, and pulled it over my head. I drew in a sharp breath. Before I could react, two strong hands reached underneath, slowly cupping my face… Fingers felt my cheeks for tears. The little flap of the veil lifted. One thumb trailed my lips till it reached the corner of my mouth, applying pressure… Confused, I looked up; desperate eyes were fixed on mine, waiting—asking. Restrained, I slightly parted my lips. Marcus's eyes drifted to my mouth, unwilling to let him in. I couldn't—if this went nowhere. Even harder pressure urged me to open. I was on the brink of crying; how could I cross over to expectation. Hesitantly, I parted my lips even more; his whole thumb slid in over my tongue, searching for wetness—playing—teasing—taunting. Instinctively, I wrapped my lips around him. Four fingers urgently cupped my face as he moved closer to me.

I closed my eyes—the sensations of his skin against mine—in my mouth—caught up with my repressed emotions. Marcus slowly slipped out and achingly replaced the loss with his lips—his thumb with a depraved tongue. Stunned, my muscles tensed; helplessly, I groaned at the sudden heat in my core—inflamed to react. Startled, my breathing deepened as my mind caught up; Marcus was kissing me out of his own. He wanted me as much as I've always wanted him. His lips were demanding and rough with mine; his touch aroused an onslaught of desire. Instead of tears or relief, my knees melted, my body boneless against his. I wrapped my arms around his neck and let go of everything to return his fervor. I lost myself in the moment—in all of him—his passion—his hunger. Driving hips and a hard erection brutally held me pinned against the door. Consumed by his presence and exploring hands, I had to take a breath, "Mar…cus," I whispered. He yanked off the veil and tossed it on the floor

His arm wrapped around my body. His other pulled my mouth closer, reaching in deeper with his tongue, fusing us together… Tautly wound, I tilted my head so he could get to every part of my mouth. Ignited, he took firm hold of my breast, sensually groping, leaving me quivering against him. There was no promise of release, and all I could do was hang on as he kept me up. Our lips kept parting over and over for each other. Both of us were breathless, heaving from frustration, unable to take it any further. There had always been an unfulfilled tension between us. I couldn't get a hold of my need to have all of him. A longing for exploration—time—satisfaction.

Before I could—like a depraved lunatic undress him, he broke our kiss and tried speaking; no words came out. He swallowed hard, his breath heavy on my lips. I wasn't the only one affected; what happened between us… was raw—tangible pleasure. Heavily hooded eyes were fixed on mine. Inwardly, I strained, unable to think. Don't force the situation. His fingers failed to relent, moving, fondling, rubbing my nipple. Focused on the sensitive peaks, I moaned, closing my eyes again. His hand slid over my chest—up my neck, and his thumb found my lips again. He strained his voice, "I was trying to say…" Disappointed, I opened my eyes to see him smiling smugly, "I won't give up, Julie. No matter how hard it gets."

He let go and lowered himself down to pick up the veil. He extended the black cloth out to me. I didn't hesitate and pulled it over my head. Marcus's features were full of emotion. I had never seen him so vulnerable—open with no mask or guards up. Slight frowns played across his brow. His hand reached out to me; I grasped onto him—finally, knowing how he felt about me. "Julie... leave everything. There is no point," his voice was soft and gentle. I wove my fingers in with his and made the hold tighter. His eyes jumped to our hands, and smiling eyes met mine.

"Marcus… You're so beautiful when you're happy."

"I want you so bad..."

"Is that all you think about?"

He laughed. I almost cried. I wanted to finish what we started in the worst way… "I love you too, Marcus." His hand gripped around mine even tighter.

***

The car ride was quiet. Not once did I let go of his hand and sat so close to him I thought he'd get irritated. My other hand lifted as we drove past Charlene. She waved back at me, standing in Ben's arms. Carl had left early with Kubra; they needed to report at the embassy in Paris. Kubra told us he couldn't teleport us to America; he only notified us by message that we would have to make our own way and he would meet us at the compound. I didn't care. It meant we would travel for two days instead of minutes to get there.

The airport was the worst with how my mom and I were dressed. People kept staring at us, whispering about Louis in his stylish clothes and how handsome Marcus was. After the kiss, I could think of little else. He didn't let go of my hand. At the check-in, it was strange. Louis handled everything. Even all our documentation. Are we not flying commercial? An airline attendant in a very red dress suit came up to us and escorted us through some side doors.

Soon, we were moving through the tunnel from the boarding gate to a plane. It wasn't big. We were all welcomed with a glass of champagne. That was the first time I let go of Marcus's hand to take a drink. He smiled again. I stared at his mouth.

I made myself at home. Said nothing and sat staring out into the distance. We only waited a few minutes. The doors closed. We were up in the air after another ten on the runway. Seemed like we squeezed in somewhere. It all happened so fast.

During the first hour, Louis came to sit next to me. "Now I know how Marcus felt when he bought you the couch."

