07 | Courtney McAnderson

I wake up sweating from a nightmare like every night and I decide to just get on my workout gear then head to the gym. I workout for an hour before Michelle joins.

"It's not good to over work yourself," She says.

"I'm fine,"

When it clocks 6:30, we finish working out and I head to my room to shower. The house is dead silent and that's when I realize mother and father both aren't around. I start jumping up and down in excitement and even decide to connect my phone to the speakers in my room.

The first song I play is COPYCAT - Billie Eilish.

'Don't be cautious, don't be kind

You committed, I'm your crime...'

Billie Eilish is the King. I head to the bathroom and take a long warm bath. By the time I'm done it's already 7:30. I decide to put on leggings, a huge black sweatshirt and sneakers since the witch isn't around. I don't even bother covering my bruises.

I put on zero makeup then grab my sunglasses and head down for breakfast. The whole kitchen island is filled with all sorts of food. Bacon, eggs, sausages, pancakes, muffins, waffles so many other things.

"Wow Ruth," I say in shock.

"You don't have time to eat, head to school, you'll eat at lunch, She smiles at me.

She hands me containers where I pack everything that can fit.

"Thank you so much Ruth," I peck her on the cheek then head to school.

By the time I reach it's 8:15 and I'm already late so I just decide to stay in my car and play music as I eat my food. I can't be seen eating like some starved animal. If someone sees me and takes a picture it's over for me. Hands banging my hood take me out of my thoughts. I look up and see Jay.

"What?" I ask exasperatedly.

He signals for me to open and I do but not before rolling my eyes.

"Are you having a picnic for one in here cause damn," He salivates over my food.

"What Jay?" I ask with a smile on my face.

"I know a quite place where you can eat in peace," He says. I look at him curiously but then I decide to give in.

"Lemme drive I'm not in the mood to direct you,"

"You have me fucked up if you think I'm letting you touch my car," I laugh sarcastically.

"C'mon Cassie," he pleads and inhale sharply.

*flashback*

'C'mon Cassie,'

'No! I'm not giving you my shoes. You'll spoil them again,' 5 year old me says.

'I promise I won't. Pleaseeeeee,' I just had to give in. No one ever said no Court.

'Fine. But if you spoil them!' I shout at her and she just hugs me.

'You're my favorite twin sister Cassie,' I laugh and she smiles.

'I'm your only twin sister Courtie,' I smile back.

*end of flashback*

"Hey you zoned out on me," Jay smirks at me.

"You're lucky I don't feel like driving," I grumble and get out of the car to head to the co-driver's seat.

'Graveyard' by Halsey starts playing and I get lost in my thoughts. That's when I realize why my parents aren't at home and why Ruth was stuffing me.

It's Courtney's death week. My parents ghost me and Ruth feeds me like a dying child. It's the one week every year I feel like myself. I dress in leggings and sweatshirts and no makeup. And I don't attend school.

"Cass, Cassandra, Cassie, Ca-"

"Don't call me Cassie goddamnit," I shout at Jay.

"I'm sorry. You just zoned out again and I wanted to tell you we have reached," He tells me and I feel guilty for shouting.

"I'm sorry for shouting at you Jay. It's just not a good week for me," I say and he nods his head with a smile on his face.

"Let's eat now," He says.

I take in my surroundings and realize we are literally in the middle of nowhere it's just grass surrounding us.

"When you said you know a place I didn't expect this place to be so silent, it doesn't look like your vibe," I look at him and he shrugs.

"It's my thinking place,"

I get of the car with the food in my bag then sit on my hood where he joins me.

"I'm not sharing with you,"

"Do you know why I chose this place Sandra?" he asks and I shake my head 'no'

"Because I could kill you and bury you here and no one would find you for at least a year," He smiles that crazy joker smile.

My heart skips a beat but then I smile back.

"You'll be doing me the biggest favor," I reply and take a bite of the pancake.

"Are you okay?" Jay finally asks me.

"I- I don't know," I tell him honestly after thinking for some time. I don't know why I'm being honest, maybe it's because he actually sounds concerned or maybe I'm tired of this life.

"Talk to me,"

"I'm so messed up," I laugh humorlessly.

"Aren't we all?"

"My sister is dead," I say in an emotionless tone. It's the first time I'm saying it out loud and to anyone.

"Cass-"

"You can have some of my food. Just shut up,"

"You need to talk about it," He says while grabbing some bacon.

"And you need to shut up,"

"Cassandra,"

"Jakey bear," I coo.

"Is that why you're such a bitch?"

"Do you sale drugs?"

"What?" He's eyes widen.

"Sorry I thought we were playing 21 questions," I smirk at him.

"Fine, I will leave this,"

"Good," I say and and we fall into a comfortable silence.

"Do you miss her?" Jay asks breaking the silence and I frown. "I know you said you don't-"

"Everyday, every hour, every minute, every second. I lost my other half, I will never get that part of me back again," I say in monotone.

"What was she like?"

