Ch.5: Love hurts

:: Syrath POV ::

Quinn looked more tired than usual. She's proficient with glamour magic so it wasn't noticeable to others. But I could see past the façade or could just tell by the worn look in her eyes.

"You haven't been resting well, have you?" I said as I entered the apartment.

Quinn's home is a cozy place, pleasantly inviting, a mirror of her personality. Potted ferns and flowering plants were scattered around the house, happily thriving and blooming. Their numerous numbers gave the place an exotic feel. Looking at it, no one could deny Quinn's fae nature.

"He's been coming by more lately." She answered, slightly blushing. "Did something happen? Did something upset him?"

Quinn is worried and terrified. She loves my brother and she deserves to know the truth. When everything started, I promised I would never hide anything from her. I vowed to tell Quinn the truth, no matter how hurtful, because when this is over Quinn would be the one who'd have to deal with the loss and the pain of parting.

"He knows about his spells." I said, staring at Quinn's pale face. "He doesn't remember details but he knows it's happening. It's euphoric, he said, like he's dreaming." I waited for her to digest the news before I carefully continued. "Orion said it's the effect of the mating call. The resonance is getting stronger and soon we would not be able to hide the truth from him. The dragon in him is impatient, it will not stop trying to go to you."

Quinn nodded in understanding, biting her lower lip. She's trying hard not to cry, to act brave and not to show fear. But she's failing, catastrophically. I could sense it, hear it from the frantic beating of her heart. I slowly reached out to take her hand in mine. I don't know what else to do but provide her this slight consolation.

"I know this will happen." Quinn whispered, her voice shaky and a bit weak. "I prepared myself for it. But you can't really prepare for something like this, can you?"

I gently pulled her in my arms and held her tightly. I don't know much about Quinn but I noticed she's always been alone. Like Raziel, even when she's surrounded by people Quinn is isolated and somewhat detached.

With her amiable personality, Quinn doesn't lack people who would gravitate around her. But she doesn't allow anyone to get too close. She has few friends, close acquaintances, but none that could be considered intimate.

In this situation, Quinn is alone. Raziel has me to turn to as well as Orion. But Quinn has no one to support her, to care for her. And when this is over, she will have to deal with it on her own. It saddens me to know that this small gesture is the only comfort I could offer her.

"I am sorry, Quinn." I murmured dejectedly. "It's not your fault and it's not Raziel's fault. But I must apologize. He would hurt you."

Quinn gently shook her head and took a step away from me. "It's nobody's fault, Sy. I chose this. I wanted to be with him even if it meant stealing time. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I wouldn't change a thing. It was only for a while but I am very happy."

I admire Quinn for her strength and will. For being generous and selfless in all of her dealings with my brother. Everything she did for Raziel was unconditional, done out of love. Quinn did it all knowing that in the end, Raziel would reject and leave her.

"You love Raziel." I said, stating the obvious and acknowledging the fact.

I didn't do it to be cruel but to understand, to discern how she's able to come to terms with what's about to come. I did it for her. I feel terrible for Quinn. She deserves better. For the short time that I've known her, I can honestly say that Quinn deserves the best the world has to offer and not the pain that's awaiting her.

"Are you really fine with losing him?" I asked.

"I'd be lying if I said I am. But I have my memories. It would be enough." She answered bravely, smiling sadly as she quietly accepted the inevitable. "It has to be!"

Countless times, I prayed for things to be different between them. I kept hoping for everything to work out. Raziel would never find another mate more suited to him than Quinn Lockhart.

:: Raziel POV ::

If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up. I'm with Quinn, finally. We're making love and it's more magical than I expected. Quinn is so beautiful it brought tears to my eyes.

I touched her slowly, afraid I'd break her. Quinn looked so fragile, easily marked and bruised. I kissed her forehead, her eyelids, the tip of her nose and her luscious lips. I kissed every part of her I could reach, glorying at the warm feel of her skin against mine. She's magnificent.

Quinn knew what I wanted. Even without words, she knew what I needed. The pleasure between us is perfect, surreal. Quinn allowed me free reign over her body. She allowed me to explore every curve and valley until I knew every part of her, like I know my own body.

I teased Quinn and myself until we couldn't bear the anticipation any longer. Until the need to be inside her, to be connected to her tortured me to near insanity.

Quinn willingly revealed herself to me. She didn't hesitate or shy away from the passion between us. She welcomed me to her loving embrace and covered me with her warmth. It was like coming home. I tasted tears but I knew Quinn was happy, something inside me just knew.

