Becoming More Unstable

What have I done? I've hurt Penny and possibly lost my child. I need serious help. I need someone to help me. I'm sick of being told I can get better or promising me that I can get better. I'm getting worse!

Suddenly my Mum walks into the room.

"I can't hide this from you anymore." She says.

"My new job was here. I got promoted to work here. I accepted it for you to make sure you get better." She continues.

"What? So the reason the doctor knows so much is because you told him?" I ask.

"Yes. And the reason we were already at the hospital when you damaged your hand." She adds.

What the hell! After all this time it makes sense! She hid this from everyone because I'm unstable and she wanted me sectioned. She knows my Grandparents won't agree with this.

"Wow…" I reply her.

I began to clap my hands and laugh.

"The worst Mum award goes to you! You're sly and nothing but a liar!" as I yell at her.

She looks at me in shock. She was in disbelief of what I just said to her.

"Do me a favor and just get out." I say as I look away from her.

She nods and walks out of my room. Nothing was said as she leaves.

I feel so angry that I scream. She kept it a secret and lied to everyone because she wanted to use me as a guinea pig.

Knock, knock

"Go away!" I shout.

I honestly don't want to see or speak to anyone now. I think I've experienced enough events for one day.

"I want to do a routine check Killian, I can remove your straitjacket too." The doctor says from outside the door.

"Do you want an honest opinion doc?" I ask.

"What's that Killian?" he asked.

"Go… away. Adios Amigos." I reply.

But He never replies. I throw my head back and stare at the ceiling. I continue to dive deep inside my mind. I start to think of all the dark thoughts I could possibly think.

"I would be better off not being here." I say to myself.

"All I do is hurt people and put them in danger. I can't keep doing that! It's not fair." I continue.

Knock, Knock

"Does anyone not understand the words GO AWAY!" I shout.

Penny opens the door and closes it behind her.

"That doesn't apply to me Killian." She replies as she walks over to my bed.

"Penny! You're ok!" I cry.

She smiles slightly. And sits next to me.

"I'm sorry Killian, I love you so much but I can't do this anymore." She says as she looks to the floor.

"What do you mean? We're fine, we're more than fine we are great!" I say happily.

"I'm sorry but I can't pretend that there are no bad times. I can't carry on fearing when your next rage frenzy will happen." She says with tears in her eyes.

This can't be happening. The one thing in this world that made me feel better has slipped between my fingers.

"Ok, I understand." I say calmly.

Penny nods then stands up from the bed.

"I'm sorry Killian. I love you." She says as she walks towards the door.

I can't say anything back. I just keep fighting back the tears until she has left the room. I feel like my entire world has just fallen apart before my very eyes. I just wish I can get better. I wish I can be normal and live a normal life. But I guess I can only wish.

I continue thinking over everything that I've been through and what I can do to prevent these rage frenzies' from happening.

Knock, knock

Before I answer my Mum walks into the room with the doctor behind her.

"I've had enough crap today. I don't need any more from you two." I huff.

"You need to be out of the straitjacket Killian. You need to be clearing your head not sit in your bed digging into your mind." My Mum says.

I guess she is right. I do need to be free and roam around. I need fresh air and to clear my head.

"Fine. I want to go for a walk though." I reply.

The doctor smiles and walks over to me to unfasten the straitjacket.

"Best way to do it Killian. Breathe and get fresh air." He says reassuringly.

He takes the straitjacket from around me and leaves the room to put it away. I look at my Mum.

"I'm sorry. Just please do something for me! Even if it means sending me to death row." I beg.

She shakes her head and walks over to my bed.

"I wouldn't allow that. Plus, you can't go to prison, you would have to plead insanity because of your condition." She says whilst stroking my hair.

I nod and just slouch down into my bed.

"You may as well send me to an asylum. I'm getting to the point of no return." I say.

"But you're not there yet." She replies with a smile.

"There is hope." She adds.

I hope there is hope. I hope I become normal again.

"We will fix this sweetheart. You need to help us as well as us helping you for this to work." She explains.

I nod in response to her.

"I'll try my best. I need to get better. I want to be normal!" I say.

"You will get there, it takes time and practice. I promise." She says with a smile.

I really hope this is true. I just want to be with my friends and not to be known as a psychopath. I can't wait for tomorrow. A start of another day. A fresh slate.