"Oh God! She was the most annoying person ever. She was so beautiful, if you saw her you would fall immediately. One smile from her and suddenly every boy was following her around like a lost puppy," I laugh and real laugh not a fake one.

"She always got what she wanted maybe it's because she was the younger one I don't know. But my parents treated her like a queen," I say looking at my palms.

When I look up he's looking at me with a smile on he's face.

"But the best thing about her, she didn't treat me like a burden or a mistake. She always made sure I was fine and had everything I wanted. She was a queen," I smile at him.

"There was a time our classmates were bullying me for being the ugly twin and of course my stupid young self went home crying.

I told my mum but she didn't care she just told me to start dressing better but Court, she went to them the next day spilled water all over them and their work,"

I look up at him and my eyes tear,

"She told them to never mess with me or it would be worse."

"She sounds amazing, a bit of a bitch but amazing," Jay tells me.

"She was a big bitch but never to me," I sniff.

"I was the one supposed to die you know," I whisper.

"Don't say that,"

"I'm not throwing myself a pity party or anything. She was dressed as me the day she died,"

*flashback*

'We should change places for today,' 13 year old Court tells me and I laugh.

'Yeah that will never happen, I'm too ugly to be you,' I smile at her.

'I'm offended. You just called me ugly,'

'I said I'm ugly,'

'You're my other half Cassie. We look exactly a like. You're just more confident than me that's why people call you ugly,'

'Did you hit you're head somewhere?' I ask her with a laugh.

'I'm serious Cas, I'm so tired of being what everyone wants me to be. I'm so done with this. I haven't even figured out who I am.

But you, you know what exactly you want and who you are and you don't care what people say about you. I care too much. Please let me be you for today only,' She pleads with tears streaming down her cheeks.

I hug her then peck her cheeks.

'Fine,'

When we are done it's so hard to even tell that we have switched places.

'Wow,' I look at my self.

'Eww,' Court laughs at my big shirt.

'Hey that's my favorite shirt,' I playfully hit her.

'Cassandra!' Mother shouts.

'That's your cue sis,' I tell her.

'Yes mum?' She calls back and we snicker quietly.

'I need you to go to the grocery store for me,'

'How comes mum has never sent me to the grocery store?' She whispers to me.

'You're their little princess, now hurry and leave before she reduces my allowance,' I push her out of my room.

'She does that?' Her eyes widen.

'Yes now hurry, ride safely okay. I love you,' I hug her.

'I'm so excited,' She skips down the stairs.

I stay in my room on my phone and the next thing I know mum is rushing into my room telling me 'Cass' has been in an accident.

We rush to the hospital and ask to see her but they tell us she is in the ER. We are seated for 2 hours before the doctor comes to us.

'I'm sorry we tried everything we could but she lost to much blood and had her brain punctured,'

My mum almost falls but dad catches her and they sob together. I wonder if this is all for show, we all know they don't love me.

'Cassie?' The doctor looks at me.

'Yes?'

'She told me to tell you she's happy it was her who died. She can't imagine a world without you. And she doesn't want you to cry,' the doctor tells me sadly.

'No that's not Cassandra, it's Courtney,' Dad corrects the doctor and the doctor looks at me knowingly then walks away.

'Come on Court, let's go home,' Ruth takes my hand.

My parents had gone to identify the body or something like that.

'It's ok to cry Cass,' Ruth hugs me when we reach home.

'How did you know?' I ask but it doesn't even sound like my voice I sound like a robot.

'Court i-was emotional. You haven't even shade a tear,'

'She told me not to cry,'

'It's my fault. Isn't it?' I ask Ruth.

'It's no one's fault,'

'I'm going to sleep,' I say and head to Court's room.

*end of flashback*

"I locked myself in there the whole day. The next day I was shipped off to a Girls' boarding school. But I still didn't shade a tear. My parents blame me for her death and honestly I do too, we moved here from our small little town a year later. I can't get full night's sleep without seeing her," I say in a robotic tone.

My parents had a lot of enemies so they kept us a secret. That's why we grew up in that small town as middle class people. But when Court died, they decided to move to LA where they introduced me as an only child.

"You know what Ms. Hathaway always tells us, everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling you you still have so much to do,"

"Court was way better than me, what do I have to offer?"

"Cassandra-"

"Let's head to school it's lunchtime,"

"I thought you don't attend school,"

"I usually don't have detention," I say and jump into the car where Jay follows after me.

"Please don't tell anyone, no one knows," I plead with him.

"Tell them what?" He smiles and I attempt to peck him on his cheek but he turns and my lips land on his lips.

"I'm sorry," I blush but he keeps staring at my lips.

"We can't do this," I shake my head and look ahead.

"I like you," he says.

"Don't do that to yourself Jake," I say and he drops the conversation.

"Are you a natural red head?" He asks changing the subject.

"Yes," I laugh.

"I had a friend who faked being blonde for years. Until one time I caught him dying his hair," He laughs and I laugh along.

"I'm a natural red head trust me,"

We reach and we head to the cafeteria. Before we enter I look at the door and change my mind.

"I will be in the basement," I say and walk away.