We moved together, one breath, one body and one mind. We flew to a world that belonged only to the two of us. And once there, I shared my essence with her and she shared her essence with me. I was her and she was me, we were one.

I woke up panting for breath. What the hell?! I sat up and looked around only to realize I wasn't in my room. I wasn't even in my own house!

I turned as I heard voices approaching the room and stiffened when I recognized to whom they belonged.

"We have to tell him and we have to do it soon."

"I understand. Raziel has the right to know but once he finds out…"

"Tell me about what?" I interrupted the conversation. My brother froze by the doorway and Quinn paled at the sight of me, awake. "What do I have to know? What the hell is going on?!"

"Raziel, listen to me." Syrath was the first to recover and took a step forward shielding Quinn from my view. Good, because if my guess is correct, I could murder the bloody woman right now! "You have to calm down so we can talk about this."

I stared at my brother and for the first time in my life, I couldn't stand the sight of him. He knew! Syrath fucking knew and he didn't think it was necessary to tell me, to alert me. Damn him!

"Since when?" I asked, marveling at my self-restraint. I'm surprised at how calm I sounded because damn it all to hell and back, I don't know how I got into this fucking mess or how do I get out of it! "How long?"

"Raziel, calm down!" Syrath pleaded. "Please, listen..."

Quinn was still standing by the door, behind Syrath and hadn't said a word.

"Since when!" I roared angrily, getting off the bed and taking threatening steps towards them. The evidence was there. It does not lie. They cannot lie, not anymore!

Syrath took a protective stance in front of Quinn which took me by surprise. Why would Syrath side with the woman and protect her from me? Why would he risk going against me, his own flesh and blood, for someone else?

But instead of hiding behind Syrath, Quinn shook her head and stepped away from him. "It's time. He should know." She said slowly, her red-rimmed eyes focused on me.

Syrath growled as Quinn moved closer to me. He knew what I was capable of. A fact that, I guess, he neglected to tell Quinn. Of all the secrets they've been sharing about me, this should have been the first my brother told my so-called 'mate' because it could save her damned life!

Quinn proved herself to be brave, or utterly stupid, because she didn't stop and kept approaching me.

"We resonated, the moment you set foot in Saints' Isle. Orion and I were at the docks that day. When we met, you were perfectly fine. We spent the day together and you behaved as usual, like everything was normal. But the next day, when you woke up, you had no recollection of what happened." Quinn explained her voice was breaking on some parts. "Initially, you didn't have many spells. You'd come to me during the cycle of the new moon, that was it. And no matter where I was, you'd always find me. At first, you only wanted to be around me. You liked hearing me talk." She swallowed hard before continuing, "T-Then about t-two years ago we…"

It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened. I couldn't listen anymore. I didn't even feel myself move. The next thing I knew, my brother was snarling at me. Syrath's shoulder was bleeding and he had Quinn secured in his arms. But I didn't care.

Quinn mated with me! She fucking mated with me when I had no choice on the matter. And she knew! Quinn fucking knew I was out of it and she fucking did it while I was unaware and couldn't choose for myself. Why? I was reeling from the shock. How could she do it? All this time I thought it was nothing but a dream, an illusion my mind created to appease my growing infatuation. But that doesn't seem to be the case. And damn them all, they knew!

To think, I felt remorseful. I felt sorry for my decision to reject the mating call and for disregarding Quinn's feelings. The fact is, she did the deed on her own, when I couldn't tell her no! She turned me into a sinner, a reprobate who defied my ancestors' sacred decree!

"Raziel, I'm sorry…" Quinn started.

"Shut up!" I lashed out, glaring murderously at her. I don't want to hear another word, not a single sound or I might kill her!

Why did they do this to me? What have I done to deserve this treatment? I've never been so humiliated in my entire life! I fucking hope this mating is not binding because if it is, I would never forgive all of them!

Syrath was attentively guarding Quinn so I couldn't reach her. I was so frustrated I grabbed the first that came in contact with my hand and viciously hurled it at the wall. The smashing sound of something breaking was somewhat satisfying. I threw another then another, I didn't stop until I trashed the place.

"Calm down, goddamnit!" Syrath moved and grabbed me.

