Locked away in my mind

I open my eyes and it doesn't take long before I recognize the room I am in once again: the hospital. The beeping sound of the machine welcomes me back to this familiar place. I look around and see two people sitting on the chairs next to my bed: Wanda and my mother. Maybe a couple of weeks ago this would have surprised me but I have seen my mother often the last couple of days. I'm relieved that Strucker isn't here at the moment, I hate seeing his eyes burning into my soul. I don't understand what Wanda is doing here, it's been made quite clear to me that Wanda has never cared about me at all. At first when Strucker made his claims I didn't believe him, but since she still didn't return after spending days in the dark I had to admit that he must be right. It's like the children pointed out to me, I was a spoiled brat, always have been. When I was young I wouldn't share my ball with them, even though they asked me kindly. My mother had told me to share but I knew that they would lose it so I had kept it to myself. My mother had agreed with the children, it was quite obvious that I had been doing the same with Wanda. Keeping her to myself, refusing to share her with the other people that lived in this building. Strucker had laughed when the tears left my eyes when I realized that all of this was my own doing. "It always has been subject 507, after all that is why your father sold you to us." I look at Wanda sitting there, her eyes closed and breathing steadily. A heavy bruise was visible on the side of her neck, disappearing under her clothes. "She shouldn't be here." I turn my attention to my mother, whose voice it was. She looks at me with these dead and empty eyes, and I'm very aware of the fact that it's my fault that she looks like this. After all, I break everything and everyone that comes into contact with me. "She was finally free of your presence, she should have stayed far away from you." I don't reply but it doesn't mean that I'm not agreeing. Mother knows best after all, so how can she be wrong. "When she wakes up you have to make sure that she leaves you alone." I turn my head to look at the owner of the new voice, it's a small boy with wholes through his entire body. Dear little Viktor, my best friend when I was 5 years old. He was 6 and both of us had been stealing food from the marked when a guard with a gun saw us. We ran away but I was too slow, and when I could hear the gun clicking Viktor had pushed me aside. The bullets had covered every inch of his body, there was no need for such violence. I wanted to stop, cry, hold him, but the only thing I could do was run away as fast as my little legs would carry me. When I got home with the stolen bread I never told my parents of what happened to him, and his body had never been found. It had disappeared, like so many did. I look into Viktor his empty eyes, a death I was responsible for. "You have my company now, you don't need hers. Or are you going to leave me alone again?" Tears fill my eyes and land on the sheets.

"Lidiya?" It's Wanda's voice, I recognize it without having to look. Slowly I turn my attention from Viktor to the witch and stare at her. "Oh Lidiya, I was so worried about you!" She steps towards me and pulls me in a hug. Every muscle of my body tenses and it takes all the control in the world to not pull away. Wanda feels this, she takes a step back and looks into my eyes. "Are you okay Lidiya? I'm so sorry for leaving you, I should have stayed." She shouldn't have, leaving me behind was possibly the best thing she could have done. It was her only way out, out of my poisonous personality. I stare into her green eyes but don't give any indication that I heard her, and I don't bother talking. "Make her leave 507." I turn my head towards the door which Strucker has just walked through. "I have tests to run on you and she is in my way." More tests, of course. I'm used to it. "Lidiya, please say something moy lyubov' (my love)." I don't. I can see fear take over Wanda her facial expressions and it doesn't take long before I can feel her reach out to me. I expected this and block her incoming powers. She doesn't need to feel what I feel, I have already hurt her more than enough. She's better off without me in her live. When Wanda realizes that I'm not letting her in, shock goes through her. She isn't capable of hiding it and it doesn't take much effort for me to see it. "If she's not out of this room within the next 2 minutes, I swear that I'll make her leave. And not in a pleasant way." My eyes open wide in shock when I hear Strucker's announcement, I don't want anything to happen to Wanda. I still care about her, more than about my own live. I don't understand why Wanda doesn't seem to hear or see Strucker but it doesn't matter, I can. I know he's here and I know that he will live up to his threat. Wanda has to leave, I have to protect her. I have to protect her from me. After all, all of it is my fault. If she didn't have to care for me all these weeks she could have gone out on missions and save people, people who actually deserve to be saved. People who weren't responsible for the death of their loved ones. After all… How can you claim to love somebody if all you do is bring them to their end. I love Wanda, I loved her more than anything on this planet, even if I didn't have the courage to tell her. I have to stop loving her in order to protect her, and even more importantly, she has to stop loving me, she had to stop caring about me. She has to go and she has to leave me alone. Gregovich is standing next to Wanda with an evil smile on his face, I know what he is going to do. No! I let my powers burst out and Wanda is barely fast enough to throw a shield in front of her, otherwise she would have been hit by my fire. I push her towards the door, she has to leave. She has to bring herself to safety, she has to save herself from me. When she is finally out of the room I place my fire in front of the door to prevent her from entering. They just have to let me die. "Finally, I thought she would never leave." Strucker walks towards me with a needle, and Gregovich drops his pants with an evil grin. "Have to make sure you won't scream, don't we?" I know what's going to happen, I've been through it hundreds of times. My mother is gone but Viktor's voice whispers: "You deserve this 507." It's filled with poison and a single tear leaves a trail over my cheek. Slowly I close my eyes, I deserve this.

