You’ll grow too

Zayn covered his eyes crying into his palms when the door swung open to a weak looking Siobhan who peeped at him but didn't say a word. Zayn got up and walked into the office taking a seat in the slightly warm chair.

"What's wrong Zayn?" The tears started overflowing and the boy was sniffling being asked said question. Everything was wrong and everything felt hurt.

"Everything." He wiped away his tears and adjusted himself to the best degree possible. "I feel wrong and I can't believe I hurt the one person who just accepts me." Kady didn't comprehend what he was talking about. "Daniela is actually done with me. She moved on and guess who?"

"Who?"

"Chantelle." She has been told of the two histories so of course now she would understand why this would seem like a slight to Zayn. "She said she didn't need to tell me about her relationship because I never did. It's not true at all. I love her but I can't do what she wants because I can't make that move. I thought she understood but I was wrong." Zayn passed a hand through his hair and licked the tears on his lips off. "Omg, this is so insignificant yet I'm so worked up."

"No no it's not insignificant. Zayn your feelings matter and all you do is dismiss them. It's unhealthy. Zayn, I'm saying this for your own good. Let Danie go. It's time for her to grow without you. You're both attached to each other but it's time for you both to sprerate. You both will grow." She was right even if it was a reality he didn't want. It all still felt like a lie.

"I don't think my friends think they could rely on me anymore. I had to find out from a third party about the relationship. A third party that I don't even trust. Maybe I need to let her go but I don't want to. So many things are happening and I can't share them with her. I feel like I'm falling for someone and I can't share that with her because I might hurt her and I'm afraid of being judged."

"Zayn, who are you falling for?"

"This is a whole other thing. I like someone, a guy and it feels so weird to be in his presence. He's so nice and I know he likes me as well but I can't say that." Zayn wiped his face. "I can't come out because I just can't. I feel like how everyone feels towards me."

"How?" Kady tried to take his hand but Zayn pulled away.

"I hate myself." The heavy words hung in the air and Kady felt so awful. This wasn't the first time a student said this to her but it always hit her.

"Oh no, don't say tha-"

"It's true! I can't help but feel the way that I feel." He pulled his legs up the chair hugging himself. "I mean I have been distant a bit. I have been figuring out what's going on with me. I feel like everything's piling." The help Zayn needed was beyond Kady and included soul searching.

"Zayn, do you need me to call your sister or can you make it through the day?" Zayn didn't answer but continued to cry into himself. "Zayn?" Zayn didn't like the idea of involving Laverne in his problems. He told her over and over for a while now that he was fine and tried to prove he was fine. He didn't want her to see him like this.

"Please don't!" He grabbed her hand before she was able to dial her number. "I have a car, I can drive home."

"That's not the way it works." The woman ignored him and continued to call his sister.

Silence, Silence filled the car as the two drove home. She didn't know what to say to him and he couldn't say anything. All she knew was what little Mrs. Kady Lin gave her. The silence followed them into their home and Zayn tried to avoid everything by going to his room.

"Sit on the coach." She pointed to her brother who still had his hand in his mouth. He looked up at his sister who stood in front of her. "What's going on?" He sniffled and blinked the tears out his face. Zayn didn't know how he could admit all the things bothering him to his sister. He was embarrassed.

"I like someone and I can't tell my other friend I like them because I may hurt them and they might judge me and I can't handle that because I couldn't explain that to them and decide to distance myself that friend moved on and started dating someone I despise and it hurts so much because I thought we had an understanding." Zayn didn't know how to explain this properly; the only way that felt good was saying everything vaguely.

"Why do you think they might judge you?"

"Because… The friend I like is the same gender." She nodded, understanding her brother's feelings. She grabbed him up into the tightest most loving hug and he could feel it. He felt so good in her embrace that it made him cry again. "I hate that I couldn't tell I was hurting that other friend but it just played out that way and it wasn't my intention." He was choking trying to catch his breath. "Have you ever been in love with someone but you know you can't be what they want you to be, they love you the same way you do but you can't act on it because you'll hurt them?" Laverne couldn't answer that. She had her own story about that. She had to throw her whole relationship away to return home to her siblings and parent them before that she went through unrequited love for a friend and was harshly rejected. She could relate to her brother.

"I could relate." Zayn sniffled on his sister's shoulder.

"How?"

"I liked someone who didn't like me at all. I was never what they wanted me to be. I saw all his choices in women and tried to match that. I strained my hair, I shaved my legs and hands daily, I wore the style of makeup and clothes they wore. I made myself into exact copies and he still didn't like me. One day he decided to sleep with me and I thought I won but when I asked he was so disgusted and proceeded to embarrass me in front of so many people. I absolutely hated myself and I wondered what was wrong with me and why couldn't I be seen and it hurt so much but I grew and changed."

"Do you think that would happen for me?" He mumbled into her shoulder.

"Yeah, you'll grow too."