Restlessness

My father would come home at 8 pm. Always punctual. Sometimes he had an hour of overwork on very crucial days. Then he would come home at 9 pm. There were only those two times where he could be expected. Those two times are suggested.

Yet he didn't return at all. We had finished dinner, me and my mother. Cooked together, eaten together, and taking care of the dishes together. We had finished our routine but he was nowhere to be seen even at 10 pm.

My mother ignored this fact. She continued to converse with me. She ignored the empty chair next to her and ate as if everything was normal. She laughed, smiled, and did everything as usual.

I on the other had only smiled a little. I nodded to her endless rambling about her colleagues and the problems at work she had taken care of. All while forcing myself to not look at the empty chair across me. I felt like I would break an unspoken rule if I did.

And now I laid in my bed. Perfectly in the schedule. My bedtime was reached. It was exactly 10:30 pm. Normally I would now start to relax and I would fall asleep in about ten minutes.

However, if I were to follow the usual routine, I wouldn't have been late this morning. Then I wouldn't have taken a walk to calm down. Then my father wouldn't have been late. If I were to follow the usual routine then this day wouldn't have happened. And therefore even now my body refused to follow my mind which was even more concerning.

My eyes felt like they would open any second even though I was telling them to stay shut. My hands were screaming so they could do something. My feet demanded to walk around, to use the reset of energy I had left. My heart was racing on its own due to being nervous.

And my mind? My mind was the worst of them all. It was all over the place. I felt like there wasn't even one clear thought. I jumped from one thought to another like I was doing parkour. Only one sentence created a pattern: What if..?

What if my father had a complicated task? What if he didn't even come home tomorrow? What if my misfortune continues? What if the terror organization strikes again? What if Mr. Windsor-

I stopped myself from continuing my thoughts. I really needed to take a breather. Really, what was I about to think? It's better to keep it simple. It's better to have a clear structure, something you can predict. I tried to calm myself with a shaking breath.

There was nothing I could do right now. Nothing concerning my father, nothing concerning unplanned occasions in my schedule. So I just had to deal with them in my mind.

Though there was ONE thing I could do right now. If you are at a loss on what to do it's obviously good to calm your mind by doing some exercises or by taking a walk. You could always gather information. You could always gather intel, knowledge, and wisdom to help you. If you feel lost then one way to overcome it is by gathering strength.

I sat up from my bed on which I was lying for about… I looked at the clock, for about twelve minutes. In my sitting position, I then grabbed my pad, and with only one wink of my hand, it started. The blue hologram screen was only seen for a split second until I could open all the other programs.

Only this split second was enough to make me feel guilty. Not only did I ignore my schedule but I also sat in my bed. Something you should use for sleeping and not as a couch. Once in bed, one should only focus on sleeping after all. Not to mention that it was a terrible condition for my body and that a desk was within reach.

I stood up and quietly sat down on my chair. My mind felt relieved yet my body was resisting. How could the bed be so much more comfortable yet so bad for your sitting position? I sighed as I started to load some articles. Articles about the terror organization that my mother chose to ignore.

It was called "the truth". A truly weird name. Yet it was something to be expected. After all, those criminals are expected to be right. They fought against something as an unnecessary action thinking it was "good". They did not trust the officials and ignored all their effort to make the world a better place.

Apparently, they attacked a scientific research company from the state. One article stated that through that there was a "scientific backlash with great losses that could only hardly be recovered".

The exact number of members was unclear. They varied in age and gender. They were deviants from society only trying to cause chaos. I shook my head in disbelief. How could you love chaos? How could you hate the clear and structured? It was something I could never understand. In fact, I would sometimes even panic once something was not in place. My parents always told me not to worry about it. To ignore those urges and to not show them. But they didn't know how it felt like.

It was like an itch. Only a small inconvenience once I recognized it. Once I saw for example a book, not in place. The more I looked at it the more it irked me. The itch evolved into a rash that slowly started to spread every time I looked at it. Soon my whole body was covered and I was only told to ignore it.

So I truly hated chaos. It was unbelievable to me how someone wanted to disrupt this peace, this public schedule. And all that while declaring they were proclaiming the "truth". Whatever truth it was, it could not be good since it was declared with violence.

And their leader apparently was a hooded figure of unknown age and gender. This person had great intelligence and was quick to adapt and notice when the government wanted to end their self-proclaimed mission…