Ch.25: Love is patient

:: Syrath POV ::

It was too late to turn tail and run. Before I could move away, Nuri was on me. She grabbed my hand and I felt her brutal assault to my senses. I tried to shrug her off but she was relentless. Nuri was determined to find out what I was hiding from her and she didn't care if she got hurt in the process. In a matter of seconds, she got what she wanted.

"Were you ever going to tell me?" Nuri asked, refusing to let me go.

I was amazed at how calm she sounded. From the grip Nuri has on my hand I know she was far from calm.

I wanted to lie. I wanted to invent some good story that would pacify her, stroke her ego and would make her less furious with me. But even if I thought about it I knew I couldn't do it. I'd rather take the full brunt of her anger than lie to her. I'd rather hurt than deceive Nuri.

"No," I answered truthfully.

I felt her grip on my hand tighten. I tried to read what's on her mind by watching her reaction but I couldn't see anything.

"Why?" She asked.

"You and I both know that dragons get half a dozen predestined mates in a lifetime and it doesn't mean anything. This connection between us shows we have an affinity to one another but it does not necessarily mean we'd resonate with each other." I said, trying hard to focus and not drown in the look of her hazel eyes or forget myself by feeling the sparks emanating from her fingertips to my skin. "I've found my true mate and I have no need or inclination for another."

Nuri displayed no emotion, at first, then gradually her expression darkened. But before I could read more she asked, "Where is she?"

"Who?"

Nuri glared at me like I was an idiot for asking and maybe I am.

"Your true mate." She bit out.

Ah! I forgot that no one knows the truth about Alana, except for Raziel and Quinn. No one knows that I, Syrath, Saurian Lord, Water Dragon of the Imperial House of Rheinalt, was mated to a human.

After Orion disclosed the fact about Quinn's ancestry. It got me thinking that perhaps Alana was from the same human bloodline that Quinn's father hailed from. How else could she have sent the mating call to me? But the fact is neither here nor there. It's of no consequence now that Alana is forever lost to me.

Sharp pain lanced through my heart, every memory and mention of Alana still haunts and hurts me, like it had only been yesterday that I lost her. Given the hollow emptiness I feel inside, I think the loss would continue to pain me for as long as I live. I don't think I'd be able to forget or move on from that particular episode of my life.

I hoped, when I fell in love with Quinn, that I'd be able to move forward and start to forget. But I think, unconsciously I knew, she and I weren't meant to be. Perhaps that is the reason why I tried so hard to fight it, why I tried to dupe her, Raziel and myself. The reason why I deluded myself into thinking Quinn could be mine and that I actually had a chance.

Perhaps in another lifetime, if circumstances were different, if I wasn't competing with my brother and if Quinn chose me despite the odds, perhaps she could propel me forward. I have no doubt in my mind that Quinn would have been able to heal the wounds in my soul and clear all the scars in my heart.

But since Quinn is infinitely and irrevocably in love with my brother, I have to make do with the knowledge and the fact that though I wasn't successful, I was given a second chance at love. And I'm fine with that. I'm resolved and happy to love Quinn from afar and allow her and Raziel to live the life they deserve.

My tragic love for Alana and my unyielding affections for Quinn, even if I try to explain it to her, Nuri is too young to understand the complexity of such emotions. Nuri is not even a century old. Though she's mature, she would never see my feelings for what they are. To her, Alana and Quinn would be nothing but rivals, competition for my affections and a constant reminder that I would never be wholly hers.

If I stay beside Nuri, my feelings, my past and my very being would hurt her. If by some miracle we resonate with each other, the feelings I hold deep in my heart would destroy her and the idea of a happy future in the process. And I cannot have that. I will not have that. I don't think I could stand failing for the third time.

Besides, even if I weren't so broken I wouldn't stay and risk the chance of resonating with Nuri. Nuri may be a brat and a pain in the neck but she's a fine woman. Nuri deserves better. She should have more than the scraps and leftovers that I could offer her.

"I don't think it's your business but Alana is no longer with me." I answered, trying to pull my hand away but she held fast.

"What do you mean?"

"Alana is dead." I sighed, closing my eyes and pushing the memory of Alana's battered and lifeless form in my arms, the unfocused look of eyes after they shot her dead.

I didn't realize Nuri moved closer until I felt myself take the final step to bring our bodies flush against each other. I stopped mid stride and held myself back, shocked at what happened. Furious, I stared at her.

How did she do it? Nuri reeled me in and I didn't even notice. She moved slowly, covertly. But she purposely pulled me in her sphere while distracting my mind so she could peek through.

