Ch 87 Escaping

"So escape now?" Natasha asked.

"Things will get more complicated but yeah." Thor said.

"And I believe I'm about to come." Bruce said.

"Right you are, my friend." Odinson said.

Thor ran through Sakaar, eventually finding the Quinjet. He opened the top portion and jumped inside, putting his hand on a pad. The automation asked him for voice recognition and he said 'Thor', only for access to be denied. He then said 'God of Thunder' and access was denied again so he said 'Strongest Avenger' twice in different ways but access was denied both times so he said 'Damn you Stark.'

"I thought you'd have guessed it." Tony said with raised hands.

"Well I did." Thor said, "I'd expect the smartest man ever to put something like that."

"Well, I'm right here." Tony said.

"Really Tony? You believe your own hype that much?" Rhodes asked incredulously.

"I am the hype!" Tony said and all chuckled.

Thor then said 'Point Break' and access was granted.

"I called it." Loki said.

"I have a feeling someone is going to show up." Bruce said, remembering waking up in that Quinjet.

Then Hulk arrived, asking Thor to stay as he broke stuff, with Thor telling him to stop.

"Damn it!" Sam said.

Thor pressed some buttons and then Natasha's face appeared. It was the recording of when she had asked Hulk to turn the Quinjet around after Ultron's defeat. Seeing that, Hulk started slapping himself and contorted violently, his skin color alternating between green and normal as his body kept shrinking or enlarging until he shrunk down finally and was of human size again.

"I'm back! I'm back!" Bruce said as all laughed.

"That recording reverted you back to normal?" Natasha asked.

"The cringe was too much for Hulk to handle." Loki said and all burst out laughing.

Thor went towards Banner who was startled but Thor calmed him down, saying 'sun was getting real low' and he wouldn't hurt him anymore.

"Better you than me." Natasha said to Thor and laughter echoed in the room again.

Bruce finally recognized Thor and asked what had happened to his hair, to which he said a creepy old guy had cut it off. Bruce said he liked it.

"Thank you." Thor said.

"I still keep it like that." Odinson said.

Bruce asked where they were and if the others were okay, asking about Sokovia and if they had saved it. Thor then gently told him that it was 3 years ago, shocking him as he realized he had been Hulk for 3 years.

"I'm sorry." Wanda said to him again guiltily.

Bruce took off the huge garlands Hulk used to wear and touched the pad and accessed via voice recognition, with the automation calling him 'Strongest Avenger' to Thor's annoyance.

"He is strongest. You are mightiest." Steve said to Thor who nodded.

Thor and Bruce then saw footage of Hulk being sucked out of the Quinjet when a hologram of Grandmaster appeared on the streets, saying his beloved Champion had gone missing and everyone must take to the streets to find him. Thor told Bruce he ran the place and that Bruce had lived in his house for a while, shocking him again as Thor said a lot had happened to them. They had had a fight and Thor had won easily though Bruce didn't think it sounded right.

"It should." Bucky said.

Grandmaster said the seductive Lord of Thunder had stolen away his champion and Thor angrily said it was seductive God of Thunder as he moved to the bags in the ship.

"Yeah!" Aunt May said and all stared at her incredulously so she shook her head and all turned to the screen again.

Bruce then said he was freaking out and Thor told him not to, giving him Tony's clothes and saying he wasn't here. He then massaged Bruce's shoulders as he led him out, constantly saying 'sun's getting real low.'

Everyone laughed as Clint said, "The cringe is high."

Loki, Valkyrie and others stood in front of Grandmaster who was upset his champion was gone. Loki interrupted him and Grandmaster called him out on it as Topaz handed him the melt stick but he said interrupting wasn't a capital violation.

"It isn't anywhere." Fury said.

Grandmaster said his champion was missing because of the Lord of Thunder and Loki said he could bring them both back alive within 12 hours. Valkyrie said she could do it in 2 and Loki said he could do it in 1. Grandmaster said he had woken up in the morning dreaming of public execution but was gonna settle for 'who's gonna get him first', moving weirdly.

"This guy needs actually psychiatric evaluation." Bucky said.

The two walked out as Loki asked Valkyrie had done. She said she didn't answer to him and called him lackey but he grabbed her wrist and said it was Loki. She freed her wrist as he asked why she had helped them escape and she said she didn't help anyone. The two ended up fighting for a bit and she staggered him back.

"This is embarrassing." Loki said as all laughed at him.

