Comfortable in my own skin

"A long time ago but it didn't kick off or a set in motion thing didn't start until we saw Daniela winning favor and wanted to crush that by getting rid of her crotch." He said, shaking his crotch and pointing it at me. "You're easy to pick off because you're way too trusting. It's not that you're weak, it's just that you have your guardwall put down for people. You like being liked and you do and say things to get in their favor. You love being liked. You are a doormat in some ways because you're so broken down. I feel bad for you but it's not my fault. It officially started on Ebany's birthday. We knew what was going to happen before it happened. She is one of those people who just doesn't like you so she was happy to give you a spotlight at her party to embarrass you. Things went out of my control and some things I wasn't involved or knew about and it all snowballed to now. Some people who were with us did their own things, don't blame me I just enjoyed throwing in ideas." He says defending himself at the end. He adjusted his glasses on his face by flicking his head backwards. "It is what it is." Now that has me riled up. I shove him against the lockers with my arms raising him slightly off the ground dropping his crotch.

"What do you mean it is what it is Mormon? How is having me in distress okay?! How is that okay in your mind because I'm not important or because you just don't care?!!" He shrugs and laughs even while being lifted off the ground and being somewhat powerless.

"Both. You put yourself in a disadvantage by making yourself vulnerable. It is not my fault." He spits into my face and I drop him with a slight thud as I stubble back trying wiping off his spittle off my face. "You're stupid. You know I made some obvious moves. You didn't even pick up on it and just for your information since I'm done with her anyways. It wasn't me who released the videos it was Ebany and it was her idea to be hostile to you." He picks himself up and clamors away. I guess I have to go through the whole list of people for my answer. Next up is Saintclair who has pushed himself the farest away from this.

"Here for an interview?" He asks as I enter the editing room.

"Of course not we need to talk." He raises both his eyebrows at my tone.

"Oh you mean business. I'll be back guys. Let's go." We go to where we usually see each other on the side of the school. "So what now?" He asks as he pulls his vape out from his pants pocket.

"I need answers for everything, no run-arounds, just straight answers please." He pauses for a second staring at me.

"Okay, for what? For what I did? I never went further than when I pushed Daniela's boundaries when I wanted to kill you and I was getting paranoid episodes I made up my mind to stop this whole thing but I had to keep it going so I decided to end the group. The whole harassing thing was fueled by Aubrey so you ask him. He pushed Renee who was on his side for anything and she's easily persuaded so ask him. She was spirling and I am still not sure about my own mental state. Yes I planned out how to distract you but I never told him to go further than telling you Aaron may like you. Anything he said was his own thing. He wasn't just setting you up, he was doing it to all of us and Mormon was too. Basically everyone did their own thing." Still nothing. We finish up talking and I walk back into school and stare down the hallway at the next person on my list to ask and receive answers which was Aaron who stared back. I didn't want to be near him, especially due to the rumors.

"I need to talk to you."

"Is this about the whole rumor? I'm sorry about that it wasn't me. I don't know who started it."

"It's not about that and it was obviously Aubrey. I need you to answer me, no lies, no excuses, just the truth." I sigh as I cross my arms.

"Oh…" He said licking his lips in thought. "Okay. So the whole list then. I never thought it would affect you until it was happening. I didn't like you so I was onboard with everything at first. I was just supposed to stick beside you gain your trust and distract you and it worked to well and I enjoyed being around you and the feeling I was supposed to fake blurred into reality and I felt immense guilt and I felt so shitty because if you knew you would hate me and you know yet you still liked me and that makes me feel like even more of a bad person. I was just going along with the script I was told to follow and I'm sorry. I really am."

"Were you the one who took the photos?"

"I'm not a photographer, Aubrey is, I just wrote or asked questions." Aubrey, Aubrey, Aubrey it keeps leading back to his name just affirming my earlier suspicions. The guy on my list is Chantelle, a guy who fit in the narrative but was so far from it as well.

I find him dilly dallying in the washroom playing games on his phone. He looked at it and went back to his phone. "We've been here once huh?" He smirks to himself, still focused on his phone. "What, do you want something?"

"Yes."

"I already said I'm not interested in your ass. Don't come in here to accuse me of more bullshit or I'm putting your head in a toilet bowl middle school style."

"What does Aubrey have on you for you to be his dirty work?" He peeks up at me and decides to stop the game and lower his phone. He steps closer to me, backing me into the door.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." He says monotony.

"You're not taking pictures of me? You're holding Daniela's nudes over her head in this relationship which caused us to be distant from each other which perfectly matches up with when the Chronicles were trying to split us up."

"Here you go blaming me again. It's not what Aubrey has on me but everybody. Be glad I took one for the team and frankly I like Daniela and she does too."

"It's called Stockholm Syndrome."

"Okay Zayn. What do you want then? Tell me so we can get this over with, huh? Do you want Daniela? If so then no. You can have anybody else on my roster."

"All I want is the truth."

"I already gave my truth, which is that there is no such thing." He enunciates close to my face. "Whatever it is that you made up in your head, get rid of it. You don't know. What because he broke you down yesterday, you want to come for me?" He's not supposed to know that. No one knows that. I could see the shift in his eyes that he wasn't supposed to say that.

"You know, how do you know? You're not supposed to know because no one knows. There is no such thing huh. If you're in cahoots just say it."

"Even if we were talking or even in contact at all he could just be one the guys I keep around. You don't know me."

"You don't like him since he exposed you for what you did on school grounds."

"You don't even know what it was."

"You fucked someone in that some girl." I pointed to the center stall which was etched into its stall door in pen, Chatelle's other bedroom.

"God people are dumb. It wasn't some girl, it was even a girl, it was a guy. That's why it's a male restroom, ya idiot." He said, knocking me in my head. That didn't even come to my mind. "It was someone you know so well."

"Who?"

"I don't tell on anyone and that's for them to share and they asked me not to so that's none of your business but you should know I know everything about you and them just like I know everything about you and your boyfriend. You can't hide anything. You really need to stop making yourself so vulnerable." I want to say he's bluffing but he seems to know a lot which is making me think either he's always spying on me or Daniela tells him everything and it could be both. If so, it makes me annoyed that she can't keep some things to herself.

"So Dani just be… you know spilling all to you or something?" He says nothing but gives a smirk. "I guess that's how it is." I say to myself nodding.

"I mean she feels comfortable telling me everything so you can't blame her right." He grins. When I think about it now there is nothing to hide nor so I feel ashamed or embarrassed or scared to share info on that piece of my life. I just enjoy my privacy so now why even hide it and just say yes to everything. I am into guys, I am in a relationship with Macius so why hide it when I don't feel the same way I felt previously. People are trying to use it against me so I should just own it.

"So what do you want to do to me? Prank me, make fun of me like you do everybody?" His smile drops.

"So you're serious."

"Yeah."

"You're not hiding it?"

"I mean it's true there is nothing to hide so there's nothing to do. You want to use it against me, go ahead. I'm comfortable in my own skin so do what you do best, be an asshole and I'll live life." His face is stuck in the same dismayed shock. In his mind this is not how things are supposed to go. I'm supposed to be angry or deny it not say yeah it's true but his fears are real. He's not hurting me.

"You're a dick and a stupid person." He shoves me out of the way as he opens the door and leaves. I look at myself in the mirror and smile. I just overcame one of my insecurities!

So what now since I've owned my reality. What do I do to show it? I have no idea but the thought is making me smile and I feel good inside. I'm proud of myself even if I might be insecure. Things became clear in my mind, I need to end it all and live my life.