I wake up with a shock when I hear someone entering the room, they shouldn't be capable to. It's Wanda, of course it's her. Her eyes are red and a shield is covering her entire body as she walks through my flames. Why can't she just go, how can I protect her if she will keep coming back to me. Not only did I hurt her by needing her presence all those weeks, I know I hurt her by not being strong enough to fight the dark. I had promised her I would be okay and I know I lost the battle, if I keep her far away from me she can't be hurt again. "I'm not leaving Lidiya." Her voice seems off, there is no softness in it like there used to be. "Strucker talked to me, he made me a deal. If I give you to him willingly he will leave me and my brother alone." I thought her brother Pietro had died years ago but who was I to make conclusions like that, I was probably wrong, just like I've been wrong about everything. I know I have to make it up to Wanda, I have to make up for the pain I have caused her. For the attention I demanded, for the time I stole from her. If handing myself over to Strucker means that she will have peace I'll willingly do it. I know I don't have a lot of power left in my body but I rip out the tubes that connect my body to the monitors. Alarms go off but it's easy to ignore them, just as the Hydra scientists running around are an easy to ignore detail. "Good girl." She gives me a smile but there's no warmth in it, it just feels like an evil grin. She crosses the space between us, her eyes glowing bright red and when she reaches me she grabs my hair and pulls it back. Hard. A soft whimper escapes my mouth and this only motivates her to pull even harder. "You're a little bitch Lidiya, and honestly when I came back from my mission and Natasha told me you had stopped eating I hoped you had died. Guess I should have known I wouldn't be so lucky." With her free hand she smacks my face, tears stream over my cheeks but I don't even try to fight back. I deserve this. "Time to go suka (bitch)." She pulls my hair and basically throws me on the floor, when I hit the ground it feels like every part of me is on fire. "Hmm, maybe I should just kill you right here and now, that way I'll be sure to be rid of you forever." Her eyes go dark and every muscle burns. I can't stand the pain anymore, and I scream it out. I scream and I keep screaming while tears make a puddle on the floor, and I try to scratch the pain away with my nails.

"Lidiya!" Red eyes are looking into mine, I'm scared and I recoil, holding my hands in front of my face. "Go away!" I scream, it are the first words that have left my mouth in days. Wanda doesn't go away, she comes even closer and I scream again, an unnatural sound. Her hands cover my temples and her power pushes inside of me. I fight back, I throw up my barriers, try to keep her out. "Lidiya it's me, let me help you!" I try to lash out with my hands, which is hard because part of my vision is dark so I can't see what I'm doing. "Natasha hold her back!" Strong arms pull back my own, I try to fight it, they are going to bring me back to Strucker I know it. And even though moments ago I was more than willing to, right now the thought of going back in one of these cells fills me with more fear than my body can handle. I want to protect Wanda, need to protect Wanda but it's hard to do so when she is putting my body through hell. I try to lash out again but this time I can feel the strong arms force me to the floor. My stomach is lying on the wood and I can feel Wanda her powers enter my mind again. I try to fight it but this time she doesn't stop trying, she pushes through and when she's finally in the sound I release is more that of an animal than of a human. "She's having hallucinations." Wanda her voice tells Natasha, I can hear fear in it but it's not something I pay attention to. "Help me!" I scream into the room when I can hear more voices enter. "Shuri, get me a sedative! Carol, get that fire under control!" The pressure inside my head is enormous, it feels like I'm drowning. "Just stop…" My voice is a whisper at this point, I can feel the power leave my body. "Natasha keep holding her, I need to get these hallucinations out of her head. Clint please help Nat. Shuri we need to get food inside her, so get some tube food because if she's not going to eat something soon it's only going to get worse." I can feel my muscles relax, well they are more like pudding, and slowly Wanda her presence is starting to feel less intruding and more familiar. "You need to get her back on the bed so I can put a new IV in her." Shuri, I think, says. I can feel Wanda move around without letting go of my head. "Clint, Carol, Daisy, at the count of three. One, two…" Natasha her voice is the one in control right now and at the count of three I can feel my body being lifted in the air. They turn me around and I land back on the bed, immediately Natasha and Clint are pushing my arms down again. I'm crying and when I can see Wanda her red eyes staring into mine once more, I whisper: "Just let me die. Please."