The two brandished knives and fought again as Loki noticed the mark on her arm and realized she was a Valkyrie. She kicked him down as he said he'd thought they had all died gruesome deaths. She told him to choose his next words wisely and he sarcastically apologized, saying it must be a painful memory as he touched her forehead and her mind flashed back to the fight against Hela. She and several other Valkyries flew on flying horses to attack Hela but she threw Necroswords and killed them all. Then she threw a large Necrosword at Valkyrie but another one stepped in the way and died instead.

"Big mistake." Scott told Loki who nodded.

Coming back to the present, Valkyrie angrily knocked Loki away and punched him out.

"He told ya!" Hope said.

Thor and Bruce were wandering the streets, with the latter in Tony's clothes as the former kept saying 'sun's getting real low' until Bruce told him to stop saying that.

Everyone laughed as Hill said, "Thank you for making that stop."

"You look good in my clothes." Tony said to Bruce.

"Thanks." Bruce said.

They sat down as Thor said he wanted Bruce to stay calm but he was on an alien planet and had only been on one planet before. Thor said now it was 2 and new experience as Bruce said his neurons were firing faster than his brain could handle. Till now, it was like he and Hulk each had a hand on a wheel but now it was like Hulk had taken the keys and locked him in the trunk.

"Based on what we saw, that does make sense." Benjamin said.

"Worst experience ever." Bruce said.

Bruce said if he turned into Hulk again, he may not come back and now they were stranded on a planet designed to stress him out. Thor said they weren't and he'd find a way home so Bruce thanked him. Then Thor said his home Asgard, not Earth, shocking Bruce. Thor said his people were in great danger and the two had to fight a powerful being who also happened to be his sister. Bruce said that was gross and he doesn't want to get involved in a family issue.

"It is so much more than that." Logan said.

"Yeah, I make it sound so much smaller." Bruce said.

Thor again said she was an evil being but Bruce said he didn't care and didn't want to fight any more being as he was sick of it.

"That is understandable, Dr. Banner." T'Challa told him kindly.

Bruce again said he'd never come back if he turned into Hulk again but Thor said he was putting together a team and Hulk was the fire. Bruce turned away, saying Thor was using him to get to Hulk and wasn't his friend. Thor said he didn't even like Hulk who was all 'smash' but actually preferred Bruce.

Everyone laughed as Pepper said, "Everyone here does, right?"

All raised their hands.

"Thanks guys." Bruce said.

Thor then said that to fight evil beings though, Hulk was more powerful and useful. Bruce said he was powerful as Hulk had zero PhDs while he had 7.

"That only makes you more brainy." Loki said, "So more brain power, which is not what we need."

"I get it." Bruce said.

Thor gave in, saying Bruce didn't have to fight anyone but were in danger so they needed to move. Thor then put on a shawl, saying he was a fugitive and needed a disguise.

"A really bad one?" Benjamin asked and all laughed.

Bruce said he needed a disguise but Thor said he was the disguise. Bruce then put on Tony's glasses and said he'd be Tony Stark and they'd be like Tony and the Gypsy.

Everyone burst out into hysterical laughter as Rhodes said, "Sounds like some 80's comedy."

"Why do you want to be me? Only I can be me. And I can be better than me." Tony said and all laughed again.

Thor said he wasn't Tony but Bruce Banner so Bruce asked why he'd dressed him up like Tony and Thor pointed out he was naked.

"You raise a good point." Vision said as all laughed.

Bruce started tightening the pants and Thor tried to stop him as Bruce said Tony wore his pants really tight.

Everyone laughed hysterically again as Tony said, "No I don't!"

"Who're you kidding?" Pepper asked and all laughed at his expense again.

Thor asked why he was being so weird and he said he'd been trapped inside of Hulk was 3 years so that had made him a little weird, his skin slowly turning green as he said that and his voice becoming guttural.

"Whoa, whoa, you need to calm down for sure." Aunt May said.

"You're actually being too weird." Tony said.

"Only to you." Bruce said and all laughed again.

Thor calmed him down and said they'd go to Asgard and he'd never have to worry about Hulk ever again. Then a green powder hit his face, making him cough as there was an entire procession for Hulk on the streets, with balloons and signs. Thor covered his face with the shawl and said this was bad before seeing Bruce was missing and started looking for him, calling out his name.

"Bad? This is horrible now." Odinson said.

"A procession of Hulk just when you don't want to think about him." Steve said, "I'm sorry."

Bruce shrugged.

Thor tried to look for Bruce and eventually found him but Bruce bumped into an alien who looked at him menacingly. Thor stepped protectively in front of Bruce when an Obedience Disk activated on the alien, knocking it out to reveal Valkyrie standing there.

"There she is!" Hill said.

The two greeted each other as Thor said he was gonna do that and she said she did it first. She asked why he was still here and he said he got side-tracked. She asked about the shawl and he said it was his disguise. She said she could see his face and he covered it, saying now she couldn't.