"What are you doing?" I hissed angrily.

The moment I realized Nuri was one of my predetermined mates I knew she'd be a complication. I tried to limit my interactions with her because being around Nuri was dangerous, not just for me but for us. It's not because she is an empath, who'd be able to feel my emotions from a mile away, but because I know she'd rebel and be against me. Nuri would be uncooperative and would fight me all the way.

There's something unforgiving about her, a perverse air that bids me to take caution when we're dealing with each other. I knew that once Nuri discovers the truth she'd be persistent and headstrong. She would not release me even if doing so would be for her own good.

Nuri is too willful and determined to blindly follow my lead and accept what I tell her without questions. She'd be merciless and ruthless in her pursuit of me. And she would not give up until she wears me down.

I realized early why I am so afraid of her. Nuri is a more stubborn, more resilient version of myself. And it gives me cold shivers thinking of what lengths she'd be willing to go, of what she could do once it becomes certain that we have more than a mere affinity between us.

"How can you be sure we won't resonate with each other?" Nuri's steady gaze bore through mine and I felt my breath hitch.

If Nuri wasn't an empath she wouldn't realize we're predestined mates until her hundredth natal day, when she feels the pull of the connection and releases the mating call to me. I wasn't worried about her finding out then because I would have been long gone from Saint's Isle by the time it happened. And even if she released the mating call, I could choose to ignore it.

In all honesty, at the moment, what I feel from Nuri is barely an echo, a slight tremor of the call. Perhaps I am more sensitive to the mating call because I am a Dragon Lord and I've heard it before. Still, I am not willing to take a risk and wait for the day when she actually releases it.

I've never heard of a dragon who has the ability to sense their predetermined mates without hearing a full mating call or a dragon who could emit an echo. What we're experiencing between us could be a false impression but there is a possibility that it could be something entirely different and never heard of before.

If I could already hear the mating call's echo, it makes me shudder to think how much stronger and louder it would be once Nuri fully releases it. And I dread to think or discover what that would mean.

"I haven't sounded out the mating call but you could already hear it. You don't want to hear it because you know you won't be able to ignore it. You'd respond to it. You're afraid because there is a possibility that you would resonate with me!" The more she spoke, the angrier she became and I could see golden sparks igniting within Nuri's eyes. "Is this the reason why you're in a hurry to leave?"

I turned my head away and refused to answer but Nuri dug her nails on the back of my hand, violently forcing me to turn back and look at her.

"Is it?" She snarled as her nails dug deeper and broke my skin.

"I'm not the one for you. Your true mate is out there, Nuri." I said, still refusing to look at her. Nuri has to understand I'm not doing this for my sake. I'm doing this for her. Damn it! "Trust me, you wouldn't want me around when you find him."

"Who are you to play god, Syrath Rheinalt?" Nuri snapped furiously. "Haven't you learned your lesson? You cannot dictate fate. You cannot manipulate people who have thoughts and feelings! Did it ever occur to you that I might want you? Did you even consider that I might be what you need, that you and I should be?"

No, it didn't. I was too worried about other things to think of those possibilities. And even if I had time to consider, I would still choose to leave and ignore it. I am not the one for her. It cannot be me. Nuri would be better off without me!

"No, of course those thoughts never crossed your brilliant mind." She said sarcastically. "You were too busy plotting and thinking of a way to escape to even consider that I might be the one you've been waiting for!"

Nuri finally released my hand but instead of feeling freed, I felt more bound to her.

"Go then, leave. Run!" Nuri said in a strangely resolute tone. "Be at ease in the knowledge that I would not pursue you or search for you. I will not seek you out. I will not beg you to stay. Do you know why, Syrath Rheinalt? Because I know, no matter where you go or how far you run, you will come back to me!"

With that parting statement Nuri turned and walked away. And as I watched her disappear around the corner, I got a sinking feeling that she might be right.

:: Nuri POV ::

I've known Syrath Rheinalt was, in some ways, broken. But I never realized how much, until today.

I've always admired those chinks and cracks that he was secretly sporting and mindlessly trying to hide. I never understood why he would even try. Does being broken bother him that much? It's absurd, if you ask me.

To some, seeing something that was once perfect, damaged and stained might be a complete turn off. But to me, it makes it appear more mesmerizing, real and obtainable.

I don't deny that I never liked Syrath. Not that I hate him or anything, my feelings for Syrath are not that twisted. I guess my prejudice against him is a consequence of my intense interest in him and the fact that he makes me nervous.