I absently smiled, gazing out the window. When it registered, I said, "This is your plane… Of course, it is. You just happen to have an intercontinental plane lying around at Charles de Gaulle. Parked in some hanger." I snorted.

"You sound like a pig when you do that," Marcus said as he sat down. My eyes darted to his mouth. My cat suddenly forgotten.

"She really isn't fazed with anything materialistic, is she?" Louis joked, putting his hand on my leg.

Marcus shook his head, "I told you… Maybe later, you'll get a hug for all your efforts."

I snorted again.

"Juliet, you have been thinking about your cat for the last hour, staring out the window." Louis's hand lifted to take my veil off.

"No!" Both Marcus and I said at the same time. The corner of his mouth quirked. Marcus had actually smiled so many times in one day. If I knew going back would make him so happy… I would've gone back a long time ago.

"He isn't happy going back, Juliet… Never."

Marcus's smile fell. His eyebrows knit together.

"You are free there. Isn't that why you're happy? Chris told me what happened when you guys stopped in front of our old house."

Marcus shook his head, "That's not why I'm happy, and you know it! I've got this stupid smile on my face because we kissed for the first time."

I sheepishly pressed my lips together, red heat rising in my cheeks. The whole plane was staring at us—granted, it was only my mom, dad, and the air hostess—but still, I was glad no one could see me. "Then why did you say… the compound is the only place you can be free?"

"Because it's the only place I can give you what you want." Confused, I tried to figure out what he meant. I pressed Louis's hand not to say anything. If Marcus felt he had to prove himself. Maybe it was a good place for him to be. "And that's not all I said. You should talk to me when you want to know what I mean… when I say something." I would have to wait and let him show me because, right then, I doubted he would even speak up for me. He loved me… Wanted me… At the compound? Will he be who he has been this year?

Sitting with Marcus and Louis was bizarre without Chris; the weird family we had become. As if Chris was the reason we had tried to make it work… The next part of my journey was the three of us, who would always be linked no matter what... Louis pulled me closer, veil and all.

***

Charlene

"Hey Charlene, I'm doing a load of washing. Are you going to come and help me? We need to get some chores done," Ben said from behind me somewhere… 

Juliet was leaving; Carl was packing, walking back and forth across the house, finding stuff he had left everywhere. Going up to the main house and coming back down to mine. I couldn't deal; doing chores wasn't on my list of things able to distract me. There had been nothing relationship-wise going on between Ben and me for the last week; sleeping next to him was awkward. He thought I was quiet because of what happened with Sita and the guns... We had to tell him. We needed an excuse for why I was staying. After Carl left—I was going to have to wait for Juliet to also leave—then only could I have it out with Ben… The day was going to—suck. You might be sleeping alone tonight. I jumped up and checked all the locks and the windows, making sure the guns were loaded.

Ben eyed me suspiciously, "What's going on?"

I shook my head.

Carl was also watching me; he knew what was going on… There was nothing he could do. I wouldn't be as lucky as Juliet to have someone who promised to stay no matter what. How she got three grown men to do it bugged me to no end… Where was my Louis? My Chris? Maybe that was my problem. I went out with boys. Slept with boys and reaped the rewards of dealing with a boy… I groaned at my own stupidity. Too, grown-up for my age.

After a few minutes of me freaking out, Carl stopped and put his bag at the door. He took my hand in front of Ben and dragged me into my room, locking the door behind us. Carl went one step further and led me into the bathroom, running the water so Ben couldn't hear us.

"I think Juliet is right. I have this picture of us in my head. I don't know if we will end up there… I just don't like how Juliet is sometimes… that I didn't notice you were exactly like her. I'm so different from you guys, but…." I breathed in and out slowly, "But… I can't stop thinking about you, Charlene… I never could."

"Carl… I don't think you like me. We slept next to each other for so many nights. Went out, got drunk, and not once did you do anything remotely romantic. How could you say—you think about me? What do you think about when I come to mind? You didn't even react when I kissed you… Let's not ruin this, huh."

His shoulders slumped, "You didn't do anything either."

"I kissed you, Carl... There was no reaction or passion… I kinda want the guy I finally end up wanting me more than anything else."

Carl was nervously looking down at the floor. He couldn't even hold eye contact. I was frustrated with him. He wanted me to choose but gave me nothing to make the decision with. "I'm too tired today to try and convince myself we will be a good fit," I said at last.

My deliberate words brought back the old Carl. He slapped the shower lever; the water droppingly created an awkward silence around us. In a huff, he opened the bathroom door, then opened the room door and walked right past Ben who was leaning against the wall, waiting for us.

The front door opened, and Kubra's voice echoed through the space, "Hey Carl. You ready to go?"

"Hi, Kubra. Yeah, let's get out of here."

I was so used to following Carl—talking to him whenever I wanted to. However, I was too disappointed to move my feet and run after him; he wasn't going to fight for me—or us. 

A thought crossed my mind, hoping Ben would let go of what happened, comfort me, or say something reassuring. He didn't. He played with something in his hands and turned away from me without so much as a glance. Why was this my life? How did I make so many wrong decisions? 