"But that is too suspicious." Natasha pointed out.

Thor said her hair looked nice and asked if she'd changed or washed it. She gestured them to follow her and led them to her apartment as Bruce asked what were those things on her eyes and said she was beautiful, courageous and strong.

"You have a crush?" Natasha asked and all laughed.

"I think Hulk did." Bruce said and all nodded.

Valkyrie asked who he was and Thor said he was a friend. She said she felt like she knew him and he said he felt that too.

"Yeah. We know each other. We're friends from work." Bruce said and all laughed.

Valkyrie said she'd been trying to forget her past and Sakaar felt like the perfect place to drink, forget and die one day. Thor said she drank too much and that could probably kill her. She said she was still gonna drink but not forget and if she was gonna die, she might as well by driving her sword through that murderous hag.

"Now she's in." Steve said and all smirked.

She said she wanted to be on the team and asked if it had a name. "Yeah, it's called the Revengers." Thor said, "Because I'm getting revenge. You're getting revenge."

Everyone laughed as Tony asked, "Now where have I heard that before?"

"I just thought if I used this name, then you'd be with me in this fight in spirit." Thor said and they all nodded in understanding.

Thor asked Bruce if he wanted revenge but he was undecided. Valkyrie said she had a peace offering and opened her apartment door. "Surprise." A chained Loki said as Thor threw something at him and it hit his head, with Thor saying he needed to make sure.

Everyone laughed as Loki said, "You're learning."

"After so many years, I have to learn some time." Odinson said.

Loki greeted Bruce and said he was trying to kill everybody last time he had seen him and asked where he was at the moment, to which he said it varied moment to moment. Thor found a Dragonfang, the famed sword of the Valkyries, awing him.

"Looks like you're a fanboy too." Sam said and all laughed.

Valkyrie said they could go out through a wormhole, refuel in Xandar and reach Asgard in 18 months but Thor said they were going through the big one. Valkyrie said it was called the Devil's Anus.

"Wait what? Anus? Devil's Anus?" Tony asked as all looked shocked and disgusted.

"Who names these wormholes?" Peter wondered.

"That idiot." Natasha said and all nodded.

Thor said he didn't know it when he had picked that and Bruce said it looked like a collapsing neutron star on an Einstein-Rosen Bridge. Valkyrie said they'd need another ship as this would tear hers to pieces and Thor said they needed one that could withstand the geodetic strain from the singularity. Bruce said it also needed an offline power steering system that could function without on board computers.

"Did you two just have a scientific conversation?" Tony asked them and they shrugged.

"I know science. Asgard was advanced after all." Thor said.

"Yeah, we had a lot of science there." Odinson said.

"You speak English!" Tony said and all laughed at his reaction.

Valkyrie said they'd need one with cupholders because if they were gonna die, it better be while drinking. Bruce again said he felt like he knew her and she said she felt that too. Thor and Bruce fist-bumped, excited for the adventure. Loki tried to speak but Valkyrie threw a bottle near him and it shattered.

"She needs to rein in that temper." Loki said, "Or keep it away from me."

"Of course. Of course." Thor said.

Loki said Grandmaster had many ships and he had stolen the access codes to his security system. Valkyrie joked how he was overcome with the urge to do the right thing but he said he had run out of favor with the Grandmaster and in exchange for codes and access to a ship, he was asking for safe passage through the Anus.

"Did you just make it sound regal?" Pepper asked as all chuckled.

"I guess that's another power of his." Scott joked and all laughed.

Thor asked if he could get them inside without triggering the alarms and he said he could. Bruce said he was ready to kill them a few minutes ago and Valkyrie said he had tried to kill her. Thor said he had tried to kill him too multiple times and told of one such story, "There was one time when we were children, he transformed himself into a snake, and he knows that I love snakes. So, I went to pick up the snake to admire it, and he transformed back into himself and he was like, "Yeah, it's me!" And he stabbed me. We were eight at the time." Loki smirked.

"That really happened?" Benjamin asked and Thor, Loki and Odinson nodded.

"That actually does sound like an Asgardian prank." Sam said and they all chuckled.

"Yeah. He stabbed me." Thor muttered.

"Really bad." Odinson said.

"But you two can take it, right?" Tony asked.

"Doesn't mean we have to like it." Odinson said.

"The biggest thing I'm getting from this is that you love snakes. Dude, what is wrong with you?" Tony asked and all laughed again.

"Especially since you're supposed to hate snakes." Bucky said.

"Well, reality is different." Thor said.

