Why Can't I Remember

I stand in front of the mirror. I look at the big plaster across my neck then I look down to my wrists which also has plasters them. What am I going to do? I need to find something to wear that will cover them.

I walk over to my wardrobe and open the doors. I grab my t-shirt, jeans and scarf, then I grab my black hoodie from the side of the wardrobe. I put my t-shirt on and my jeans. As I'm about to put my Van's on...

Knock, knock

"Come in" I say as I lean down to tuck my laces into my shoes.

"Are you sure you're ready to go to school?" the doctor asks as he shuts the door.

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

He nods.

"I'll come back early if anything happens or if I feel I'm not comfortable." I continue.

"No problem, give me a call if you do." He replies.

"Sure." I reply.

I stand up and walk over to my rucksack on my desk. The doctor still stood there, watching me.

"It's up to you Killian but I feel that you're not ready to return to school just yet." He says.

I place my books into my bag and stay silent.

"Your behavior shows a problem Killian; you haven't asked about your cuts or say anything for that matter." The doctor states.

I zip my rucksack up and throw it over my shoulder and turn to look at the doctor.

"Why should I question it?" I ask.

"I'm getting annoyed that I can't remember! I'm scared and it's beginning to get to me!" I yell.

"Killian calm down." The doctor says calmly.

"Why can't I remember?" I yell.

I start to cry. I am becoming frustrated that all these problems are happening and no one is helping me or telling me anything.

"We will talk to you about everything after school if you would like that?" the doctor asks.

I nod.

I grab my scarf and hoodie. I throw my bag onto my bed and put my scarf around my neck. I put my hoodie on and grab my rucksack.

"Promise me you can help me?" I ask the doctor.

He smiles and walk over to me. He places his hand on my shoulder.

"I promise." He says.

I smile back and open my door and walk out of my room and down the corridor.

I got to school and Penny and Wade are standing in their usual spot. I walk over and pull my hood up. Everyone starts looking at me. My anxiety starts to kick in. Penny runs over to me.

"Kil! What are you doing here?" Penny says worryingly.

"You can't expect me to not bounce back after a rage frenzy," I reply.

Penny looks at me confused and Wade comes over to us.

"Kil... it wasn't a rage frenzy," she says.

I look at her then look at Wade. They both look worried about me.

"But I only can't remember with rage frenzy's," I explain.

"Dude, it wasn't a rage frenzy. It was something more sinister. Honestly, you looked possessed, your eyes were all white," Wade says with a shake in his voice.

I take a step back. I can't help but feel scared. This isn't me, I'm not in control of my own body.

I'm a monster.

"I... I have to go..." I say then run off the premises.

I return to my room at the hospital. I throw my bag onto my bed then sat on the floor in front of my mirror.

"What's happening to me? Why am I getting worse?" I say to my reflection.

"So much for the medication working." I say whilst reaching into my pocket to grab my tablets.

I pull my hand out of my pocket and look down at my tablets. I then stand up and walk over to my drawer and open it. Inside is the rest of my tablets that are only half full. I threw the tablets with the others in the drawer.

"If they don't work, then I'm not taking them." I say to myself.

I walk back over to my bed and throw myself onto it. I stare at the ceiling. How am I supposed to live like this? Why can't they just put people down like they do with animals? The world would be better off.

I get up off of my bed and walk to my door. I open the door and look out into the corridor. It is quiet. I walk across to the toilet open the door and quickly shut it behind me. I slowly approach the mirror. I stop and stare. Suddenly my heart starts racing, anxiety kicks in, I start to shake, my stomach feels like it's doing somersaults and my mouth begins to twitch. I collapse onto the floor. I start to panic. Blood coming from my eyes and ears again. I knew what is happening so I let it happen.

I pull myself up to the mirror and see my own reflection. I laugh uncontrollably. I feel amazing!

"That's too much of a pretty face!" I hiss to my reflection.

"We need to fix that!" I laugh.

I wrap my hoodie sleeve over my hand.

SMASH!

I smash the mirror into pieces. The more I laugh the more the blood pours from my eyes.

"Why is this still happening to me," I growl.

"I'm in control of me! It's me!" I continue to shout.

BANG!

The door was kicked open by the doctor's goons. There stand my Mum and doctor.

"Kil? What's happening to you?" my Mum cries.

I laugh hysterically.

"I'm me ma' how I should be!" I say whilst laughing.

"It's not you Killian! What's happening to my son?! This isn't him! It doesn't even sound like him!" my Mum cries to the doctor.

I hide the sharp shard behind me. Clenching it tight to the point I felt the blood from my hands.

The doctor says nothing. He nods to his goons who push past and come over to me. I pull the sharp shard out and point it to them.

"I'm not as stupid as I was." I giggle.

"I will slice your throats and drink your blood!" I growl.

"Killian they're helping you!" my Mum shouts.

I look over to her and smile.

"Help? They were suppressing the real me not helping!" I shout.

While I am distracted; the goons disarm me and throw me to the floor. I scream and scream to the point I cough blood. Again... needle in the neck.