There are only a few things in life that could make me nervous and most of them concern my parents. But when I first met Syrath Rheinalt, he made my body tremble like nothing in the world ever could.

Everything Syrath does makes me anxious and at the same time, fascinates me to no end. At first, I tried to ignore the pull he had on me. But it was no use and I was unsuccessful. I figured, instead of fighting I could just give in and before I knew it my senses, my whole being was centered on him.

It's funny how I can never guess what Syrath would do next. Everytime I think I had him figured out, he'd prove me wrong and do exactly what I never expected him to do. It should scare me, give me pause, instead it gives me pleasure to watch him surprise me at every turn.

But with this issue between us I could easily surmise what he intends to do. And it makes me angry just thinking about it. How could he give up so easily? How could he turn his back so readily when we both know this is it for the two of us?

I admit, compared to him, I am too young. Not just in years but also in experience. And I'm not mature enough to easily forgive him for the pain he decided to inflict upon both of us. But though I am angry and terrified, I understand that there is no other way. I have to give him freedom, to let him do what he wants, no matter how much the thought of losing him scares me.

"Are you sure that's what you want to do?" Raziel said as he pushed himself off the wall as I rounded the corner. "He would do it, you know. He would run. Are you sure you're prepared for what would happen when he does?"

"I can't force him to stay. If I chased him he'd continue to evade me. Let him run as long and as far as he wants." I answered. "His mind is too clouded to think of anything right now. His heart is too tired. Syrath is emotionally battered and he's terrified. He needs to be set free so he can heal. One day he'd get tired of running and he'd realize what he truly needs. And when that day comes, he will come back to me."

"Aren't you being complacent?" Raziel sneered.

"No, I'm stating facts. Syrath is mine. He knows it as well as I, why else would he be afraid of me? He cannot run away from that fact and I do not need to chase him around to prove it."

I'm letting Syrath go not because I'm overconfident or unafraid of what he might do. There's nothing that's binding him to me, where would my confidence stem from? If anything, by allowing him to leave I'm putting myself at a disadvantage and setting up a precarious situation.

But as I said, Syrath needs this. He needs to figure out what he wants by himself. He needs to realize what he really needs, on his own, without my or anyone else's influence.

"What if he doesn't come back? What if along the way he gets snagged by someone else?" Raziel said cryptically.

Raziel knows something, I can feel it. Whether he would tell me the whole of it or not is still unknown to me. I guess I should be thankful. His actions might be subtle but in his way, Raziel is helping me.

I haven't considered what I'd do if Syrath doesn't come back. But there's no use worrying about something that might or might not happen. I'd cross that bridge when I get to it. There's no use making things more complicated than they already are.

Of course, I'm scared of the thought of Syrath not coming back and deserting me. But more than being abandoned, I'm more terrified of watching him break. And if I force myself on him now that's what I would do, I would break him. I would smother him with my feelings and at his current state, Syrath would suffocate. He would not be able to bear it. Syrath is not ready and equipped for that kind of change. And until he's ready, I have to be patient.

Syrath would leave. He would run away and he would not think of me when he does. For how long and how far, I do not know. But I have full confidence that he will come back.

Syrath would come back and when he does, he'd be wholly mine.

"Puck is taking him away as payment for saving Quinn." Raziel said as he watched me closely. Revealing the reason for his warning. "They made a bargain and Syrath is adamant on fulfilling his part."

This new information is indeed a game changer. If I had known of this bargain earlier would I still decide to let Syrath run free? I think not. But I still stand by what I decided and I would not change my mind. This new turn is just another complication I need to work around or plow through to win Syrath as my mate.

"What are the terms?" I asked and I'm glad Raziel didn't act like he didn't understand.

"A hundred years and one day," he answered. "And a favor."

I nodded slowly, trying hard not to give anything away. A hundred years is not that long, not for creatures like us, especially not for someone like Puck. But a favor? What was Syrath thinking, bargaining a favor with someone like Robin Goodfellow? Granted, he did it in order to save Quinn but this is over the top even for him. Who knows what that lunatic would ask of him.

I looked up and noticed Raziel was still eyeing me closely. I don't know why but I could see something else other than close scrutiny and intense curiosity in his eyes. It's making my skin prick but oddly enough, his scrutinizing gaze felt reassuring.

"You weren't going to tell me this until a few seconds ago." I stated blandly. "Why the change of heart?"

Raziel was quiet for a few breaths before he stared back at me and said, "Because I'm starting to believe you could save him."