They said they needed to draw out the palace guards as Loki suggested unleashing the beast but Thor and Bruce shut him up and decided to start a revolution.

"Now that I like." Peter joked and all laughed.

Korg and Miek sat together as the former inquired about the latter's secretions, asking if it was protoplasm or eggs and went with eggs.

"Eugh! I'm done! I'm out of here!" Rhodes said as all looked disgusted.

Then the wall exploded and all the Obedience Disks deactivated as Valkyrie walked in holding a big gun, saying she was looking for Korg. Korg asked who was asking, asking if anyone else was asking. "The Lord of Thunder sends his best." She said as she tossed him the gun. "The revolution has begun." Korg said.

"Yeah it has." Sam said as all watched with anticipation.

Grandmaster asked Topaz how the revolution had happened and she said the area's mainframe for Obedience Disks was deactivated and the slaves had armed themselves. Grandmaster said he didn't like that word and she asked which one, to which he said the 'S' word. She corrected herself that the prisoners with jobs had armed themselves and he found that better.

"Doesn't mean it is." Wanda snarled as all glared at him.

Loki started accessing the codes as Thor said they should talk but he said open communication wasn't their family's forte. They said this was quite a revelation since they last spoke. Then the doors opened and the two fired, killing all the guards before taking cover as Loki said Odin had brought them together and it was almost poetic his death had split them apart.

"You know what's even more poetic? It actually bringing us together." Loki said and Thor and Odinson nodded.

The two killed more guards with Loki saying they might as well be strangers now. Loki was about to go through a door when a guard with a gun stopped him. He was about to fire when Thor lowered the gun and the impact sent him flying up. Thor said Loki didn't want to talk about it as the two walked off.

"Well now I do I guess." Loki said.

"Still getting mood swings I see." Tony joked and all laughed.

They were later going down in an elevator as Loki said he'd be better off in Sakaar and Thor agreed with him to his own surprise. Thor said this place was chaotic, lawless, savage and perfect for him so he'd do great here. Loki asked if Thor really thought so little of him and Thor said he had thought the world of him, thinking they were gonna fight side by side forever. "But at the end of the day, you're you and I'm me." Thor finished.

"Things do change. And often." Steve said, "What makes us is how we respond to it."

"Yes. That is true." Thor agreed.

Thor said there might still be good in Loki but their paths diverged a long time ago and Loki agreed, saying it's better they never see each other again as Loki always wanted that. And then they stood silently for a few moments.

"I've a feeling things didn't work out like that." Rhodes said.

"Oh no!" Loki said.

"Hey, let's do "Get Help."" Thor suddenly said. " What?" ""Get Help."" Thor reminded. "No." : Come on, you love it." Thor said. "I hate it." Loki snorted. "It's great. It works every time." Thor said. "It's humiliating." Loki said. "Do you have a better plan?" Thor asked. "No." "We're doing it." Thor said. "We are not doing "Get Help."" Loki said.

"What is that exactly?" Sam asked.

"The biggest nightmare of my life." Loki said.

Thor ran out of the lift, supporting Loki who appeared to be dying as some guards saw them, "Get help! Please! My brother, he's dying. Get help! Help him!" And then Thor threw him into the guards, knocking them all out.

Everyone burst out laughing as Tony said, "Yeah. This definitely is your biggest nightmare. Worse than even Hulk."

"Oh I would choose Hulk over this any day." Loki said.

"Classic." Thor said. "Still hate it." Loki said as he got up, "It's humiliating." "Not for me, it's not." Thor said.

"You are not lifted and thrown like a rag doll!" Loki snapped and all laughed.

Thor asked which ship it was and Loki pointed at one called the 'Commodore.' They walked towards it but Loki formed and illusion and the real one walked towards the ship as he said it wouldn't make much of a difference. Thor stopped as illusion Loki next to him disappeared and the real one pressed the alarm, saying it was nothing personal but the reward for his capture was gonna set him up forever.

"You backstabbing son of a bitch." Fury said to Loki who shrugged.

"I have to live up to my name." Loki said.

"And I have to live up to mine." Thor said.

"I think something's about to happen." Natasha said.

Thor said Loki never was one for sentiment and Loki said it was easier to let it burn. Thor agreed to Loki's shock and revealed a remote in his hand. A shocked Loki searched for the Obedience Disk which was on his back when Thor pressed the remote, sending the toxin through him as he fell down.

Everyone burst out laughing while Loki looked embarrassed.

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Thor said.

"Try something new. This is predictable now." Odinson said.

"I know. I know." Loki said.

"Looks pretty satisfying." Hope said and all laughed again at Loki's expense.