***

We stood waving at Juliet. It was one of the worst moments. It felt like we had only come to France the day before. It was all over and ended in the worst way. Ben was barely holding me, only a restrained touch. The car disappeared. His hands fell off my shoulders. The distance between me and everybody was too much for me… So much I wanted to lie to keep Ben there. Would he bolt if I told the truth?

"Come on… let's go talk," he said softly.

I followed him into the house, sitting on the carpet and leaning against the couch. My hand was in my hair, trying to find words, deciding what to do. "What happened between you and Carl? You've been different since I've been back. It's not about the shooting, is it?"

"Nothing should have happened."

Ben's eyebrows raised, "Are you saying that he made a move? Or did you make a move?"

"He blurted out that he liked me… has liked me since the beginning of our friendship. I… kissed him…" Ben's mouth pulled angrily. His temper was too quick. He stood up and paced the room. "He didn't kiss me back… and told me I had to choose… that he wouldn't share."

"Well, neither will I! I'm not going to be the third wheel, Charlene. Even if you wanted to do what Juliet's doing… You and Carl have this amazing connection. Where would that leave me … Are you so attracted to him?"

"No, Ben! This isn't about attraction. Or love… Attraction can fade. I don't want to ruin a friendship for a possibility… I was invested in us… until Qadir was here… We… have a baby together. Do we mean nothing to you? Does Miné mean nothing to you?" Carelessly, his eyes darted to our daughter. She was sitting in a swinging chair under some moving toys. Ben didn't say anything or couldn't, "What an awesome werewolf you make… You're just like Sita. You want to make commitments, but there are all these conditions I have to meet. How can I sacrifice and put my whole life on hold for a man who comes and goes as he pleases."

"Then why did you kiss him?"

"I don't know…! To force the situation. To see if something was really going on. We have been friends for so long, and he's done nothing… And you know what, I was right… He left. Just like that." 

"A lot of people have problems with cheating… Or sharing. You can hardly blame him. And you forget I live on Earth. You can't expect me to go on like a normal werewolf in a harem…" Ben walked around and, without looking at me, said, "I'm never going back… That was where I was. Figuring out if I would be able to go back… They don't care about us here. They don't care about Miné… They so much as laughed at me."

"What! Why does that matter… And… what has Miné got to do with… Don't tell me that's why you came back after your studies? To see if this can work? Because you thought she was your way off of Earth?"

Ben looked at me, steeped in guilt, "They ordered me to stay away when Qadir was here... To not help when Juliet crossed over… What was I supposed to do? We can't raise Miné here!" he gestured to the house. "I can't be a part of this!"

I picked something up and threw it at him, getting up, "Get out! Get Out! Get Out! You lied to me! You chose them above us! We are a family! You could've been a part of it; you don't want to be." I kept throwing things at him until he was on the other side of the front door. I locked it and tossed his phone and wallet through the window. "Then you wonder why I don't sit around and wait for you. Or kiss Carl. Not once did you show any signs that we were working? You fooled me… into thinking it was… Take one of the cars and leave Ben!"

I was done talking to him.

"Come on, Charlene!" he yelled. "Who is conditional now. Not everybody has that parental instinct embedded in them. And what does it matter if it didn't work out between us? We're obviously not meant to be."

"I at least gave us a fair shot. And Carl has been more of a father to her than you ever were. Now I know why you welcomed his help; one more hand to lessen the load… Didn't get jealous once. Are all werewolves like this?"

"Do you really want me to leave?"

"The question is not up to me, idiot! You should know if you want to stay. You've had enough chance to figure out if I'm worth your time. Or if you want to make this work."

He was too quiet. Keys jingled. Steps down the porch. 

I slowly sunk down against the front door. In the distance, a garage door opened. If he left me there, I would never speak to him again. The car drove past the house. There was a massive house he could stay in… He knew how scared I was. Being alone would make me go nuts. My mind went into overdrive. Where could I go? Wouldn't it be better to go to Paris and stay at Louis's house? I should've listened to Juliet and made plans. We were too far out there… What if something happened? What if something happened to me and no one knew Miné was alone. The sound of the car faded. My surroundings became a quiet threat. I yawned, rubbing my eyes, and kept them closed for a second; I would cry later.

***

I must have fallen asleep. The room was dark. I had to use my phone to shine a light on the chair where Miné was. She had also fallen asleep. A ragged sob escaped me; she was still there and had not been taken by Rodrigo. How could I protect her? I can't do this alone. I checked the time. "Katty!" I stood and rested my hand on the nob, hesitating. Outside was as black as night. I flipped the switch to the porch lights. It didn't really help. None of the garden lights of the main house were on… because no one was there. Marcus and Louis had closed off the house. I didn't want to leave Miné. Too scared to go out anyway. There was no way I was waking her up just to go get a cat… "Sorry, Juliet." I'll do it when the sun comes up.