I looked around but there was nothing left to break, everything in the room seemed to be broken. Then I realized Quinn has been quiet the whole time I was destroying her stuff. She didn't stop me or put up a fight to secure her belongings. In short, she didn't struggle. Quinn took everything I sent her way like she anticipated all of it to happen. Why?

Quinn wasn't reacting because she knew this was coming. But how could she? How could Quinn know I would reject her and if so, why did she choose to mate with me? She could have stopped it. She could have spared us the trouble. But she didn't, why?

I looked at Quinn, really looked at her, as if I was seeing her for the first time. She doesn't look like the woman I know. There was no arrogance or overflowing self-confidence. No snarky remark or witty comeback. No spark. No life. She hasn't talked or tried to say anything in her defense after I ordered her to shut up.

Quinn just stood there, emotionless and detached, as she watched everything she worked hard for being destroyed. She didn't display any effort to stop me. Quinn looked more like she already gave up, like there was no more fight left in her. Quinn was just bare. Fragile.

Her lack of reaction should have calmed me down but it only fueled my anger. Even after everything she did, the image of Quinn, helpless and defeated, doesn't sit well with me. Damn her!

"You disgust me…" I spat viciously as she continued to quietly stare at me.

Quinn paled at my words but still didn't say anything in return. She just stood there looking at me, desperately, like one of her nightmares had come to life. Fuck!

Guilt sliced through me. What the hell am I doing? This wasn't Quinn's fault, not all of it. She was wrong for keeping everything from me and for mating with me without my consent. But those are things she cannot control, I understand that.

But still, I felt betrayed. They should have warned me, all of them. I shouldn't have to find out like this.

"Damnit!" I grabbed the last unbroken piece from a nearby shelf and smashed it on the floor. It shattered on impact, its shards and contents spilling on the hardwood floor.

I turned to Quinn when I heard her gasp. She was still standing on the same spot. But a broken shard must have flown in her direction because her flawless arm was now bleeding. The color of her blood was glaringly obvious as it flowed down her snow-white skin. I suddenly felt sick.

I looked down at my hands and felt my body shake. No matter how badly I felt, no matter how betrayed I felt, I shouldn't have destroyed everything that was hers. Quinn doesn't deserve it. I can't punish her for a sin that she never willingly committed.

Tears raced down Quinn's cheeks and I felt thoroughly whipped. She lowered her head and grievously sobbed. "I-I know… I'm w-wrong..." She cried as she fell to her knees. "I'm s-sorry… I am so sorry…" And after that, she completely broke down.

I broke Quinn Lockhart.

I watched in silence as a strong person broke apart. All the anger and frustration left me and I suddenly felt empty.

If I knew what to do I would have done it in a heartbeat. If I knew what to say I wouldn't hesitate. I would have done anything, at the moment, just to stop Quinn's tears. It wasn't her fault. None of it was…

The urge to hold her in my arms was strong, something inside me was screaming for it. It was clawing hard at my insides. Seeing Quinn like that, knowing I was the reason for it, broke something inside me too. Why?

I watched helplessly as Quinn continued to cry, kneeling on the floor. Her head was bowed as she hugged herself. It was as if she'd thoroughly disappear if she didn't hold herself together. The sobs were soft but they rang deafeningly in my ears.

I took a tentative step forward but Syrath grabbed my arm and harshly pulled me back, towards the open door.

"I'm not leaving!" I snarled, shrugging him off. I can't leave Quinn not like this. I admit, I'm still angry but Quinn looked like she'll disappear if she's left alone. I don't want to think of what she'd do once we leave.

I tried to walk back to where she was but Syrath pulled me harder and shoved me out the room, closing the door firmly behind him.

"Leave her with some pride, goddamnit!" I've never seen Syrath this furious before, not directed at me anyway. "You've done enough, Raziel. Now, leave her alone!"

I stared sightlessly at the closed door. I could still hear Quinn's aggrieved sobs through the thick wood. I don't know what I should do, what I should have done. I tiredly rested my forehead on the panel and spread my shaking fingers on its carved surface.

Why? How did it turn out this way?

I don't want to leave. Something inside of me is screaming and willing me to stay. But I can't do anything, not right now. Syrath is right. I've done enough. My mind is in total chaos and my feelings are a mass of tangled mess. I wouldn't be able to make much sense out of all this even if I tried. If I stay, I'd probably make matters worse for Quinn.

In the end, brutally ignored the hard pull, begging and urging me to go back inside, back to Quinn. I pretended I couldn't hear her choked sobs as I turned and walked away.