Thor kneeled close to Loki and said, "Dear brother, you're becoming predictable. I trust you, you betray me. Round and round in circles we go. See, Loki, life is about... It's about growth. It's about change. But you seem to just wanna stay the same. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you'll always be the God of Mischief, but you could be more."

"Thank you for that." Loki said.

Thor threw the remote off, saying he was gonna put this over there for him and wished him luck before walking to the ship as Loki continued spasming.

Everyone laughed as Loki said, "You just left me like that."

"You were going to betray me." Thor shrugged.

"Good thing I met a kind soul who helped me out of there." Loki said.

Thor sat in the ship, trying to figure it out and finally started it, flying off. Grandmaster's hologram appeared and said the Lord of Thunder had stolen his ship and favorite champion so everyone must stop him from leaving the planet.

"No can do." Odinson said.

An attack ship fired at him but Valkyrie destroyed it with hers as Bruce complimented her shot and she told Thor to open the doors. Thor did and she told Bruce she hoped he was tougher than he looked. He asked why and his seat shot up, sending him into Thor's ship as he groaned while Thor laughed.

"That's funny to you?" Bruce asked incredulously.

"Funny things are." Thor said.

"Now you stole my line." Tony said and all laughed again.

Topaz and others fired at them as Bruce asked if they should be shooting back. Valkyrie said there were no weapons on this ship as it was a leisure vessel, being used for orgies and stuff. Bruce and Thor were both disgusted as the latter told the former not to touch anything.

"But you're touching stuff!" Peter said as all looked disgusted.

"I have to drive!" Thor snapped.

Topaz fired at Valkyrie's ship, destroying an engine as she climbed up with Dragonfang. Topaz destroyed her ship as Thor and Bruce screamed in horror but Valkyrie leapt on their ship. Thor told her to get inside and she said it'd take a minute.

"Takes more than that to kill Asgardians." Steve said and all smirked.

Valkyrie leapt at a ship and destroyed it with a slice of Dragonfang before leaping away.

"Nice!" Sam said as all clapped.

Thor told Bruce to fly as he said he didn't know but Thor told him to use a PhD as he jumped out. Bruce said he didn't have one for flying an alien spaceship.

"They should have one." Tony muttered and all chuckled.

"Now I'm touching it." Bruce groaned and everyone laughed again.

Thor leapt at a ship and ripped out its engine, taking it down while Valkyrie pointed another ship's gun at another, taking it down. Thor destroyed another ship with punches as Topaz tried to fire at Commodore. Bruce tried to look for weapons but instead Grandmaster singing 'It's my birthday' started playing with a hologram of him dancing as crackers burst from the back, blinding Topaz who crashed her ship into a building.

"Yeah Bruce Banner huh!" Tony cheered and all clapped for him.

"When a weirdo's songs saves your life." Benjamin said and all laughed again.

Thor threw another man out of his ship as Valkyrie arrived and flew it under the Commodore. They leapt back inside as the doors closed and stood in front of each other.

"Anyone else feel the sexual tension?" Tony asked and all chuckled.

"You say one more word and I'll zap you." Thor said and he shut up.

"And I'll zap you more." Odinson said.

Korg, Miek and the other walked to a ship when Korg picked up the remote and pressed the button, with Loki groaning and getting up, thanking him.

"Now that's a kind soul." Loki said and all laughed.

Korg said they were hopping on a spaceship to get out and if he wanted to come. Loki said they looked like they were in desperate need of leadership and Korg thanked him.

"And you're out." Scott said as all chuckled.

Valkyrie took over the pilot seat from Bruce and started flying the ship up telling the others to buckle up as Thor praised Bruce, asking where he had learnt to fly like that and he said it was like an instinct. Thor told him to trust those instincts as Bruce said he had said something big would turn him back to Hulk before saying a wormhole might do it. Thor said it was his theory and he said it was an educated guess but he might be stuck like that forever. Thor asked why he was telling him that now and he said they were about to fly up a wormhole called Satan's Anus when the Commodore shook and the two fell into each other.

"Oh! You two kissed! Look at that!" Tony said as all started laughing.

"How big of a lightning blast do you want?" Thor asked.

"Big enough to strip him maybe." Odinson said and they laughed now.

"The Other Guy might have words with you." Bruce said and laughed too as Tony shut up.

Valkyrie said she had told them to buckle up as Thor strapped him to his seat and agreed not to unstrap him no matter what he said. Thor strapped himself too as they flew through the Devil's Anus finally.

"And now that's over finally." Hope said.

"So I believe you are going to battle your sister now." T'Challa said.

"Yes." Thor said, "We are."

"Let's end this one." Logan said as the recording continued.