I was used

"I do all those things and what about them?" Aubrey was vile but we already knew that but when he listed just a small amount of things he did to get under my skin it made me want to skin him alive. "From the start nobody was with you or your friend. I'm not going to tell you what I did cause you could just imagine but I'm going to give you a nice life lesson and history class all in one. You were never welcome, you were never popular because people just gravitate towards you or whatever crap your stupid little head came up with. It's just because of your family history or being little stupid dumbass reliable pets. That's what they see you as. You made yourself available to all those people emotionally and physically just like your sister, just like your brothers and even your father. People don't like you Zayn, they just need you and that's what we were told by our parents." He said this all in a sadistic grin while my head tried to comprehend what he was saying. He's ruining my reality. "Our parents would be like 'Oh if a Snipes Sibling is in your year befriend them. They're like puppies. They'll stick by you even if they dislike you.' Mhm That's what they said that's what my dad said and so did Saintclair's, Ebany's, Mormon's, Oh yeah and Christian's too. One of your friends- Oh sorry my bad, Ex friend also Daniela and Lorel's too. Not just them everybody's but you didn't know that because I'm not supposed to say that." He was switching between fake sympathy and antagonist grins. It was all confusing to take in but it can't be real right. That's really stupid. I couldn't function because the words were getting in my head and shutting me down.

"Stop."

"I can't stop here, you need the truth. I don't want to lie to you like everybody else. I think it's sad you're Daniela's Shadow and I want you to know-" He came closer to be right by my ear. "She wasn't acting out because she loves you, it's because she was losing her assistant. That's it." Aubrey grinned in my face and disappeared down the hall leaving me to deal with everything now settling in my mind.

"Damn." I muttered to myself as a stray tear ran down my face. Is this what they really think? It makes me see things differently. It is true my dad stuck by and helped his friends throughout their careers but I can't vouch for if this is the case with my siblings. I don't know if this is a real thing but if it is I feel stupid and used. I feel disgusted and I itch all over. I don't know if I'm having another panic attack or not but I do go to lock myself in the nearest room to calm down. I didn't want to hear all the people around me don't have genuine intentions with me. It hurts and stings. I just want to go home again.

"Can you come pick me up?" In 15 minutes I'm being signed out by Toby who keeps asking me questions but I feel too nauseous to answer.

"Hey-" I threw up on his favorite sneakers and everyone; me, him, the security and the clerk all just froze.

"Sorry."

"It's fine-"

"I'm so sorry!" I say turning between him and the clerk.

"It's fine." Both him and the clerk say. "Gary, go get a janitor to the office." She signals to the security. I mumble out a string of I'm sorries while feeling so awkward in this situation. I feel like I'm under stress again and then it just hits again where I go into a daze of disassociating from my situation.

Next thing I know or I remember is waking up in the hospital with Laverne asleep in a chair and Toby talking to a nurse. I wake up frantically startling her awake and alerting my brother and the doctor.

"Zayn, how do you feel? I'm Dr. Carson, you passed out at school and had a panic attack." I recognise her as one the doctors the Venices worked with.

"...fine…" I whisper raspily.

"Hey, hey what happened? What's going on?" I sit up and glance out the window.

"A lot."

"What is a lot? Is the showcase thing still affecting you?" Laverne asked a small calming voice.

"Not really. It's different."

"What is it?"

"Did you know how people see us?"

"Yeah I get told it everyday. They say I'm a social climber because I have high status friends." he chuckles and Laverne nods, seconding what he said joining in on the laugh.

"I'm not talking about that. They don't like us. Is it true all my friends befriended me under this notion I'm just a stepping stool." They both stop laughing and look at each other and back at me.

"It's what I learned at the end of highschool. People want to befriend us because we're nice and reliable not because they see us and I didn't really know that until I heard someone ask one of my good friends why he's even friends with me and it stung. I cut that guy completely off but it's the ugly truth."

"It's why I cut Iman off. She was awful to me but I thought I might not get anyone else as a friend back in highschool."

"So why not mention this piece of information to me!"

"We didn't want to hinder your experience and make you afraid of every connection you made." Laverne said to defend herself but I didn't want to hear that.

"You're making me question them now you're distorting my reality because now I don't even know if these people see me as a real friend and it kills me and it hurts when I had to hear it from a terrible person and not my siblings. You should have said something ! God!" I lay back down on the bed annoyed out of my mind. I have thoughts running in my head ruining my whole life. Can I never have a good happy moment in my life where I don't feel like absolute shit for once?

"We're sorry." Toby says to me clasping his hands. "Because our experiences were bad, we thought yours might not be."

"Well you were wrong."

"You know people befriend Daniela and Lorel for diplomatic reasons."

"That's normal we go to a school where that's part of the curriculum. Of course people want to make friends with them because their parents and them in the future hold a lot of weight in our society. People make friends with me so they can use me as emotional support and so on. I'm a doll." I feel bitter all over again and I can't get rid of the feeling sinking inside of me.

"We're sorry."

"Sorry doesn't fix my problem. I'm supposed to be progressing past feeling like this instead I'm regressing. I'm not going anywhere, I'm stuck. What, do I go my whole rest of the semester and next year alone cut off from everybody? I already blocked my boyfriend and everybody else so I might just do that."

"Zayn, that's not a fix."

"It's a fix for me. I am doing what's best for me and that's focusing on acing everything and cutting the toxic weeds out of my life. Remember the goal Kady set. I'm sticking to it." It's an easy task if I put my mind to it. I could do anything if I put my mind to it like everyone says. I just feel I can't trust no one and today I was going to make up with Lorel and Daniela and now look at everything. Ruined.

I'm gonna resolve everything though and I mean put an end to things. Time to do some sleuthing. My siblings probably think I'm insane now as I'm laying on a hospital bed smiling to myself. I'm going to figure out who did what and how it happened so I can put a name and face to the actions and find out when it happened.

The next day at school people are asking me what happened yesterday and I do not answer. Why would I answer people knowing what I know now? I move through them with an indignant expression on my face. My reality is blurred and nobody is real.

"When did this all start?"

"What are you talking about now? You keep coming to me accusing me of things that I didn't even start. What is it now?" Mormon exaggerated as he turned to me with his cast on his right arm off now.

"Why do you act like the most innocent person in this whole mess even after I defended you from your ex friend. I know what you did Mormon. You're involved in all this yet you pretend like you have nothing to do with it. Why are you and your friends messing with me and when did it start?"