Disappointment

It had been a good thing that I took a walk. My mind felt at ease now. It's easier to face others this way. Sometimes you just have to come to terms with yourself.

While pressing my finger against the lock so it can be scanned I think about… about everything. What did my teacher mean with his demonstration? It seems clear yet that cannot be true, can it?

But before I can lose my head about something so trivial the door swiftly opens. No creaking like you can read about in old books. Who builds a creaking door? Highly inefficient.

I chuckle as I enter the house. Just thinking back makes all these "inventions" seem silly. Using radiation to produce electricity? Who had this idea? Like in which way was it good to use a deadly and highly explosive material for electricity?

Luckily the current civilization did its best to come up with a better solution. The reactor was creating electricity now through the moon. There were giant panels all over the surfaces of the many moons from our new planet. We didn't destroy the ecosystem and used it for our convenience. A way better solution.

"Welcome home Alex", my mother greeted me as usual in her usual seat with a newspaper. She then smiled as a welcome gesture which I mimicked as well.

"Hello mom, I hope your day has been great", I answer with no hesitation. It's a routine. Something normal for today. My mind now calms down at least a bit… "is dad still not back from his work?".

"Sadly not my dear", my mother shakes her head "It's a really urgent matter. He probably won't attend dinner with us". To show her sadness she even sighs.

I usually would start with some trivial talk now. I would ask her about her day or tell her about my own day. This time however I feel my curiosity perking up. It welling up and feel it brimming on the tip of my lips. I have always loved learning. Loved knowing things. Therefore it is not unreasonable for me to be curious.

"Does his work has to do with this criminal organization?".

My mother stops in her tracks. She was about to lay down the newspaper and wait for me to sit down. She was probably already thinking about trivial talk. "Th-the what?", I hear her stutter for the first time in my life.

"The criminal organization. I am sorry if my sudden question has startled you", I begin to explain myself yet not giving her time to stop me from asking "though it has been the talk in school for today. I was just curious".

"Curious. Of course, you were just curious", my mother flashes me an extremely bright smile. She then continues after nodding a bit: "Yes, yes your father is working on that case right now. But do not worry the public surveillance will handle it perfectly. You know how your father does his work after all!"

I nod. Her over-dramatic gestures make me remember Caroline and how she uses them for comedic reasons. However, this is a bit nerve-wracking since I now have to hold in my laughter. It would be only rude to compare my mother to my friend. With a smile, I continue looking at her hoping for some more information.

"How has been your day dear?", my mother asks me. Does she think this subject is not of interest anymore? I'm a bit confused at her sudden change within the conversation. I had really hoped to talk more about this since I couldn't with Caroline and Jason.

I start thinking about my day up until now. It has been nothing but a mess starting with my broken bike and ending with an unnecessary walk home. I had never been one to not plan things. I actually start feeling anxious if I don't. If I do not plan, I feel out of place if something is not in place. I feel like something is off and there is a certain nervousness within me until I fix it.

My day has been nowhere planned nor in order. It had been unusual. Not great, no in fact horrible for me. I did save a child. Yet the only thing coming to my mind when thinking about that are the cold eyes looking at me as I land just in time on the sidewalk.

I smile at her as I realize something. My day has been unusual but that's not what my mother wants to hear. It's our routine. Everything is the same as usual. It's a family ritual. I can't destroy it for selfish reasons. She probably needs the order as much as I do.

"Everything has been fine, as usual", I smile yet it feels hard to maintain it. A weird feeling overcomes me. I had never struggled not to smile. It was actually quite easy to move your muscles and be kind to others. Yet right now I wished I didn't smile. I must be the most horrible daughter there is…

"That is wonderful my dear", my mother smiles "How come you're so late then?".

"I have taken a walk", I answer her question.

"A walk? How come? Isn't that a waste of time?", my mother now scoots closer to the edge. She seems concerned about only a walk.

"I thought it would replenish my vitamins as well as help me organize my plans", I now take a seat on the chair in front of her. On the small table, I see two glasses filled with black tea.

Tea is a small luxury that we drink from time to time. It's not as nutritious as the prescribed food but it does comfort from time to time. Yet I sometimes wonder what it would taste like with milk and sugar. With those ingredients, you read about in old books. Books that are very rare yet well written. I wonder if Mr. Windsor has some I could read… How would it feel to skip through the pages? The feeling of paper?

"What a wonderful idea my dear! Maybe I should do that sometime as well! As for my day…", and from this part onwards I can correctly recite her every word. It's the usual routine. The same words as always.